Swirl

  “What happens to me is no longer your problem anyway. You need to focus on pampers,” I snapped.

  “Bri … tell me what to do. Just tell me how to make things right,” he said. His voice was strained and he sounded tired.

  “There’s nothing you can do,” I said. “You’ve made your decision and I’ve no choice but to respect it. However, I do choose to keep myself from witnessing any part of it, so I quit. I guess you can bring Vivianne back to handle the accounts.”

  “No,” he said. “You don’t have to do that.” He reached for me, but I couldn’t let him touch me. If I did, I knew the stone wall around me would crumble into a million pieces.

  “Yes I do,” I said defiantly. “I can’t come to that coffee shop and see you each day. I don’t want to get too close and accidentally bump into you or say the wrong thing. I’m holding on by a thread right now and it’s quickly unraveling. I don’t need to put myself in the position to have my will tested. You chose Vivianne, and I refuse to be your woman on the side.”

  “No one asked you to be my woman on the side. I would never put you in that type of situation. I’m telling you not to quit because I’ve decided to accept the football offer,” he said.

  “W-what?” I stuttered. “You’re taking it?”

  He pressed his lips together into a tight line until they nearly disappeared. “It’s the only way to handle the situation. Plus it’s part of the ultimatum Vivianne gave.”

  “When did you become her puppet?”

  Jayce recoiled and his face grew dark. “What did you just say to me?”

  I placed my hands on my hips and cocked my head to the left. “You heard me. She’s calling all the shots and dictating your life and you’re allowing it to happen.”

  He jumped to his feet and stomped toward the door. “You’re right. She has my balls in a vice grip right now. I’m trying to do things as painlessly as possible and you’re not making this easy. I know this is a fucked up situation for you, but it’s no picnic for me either. No matter what happens, Vivianne doesn’t control my heart.”

  He didn’t offer a goodbye as he stormed out of the bedroom. The front door slammed closed just as I collapsed to the floor. Kirsten ran into the room and put her arms around my shoulders.

  “It’s okay, Bri,” she whispered.

  Keon was right on her heels. “Listen, I love you like a sister and if I could make the situation better I would. But you should give Jayce some slack. This isn’t easy for anybody involved. Just let things run its course and the chips will fall where they may. Based on Vivianne’s track record, she won’t hold up her end of the bargain anyway … trust me,” he said.

  “I feel like I lost a part of me I didn’t know existed until now,” I mumbled.

  He dropped down to his knees and put his hand on my shoulder. “He feels the same way. We spent the last few days looking for you and trying to find a way out of this shit storm. He’s trying … he really is.”

  I was a melting pot of emotions and I didn’t know which one to listen to. One thing was crystal clear … my heart was broken, and I knew it wouldn’t be repaired any time soon.

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  I decided to go home a few days later, but it was a mistake. Mom and I tiptoed around the issue because neither of us wanted to address my derailed life. I’d been walking on eggshells ever since I stepped foot in the house. My eyes were puffy and I was wearing some of Kirsten’s pajamas which were two sizes too small.

  My bedroom served as both a sanctuary and a prison. Jayce did text and call, but I avoided him like he had the plague. I simply didn’t have anything to say to him right now. I wanted to invite him over so we could have our last goodbye before he headed to training camp, but I couldn’t bring myself to call him. What would I say anyway?

  I was down to my last few dollars so a trip to the bank was in order. This was my first trip outside the house in days and I decided I wouldn’t dress for the occasion. The flyaways milling about my head would stay that way until someone other than me forcibly slicked them down. Today I was wearing a once forgotten sports bra, which was a major step up from my standard no bra policy. I did however opt for toe socks instead of shoes because I wasn’t getting out the car.

  I’d mentally prepared myself for the anorexic check waiting in my account. This was my last check and I hadn’t worked much these last couple of weeks so I already knew what to expect. I jumped in my little dune buggy and turned the key.

  Click. Click. Click.

  What the hell? This can’t be happening.

  I sent up a small fervent prayer to Jesus, Allah, Buddha, and whoever else was listening.

  “C’mon baby, let’s go for a ride. Please crank this time,” I whispered. I closed my eyes and turned the key again. This time the faint sound of clicking was gone and complete silence had taken its place.

  “Shit!” I screamed, shaking the steering wheel back and forth. I wanted to rip the car apart and yell, “Hulk smash!” but my poor attempt at comedy to lighten the mood would be wasted since nobody was around to witness it.

  I could ask to borrow Mom’s car, but that would require an actual conversation.

  The idea of going inside made my stomach clench in knots. In order for me to ask we’ll have to exchange words which would most definitely lead to awkward silences and nervous chuckles.

  Mom wasn’t exactly the best person to talk to when I was in a funk. She could always find the positive side to any situation and sometimes I just wanted to stew in my feelings for a while, and not turn my frown upside down. She already knew it grated over my nerves, so our conversations end up strained and uncomfortable. I banged my head on the wheel hard enough to make me flinch.

  I can add this to the pile of never-ending shit gone wrong in my life.

  I dragged myself from the car and back into the house. Mom was sitting in her office hunched over her laptop.

  “Mom?”

  She was in the zone and had already tuned the world out. She was clearly editing manuscripts for her clients, it was the only time I had to throw something to get her attention. I grabbed one of the stress balls off the small table next to the door and tossed it in her direction.

  “H-huh … what? What is it, honey? What’s wrong?” she asked.

  “Hard at work?” I asked, motioning to the laptop.

  She blinked at me several times and then glanced down at the screen. “Yeah, just a little. I’m frustrated over how many times this author uses the word pleasure button. This is an adult novel, just say clit for crying out loud,” she mumbled.

  Okay … too much info.

  “How are you doing, honey? Do you want to have a seat? I can take a short break if I need to.”

  “No, you don’t have to do that. I just want to borrow your car. Mine is making a weird noise and I need to run to the bank. I shouldn’t be gone long,” I said.

  She gave me a warm motherly smile. A smile that told me she understood my life sucked right now and she’d fix it if she could.

  “Sure, honey, you know you don’t have to ask, especially while I’m cooped up in here. Be careful and I’ll see you in a little while.”

  “Thanks,” I mumbled, shuffling my way toward the door.

  “Gram-Gram is coming over for dinner … if you’re up to it,” she said gently.

  I nodded and nervously cracked my knuckles. “I’m up to it. I’ll hurry back so I can help you in the kitchen.”

  She gazed at me with an unspoken understanding before allowing her eyes to drift over to the laptop.

  I snatched the keys off the hook and shot out the door. The bank was right around the corner, I could actually walk there, but I had plans to stop and get a couple of donuts … and maybe a sandwich. I pulled up at the ATM, removed my seatbelt, rolled down the window, and still had to open the door just to reach the card slot. God gave me T-rex arms for some strange reason. Nobody else in my family was cursed with these short arms. In my case, I had short everything,
and it made simple tasks like going through the drive-thru difficult. I punched in my pin number and waited for the balance to display.

  No point in sending the account into overdraft … at least not yet.

  The machine issued the receipt and I had to look at it twice.

  What the hell?

  I clutched my chest and tried to breathe through the tightening in my lungs. Either the bank or the coffee shop had made a major mistake. With this amount I could simply buy a new car and several other things.

  Shit … I need to go inside, but I can’t.

  My decision to go shoeless proved problematic. I circled around the building and pulled up to the window.

  “Ma’am, I need you to review something for me. I believe my deposit amount is incorrect and I want to make sure the glitch isn’t on your end,” I said into the loudspeaker.

  I provided all of my account information and waited for her to explain the error. Staring at the account printout made my stomach hurt.

  “Ms. Davis, I’ve reviewed your account and the deposit posted at midnight and it is indeed correct on our end. Do you have any more questions?”

  “N-no … um … I’ll take care of it,” I stammered.

  I put the pedal to the metal and floored it to the coffee shop.

  “If my check is this messed up … there’s no telling what’s going on with the other accounts,” I mumbled under my breath.

  The shop was a couple of miles away and I made it there driving on two wheels. I glanced down at my feet and gave a frustrated sigh.

  This is too important to worry about dress code.

  I hopped out of the car and headed inside with the printout still in my hand. Luckily the shop wasn’t that busy. Keon smiled and tossed the towel down onto the counter.

  “Hey, Bri!” he said, opening his arms for a hug. He didn’t give me a chance to close the space between us before he wrapped his arms around me and nearly cracked one of my ribs. “I’m glad you came out of the house for a change.”

  “I … can’t … breathe,” I gasped.

  His grip loosened and I sucked in a deep gulp of much needed air.

  “Where are your shoes?” he asked.

  “I didn’t wear any because I didn’t plan on getting out of my car,” I said. “Hey listen, there’s something wrong with my check.”

  Keon folded his arms across his massive chest, leaned against the counter, and crossed his legs at the ankles. “Wrong in what way?”

  “Wrong as in a few thousands kind of way,” I whispered, thrusting the receipt in his face.

  He took the slip of paper and examined. “Nope,” he said handing it back to me. “It’s right. I took care of your account myself.”

  “Since when have I ever been paid five grand? Plus I barely worked any this last pay period.”

  He shrugged his shoulders and picked up his towel. “I guess you need to ask Jayce, I just did what he told me to do.”

  My head snapped back as he delivered the shocking news. “What?” I hissed.

  “Jayce said to put the money in your account whether you came to work or not,” he whispered.

  “No … no,” I murmured. “I’ll have the bank reverse the deposit.”

  Keon flicked the towel at me. “Chill out with the hysterics, Bri. If you reverse the deposit, I’m just going to bring it to your house. If you refuse to take it … I’ll give it to your mom. Trust me, I’ve thought about the possible outcomes to this situation.”

  “He can’t do this,” I snapped.

  “Well he did,” he said with a shrug. “Hey, if you don’t like it then fine, come back to work and consider it your paycheck plus a small bonus.”

  I pinched the bridge of my nose and tried to think clearly. “This is wrong,” I mumbled.

  “Depends on your point of view. I would do the same thing if I were him. Just because he’s in this messed up situation doesn’t mean his feelings have changed. I wish you would understand that,” he huffed.

  My mouth flapped open, closed, and then opened again. I had things to say, but the right words weren’t forming. “Are the rest of the accounts right?” I asked.

  A grin trickled across his face. “Yeah, I had to hire a lady to help out with those. I’d prefer you to come back and give me a hand. It’s boring as hell without you.”

  “Fine,” I muttered, turning on my heels toward the door. “I’ll be back tomorrow.”

  “Atta girl, just make sure you wear shoes!” he yelled.

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  I caught a whiff of whatever Mom was cooking before I entered the house. Gram-Gram’s car was parked haphazardly in the driveway already, so I parked on the street. I struggled to steady my hand long enough to open the front door.

  It’s just dinner … just dinner.

  I quickly manufactured a smile and stepped inside. “Hey, I’m back.”

  “Hi, honey, I know you wanted to help, but Gram-Gram showed up a little early so I went ahead and got started,” said Mom.

  Gram-Gram peered over her glasses and followed my every move. “Hello, Brianna. Where have you been with no shoes on?”

  “I had to run an errand and I didn’t need to get out of the car. Your hair is pretty today,” I said, hoping the compliment would help change the direction of the conversation.

  “Mmmhmm, I did something a little different this time. I just hope the curls last until Sunday,” she said, smoothing down a nonexistent flyaway.

  I found a spot on the couch and tried to appear really interested in something on my phone. Gram-Gram didn’t need to know I was just scrolling through my apps over and over.

  “So, Brianna, are you excited for football season to get started?” she asked, her tone steady and cool.

  Well damn, she held out a lot longer than I thought she would.

  “Not really, you know I’m not into sports like that,” I replied. My foot started to bob up and down. I know from experience my hands would be the next thing to start doing something weird.

  “Oh,” she said slowly. “I just figured you would want to watch now since your boyfriend is a ball player.”

  Thanks, Gram-Gram, for twisting the knife that’s already lodged in my heart.

  “No, ma’am,” I grumbled. “We broke up not too long ago. His ex-girlfriend found out she’s pregnant and he wanted to give things with her a fighting chance. So he’s now officially hers again.”

  There! Satisfied now? Maybe I should run off crying just to make her feel bad for bringing it up.

  “Humph … he’ll be back. I saw it in his eyes. You can’t deny love like that for too long. You just make sure you don’t shut him out when the time comes. You do that sometimes, you know. When your feelings get hurt, you shut down and shut people out. Now give me the remote control, I think Wheel of Fortune is on,” she said.

  I picked up the remote, dropped it, and tried again. My mouth was wide open and I tried to find the right words to say.

  How many times will I be at a total loss for words today? I wasn’t expecting that kind of response, especially from Gram-Gram.

  “I … I don’t know if I can,” I muttered.

  “You can, and you will,” she said, seeming very sure of herself. “I already prayed about it. Just make sure you’re ready for it.”

  Chapter Thirty

  It had taken several weeks for me to undo the damage done by the other account manager. I was dreading today’s payroll fiasco, but I sulked my way to the coffee shop anyway and tried to get a jumpstart on fixing it.

  My head dropped against the desk for the third time in the past half hour.

  It’s a good a thing I came back when I did.

  “Bri?”

  “Yes?” I mumbled against the stack of papers.

  “I’m glad you came back. It wasn’t the same without you,” said Keon, stepping further into the office.

  “Thanks,” I said, grabbing the sides of my head. I felt a migraine starting to form.

  “Don�
��t take what I’m about to say the wrong way … okay?” he said.

  My ears burned and I perked up a little as I waited for him to continue.

  I’m probably going to take this the wrong way.

  “Your clothes don’t fit anymore, are you eating?” he asked gently.

  I hadn’t really paid attention to my clothes lately, but I did recall needing to readjust my clothes more often.

  “Oh … um, not really. I mean I eat, but I guess I’m not as focused on it as before,” I mumbled.

  “Oh, okay,” he replied skeptically. His mouth twisted to the side as he gave a slow nod in my direction.

  “Do I look bad or something?”

  “Well, to be honest, I don’t know. Your clothes are too big for me to really see what you look like. I’m only saying something because you filled out your clothes a couple of weeks ago and I haven’t seen you eat anything while you’re at work,” he said.

  Damn, why are you watching me like that?

  “I’m fine, I promise. I need to finish payroll, so if you want to get paid, I suggest you scoot on up front,” I said, flashing a wide phony grin.

  He narrowed his eyes and nodded again, but at least he retreated from the office. As soon as he rounded the corner, I dropped the act and banged my head on the desk again. My phone vibrated against my thigh, I retrieved it, pushed the button, and answered.

  “Hey, Kirsten,” I muttered.

  “Bri!” she shrieked. “I need to go out tonight.”

  “Aren’t you supposed to be with Keon later?” I asked.

  She practically growled at me through the phone causing me to sit up a little. “We’re together all of the time and I just need a break. I go to work, come home, and I’m with Keon. When I’m out of town, I get off work, go to my hotel, and I talk to Keon. My entire life at this point revolves around Keon and I need to have a day for myself before I snap.”

  “Oh … wow. Well you know I’m not doing anything later. What do you want to do?”