La Vie en Bleu

by Jody Klaire

  “Mais—”

  “No buts. You need to trust me. That takes time . . . I’m not going anywhere.”

  The kiss on my neck was more reward than I could ask for but the sudden need to get it right surged into me.

  “No more snuggling,” I told her. “No kissing, no touching, nothing until I’ve earned your trust back.”

  Berne sighed. “Can I not say that you have already?”

  “Were you storming down here to protect me or stop me leaving?”

  She pulled a face.

  “Exactly. Maybe we need to take it slowly. Make sure that, as adults, we actually like each other.”

  Berne looked at Babs who smiled at Rebecca. “I bet you fifty Euros that they will break this silly agreement by the weekend.”

  “You give them that long?” Rebecca said.

  “Margins, my little English pit bull.” Babs grinned. “You still have your courage?”

  Narrowing her eyes, Rebecca held out her hand. “An extra fifty says that Berne breaks first, my little French whippet.”

  Berne shrugged at me as I turned to her. “They have great faith in our control, non?”

  “We can prove them wrong,” I said.

  However, with the gentle twinkle in Berne’s eyes and her sweet smile on her lips, I wasn’t quite sure why I wanted to.

  Chapter Nineteen

  THE CELEBRATION SEEMED to begin the moment we arrived back at the Chamonix home. For some reason Berne’s mother was delighted to see me. Quite perplexed by her glee, I was sure that she couldn’t have missed me from the time I’d been dribbling over her daughter in the back garden until walking through her door.

  Nevertheless, I was glad not to argue. I’d take the welcome, anything to wipe Catherine and my mother’s faces from my mind. My stomach ached with their looks. How could people be so mean?

  As the town gathered around in the square, tables were laid out with more food than would feed hundreds, let alone five families and a few over-fed dogs. Culinary delights were everywhere, any kind of French delicacy a mind could think of was on display.

  Babs had enjoyed introducing Rebecca to many of her favourites and just as I had so long ago, Rebecca savoured every second of it.

  France was officially wonderful.

  As the sun set and the moon took prominence in the heavens above, everyone moved to sit around a large bonfire, chatting in family groups. Women popped across to gossip with other women while the men lounged on chairs, smoking cigars or cigarettes. I was quite sure that you weren’t allowed to smoke in public places in France but the only police for miles was Erique and he sat chatting with a glass of wine in hand.

  I closed my eyes, feeling the barmy summer night air caress my cheeks, and listened to the buzzing chatter, the crackling fire, and the giggling children playing nearby. So soothing.

  Even in a foreign land, in a place where I knew only a few people, I felt happier and more centred than I had all my years back in England.

  “You look like you are enjoying your freedom.” I smiled up at Rebecca who plonked down next to me. “I think I may end up fatter than that cockerel, you know.”

  “Try not to eat too much or you’ll find it hard to move tomorrow.” Two children dashed past us, giggling. “Remember that Berne and Babs are used to eating their own bodyweight.”

  “How are they so trim again?”

  The children reached their mother who gathered them up into her arms. She squeezed them and murmured endearments at them.

  “If you go running with Babs, you’ll soon see.”

  It was so nice to watch the children be doted on. They looked secure, safe, happy.

  “You’re quiet,” Rebecca said, tapping me on the knee. “You know I’m right here if you need to talk to me?”

  “Yep, and I love you for it.” I smiled at her and saw concern in her eyes. “It’ll take a while for everything to sink in, for my head to catch up with what’s happened.”

  The mother sat the children on her knee and bounced them as they giggled. My mother had never been like that. I’d been raised more by the nanny than her. Maybe that was why she was so alien to me. A nanny to a boarding school with Rebecca.

  “Your dad was a trooper today. He’s such a cool guy.”

  Yes he was. He had been a distant figure with a booming voice that had terrified me growing up. A man who I wanted desperately to impress yet could never seem to catch the attention of. That was his way. That was tradition. Men didn’t get involved.

  A man walked over to the mother and wrapped his arms around her. He kissed her on the lips and then cuddled their children.

  I couldn’t help but wonder how much my own father had missed out on. Children grew fast. There was no time to look away because they’d be grown, grown into people you could no longer influence. Grown into people that you may not even like.

  “Pip . . . You having second thoughts?”

  I shook my head. “I’m just thinking. Doug will be a dad soon. I really hope he takes the time to know the kid.”

  “Huh?”

  Maybe it would have been helpful to fill her in on why I had the deeds to the house. “Seems like Doug was about as faithful as me.”

  How pathetic were we as a pair? How lucky an escape we’d both had.

  “Some girl called Brandy.”

  “Bastard.”

  I smiled at Rebecca’s anger. “It’s okay. I think I got my own back.”

  The family started to sing songs together. The mother and father’s lingering looks showed how complete they both felt. It was beautiful to watch.

  “Still . . . he could have chosen someone with a more highbrow name.” Bless her, Rebecca was always in my corner. A tad snobby but a champion. “I can see the headlines now. Doug Fletcher, lover of Brandy.”

  I snorted.

  “Who is this Brandy?” Babs voice sounded strained as she wandered over to us.

  Rebecca grinned up at her and pulled her into her lap. “Doug knocked up a woman called Brandy. That’s why Pip has the house.”

  Relief made Babs eyes glimmer in the firelight. It was funny to see how two people that detested commitment in any way were so vulnerable now. It was about time, that was for certain.

  “Alors,” Babs said, snuggling in. “Are you really going to make Berne wait for you?”

  When put that way, it sounded like I delighted in torturing the poor woman. “I want to make sure that I’m mentally ready and emotionally steady before I leap into happily ever after.”

  “Pip, that sounds like a line from a terrible song.”

  I poked my tongue out at Rebecca. Explaining why I was still holding off was as difficult as doing it. Berne was charming as always, helping her elderly neighbours, sparring with her brother, all while flashing her brilliant smile. Not for the first time, I found myself leaning on my fist to watch her.

  “You could not resist her when you were with someone else,” Babs said. “Why will now be different?”

  “Because when she kisses me again, I want it to be the start of our lives together.” I meant every word too. If that meant us both waiting, I would take it. What would a few weeks, months be, after years of pain?

  “So how do we help you get the ball rolling, Pip?”

  The pair of them were incorrigible. “I need to understand how I feel about today. I am not quite sure if that’s it with my mother or what will happen.”

  Again, I was drawn to watching the family, mother and father side by side, their children snoozing on their laps.

  “Good thing we have a house to fix up, right?”

  “Right,” Rebecca chimed. “I got to say, it’s a definite upscale on our little dive.”

  That went without saying and I wouldn’t miss climbing the damp stairs in the middle of winter. “I need to get Winston though.”

  “You think he’ll make it this far?”

  I smiled. “I am thinking he should get a free ride down here.” There was no way my baby would make th
e journey but a Saunders never left a good motor behind.

  Babs sat up straighter. “I know someone who can do this.” She pulled out her mobile. “You need a . . . to move the belongings?”

  Rebecca and I exchanged glances. Were we doing this?

  “Yeah, that’d be handy. Maybe some help from a pair of Frenchies wouldn’t go amiss too.” Rebecca smiled up at Babs. “I would love to show you our London.”

  Babs smile oozed sultry. “Then consider me at your service.”

  More lingering looks. They leaned towards each other.

  “Oh, get a room.”

  Rebecca had the good grace to blush which added to my feeling of ease and comfort. If I was going to uproot and relocate to France, the least I could do was have my best buddy beside me.

  Babs hurried off to make her arrangements and I shot a grin at Rebecca. “Looking a little taken there.”

  She sighed. I’d never seen her do wistful but I liked it. “I think I’m in a bit of trouble there, Pip.” Her eyes followed Babs as she wandered around chatting. “It’s like getting hit by a wave. I can’t even get it into my head why.”

  “She’s gorgeous?”

  Laughing, Rebecca nodded. “Well, there is that.”

  “She’s successful, sassy, and sexy?”

  Rebecca laughed louder. “That too.”

  “And she loves like she drives?”

  Rebecca’s mouth dropped open in shock. Her blush evident even in the dark.

  “You forget, my little English sugarplum, that I knew Babs a long time ago.”

  Rebecca snorted at my attempted Babs impersonation. “Please don’t tell me you know from personal experience because that’s just . . .” She shuddered.

  I did too. “Oh no . . . Trust me, the moment I saw Berne Chamonix, I saw no one else.”

  Rebecca cuddled me, not just a quick cuddle but one of those ones where you wiggle the person about for good measure.

  “I’m so happy that you’re gay.” She looked up and shook her head. “I mean . . . that you feel happy being . . .” She shook her head again. “I mean that you have found your inner gayness . . .” She sighed. “You know what I mean.”

  “You’re glad I’m being true to myself?”

  Rebecca squeezed me again. “I knew you’d get me.”

  I snuggled in, happy that she was happy that I was happy. “So Doug really gave you the house to keep quiet?”

  “Yep. So I was thinking we might scrap the sauna and boys’ room. What do you think?”

  “Well, we could open it out so that we had an office space, maybe a workshop for you?” Rebecca sat back and pulled her foot onto her knee. “I thought that way, if we build a good reputation we could maybe sell some of those furniture designs you always had penned?”

  Now, I was excited. “You think anyone would want them?”

  Rebecca nodded. “If we can make a cool prototype, maybe Babs might find a niche to sell them. She does for Berne’s statues and stuff.” She smiled. “And you have me who’s pretty adept at selling rain to the river.”

  “What about the architecture?” I loved the idea but Rebecca needed to have her dream too. I wanted her to have that.

  “Dunno, it’s a long road and it isn’t cheap.”

  “If we do well with the business, will you do it then?” There had to be open university courses or something like that. “You love it so much.”

  “True, but I love sales too. I’m good at promotion and it gives me a kick.” That cocky grin slid into place. “Gotta keep the charm oozing somehow if I get shacked up, right?”

  “If?”

  Rebecca sighed. “Yeah. That bit depends on the beauty swaying our way.”

  Babs’s eyes were on Rebecca. A few of the younger men watched her stroll past but all Babs was interested in was the cheeky sweetheart beside me.

  “I don’t think there’s much if in it at all. I would say game, set, and match myself.”

  “Did you just throw in a tennis analogy?” Rebecca didn’t take her eyes off Babs.

  “I think I did. Dad would be so proud.”

  “Forget him,” Rebecca said, pulling Babs onto her lap. “I’m proud of you. You even got it the right way around.”

  “Yes, well, just don’t ask me to hit a ball and we’ll be fine.”

  Babs raised her eyebrows to which Rebecca and I answered in perfect unison. “Hits like a girl.”

  Chapter Twenty

  LONDON IN THE summer. It had gone from sunny to rainy in naught point six seconds. It had taken a mammoth effort to plan moving everything down to our house in Ajoux and more time to find opportunity to get to London and pack up our lives there.

  It was too good an opportunity to miss when rain was forecast for the week and so Berne, Babs, Rebecca, and I had headed to London on the plane.

  The removal team Babs had hired had made quick work of emptying a decade of adulthood and my father had already found someone to move in. It felt scary cutting ties with everything I knew but it was for happiness and the possibility of love.

  There’d been no time to show Babs and Berne London as the removal took far longer than we had accounted for. It was funny how much stuff two people could collect and cram into a small space.

  While I packed up the last of the boxes and taped it shut, I was aware that we could have built our own little fort from them. It was bittersweet leaving the place. We’d lived there for ten years together. We’d grown up in the tiny space.

  I handed over the box to the moving people and turned to stare out of the window. Winston was getting his first class ride to his new home and the quiet street below looked odd without him.

  “You are sad to leave?”

  Berne’s question wrapped around me like a warm hug. Having to make do with only her verbal comfort, I relished the sound of her.

  “In a way. It’s sort of like this place was our sanctuary, you know?” I turned and stared around at the bare walls. “We were lucky to find it, that my dad found it. So many people struggle here in the city.”

  “It is a vibrant place,” Berne said. “So much history. It has been good to see where you spent your years away from me.”

  Liking the way she’d phrased that, I felt the urge to sink into her arms. I couldn’t help gawp at her anyway. Her jeans were snug like they were sewn for her, cool brown boots that poked out the bottom. Her t-shirt showed off her slender collar bones, a suit jacket over the top. She looked like a film star.

  Berne’s eyes warmed and a slow smile spread across her lips. “Friends sometimes offer each other embraces, non?”

  Friends? Why friends? Friends may embrace but they didn’t do any of the things we’d done in the Ardèche. “If we cuddle each other, it won’t stop there, Friend.” I hugged myself instead as Berne said nothing. “Besides, you can’t do that to her . . . well . . . again anyway?”

  Berne had said nothing more about Vivienne to me. I met her eyes in hope. Hope that she was going to take my hand and tell me that I was hers, that there was no one else. That Vivienne was history.

  She didn’t. Instead, she looked past me to the window.

  “Right.” Focus on the street, Saunders, or you’ll make a scene. Friends and no statement on supposed ex. Not a great sign that she wanted something more.

  Berne had been stoic since we had left France. She had been arguing with Babs in hushed whispers. Even today, Rebecca and Babs were arguing and had stopped as I walked into the room. I’d been too distracted before to notice but warning bells were clanging in my head now.

  Maybe it was just my mood? I’d been fielding calls from my irate mother. My sister had been texting me to tell me just what she thought of me. To say I’d been withdrawn was an understatement. It had been a lot to process. Maybe they were just worried about me and giving me my space.

  “Are you comfortable with me living in Ajoux?” I felt a sense of awkwardness. That horrible feeling when you knew you were doing something wrong but you didn’t know what.


  “Why would I not?” She motioned towards the door with a fed up sigh. “You are ready?”

  Her nonchalant, bored expression didn’t fool me. Something was going on. I wanted to ask her what it was. Had I messed up somewhere along the line? Why hadn’t she come to find me, to hold me? Her body language was cold, cut off, disaffected. Yet I caught her looking at me. So did she want me or not? My head hurt. It was official. Women confused the toffee out of me.

  “As I’ll ever be.”

  I cast one last glance around the safe haven and followed Berne down the steps as the door swung closed behind us. The deluge was in full flow outside as if London was wishing me a wet farewell.

  “Do you think we’ll make the flight if we stop for dinner first?” I asked Rebecca, who was deep in conversation with Babs. They seemed to relish chatting about business almost as much as they relished something else they often snuck away for. Inseparable was too light a word.

  “You thinking what I’m thinking?”

  I smiled. “Gino will be wondering where we are.”

  Rebecca chatted to the cab driver and gave him instructions. I tried to ignore that, I not only sat next to Berne, but her thigh was pressed against mine.

  “You going for the usual?” Rebecca asked.

  “Of course.” Silly question. It wasn’t like I did anything adventurous, you know, apart from turning my entire life upside down.

  “I peg you for a garlic mushroom girl,” Rebecca said to Babs whose eyes twinkled in response.

  “Perhaps. It depends who has cooked it.”

  Laughing, Rebecca waved her hands. “Well, Gino’s is great. I mean they aren’t Ajoux great but they still make a pretty tasty dish.”

  “I will take your word for this, non?”

  Goodness, they were smushy. “Hey, doe eyes. We’re in London now.”

  My words stopped her leaning in further and giving the cabbie heart failure.

  “So, Berne,” Rebecca said, covering her tracks as Babs folded her arms with a frown. “What is your dish?”

  “Spinach tagliatelle,” I answered without thinking.

  “Ah ha!” Rebecca wagged her finger at me. “Got you!”