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Amelia Grey's Fireside Dream

Page 21

by Abby Clements


  ‘Shall we sit down?’ I said, leading the way through to the living room. ‘Callum told me your mum’s finally settled in the new house. Is that right?

  ‘Yes. As settled as she can be,’ David said, with a weary shrug of his shoulders.

  ‘I’m sorry. It must be hard.’

  ‘This is going to sound unkind,’ David said, ‘and we’ve only just met, but there’s something to be said for people going quickly. Watching one of the people you love most in the world fade away is a akin to heartbreak.’

  ‘I can imagine. From what Callum’s told me, it sounds like she was a wonderful mother and grandmother. Is, I mean,’ I corrected myself awkwardly.

  ‘That part of her is still there. We catch glimpses of it now and then, when something triggers her memory.’

  ‘Did Callum show you the things we found in the attic? He thought they might be useful for that.’

  ‘He did, and I have most of them at home with me now. Thank you for that. Fragments of the past can really help to bring back the woman we all love,’ David said with a smile. ‘The attic – I used to be terrified of going up there when we were kids. Not that I was afraid of a few spiders, mind you – it was just always too dark to see. Even if you took a torch there were more dark corners than you could light up.’

  ‘One of my more adventurous moments. There are squirrels up there too – I’ve caught one already. Callum recommended a few things and they seem to have worked.’

  ‘I’m still embarrassed the cottage was left in such a mess for you.’

  ‘Oh, don’t worry about it,’ I said, waving away his concern. ‘It seems like a long time ago really – we’ve created plenty of our own chaos since then.’

  My mum came in with a tray of tea and cake. ‘Tea’s up,’ she said. ‘So, what have I missed?’

  ‘We were just talking about how strange it is, the cottage going from David’s family to ours.’

  ‘At least you know it’s in safe hands now,’ Mum said, touching David’s arm gently. ‘Well, I’m assuming that.’ She looked at me questioningly. ‘That’s if Mirabel hasn’t done any damage?’

  ‘Believe it or not, she’s actually made some home improvements,’ I said. ‘My wayward teenage half-sister,’ I explained, turning to David. ‘Dad sent her over here to straighten her out a bit and give him and my stepmum a proper break.’

  ‘A handful, is she?’ David asked, the warmth in his expression showing that he’d had experience and come out the other side.

  ‘You could say that,’ I replied. ‘But actually Mirabel’s been working hard to make up for it. She’s decorated the spare bedroom.’

  ‘Well, I am impressed,’ Mum said.

  ‘I was too. She’s done a terrific job, actually. It’s now a lovely, relaxing haven that guests won’t want to leave. Which was always the plan, although given this week …’

  ‘Are you thinking you don’t want it to be too inviting now?’ She laughed warmly.

  ‘I’m not sure how long I can keep her under control.’

  ‘It’s a tricky age, isn’t it? Sixteen.’

  ‘I guess so,’ I said. ‘Although I don’t remember rebelling that much.’

  ‘I think your memory’s a little selective there,’ Mum said tenderly. ‘Anyway, what have you got planned for her this week? Another room to paint?’

  ‘No,’ I said. ‘I’ve got something different in mind, actually. You know your friend Rachel?’

  ‘Yes. What about her?’

  ‘Could I have her phone number? Sally mentioned that her parents have been struggling to stay on top of the day-to-day running of the farm since she left to start her cake shop. So I was wondering if they might appreciate another pair of hands.’

  ‘You’re not suggesting … ?’ Mum said.

  ‘It’ll be good for her, don’t you think? Just a couple of days of getting her hands dirty. I don’t think she’s even been on a farm before.’

  ‘How are you going to persuade her to go there?’

  ‘I’m not going to give her any choice.’

  ‘Sounds like a great idea,’ David said. ‘Me and my brother used to love spending time with animals when we were teenagers. Kept us out of trouble.’

  ‘That’s what I’m hoping. Did your sister go too?’ I asked, thinking of the photo I’d seen.

  ‘My sister?’

  ‘Sarah.’

  ‘I don’t have a sister,’ David said, shaking his head. ‘Just me and Ewan. Poor Mum, I think she would have liked a girl really, but we muddled on OK.’

  I tried to think of a way to change the subject. It had been silly of me to make assumptions. ‘So, David, do you still work or are you retired now?’

  ‘I’m retired, supposedly. I do like to be busy though, so I’m still doing the odd bit of work at the opticians when they need me.’

  ‘He’s a workaholic even now,’ Mum joked.

  ‘I’m much better than I was. Rosie was a godsend. A reminder that there’s something better out there that’s worth finishing work for. I haven’t had that, not since Callum and Alice’s mother died.’

  I thought of the long years that Mum had been single and felt bad that I’d never encouraged her to find happiness.

  ‘How did you meet?’ I asked.

  ‘A mutual friend,’ David said with a cheeky smile. I saw his resemblance to Callum then, the sparkle in his eyes. ‘Emma who runs the local art class. When we both popped along to see the end-of-term exhibition she introduced us. I think she had an inkling we might get along.’

  ‘She got that one right,’ Mum said. She sounded younger, flirtatious almost. It would have bothered me a month ago, but it didn’t now.

  ‘I’d seen your mother about a couple of times, as it happens. I would have loved to have had the courage to talk to her then.’

  She looked in my direction. ‘It gets a bit harder as you get older, working out who’s already taken, and you don’t want to tread on any toes in a place like Hazelton.’

  ‘You wouldn’t hear the end of it,’ David said, ‘if you chatted up a married man in the newsagent’s. You’re happily settled, aren’t you, Amelia?’

  I paused for a moment. ‘Jack and I are married, yes.’ I thought of the happy memories we had together – the times we had shared as a couple over the years, things we’d supported each other through. I didn’t know how things had gone so wrong, so quickly. ‘It can take its toll on you as a couple, doing up a house,’ I continued. ‘The truth is, we’re working a few things out at the moment. He’s moved in with a friend in London for a while.’

  Mum looked concerned. ‘I’m sorry to hear that, love.’

  ‘I hope things get better soon,’ David said. ‘It can’t be ups all the time, can it?’

  David, like Callum, had a way of making you feel that everything would be OK.

  ‘I’d better be getting on my way,’ David said, getting slowly to his feet. ‘It’s about time I went to Mum’s for tea. But it was a real pleasure to meet you, Amelia. And I hope I’ll see you again soon.’

  ‘Yes, I’m sure we’ll meet again,’ I said. I got to my feet and gave him a hug goodbye.

  Mum led him out to the front door. When she came back, she sat down next to me.

  ‘David seems really nice,’ I said.

  ‘I’m glad you think so. What you see is what you get with him,’ Mum said. ‘He’s very caring, and he looks after me.’

  ‘You deserve that, Mum.’

  She looked at me, as if seeing me for the first time.

  ‘You never gave me the whole story about Dad leaving, did you?’

  She moved a little, crossing her legs. ‘The whole story?’

  ‘Mirabel told me about what happened back then with Caitlin. It wasn’t you who broke up our family, was it? It was him.’

  A faint flush came onto my mother’s chest, just visible at the neck of her white blouse and beneath her silver moonstone pendant.

  ‘Nothing in love is ever straightforward, sweethe
art. I’m sure I made mistakes.’

  ‘You never let on that he’d betrayed you – us. Your job was never the problem – him falling in love with someone else was.’

  My mum took a deep breath before she spoke. ‘In terms of what your father did, well, I thought it was best to let you make up your own mind. Him leaving was to do with our marriage, it had nothing to do with his love for you, so I didn’t see the good of dragging you into all that.’

  ‘You kept it from me,’ I said. ‘The truth. About Caitlin, about him. You never said a word about the way he let us down.’

  ‘I’m sorry.’

  ‘No,’ I said, feeling a wave of guilt for misjudging her all this time. ‘Don’t be sorry. You did the right thing. You could have driven a wedge between me and Dad, but you chose not to. You were strong enough to let me see for myself what kind of man he was. I just feel bad that it’s taken me so long.’

  Mum gave a nod, and I saw some of the strain lift from her face. ‘I suppose so.’

  ‘All these years, I thought it was your fault that I grew up without a dad and had to live with my grandparents most of the time. I thought you flying around the world was what had destroyed everything for us – you’d put your ambition first.’

  ‘No, love,’ Mum said, shaking her head. ‘It was never like that. I only took the job because it was the best-paid one I could get. I wanted you to have all the things you needed.’

  ‘I understand that now.’ Her eyes met mine, and I put my hand over hers. There was still time to make things right.

  *

  When I got back to the cottage from Mum’s, the only noise was Callum and Spencer drilling in the living room, putting up the bookshelves I’d asked for. Mirabel must still be in Canterbury, shopping. She hadn’t called yet to ask me to pick her up.

  Talking to David had brought back thoughts of Jack, of how bad I’d let things get without even acknowledging it. I opened my laptop and started a new email.

  Hi, Jack.

  How are you doing? It’s strange not having you here.

  I’m fine. Mirabel is still here. I’m surviving the visit, just about. It’s been quite colourful, to say the least. Remember last time when she came to stay and we ended up talking to the police in Claire’s Accessories, where she’d nicked some hair bobbles? Rumour has it she’s upgraded to underage drinking and graffiti … not sure Hazelton knows quite what’s hit it. Anyway, she’s been helping out with the house, and is going to help out on a farm for a few days.

  The cottage is coming along, step by step. We got the permissions through today, for the work in the hallway.

  I miss you, Jack.

  Amelia x

  I sent the email and waited for a moment. Then refreshed the page, as if it would make a reply magically appear, in a moment.

  Then I closed my computer.

  *

  ‘Fancy a tea break?’ Callum asked, putting his head around the door of the kitchen. ‘Spencer’s had to head off early today, and I could do with some company.’

  ‘Sure,’ I said, putting my sketchbook to one side. Callum flicked the kettle on and got us out a couple of mugs.

  ‘What’s that you’re working on?’ he asked.

  ‘It’s a mood board for the living room,’ I said. ‘Images and ideas for how I want it to look, some of the things I want to buy – like this armchair. But then the other things, like the chestnuts, are more about what I imagine us doing there, the kind of atmosphere we want in the room.’

  I was still talking about us, we – Jack and me. Even though he’d barely looked at my plans for the house and, with how things stood now, there weren’t any guarantees we’d even be living here together.

  He poured out the tea and milk and brought them over. ‘Do you mind if I take a look?’ he asked, nodding at the sketchbook.

  ‘Of course.’ I passed it to him.

  Callum looked over the images with interest. ‘It’s good to see this stuff, so that I have a sense of your overall vision and can keep it in mind when we’re working. My grandma was creative like you,’ he said, turning the pages. ‘Before she got ill, I mean. There was the garden, of course, and she was always making little things for the house, clothes for me and Alice. My granddad loved it about her. He doted on her.’

  ‘Were you close to him, your granddad?’

  ‘In a way. He was a quiet man. He and my grandma didn’t always get along, but he was kind. Dad got along better with his mum from what I can work out.’

  ‘I met your dad this morning,’ I said. ‘He’s lovely.’

  ‘So, will he do?’ Callum asked with a smile.

  ‘Yes.’ I laughed. ‘He definitely will. Mum seems really happy. I don’t know why I found it so hard to get my head round the idea at first.’

  ‘Oh, I don’t know – it took me a few days too, to be honest.’ Callum closed the book and moved it aside. ‘For so many years our parents are focused on us, and then suddenly they start getting on with their own lives. It shouldn’t be allowed really.’

  ‘I think that was it. Perhaps I’m not quite as grown-up as I thought I was. That and the fact I think I’m only just starting to understand what happened between my parents when they broke up.’

  ‘I guess marriage isn’t always easy,’ Callum said, taking a sip of tea. Then, as if realizing what he’d said, he shook his head. ‘Sorry, I mean, what do I know about it?’

  ‘No, you’re right.’ I thought of Jack, wondered when exactly it was we’d stopped talking to each other properly, honestly. ‘It’s not easy.’

  Later that afternoon, I got a reply to my email.

  Hi, Amelia.

  It’s good to hear from you. I’m glad Mirabel is keeping you entertained at the cottage, even if she is wreaking havoc on the village.

  Things are fine here. I’m crashing on Hiro’s sofa. It isn’t the comfiest, but it’s five minutes from the office so I have a pretty good commute. He’s been a very generous host, and is instructing me in the fine art of noodle-making. He says if I stay long enough he’ll teach me how to make sushi too. I’m hoping that won’t happen – not because I don’t like raw fish, but – well, you know.

  I often think of you (of course I do) and how things are going at the cottage. Sometimes I wonder how we let certain things, stupid things like what kind of bath we were getting, drive a wedge between us. But then I remind myself there are bigger things at the heart of this.

  Last weekend I went for a roast at Nico and Suni’s, and holding Bella reminded me of that. I don’t want to pressure you into anything you don’t want, Amelia. I’d never do that. But I can’t just hope I’ll change my mind either, because I don’t think I will.

  Give Dexter a stroke from me.

  Jack

  *

  ‘Hi, Suni. It’s me. Is now a good time?’

  ‘It’s an excellent time,’ Suni said. I could hear her putting the kettle on. ‘Bella’s out for the count, and I’ve been looking for an excuse to open these biscuits.’

  ‘What kind?’

  ‘Double-chocolate chip.’

  I went over to the biscuit tin and took out a couple of ginger nuts myself. ‘I’m going to join you, in cookie solidarity.’

  ‘We saw Jack the other day. He came over.’

  ‘I know. He mentioned it. How did he seem?’

  ‘OK. Distracted, I guess, which isn’t surprising. I think Bella took his mind off things a bit. Amelia, he told me he’s staying in London at the moment – why didn’t you mention what was going on?’

  ‘I don’t know.’ There’d been half a dozen times when I’d gone to pick up the phone to call Sunita or Carly and then stopped. ‘Maybe because it would make it seem more real.’

  ‘How’s it been?’

  ‘Strange. But I’ve got Mirabel staying at the moment which keeps me busy.’

  ‘Have you had a chance to think about things? I got the impression Jack had been doing a lot of that.’

  ‘I suppose. I don’t know,
Suni. I haven’t really wanted to think about it.’

  ‘But Amelia – look, I know it’s not my business, but this is your marriage. It’s serious. What are you going to do? Just give up without even trying?’

  ‘Of course I’m going to try,’ I said as her words hit home. ‘It’s just … I don’t know what I want right now, Suni.’

  ‘Is there someone else involved?’ she asked gently.

  For a moment I felt frustrated with her for even suggesting it. But my annoyance wasn’t really for her, it was for me. All her question had done was force me to confront what I’d been trying to hide from myself.

  ‘Nothing’s happened. Jack needed space to think about our future, and since we moved into this cottage these four walls have seen us bickering more than we ever have before. But yes, I suppose there is someone. I don’t know what’s going on, but I’m attracted to him. I feel happy when I’m with him.’

  ‘Right,’ Suni said. I could hear her taking a deep breath. ‘I wasn’t really expecting that.’

  ‘Nor was I, believe me.’

  ‘And what – is he interested? Can you imagine having a relationship with this guy?’

  ‘Maybe. I don’t know. Like I said, nothing’s happened yet and I haven’t thought that far ahead. But when I’m with him I feel something I haven’t felt in a little while. Relaxed. Free.’

  ‘So this man is offering you a way out.’

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘Nothing. Just that I guess maybe Jack’s become bound up in all the stress of the cottage, and now you can’t separate him from that.’

  ‘I don’t think you can reduce it down to that.’

  ‘Sorry. I don’t know – maybe this guy you’ve met is the one for you. The truth is that as much as I’d like to, I can’t be completely objective. I love you, but I also love Jack.’

  ‘So do I,’ I said, tears welling up. ‘It’s not like you can just stop loving someone overnight.’

  *

  That evening I walked into the bathroom in my blue towelling dressing gown and sat down on the simple wicker chair next to the bath. I ran the tap and poured lavender bath foam under the stream of water.

 

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