3rd World Products, Inc., Book 5

by Ed Howdershelt

  Turning to Joan and Dick, I asked, "Are either of you any good with your stun wands? She's about to get one. Could be some coaching would be helpful."

  "Would it be on the clock?" asked Wexler.

  "Damned if I know," I said. "Probably not, but you'd make a friend in the local PD and earn some points with your own brass, right?"

  As Rhonda reached the flitter and hopped aboard, Joan looked up from stroking Tiger and said, "It can be hard to get the conceptualizing part of it right the first few times, but once she's past that she'll do fine. Everybody does."

  Looking at Rhonda, she said, "If you want some help learning to use your stun wand, I'll work with you."

  Wexler shrugged and gave me a wry little grin as he said, "Me, too. There's nothing to it, really, but making that first connection with it can be a trick."

  "Thank you," said Rhonda, "Both of you. I appreciate the offer." Turning to me, she said, "Ready to go."

  Joan put Tiger on the next seat and stood up, saying, "Well, thanks for letting us come aboard. I've really enjoyed..."

  "You aren't coming along?" I asked.

  Glancing at Wexler, Joan asked, "You wouldn't mind?"

  "No problem," I said, thumbing at Rhonda, "I'll be bringing her back here, anyway. Everybody sit down and buckle up."

  Rhonda glanced around before saying, "Uh, but there aren't any seat belts."

  "Nope." Facing forward, I said, "Flitter, back to Carrington base, please."

  The flitter launched us into motion at barely subsonic speed. I heard a small shriek behind me as the dozen or so miles to Carrington zipped by in only seconds.

  We settled next to the front entrance as before. I sipped my coffee to give everyone time to regroup, set my mug on the deck by the console, then hopped off the flitter to give Rhonda and Joan a hand down.

  Instead, I wound up with Tiger, who jumped into my arms and asked, "Are we going to see Linda?"

  "That came out well. Sue must have touched up your translator already. If Linda's not too busy, we'll stop in and visit with her. Good?"

  "Okay. I like Linda."

  None of the others aboard had more than stood up to stare around. I keyed my implant to activate the console and sent a field tendril to press Linda's icon.

  She glanced around the flitter before answering, "Yes, Ed."

  "Ma'am, are you too busy for some company?"

  "No, I was about to wrap things up for the day."

  "Got a few minutes for Tiger and me while Rhonda gets fitted for a wand? Oh, and Wexler and Humes have offered to coach her."

  "No objections. Sure, Ed, stop by. I've always got a few minutes for Tiger. Sometimes I even have time for you."

  "Gee, thanks, lady. Okay, see you in a few."

  Linda poked her 'off' icon. The others were on their feet, staring either at me or the now-blank console screen.

  I said, "Let's go, people. Hup, hup, and all that."

  Rhonda took my hand as she stepped off and gave me a very direct, questioning look without explaining it or asking me anything. Joan and Dick both hopped off the deck and stood as if waiting for me to take the lead.

  "Ed," said Rhonda, "That screen didn't turn itself on. How did you do that?"

  "Magic." I headed for the doors and the others followed.

  "I really want to know," said Rhonda.

  "Sorry. You don't work for 3rd World."

  Just inside the doors, the guard -- Tony Herse -- checked our ID's and his notes and issued Rhonda a visitor's badge as I set Tiger down on his desk.

  He'd met Tiger before a few times, so when Tiger said, "Hello," Tony replied, "Hi, there, Tiger. How you doin' this evening, little fella?"

  "I'm... okay," said Tiger. "My... English is better now?"

  "I'll say it is," laughed Tony, "I'm from Brooklyn, so it may be better than mine."

  With a smug, happy look, Tiger replied, "Good. Thank you."

  Tony said, "Wait one," and poked the number for Gladstone's office on his phone. "Detective Marlin is here," he said, then, "Okay, ma'am. I'll tell her."

  Turning to us, he said, "Ms. Gladstone's on her way. She'll escort you to her office."

  "Tony," I said, "Tiger and I are on our way to Linda's office. We'll catch up with everybody later."

  "Yes," said Tiger, "We'll... catch up. Goodbye? Yes."

  "Bye, bye, Tiger," said Tony, giving him a little wave.

  Tiger must have been enjoying all the attention; he usually didn't say half a dozen words all day. Joan and Dick still seemed in awe of a talking cat. They simply stared at us as we turned to leave. Rhonda said, "Goodbye, Tiger," with a grin.

  Hopping down to the floor, Tiger trotted alone on my left as we proceeded down the corridor.

  "You want me to carry you?" I asked.

  "No. Thank you."

  "Okay. Let me know if you get tired."

  "Okay."

  The sight of Tiger riding one of Elkor's platforms or walking through the corridors with me wasn't too strange to people at 3rd World after over three years of our occasional visits, but being spoken to by a cat was new to most of them.

  Perhaps a dozen people in the corridor received one of Tiger's "Hello" greetings on the way to Linda's office. Some apparently assumed I'd spoken and answered with a nod or a "Hi," but only four seemed to realize they'd been greeted by a cat. Those four had all stopped and stared after us, which seemed to greatly amuse Tiger.

  Near Linda's door, I asked, "You like startling people, huh?"

  He instantly responded, "Yes."

  I double-tapped on Linda's door and opened it to enter the outer office. Her secretary had apparently already left and the door to her inner office was open.

  "Come on in," she called, and Tiger and I proceeded past the secretary's desk to the doorway.

  Linda sat leaning her elbows on her desk, her hands clasped under her chin and a small baggie dangling from her fingers.

  "Hello, Tiger," she said, and in an instant, Tiger was on her desk and sniffing the bag as he excitedly responded, "Hello, Linda! Hello! You have treats for me?"

  Laughing softly, Linda opened the bag.

  "Quick as a cat, as they say," came a male voice from the sofa chair by the door. I looked to see Emory Wallace.

  "Hey, Cap. Khakis? That's pretty casual for you, isn't it?"

  "New rules. How come you haul that cat around with you?"

  As I watched Linda dole out a few of the treats, I said, "It's the kind of thing that has to be understood before an explanation would mean anything."

  He laughed, "Well, that's Zen if I ever heard it."

  One of the treats Linda shook out of the bag bounced oddly and fell off the desk. I sent a neon-blue tendril across the room to catch it and set it in front of Tiger.

  When the twelve-foot tendril snapped into being, Wallace unassed his chair and yelped, "What the hell..?!" as he stepped back a pace and stared.

  Linda muffled a snicker and said, "Thanks, Ed."

  Thanks for retrieving the tidbit or thanks for startling the hell out of Wallace? Or both? I didn't ask. Wallace didn't seem in a hurry to return to his seat. I found that entertaining.

  Bowing slightly, I said, "De nada, milady. It was nice of you to provide some refreshments."

  Sue's presence became noticeable in the room, but since she didn't make an appearance, I said nothing about it. I headed for Linda's coffee pot, poured a cup, and sent a cooling field into it for immediate drinkability. Linda resealed the bag and dropped it into her desk drawer.

  "You've had a busy last few days," said Linda.

  "The Iranians and a bunch of other people had a busy last few days. I mostly just watched Sue do her thing."

  "You went in after the prisoners. You came up with the idea to use independent probes to search buildings."

  Sitting down in the other sofa chair, I put my coffee on the small table and said, "No. The ladies used probes in the bunker and probably just reused them in D.C. Steph or Sue would have sugge
sted the building probes if I hadn't."

  "Shit," muttered Wallace, "Why don't you just take a compliment for a change, Ed. We saw the vids. Two guys with rifles came at you in that cell." He glanced at Linda, then added, "And since you're working with a supercomputer, I'd like to know how that happened."

  "Automation," I said. "Calculated oversight."

  That made his eyes narrow a bit.

  He asked incredulously, "You think they were allowed to find you? By Sue and Stephanie?"

  Shaking my head slightly, I said, "Hell, no, Wallace. That's not what I said at all. When things like that happen to us, we call them 'accidents' and 'circumstances'."

  "Us who? You mean people or... or computers?"

  "Both," I said, "Sue and Steph likely set some things in motion and expected them to complete their tasks. The stun probes, for instance. They're like cruise missiles. You basically wind 'em up and let 'em go and they follow preprogrammed instructions. If the players shift positions at just the right times, they can screw up the results."

  Speaking to the room in general, I asked, "Right, Sue?"

  Chapter Twenty-two

  Sue popped into being in the center of the room and replied, "Exactly so. Your two guards had been napping in a nearby cell, so their potential danger to the mission had been calculated as rather low. Something you did in one or both of the cells you visited must have wakened them, after which they came to the womens' cell. Our probes didn't find the guards where they were supposed to be and they had no instructions to visit the prisoners' cells."

  Linda sat stroking Tiger in silence. Wallace simply sat, his gaze fixed studyingly on Sue.

  "It was a new-guy mistake," I said. "She never had had any military training." To Sue, I asked, "How many people did you, Steph, and Elkor evacuate from the bunker?"

  "Four hundred and seventy-three."

  "And animals? From the mountain in general?"

  "Seventy thousand, six hundred and nine mammals and..."

  Wallace's jaw dropped. "What?!" he exclaimed.

  "She said 'mammals', Cap," I said, "Sheep. Goats. Cattle. Dogs. Odd little critters that live in the rocks. A few people. You want the rest of the count? Does it really matter?"

  "Uh, no, I guess not. I had no idea..."

  "You thought we'd just go blow up a mountain, right?"

  He shrugged. "Yeah, well, something like that, I guess."

  Sipping my coffee, I looked at Sue as I said, "Sue didn't like that idea. She has this thing about killing."

  Sue gave me a 'you're being tiresome' look as she moved to the desk to help Linda pet Tiger. Tiger rolled over for a tummy rub and purred loudly.

  Giving me a droll look, Wallace asked, "Weren't you in charge of the mission?"

  "Until I turned it over to Sue, yes."

  "Did anyone authorize you to do that?"

  "More to the point, nobody objected."

  His eyes narrowing tightly, Wallace said, "That's not the same thing, especially if those who could authorize such an action weren't consulted."

  I gave Wallace a piercing look and said, "I was told to go do something by Linda. I discussed methods with Linda, including Sue's suggestions. Linda okayed the op."

  "But did you let her know before the event that you were abrogating command of the mission?"

  "Yup. Now tell me why any of this is your business."

  Instead of answering me, he turned to Linda and asked, "Did he consult you concerning allowing Sue to command?"

  Linda fixed him with a cool, tight gaze and quietly said, "Yes. Answer his question, Emory."

  After a moment of silence, Wallace got up and walked to the coffee pot, poured a cup, and stood looking at us for another few moments before speaking.

  "There have been some political repercussions. Threats have been made. Assassination threats."

  "Big deal," I said. "'Kill the Infidels' has been their favorite tune for centuries."

  "These were direct threats against key elected officials and 3rd World personnel. Personal threats."

  "So return the favor. Make sure they know that if they kill our honchos, we'll kill theirs. They'll pay attention. The Imams and the other muckitymucks over there don't mind wasting members of their common herd, but we don't see them strapping on suicide bombs, do we?"

  In a tight tone, Wallace said, "The US government doesn't work that way."

  "PC bullshit. Who launched an airstrike against Libya's honcho some years ago? Who went after Noriega in Panama? Remember Grenada? And who recently sent troops after Bin Laden and Saddam and his goons with 'dead or alive' orders?"

  Wallace started to say something, but Linda interrupted.

  "Emory, are you saying that the US government is quietly looking for a political scapegoat?"

  He bit his lip, sighed, and said, "It sure as hell looks that way to me. The words 'rogue agent' have been used, and a Congressman suggested that the US government deny all involvement in the destruction of the mountain."

  "Were they involved?" I asked. "If so, it's news to me."

  "Actual facts are beside the point, I think," said Linda. "3rd World's headquarters is on US soil. The matter of support for 3rd World's retaliation for the kidnapping could be seen as a bargaining tool in other issues."

  "Like the orbital thing," I stated, "Or getting their grubby little hands on more details about Amaran technology."

  Linda noddingly said, "Yes," as she stroked Tiger and played with his toes and tail.

  Wallace said nothing, apparently preferring to sip coffee and wait to see how I'd respond.

  "So," I said, "When do you want to start moving the base, milady? Where to, and all that?"

  Laughing, Linda said, "That was my first sentiment, too, but there may be a few other options to explore first. I'll let you know if we need a hand packing and loading later."

  "Good 'nuff. See if you can give me enough notice to sell the house and pack a few things."

  "Will do," she laughed softly.

  "You two seem to be taking this lightly enough," said Wallace, "Mind if I ask why?"

  I held up my cup and he refilled it from the pot as I said, "Because the US government doesn't have any leverage. It might take all of three days to move the base and the training factory and leave bare flat spots where they were."

  "Move them where?"

  Shrugging, I said, "No idea. That wouldn't be up to me."

  Sighing again, Wallace went to sit in the other sofa chair and said, "An attempt to move the base might provoke a military response."

  Linda looked up and said flatly, "No problem." She stood up and leaned on her desk as she continued, "No casualties, either. But I'd hate to see it come to that, because then I'd have to make a choice. So would Ed." She paused rather dramatically and added, "And so would you, Emory."

  He was obviously having a stupid moment. He asked, "And what choices would those be, Linda?"

  She met his gaze firmly. "Whatever happens, I'm staying with 3rd World."

  It was suddenly as if Sue and I were no longer in the room. Wallace and Linda stared at each other for several long moments in total silence.

  I cleared my throat and stood up.

  "Well, guys, it's time to see if anyone needs a ride back to town, so I'll just grab my cat and see everybody later. Sue?"

  Sue said, "I'll go see if they're ready," and disappeared.

  Tiger rolled over and got to his feet in mild confusion as I started across the room.

  "Stand fast, mister," growled Wallace. "Am I hearing you people correctly? You'd jeopardize your citizenships?"

  "Very damned doubtful," I said. "Look at the flitter factories and the starship effort. PFM's. All that. They'd say lots of nasty things about us in private, but they wouldn't yank our citizenships for fear of losing first dibs on all the fancy toys. We'd just become expatriates somewhere."

  Looking at Linda, I suggested, "Ibiza would be nice. Lots of nightlife and good fishing."

  Without taking her eye
s off Wallace, she answered, "I'll be sure to pass that along, Ed. I'd like some time with Emory now, if you don't mind."

  Nodding, I said, "C'mon, Tiger. Let's go see if Rhonda's got a lap for you."

  He said, "Okay," and rubbed firmly against Linda's arm before jumping to the floor and walking to the door with me. At the door, he stopped and said, "Goodbye, Linda."

  "Goodbye, Tiger. It was very nice seeing you again."

  Tiger said, "I like you very much, Linda," then proceeded through the doorway, tail high with a proud stride.

  Linda grinned and shook her head as she bit back a chuckle and made a little bye-bye wave at me. Tossing back a sloppy, two-fingered salute, I followed Tiger.

  After I pulled her inner-office door shut, I heard Wallace mutter, "Jesus Christ. Running around with a cat. That guy's..."

  Something -- possibly Linda's letter opener, smacked her desk as she snapped ominously, "You should stop now, Emory."

  I didn't wait for more; if the outer office door didn't close on schedule, they'd know I was still in the office.

  Once we were in the corridor, Tiger immediately headed for the west wing of the complex. I didn't know if he was following somebody's scent or if he actually knew to go that way to get to the admin offices.

  Sue appeared beside me as we neared the intersection of corridors and asked, "Would you like to know what Captain Wallace said about you after you left the office?"

  "He probably complained about how I wasn't his idea of a proper little trooper. He may even have said something snide about me running around with a cat."

  Snickering, Sue said, "Essentially, yes. Would you like to know Linda's response?"

  "Was it very different from what she said the last time he cranked off about loose cannons in general and me in particular?"

  She laughed, "No. Not really."

  As we reached Gladstone's office, I said, "Then tell me what you think, milady."

  "I think your actions are normal for you."

  Getting the door for her, I asked, "That's it?"

  "That's it."

  As soon as the door opened six inches or so, Tiger zipped in ahead of us, saying, "Hello! We are here!"

  Sue and I entered to find Gladstone's secretary staring fixedly at the cat that stood on her desk. She moved not a muscle other than to swivel her wide blue eyes to us.