3rd World Products, Inc., Book 5

by Ed Howdershelt

  With a short laugh, I said, "You'll have to ask her, I guess. I didn't close it, so I'm not going to talk out of class."

  Just to see if my impressions of her were correct, I asked, "Did you know you kind of look like Tanya Roberts?"

  Rolling her eyes, she said, "So I've been told. Too often."

  "It isn't a bad thing at all, Lena. Trust me on that."

  Her face froze in a hard mask. She softly asked, "Did you just call me by my first name, Mister Howdershelt?"

  Uh-huh. I was right. Another damned middle-management tightass. Interview over.

  Reaching for the 'off' icon, I said, "Nah. Musta been your imagination. See ya."

  I tapped off the connection and sipped my coffee.

  "Sue."

  She snickered, "Yes, Ed."

  "You can't tell an outright lie, so if she calls back, tell her that I told you to tell her that I told you to say that I'm not here. Does that cover it well enough?"

  Laughing, Sue said, "Yes, I believe it should. What if she insists on speaking with you?"

  "If she sounds pissed, tell her you can't do it."

  "Uhm... I'm supposed to be off today, aren't I?"

  "Oh, hell, never mind. Flitter."

  "Yes, sir," said the flitter core.

  "Screen my calls. I'm taking emergency-only calls from Lena Danvers and let me know when we're five minutes from Yazd."

  "Yes, sir."

  "Thank you. It's nice to know at least one of my computers is working properly today."

  Sue stuck her tongue out at me. I called up a standalone field screen to read for a while. Sue took the hint and vanished.

  * * * *

  Somewhere just before we reached Iran, it occurred to me that a big lake without feeder rivers would simply dry up sooner or later. Maybe reroute one of the valley rivers..? No. They needed a 'don't ever fuck with 3rd World' monument that would stand for centuries and be absolutely and undeniably obvious as hell while being totally useless as anything but a tourist attraction.

  Made of what? They'd recycle glass or steel until the mountain was gone. What did they already have that they couldn't get rid of? Sand? Yeah, that would do it. No, it wouldn't. It would just blow away in the mountain breezes.

  "Sue," I said, "Those generators. Can we leave them here?"

  She appeared just as the flitter said, "We're five minutes from Yazd, sir."

  "Thanks." Turning to Sue, I asked, "What about those generators? Can they be left here?"

  "I suppose so. What do you have in mind?"

  "Something very frustrating. What if we turn that mountain into pure gold, then use the generators to create a permanent barrier around it?"

  Sue considered the matter for all of half a second.

  "Converting the mountain's components to gold would reduce its volume drastically, Ed."

  Sighing, I replied, "It would still be a helluva big pile of gold and they wouldn't be able to touch it, right?"

  "True. But may I suggest that we create a hollow gold mountain that will retain it's current size and shape? Wouldn't that be much more effective than a tiny mountain?"

  I gave her a little salute and said, "That's a great idea, Sue. A great idea. They'll go crazy trying to figure a way to get at it, so now let's go one step further and slap a 3rd World logo on it and scribble 'Compliments of 3rd World Products' on both sides in all the major languages."

  Laughing, Sue took a seat beside me.

  "You said I had a mean streak," she said, "It seems that you have one, too."

  Shaking my head, I said, "I never once denied it, milady."

  "A problem, though. The world doesn't know about our transmutative abilities. While a gold mountain may be a great idea, would it really be a good idea?"

  Sighing again, I shrugged. "Probably not. Just a thought. How about turning that water to steam and leaving them a flat spot instead of a lake? Any repercussions you can't live with?"

  "I suppose not."

  "Then that's the new plan. We'll let Linda know ahead of time so nobody'll panic when they see the cloud going up."

  The city of Yazd came into view and flashed below us as we approached the bunker's mountain. Talk about a severe lack of progress... If Yazd had improved at all since the seventies, the differences weren't readily apparent.

  A field more than a yard wide appeared above the flitter's console. Twenty glowing spheres orbited the top of the mountain on the screen, but when I looked at the actual mountain, the spheres weren't visible.

  Zooming the screen, I watched someone's herd of sheep disappear from the side of the mountain and knew that Steph and Elkor were picking them up for transport elsewhere. A herdsman became somewhat frantic until he, too, disappeared.

  Sue took us to a wrinkle in the mountain that turned out to be a deep gash. The flitter's field extended forward in what appeared to be a softly glowing tube and rock simply vanished ahead of us.

  "Kewl," I said. "We're still coming in below the bunker?"

  "Yes. The goal now is simply to remove everyone before converting the mountain. Steph and Elkor will create their own evacuation tunnels and meet us before we enter the bunker."

  Giving her a blatantly admiring expression, I said, "Wow. You're so organized, ma'am."

  Returning a saccharine smile, she replied, "You really have no idea, sir."

  When the brief wonder of silently boring into solid rock wore off, I realized we were making headway at fifteen or so miles per hour in a tube only about two inches wider than the flitter.

  As I tried to keep a bright spot of rock in sight long enough to figure out what it was, Sue asked, "Should I opaque the sides?"

  "Nah. What was that white stuff that went by? Quartz?"

  Sue looked a bit surprised as she replied, "Yes, it was."

  A few moments later the flitter stopped and our field gradually changed shape as it expanded outward, creating an empty bubble around us. As it swelled upward, the rock ended where the concrete of the bunker began.

  Looking at me, Sue asked, "Do you wish to be involved, or should I be the one to make contact with the hostages?"

  Shrugging, I said, "Your choice, lady. Like I said, you're in charge of this op."

  "Then you handle meeting them. I'll assist Steph and Elkor in subduing and extracting the other personnel."

  She vanished and I watched two small holes form in the ceiling of the bubble. Each hole expanded to about a yard in diameter, then stopped.

  "Flitter," I said, "I may be tossing some people down to you. Don't let them land too hard, okay?"

  "Yes, sir."

  Elevating the flitter until I could touch the ten-foot-thick concrete foundation of the bunker, I stood under one of the holes and used my implant to form a field pedestal that lifted me high enough to pop up for a look into the cell.

  In the dim light I saw that three guys wearing slacks and shirts better suited for an office environment had backed up against one of the walls, putting the hole between them and the cell's door.

  "Hi, guys," I said, lifting myself up and into the cell and stepping to one side of the hole, "You ready to leave yet?"

  "Who the hell are you?" one of them asked warily.

  Ignoring his question, I said, "Keep the noise down. You're going to Germany." Pointing at the floor, I said, "There's a flitter down there. Let's go."

  Two of them edged over to peer into the hole. The other one stayed by the wall and asked, "Who sent you?"

  "3rd World asked me to help out. C'mon, guys, let's go. I still have to liberate the ladies."

  One of the men by the hole said to him, "There really is a flitter down there, Steve."

  Steve came to look into the hole and shuddered visibly.

  "Uh... how do we get down there?"

  "Jump. The flitter will catch you."

  Looking at me as if I was nuts, Steve backed away from the hole and said, "I'm not going to break a leg or worse. Get a ladder or something."

  I stunned him col
d and said to the other two men, "I'm going to drop him down the hole. You two can jump -- right now -- or get the same treatment."

  One of them said, "Uh, we could help you..."

  Shaking my head, I said, "Nope. You might help or you might try to stop me from dropping ol' Steve, here. Jump now or I drop you, too. Whoever's bravest can go first to show the other it's safe."

  Heh. Make it a matter of perceived cojones and you'll usually get volunteers. One of the guys glanced at the other and stepped up to the hole. The other guy stepped up beside him, then the action stopped; they couldn't both go through the hole. I pointed at the one on the left.

  "You. Do it. Let's get this show moving."

  With a narrow glare at me, he knelt and lowered himself backward into the hole until he was hanging by his fingertips, then let go. A moment later, laughter came from below.

  "Frank! It was only a couple of feet! I'm okay!"

  When Frank looked at me, I motioned at the hole. He lowered himself as the other guy had and hung there for a moment, then let go.

  I dragged Steve to the hole, said, "Stand clear," and shoved him until he toppled in legs-first. The flitter caught him and gently lowered him to the deck, then I jumped into the hole.

  The flitter lowered me as gently as it had Steve. Once I was aboard, I put a finger to my lips to shush the others and pointed at the second hole in the concrete above us.

  "Next stop," I said as the flitter moved to place me below that hole, "Back in a few. Stay clear of the hole."

  Lifting myself to again peek into the cell above, I saw both women sitting on one of the low bunks, staring at me through the dimness of the cell.

  "Hi, Alanah," I said, lifting to step out of the hole. "They told me you needed a ride home." To the other woman, I said with a small salute, "And you must be Marine Lieutenant Barbara Klass. Hi, there, LT."

  Peering at me in the dimness, Alanah asked, "Ed?"

  "Yup. If you're tired of this place, hop on down to my flitter, ma'am. The guys they grabbed with you are already aboard." To Barbara, I said, "It isn't a lack of manners, you know. I just happened across their cell first."

  Alanah grinned and chuckled as she stood up and came to look into the hole at the flitter below. Klass followed almost immediately and I noted that she still wore Alanah's watch.

  "Barbara," said Alanah, "Just do what I do."

  I gave her a hand sitting down at the edge of the hole, then she let herself drop to the flitter, where she turned and waved up at Barbara.

  Barbara looked at me and started to say something. I put a finger to my lips and said, "Later. Downstairs first, please."

  She nodded, then followed Alanah's example. Just as she disappeared down the hole, a shadow blotted out the light from the cell door, then a man yelled and thrust the muzzle of a rifle through the little barred window in the door.

  I said, "Five suit on," as I dove for the floor by the door.

  The guard sprayed the cell with automatic fire, screams and shouts came from the hole in the floor, and a few ricochets found me, but my field suit stopped them.

  As soon as the firing stopped, I hurried to one side for the cover of a concrete wall in case the guy decided to shoot through the door.

  There were more shouts from below. Another guy arrived outside the door and yelled something in a commanding tone. An empty magazine clattered to the floor out there and another one was slapped into a rifle then a rifle bolt slammed shut.

  "Three suit on," I muttered, and watched my arms and legs vanish as the refraction field enveloped me.

  Keys rattled at the lock as one was inserted and turned, then the door was kicked open and a guy in an outfit that was half-uniform, half-street-clothes cautiously eased into the cell, his gaze sweeping the room as he glanced at the hole.

  No worries. The flitter knew what to do about things like incoming rifle fire. I let the guy continue toward the hole so his friend would follow him into the cell.

  As soon as the second guy was inside, I stunned him and shoved him at the first guy. To avoid falling into the hole, the first guy lurched sideways as he went down. He fell flat on his back and aimed his rifle around the little room.

  Before I could find out whether he was stupid enough to fire the rifle in a stone-walled cell, I stunned him, too, then tossed their rifles down the hole to the flitter with instructions to field-isolate them. As an afterthought, I tossed their web belts with ammo pouches into the hole, as well.

  An invisible presence swept into the cell and seemed to hover above the two guards and the hole in the floor.

  "Sue," I said, "You missed a couple of the baddies."

  She appeared on the other side of the hole and grinningly said, "Thank you," then vanished again. The baddies floated toward the cell door.

  Chapter Seven

  'Hm,' I thought, as I stepped into the hole and dropped to the flitter's deck. Chances were almost nil that Steph and company could have overlooked those two guards by accident.

  Alanah and Barbara had taken seats by the console. I saw that the rifles and ammo had been piled at the far end of the flitter. Two of the guys were kneeling beside them, frustrated and baffled that they couldn't put their hands on the weapons.

  Steve was still out cold, lying near the rifles. The flitter must have simply stored him as received, providing theta waves to keep him out.

  Oh, well. In that condition he was one less person to deal with. I briefly considered zapping the others, but couldn't come up with quite enough reason to do so. None of the guys looked as if they'd been damaged or abused and they hadn't become aware of my presence.

  Alanah and Barbara Klass looked a bit frayed at the edges, but otherwise in good shape. If anyone had needed medical attention, Sue or Steph would have seen to it immediately. I studied Barbara for a moment. Five-nine or so. Very fit, and it looked good on her.

  Standing near the ladies, I softly said, "All suits off," and reappeared. Barbara startled mightily and stared bug-eyed at me as I sat down in the pilot's seat.

  After a moment, she asked, "Uh... Are you all right? What happened up there?" as I retrieved my coffee mug.

  "I'm fine. A couple of guards showed up. Flitter, move us away from the holes and put a barrier between us and the men, please. Soundproof and opaque it."

  Moving us into the tunnel, the flitter replied, "Yes, sir."

  Alanah's eyebrows went up, but she said nothing. Barbara, on the other hand, reached to touch the barrier and asked, "Why did you do that? How did you make yourself invisible?"

  "I did that because I want a quiet minute or two while I check in. That quiet minute includes you, please, ma'am."

  Keying my implant, I asked, "Sue, do your plans include any good reasons for us hanging around down here?"

  Sue chuckled, "No, Ed, they don't."

  "Kewl. Then how about telling the flitter to get us out of here and park us where we'll have a good view?"

  Laughing, Sue said solicitously, "Sure, Ed. No problem."

  As the flitter began retracing its path in the tunnel, Barbara asked Alanah, "Does he talk to himself a lot?"

  "I was talking to my pilot," I said, "Note that we're heading for the surface now."

  Peering ahead, Barbara muttered, "Coulda fooled me. Your pilot, huh? You mean the flitter's computer?"

  Reaching beside the console, I flipped the lid of my cooler open and said, "Yeah, something like that. Give it a minute, LT. You'll see the light at the end of the tunnel. There's tea, beer, and dr pepper. What'll you have?"

  That the cooler had been invisible didn't startle Alanah, of course, but Barbara eyed the ice and drinks that appeared from nowhere for a long moment before asking for a can of tea.

  "Sure you don't want a beer?" I asked.

  Her gaze met mine briefly, then she shook her head.

  "Maybe later, when all this is over."

  She had a lovely face and hazel eyes and a nice, warm contralto voice that betrayed not a hint of angst.
r />   I glanced at Alanah and said, "I think I like her."

  Grinning, Alanah replied, "That's not too surprising. I'll have a tea, too."

  "Coming right up, milady," I said, handing her one. "Have you told her anything about me?"

  Shaking her head, Alanah said, "Not yet. When are you going to let Steve wake up?"

  "Now, if you want. Flitter, let Steve wake up, please."

  "Yes, sir."

  Alanah glanced at the console and asked, "'Flitter?' Not Stephanie?"

  "Nope. Steph's been on her own for months. An AI named Sue took her place, but I wanted some autonomy about controlling the flitter."

  Looking around meaningfully, she asked, "Sue?"

  "You'll meet her soon. She's in the middle of something right now. Steph and Elkor are here, too."

  Barbara asked, "Who... What are they doing?"

  "Evacuating the bunker. I'll let Sue tell you about it. Right now I should probably check in with Linda. She gets all tensed up if I don't keep her apprised of every little detail, y'know."

  Laughing, Alanah said, "Sure she does," as she sat back.

  When I called up a field screen, Barbara jolted back in her seat and stared hard at it. Alanah snickered as I poked Linda's flapping lips icon. A moment later, Linda answered.

  "Hi, Ed." Seeing at the others, she added, "Hi, Alanah. Lieutenant Klass. Ed, where are the others?"

  "In the back," I said. "I partitioned the flitter. Three's company, but six is too distracting when you're trying to impress the boss. I'll let 'em loose in a few minutes."

  "Any casualties?"

  "Nope. Everybody's fine. We're heading back to the surface now. Has Sue told you what we decided to do?"

  With a quizzical look, Linda glanced meaningfully toward Barbara and asked me, "You aren't using the water idea?"

  "Nope. I decided that making a lake would be too good for them, so we're going with steam. There's going to be a godzilla cloud over the area between three and four. Thought you might like to know about it in case anyone thinks it's nuclear."

  Linda laughed. "Yeah, some people might think that."