Swirl

  What if he’s there with her while I sit here like an idiot? What if he’s not there … then what? Am I supposed to contact him first?

  Something told me it was too soon to be in a relationship with Jayce. My greatest fear was coming to life. I forced myself out of the car and into the house. After I peeled away my clothes and took a shower, I snuggled under the blanket on my bed. I kept my eyes glued on the phone waiting on him to call, but eventually my eyes dimmed, pitching me into a fitful sleep.

  I woke up every hour to check my phone, and all I saw was the brightened screen displaying the time. My fingers nervously scrolled for Keon’s phone number.

  Brianna: Any word?

  My feet bounced to the beat of nervousness. I waited and waited and waited some more. I was still tempted to hop in my car and patrol the streets.

  Keon: Nothing yet. I’ve called the rest of the family and even Vivianne. No sign of him.

  My pulse raced as my blood boiled in my veins. What the hell is going on? I bet my left tit that cow is pregnant or something. God help her if she is.

  There was no point in closing my eyes again. Panic set in and I broke out into a cold sweat.

  I have to do something … but what?

  I grabbed my phone again and immediately started checking with local police departments and hospitals. Nobody had any information for a Jayce Kanoi. My only option at this point was to simply wait.

  The oranges and pinks of morning blanketed the sky and I was still fucking waiting. I got dressed for work and drove by Jayce’s house, but there was no sign of him.

  What do I do now?

  I arrived at the shop and unlocked the door. Keon was there already, frowning at his phone.

  “What is it?” I asked, edging closer to him.

  His eyes darted up from the phone, zeroed in on my face, and then back down at the phone again. “Jayce’s mom heard from him early this morning. He didn’t say much, just that he’ll be back soon with an explanation.”

  “Huh? Wait … what? That’s all he said?” I asked.

  He nodded slowly and slipped the phone into his back pocket. “Sorry, Bri, I wish I had more info for you, but that’s all I know.”

  With that little nugget of information not really answering any of my questions, I was completely in zombie mode the rest of the day. I occasionally checked my phone for some form of communication from Jayce.

  Who the hell does something like this? He called me his girlfriend and then disappeared like a thief in the night. This is driving me absolutely insane.

  As soon as I finished my shift, I made a beeline for my house. After my shower, I lounged around the house and tried to continue on with my night. I fanned my face with my hands as small beads of sweat formed on my forehead and upper lip.

  Great … now I’m sweating all over creation.

  When my nerves were extremely rattled I got hot and started sweating. Once it started, it’s hard for me to stop. If I didn’t hear something soon, I’d be changing clothes four times a day.

  My eyes were itchy and dry, and I was pretty sure I wasn’t blinking regularly. An infomercial promising me rock hard abs in thirty days played in the background, but I wasn’t really paying attention. My phone buzzed around on the table, I grabbed it, and subsequently dropped it.

  Damn sweaty palms.

  I finally picked it up and glanced at the screen. My hands shook, but I willed them to be still long enough for me to read the message.

  Jayce: Can you come over?

  I didn’t bother texting a response. The message from Jayce was one I’d been waiting for, so I didn’t even slip on my shoes. I stubbed my toe on the table as I dashed out of the house, and half ran, half hopped to my car. My tires sounded off loudly as I screeched to halt in front of his house. It took me two attempts to get out of the car, because the first time resulted in me jumping out of the car with the engine still running. My feet carried me across the wet grass toward the front door. I had my fist poised to knock, but the door flew open on its own.

  Jayce pulled me inside and wrapped his arms around me, but not before I glimpsed the grim look on his face. I allowed him to swaddle me in his arms anyway. The feeling of him was both comforting and unsettling. This wasn’t the time for hugs, this was the time for some damn answers.

  “Jayce … what the hell?” I asked, pushing back against his chest.

  His arms dropped down to his sides and he reached out to take my hand. I followed him into his bedroom so we could speak privately. He closed the door and paused for a few moments. His back was to me and I watched anxiously as he took several deep breaths.

  Damn, did he murder somebody? This is too much for my train-wrecked nerves to handle.

  “Jayce … ” I muttered.

  “Have a seat, Bri,” he said, motioning toward the bed.

  To hell with that.

  “I’ll stand,” I said, folding my arms across my chest.

  He turned around with his head down, allowing his hair to cover his face. The dark strands I fell in love with were blocking my view, making me wish I had a pair of scissors handy. I needed to see his face, I needed to see the truth in his eyes.

  “Bri … listen,” he said.

  “Is this about Vivianne?” I blurted out, unable to hold in my aggravation any longer.

  He nodded, sending his hair in a wave back and forth. “I really think you should sit down,” he murmured.

  “No,” I whispered. “I can’t wait any longer, please just tell me what’s going on. Did you sleep with her or something?”

  Please say no … please say no.

  “No.”

  Whew! Thank you, Lord.

  “Well?” I pressed. My first instinct wanted me to walk over and shake him until he coughed up the information I was looking for. “Is she …”

  “Pregnant,” he muttered. “She’s fucking pregnant.”

  “What?” The word rolled off my lips in a whisper.

  Pregnant? I knew it … I freaking knew it.

  I figured out she was knocked up before he confirmed it, but my brain refused to do the word association game.

  “Oh … um … o-okay,” I stammered.

  Jayce used one hand to sweep his hair out of his face and I noticed the other one was clinched into a tight fist.

  “She came to the shop to deliver the news and give me an ultimatum,” he said.

  My mind scrambled for the right words to use in order to reassure him. “Don’t worry, whatever it is, I’m sure we can figure things out,” I said, reaching out for him.

  “I can’t see you anymore,” he whispered.

  My hand slowly dropped down to my side, and my heart stopped.

  “You … can’t see me anymore?” I repeated.

  It was like an alarm had gone off and all I could hear was a very annoying whistle. The temperature in my body dropped to an arctic level.

  “I don’t understand,” I said, twisting my head to the side.

  He closed his eyes and exhaled. “That’s part of the ultimatum she delivered. If I want a relationship with my child then I have to at least try to work on the relationship with her, and I can’t do that if I’m with you.”

  The cold was quickly replaced by an inferno of absolute rage. “That’s bullshit,” I spat.

  “Bri … ”

  “No!” I shouted. “Don’t you ‘Bri’ me. You expect me to believe that load of crap? That’s why people get lawyers. You don’t have to be with her in order to see your child. If you want to be with that selfish bitch then just say so.”

  He brought his hands up to either side of his head and paced the floor. “You think I haven’t thought of taking the legal route? Bri, by the time everything gets sorted out in court I’ll have missed some pretty major events in my child’s life. I don’t want to bring a person into a broken family … not if there’s a chance to salvage it. Believe me when I say I don’t want Vivianne, but this isn’t about her at this point.”

  All of my
emotions took turns going haywire inside my head. First I was sad, then mad, then relieved, and then sad all over again. Each emotion was coupled with rage.

  “I should have never trusted you. You lied to my face and said you wanted to be with me. My mom was practically planning our wedding based on the things you’ve led us all to believe. I gave myself over to you!” I shouted.

  The anger had infiltrated every fiber of my being. Now I was the one pacing the floor, fists clenched. I didn’t notice the hot tears rolling down my face. Jayce grabbed me and pulled me in for an embrace. I fought him like a trapped wild cat fighting for its life. He tightened his hold on me and said my name over and over, but none of it truly registered with me. The river of tears turned into sobs, and finally the sobs turned into silence.

  “This isn’t what I wanted for you … for us,” he whispered into my hair. “I meant every word I said to you and your mother. Our relationship wouldn’t have existed if I didn’t think I could possibly take things to the next level with you.”

  My breath came out in short ragged bursts. A quiet storm brewed just beneath the surface of my skin.

  Happiness has no home here, because something about me is broken. Every time I get a sliver of happiness, something always happens.

  “I loved you,” I whispered.

  “Loved? As in past tense? No, Bri, don’t say that. I love you. I love you now and I’ll love you no matter what happens.”

  Wow … this is our first time mentioning the “L” word and it’s under horrible circumstances.

  He dropped down to his knees and wrapped his arms around my waist. “I’m sorry,” he muttered into my stomach over and over.

  My arms were raised above him because I couldn’t bring myself to touch any part of him. I was on sensory overload and there was only one thing on my mind and that was leaving. I took him by surprise and slipped free from his grasp. I yanked open the door and sprinted out of the house. He was right on my heels, but I think I shocked us both at my level of speed. The tires on my car churned recklessly out of control before they lurched me forward into the darkness of the night.

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  This was a bad dream come to life. I was yet again driving blindly with tears in my eyes. My lids fluttered as I tried to blink them away, but as soon as one set was gone, another took their place. This situation was the icing on a shit-flavored cake. I would probably have a different reaction if this was something new to me, but it wasn’t. The feeling of being humiliated was a dish I’d sampled on more than one occasion.

  I clearly had a streak of bad luck when it came to men. Even my ex-fiancé turned out to be a total disaster. Not only did he leave me without a parting word, but all of the venues we booked came in handy when he got married later on to some other woman. What a way to end an engagement. I had dress fittings, a bridal shower, and Save the Date invitations in the mail.

  I should have known better, but I never noticed the red flags until it was too late. The only flag I saw with Jayce was that we got together too soon.

  This whole situation could have been avoided if I would have avoided the relationship bullshit, and just had sex with him.

  The streets were becoming less and less familiar as I made another left turn. I couldn’t go to my usual spots because Jayce could be there waiting for me. My phone was going crazy with calls and text messages. I briefly contemplated tossing it out the window just so I could have a moment of silence. The perfect hideout came to mind.

  I’ll go to Kirsten’s house and pull myself together. She’s out of town and no one will think to look for me there.

  I jerked the steering wheel with enough force to tip the car onto two wheels. Once I got to the apartment, I let myself in and collapsed onto the bed with my face buried in the pillow.

  With any luck I’ll suffocate to death.

  Instead of suffocating, I cried until my eyes were swollen shut. I woke up hours later with a pounding headache. My eyes were puffy and I couldn’t breathe through my nose. I shuffled to the bathroom and nearly peed on myself when I saw my face. My eyes were bloodshot red and I had dark circles around them.

  What do I do now?

  I couldn’t go back to the coffee shop. Not only would I be forced to see Jayce, but I was sure Vivianne would use any and every excuse to come flaunt her baby bump in my face. There were a lot of things I could handle, but that was not one of them. Basically I was back where I started, jobless and single. I was still living at home, so I didn’t have to add that one back to the list of tragedies. I checked my phone just to see who all the calls and texts came from. Half were from Jayce and the rest were a nice blend of Keon, Kirsten, and Mom.

  I can’t believe he dragged my mom into this.

  Great. Now I got to see the unwelcomed pity in her eyes as soon as I went home. Everything in my life was upended during one conversation. I kept putting my heart on the line and it always got stepped on. Maybe I should become a heartless bitch like Vivianne. It seemed to work just fine for her. I rolled my eyes and released a deep sigh of frustration.

  I guess I’ll be the weird lady with a bunch of pets since I can’t get my relationships to work out.

  Mom would call for a search party if I kept ignoring her, so I sent a short message letting her know I was okay. With that bit of business out of the way, I was finally able to be alone inside my own head. Every time my mind wandered over to Jayce, I felt a tightening in my chest. I wanted to be numb and not feel anything. My socked feet shuffled me to the bathroom, to the couch, and back to the bathroom again. I couldn’t cry anymore even if I wanted to. A loud rumble bounced off the walls, drawing my attention to my empty stomach.

  When’s the last time I ate something?

  I had zero concept of time at this point. One … maybe two days had passed. I answered myself with a shrug. I was too drained to drag myself off the couch and find food. My stomach protested loudly with another loud rumble. I closed my eyes and searched my mind for at least one coherent thought. This whole situation had left me feeling so empty. The first few stages of a breakup are always difficult to get through. I knew what I was feeling wouldn’t last forever, but my heart was having a hard time understanding that concept. My plan was to close my eyes, go to sleep, and wake up from this nightmare. But every time I closed my eyes the only thing that happened was time continued to pass me by.

  My phone was completely dead now and I had no idea who was trying to reach me, and I really didn’t care. I grasped the remote control in my hand, turned the volume down, and browsed the stations. A jingling of keys at the door quickly silenced my breathing altogether.

  “All right, give me just a second to get dressed,” said Kirsten. Her voice was muffled, but I could clearly make her out even through the door.

  Light illuminated the room and I was too weak to move, so I did the only thing I could do … I closed my eyes.

  “Oh my God, Bri! We’ve been looking all over town for you. Are you okay? Say something!” she urged.

  My lips moved, but I was pretty sure there was no sound coming out.

  “We found her … I don’t know … She looks spaced out or something … ” said Keon. “Okay, I’ll text you the address.”

  I’m not spaced out … I’m … I’m … well I don’t know what I am.

  “Bri, honey … I’m going to help you get cleaned up,” said Kirsten, her hand stroking the side of my face. “Keon can you help me get her into the bedroom?”

  His arms found their way underneath me and I was suddenly hoisted into the air.

  “Just put her on the bed. I can take it from here.”

  A brief conversation was exchanged, but I couldn’t hear them because they were deliberately speaking in hushed tones. The bedroom door closed and Kirsten made her way into the bathroom. The shower turned on and she reappeared in the doorway.

  “What’s it gonna be? Are you showering solo or will this be a group effort?” she asked.

  “I can do it,” I mu
ttered. It took a few tries, but I finally got undressed. I shuffled to the bathroom and allowed Kirsten to help me step into the shower.

  The scalding hot water felt good on my skin and I ignored the fact that I was probably getting third degree burns.

  “You shouldn’t be in here right now,” said Kirsten.

  “Move … I just want to see her,” growled Jayce.

  He pulled back the shower curtain and I froze like a deer caught in headlights.

  “Bri,” he whispered.

  “Get out,” I replied coldly.

  His eyes dimmed a bit as he searched my face for answers. “W-what?” he stammered.

  “Get out!” I yelled.

  He swallowed a few times, sending his Adam’s apple up and down. His eyes stayed glued to mine as he backed out of the bathroom.

  I took my time in the shower, using it as an opportunity to rid my head from the fog of depression. The water eventually turned ice cold and I stepped out into the frigid air.

  I thought Kirsten left a towel out for me?

  I gave the bathroom a quick once over before I ventured out into her room. The fluffy white bath towel was clutched in Jayce’s hands. I stood there dripping wet and cold, waiting on him to give me the towel, but neither of us made an attempt to move toward the other.

  Finally my hand opened, palm up, motioning for the towel. Instead of giving it to me, he opened his arms and wrapped it around me.

  “You shouldn’t be here,” I muttered against his chest. The scent of his cologne, the cologne I helped him pick out, was all I could smell. It was a struggle, but I kept the tears at bay. I would never smell Tom Ford again without it dredging up memories of Jayce.

  “You scared me,” he muttered. “I didn’t know what happened to you.”

  I pushed against his chest, but he had me locked in a bear hug. “I’m fine, now let me go.”

  His arms slacked and I stumbled backwards away from him. He sat on the edge of the bed and rested his elbows on his legs.