The Gin O'Clock Club

by Rosie Blake

  ‘You’ll have to tell the others now,’ I said.

  Arjun was peering gloomily into his half pint of ale. ‘I know.’ He picked up the glass and sipped at it. ‘Even Howard might notice if all my hair falls out.’

  I tried to laugh but only a thin smile was roused.

  ‘I just wanted a few more days and weeks without pity, or talking about the treatment, or hearing other uplifting stories about people who had battled cancer, as if it will all end well if only you are determined enough . . . ’

  It was the first time I had seen him angry, raging at the disease, and I gripped my own glass. I understood.

  ‘Launching the app, that seems so much more important now: something to do, to focus on, something really positive.’

  Nodding, I felt relief at the change of subject. We were on safer ground here. Selfishly I did not want to think too much about Arjun’s prospects. I couldn’t contemplate it really: it hurt. Am I a coward, Cora, for not saying more? You, of course, wouldn’t have let him off the hook that easily, but then you would have made it better, not worse; comforting rather than awkward.

  ‘Luke will be here soon,’ Arjun said, wiping at the watermark on the table. ‘And Storm emailed me with mock-ups of the new title page.’

  ‘You know I don’t know what mock-ups are?’

  ‘Of course!’ Arjun said brightly. ‘But even you should be able to navigate the app. It’s simple. It’s straightforward. You type in your postcode and choose a radius and then bam!’ His eyes were dancing now, his black hair gleaming under the pub lights as he twisted in his seat to look at the door. ‘They should be here soon.’

  As if he conjured them, Luke appeared, holding the door open for Storm, who was wearing an extraordinary skirt like an adult tutu and an oversized bow in her red hair. Now, I don’t want to be mean, Cora, but really, how could Lottie be threatened by this human version of Minnie Mouse? I could feel my eyes narrowing as she placed a playful hand on his chest. Arjun didn’t notice as he got up to greet them both: shaking hands, taking their drinks order.

  Luke moved across to me, held out a hand. Close up I was shocked to see he looked even gaunter than last time, eye bags more pronounced, patches of stubble that he’d missed shaving. As I pulled out a stool for him, even his smile didn’t reach his eyes in the same way. ‘Sit yourself down,’ I said, knowing this separation from Lottie was taking its toll. God, Cora, how I wanted to tell him everything I knew. Lottie and he were both miserable and hiding these meetings had only made things worse. Storm hopped up on the stool opposite. Suddenly everything she did seemed predatory.

  ‘Right,’ Arjun said, carrying two more drinks over to the table and settling himself on the stool once more. ‘Thanks for coming and I’m so pleased we’re so close to being finished!’ He seemed buoyant and relaxed, our earlier conversation already forgotten: no longer worried about hospitals and treatments but doing what he was passionate about.

  Luke opened up an A4 glossy file in front of him and pulled out various sheets of paper – highlighting features as he talked Arjun through what they had done. Storm leant over, proffering her phone. I made sure her hand didn’t brush against Luke, Cora, you’ll be pleased to hear.

  Plans were put in place and Arjun talked us through the first event he was planning, Storm explaining how they could use social media to help raise the profile of the app. Lots of words I didn’t understand were being bandied around and I sat quietly sipping at my drink and watching Luke closely over the rim. He was quiet, answering questions but not quite there somehow, eyes glazing, periodically starting and then rejoining the conversation.

  Finally it seemed Arjun was finished and everyone was saying goodbye. I was losing my window of opportunity. I needed a reason to linger with Luke. I couldn’t exactly ask him to escort me to the toilet. But what?

  ‘Luke,’ I said, no real plan in place, ‘can you possibly . . . if it’s not too much bother, show me how to . . . how to . . . ’

  The whole group was staring at me.

  ‘ . . . how to work the cigarette machine!’ I finished triumphantly.

  Luke and Arjun frowned.

  ‘You don’t smoke, Teddy,’ Luke reminded me.

  ‘It’s not for me,’ I said. ‘It’s for’ – I wasn’t the best liar – ‘someone else.’ I knew it all sounded rather cryptic. Who was I supplying cigarettes to?

  Luke shrugged. ‘All right.’

  Storm headed to the door. ‘I’ll wait for you here, Luke.’ Her light voice tinkled. ‘Bye, Ted, lovely to see you again.’

  Ted. Hmmph. I tried to smile at her but found my mouth wouldn’t move much. ‘Goodbye,’ I said stiffly.

  Luke had walked across to the cigarette machine.

  ‘So, Teddy,’ he said, standing in front of it, ‘you put your money in here, and you press the cigarettes you want, here.’

  It was the least complicated machine you could imagine.

  Luke was staring. I realised I might have to buy cigarettes. I took out a £2 coin.

  Luke was waiting. ‘All right?’

  God, cigarettes are expensive. Tentatively I drew out a tenner from my wallet.

  Then, placing a hand on his arm, I drew Luke to one side. ‘Luke,’ I said quickly before I could change my mind, ‘just wanted to say I saw Lottie. And she told me she saw you with’ – I indicated Storm by the door with my head – ‘and it looked like I was hiding something. So I think I made her think, think the worst.’ I waggled my eyebrows in an attempt to show him what I meant.

  ‘Oh,’ Luke said, dragging a hand through his hair. ‘Oh, well, I imagine it did.’

  ‘Sorry.’ I hung my head.

  ‘Teddy, don’t apologise, it’s just another thing that would have made things worse between us.’

  Luke didn’t deny anything was going on? Oh, Cora, should I have spoken up earlier? Had he been driven into Minnie Mouse’s arms?

  ‘We have some things we need to, um, work through,’ Luke finished.

  Feeling heat build in my neck I realised I was back in one of those conversations I was hopeless at. What was the right thing to say? I needed to defend my Lottie, but Luke had always been a good boy. I rubbed at my face. Fortunately Luke seemed to understand my dithering and changed the subject. ‘You don’t want to buy cigarettes, do you?’

  ‘No,’ I said miserably.

  ‘I’m glad. I was wondering who the secret smoker was you were buying for.’

  I scuffed the floor with my foot. ‘Just needed to get you alone,’ I admitted.

  ‘Well, we’ll pretend I didn’t know how to work it.’ Luke patted me on the shoulder and I looked up as he seemed to smile for the first time that day.

  Feeling lighter I walked back across the pub with him to say goodbye.

  Watching Luke leave I felt better for having said something. He gave me a last nod as Storm seemed to skip out of the door.

  Turning back I watched Arjun sink into a nearby chair, all energy spent, catching his breath. It was clear the last hour of excitement had probably been all he could take. I felt my heart ache at the sight. ‘Right, let’s get you back home,’ I said in a faux-jolly voice.

  Arjun just nodded, unable to respond, and I felt a swirl of sickness inside me and suddenly wished I was able to share my sadness with Lottie. I’d missed her visits and the easy atmosphere we had fostered between us. I realised as I guided Arjun outside that I needed her now more than ever.

  As I always need you, my love.

  Teddy x

  Chapter 27

  Love doesn’t have to be perfect but it does have to be true

  ALBERT, 79

  I knew I should get up, was slumped on the sofa, the curtains half closed, a streetlight opposite flickering distractedly. Making food seemed an effort and I had found a half-open bag of crisps, tomato in flavour, which I hated but Luke loved. Eating them was making me feel closer to him and only a little bit nauseous. Nothing appealed on the television and the volume was funny and I’d forgot
ten how to fix the speaker attached to the television, something I’d always made Luke do. Obviously it wasn’t the only reason I missed him, but right now it was definitely top three. A stack of work on the table reminded me that I had a busy day ahead but I had lost all motivation and popped another crisp in my mouth.

  The buzzer sounded and it was a moment before I realised it was for our flat. Something inside me skipped and I leapt off the sofa, frantically smoothing at my hair and wishing my breath didn’t smell of tomato. Who would call round at nine o’clock apart from Luke? Although why would Luke use the buzzer when he had a key? Fumbling to press the intercom button I bit down the nerves.

  ‘Helloooo.’ Oh God I’d pitched it too cheery, immediately hoping the greeting wouldn’t make him change his mind about coming home.

  ‘Lottie, it’s me.’

  My heart sank at the female voice, no Luke at all, but then lifted again as I registered who was speaking.

  ‘Come up.’ I pressed the button to unlock the front door and tried not to feel too hopeful. Maybe I had left something at the school? Maybe she was coming to shout at me more? Maybe one of the teachers had complained? Maybe, oh God, the headmistress had fired her for her association with me? All these worries almost stopped me opening the flat door to Amy. She could be scary at the best of times but an angry, fired Amy was beyond even my imagination.

  Her knock came, brisk and efficient. Swallowing, I edged towards the door, opening it in tiny, timid movements as if she were here to mug me.

  She was standing in the hallway underneath the single lightbulb, still dressed in her work clothes.

  ‘Hey.’

  ‘Hey.’ I gave her an awkward smile.

  ‘Can I come in?’

  ‘Of course,’ I stuttered, pulling the door open wider and standing back. No weapon visible. Good.

  ‘Thanks.’ She moved inside. ‘Is Luke in?’

  ‘No.’ I didn’t expand and she didn’t question it further.

  ‘That’s good. I was hoping we could talk.’

  Nerves fluttered in my stomach at the statement and I followed her through to the living room, heading over to the curtains to close them, finally blocking out the blinking of the streetlight.

  ‘Tea, coffee, water, wine, I think I have some juice, it might be off . . . ’ I knew I was talking quickly but I couldn’t seem to stop listing beverages.

  ‘I’m all right.’

  ‘Right,’ I said. ‘Ginger ale? No, probably not. Me too. I’m great. Not parched.’

  Wow, shut up, Lottie.

  I wondered if I imagined Amy’s mouth twitching into a small smile. ‘I’m glad.’ She sat on the armchair next to the sofa, her dark hair black and gleaming against the light grey fabric. ‘So . . . ’

  ‘I really am so, so sorry about today,’ I began, moving around and almost tripping up in my haste to sit on the sofa next to her. ‘It was so stupid and if you’ve been fired I will go and see your headmistress and I’ll beg her, beg her to take you back because you shouldn’t be punished for having a total imbecile as a friend.’

  ‘I don’t think you should go in and see her,’ Amy said in a flat voice.

  Oh God, she had been fired. I had ruined everything. Not only had I ruined her wedding with the brooch no-show but now she was unemployed. With no salary she would probably struggle to pay her rent so soon she might be homeless and it was literally all my fault. I wished that the next time I went to eat something innocuous I had become suddenly allergic and came out in hives all over. I deserved that much at least.

  ‘But I must, I need to try and fix things. I have no idea what I was thinking. I just was so desperate to prove to you that our friendship really does mean something to me and I know I’ve been crap and selfish and awful and hideous, and just when you need me to . . . just when you need me to be a best friend, I’ve been shit.’ I could feel my whole face creased with anxiety as I looked at her. My amazing, talented friend about to lose her job because of my idiot move.

  ‘Lottie, about today. I shouldn’t have reacted like I did.’

  ‘You had every right to react like you did. I mean, what I did was full mental,’ I said, refusing to let her take any of the blame in this debacle.

  ‘Look, shut up for a second, OK?’

  I snapped my mouth closed.

  ‘I haven’t been fired,’ she said, a small smile now on her lips.

  ‘You haven’t?’ I felt my whole body loosen a little. Amy still had her job, the job she loved. Then I tensed again. ‘But I implicated you, I told all those pupils we had been on an expedition together. They knew I knew you.’

  ‘Lottie, seriously, it’s OK, I explained everything.’

  Frowning I said, ‘But how?’

  ‘Look, I did say you were my friend but I said you were having a breakdown and were prone to strange episodes. They totally bought it. I think they just assumed that no sane person would do what you did. In fact, Mrs McDonald thanked me for my tact and swift handling of the situation.’

  ‘Oh my God,’ I said.

  ‘Are you pissed off?’ It was Amy’s turn to look worried.

  I shook my head from side to side. ‘No, that is brilliant. Why didn’t I think of saying that? You’re right! Who in their right mind would do what I did?’ I felt my whole body relax. Crisis averted. I would have hated to damage something Amy truly loved.

  Amy grinned. ‘Thank God, I was quite nervous about telling you. You seem remarkably OK with me telling people you’re certifiable.’

  I shrugged. ‘Always happy to oblige.’

  ‘Oh, although the receptionist is being sent on another course on Security so if you ever bump into her in the street, I’d do a runner.’ She smiled at me and gave me one of her throaty laughs.

  We fell into an amicable silence.

  ‘I really am sorry, Amy.’

  Amy reached across and took my hand. ‘I know. And honestly, when you started talking to the pupils about “maps and stuff”, I actually died laughing inside.’

  ‘Oh God,’ I groaned, flashbacks coming thick and fast, all those faces.

  ‘So, look, I brought this too.’ Amy fished something out of her bag and held it up. It was the memory stick that had dropped on the floor between us. ‘And I really want to watch it with you now. If that’s OK?’

  I nodded, taking it off her and slotting it into the television. ‘Of course,’ I said, feeling an enormous excitement and relief that maybe, just maybe, I had got my friend back. I sat back down next to Amy and grinned at her before pressing Play.

  Images started up and music played and all the old photos I had dug out and scanned and put on the PowerPoint fired up. Videos from nights out, photos from school right up to those in our shared flat. There was even one of us sitting on a stone in Dartmoor, both weighed down by huge backpacks, hair tied back with matching bandanas, heads cocked together, grinning at the camera. ‘D of E!’ Amy squealed, snorting as she pointed at the screen.

  It finished and there was a thick silence in the room as I got up to get the memory stick back.

  Finally Amy looked across at me. ‘Thank you, Lottie.’

  She seemed to be on the verge of saying more and I mentally bit down on my tongue, not wanting to push things or start apologising over again. The silence extended and I found myself bursting with it. ‘I am so sorry, Amy, about the brooch, but also I just haven’t been there for you at all and that is not cool—’

  She was shaking her head and holding her hand up and I tailed away as I realised I was being forgiven. ‘Lottie, I know. And I love you for your mad apology and I’m so relieved. I’ve really missed you.’

  Then suddenly we were reaching across and hugging each other and I felt tears swim in my eyes as I realised how much I’d missed her too.

  ‘And obviously you still need to be my bridesmaid,’ she said into my hair. ‘I need you there to tell me it’s going to be OK and drink champagne with me and sort my sister out.’

  ‘Of course, of c
ourse.’ It came out muffled and in a rush.

  Wiping at my eyes I sat back. ‘You need to catch me up on everything. Has your mum made any more demands on your seating plan and is your sister still threatening to dress Tom in knickerbockers?’

  Amy rolled her eyes.

  I held up a hand. ‘Wait. I’ll get wine first.’

  ‘I thought you weren’t parched?’

  ‘Shut up.’

  I’d just got to the kitchen when she asked the question, ‘Won’t Luke be back soon? Have you got time?’

  Not really wanting to ruin the atmosphere or shift the focus back on to me, I mumbled something as I rootled in the fridge for a bottle of wine and then reached up to the cupboard for two glasses.

  ‘Oh I’m, um, he, well . . . ’

  Amy was already giving me her X-ray look as I returned. ‘What’s happened?’ she asked, sensing immediately something was up.

  ‘Oh nothing, I want to hear about the wedding,’ I gushed, unscrewing the bottle.

  Amy wouldn’t stop staring. ‘Lottie?’

  Sitting back down on the sofa I poured two glasses of wine, avoiding eye contact for as long as possible. As I handed her a glass it seemed she probably hadn’t blinked for the last five minutes.

  ‘Lottie? Where is he?’

  ‘Nowhere.’

  ‘What do you mean nowhere? You don’t know?’

  ‘No, I do know. It’s really not important, fine actually.

  Sooooo, your wedding.’

  ‘Lottie!’ Amy squealed.

  ‘He’s just staying with a friend.’ I tried to sound breezy, added a small shrug of the shoulders, which caused me to spill a bit of my wine. I leapt up to get a cloth.

  Amy asked me more questions. ‘Just for the night? So you two are OK?’

  Returning, I realised she wasn’t going to drop this any time soon. ‘Well, he’s been staying there for a little while.’

  Amy sipped wine and seemed to be waiting for me to say more. If she wasn’t a deputy headmistress she could easily be a detective. She’d be insane at making people talk: leaving them to fester in their own silence, her watchful eyes on them, soaking up their body language and getting to the heart of the matter in an instant. No one would stand a chance.