by K. M. Scott
Looking up at me, he shot me a look that made his crystal blue eyes look so cold. “You did fine from what I saw. I got a little busy for a while there.”
Unable to keep my feet still, I twirled around again. “I bet you think it’s silly that I’m so happy about tonight, but it really did mean a lot to me. The members seemed to like me too. I made a bunch of tips, and that’s with all my clothes on. I wonder what I’d make if I was like Shana and could do the kind of dancing she does.”
He stood from his seat and walked past me without saying a word as I thought about how much Shana made dancing nude. If I could pull in nearly two hundred dollars dancing fully dressed behind a window, she must have been making three or four times as much in the rooms right there with the members.
I watched him head into the bathroom and heard the water run for a shower, and I had to fight the urge to walk in on him like I had the day before. I wanted to see him like that again.
In truth, I wanted him to want me like I wanted him.
So far, the way he thought of me seemed to range from being overprotective to being entirely disinterested. There didn’t seem to be any in-between with Kane. I would have taken the overprotective him over whoever this man tonight was, though. This Kane didn’t even seem to know I was in the same room with him.
Closing my eyes, I relived my first night of dancing, reenacting each move and feeling I experienced as the wall raised and I peeked out to see people waiting to watch me move my body for them. I’d hoped the one person I wanted to watch had seen he’d made the right decision, but it didn’t seem like he’d seen much of my dancing at all.
I couldn’t figure him out. He took me from that strip club to protect me and held me all night long in his arms. Then he took me shopping for all new clothes and even went to my old apartment with me, all the while knowing Aaron might be there. I’d thought after all that and after he’d made me so happy by saying I could dance for him that he’d be even nicer to me, but since the moment he saw me in my costume he’d been cool toward me, as if he didn’t like me as much anymore.
Maybe that was it. Maybe because I was dancing at his club his interest in me had disappeared.
The problem was mine hadn’t. The more time I spent around him, the more I wanted him. As I thought about the man who’d showed me his piercings and then made no move on me at all, a disappointing realization came to me. What if he never had any interest in me and I was just some charity case for him?
Kane came out of the bathroom wrapped in a white towel that hung low on his hips, and I stopped my dancing, unable to keep myself from staring. For the first time, I really looked at his body. Tattoos covered his arms from his wrists to his shoulders, black and grey images of animals, skulls, and crosses that created sleeves on both arms. The intricate design across his chest contrasted with the simple tattoo across his lower abdomen. Stretched from one hipbone to the other, DO NO HARM was written in heavy black letters that appeared so ominous just above what I knew was hidden beneath that terry cloth towel.
As if his tattoos and piercings weren’t sexy enough, his body rippled with muscles. Every inch of him appeared hard and unyielding, from his bulging shoulders and biceps to his six-pack cut abs, but I knew better. When he held me in his arms, that hardness faded away to reveal a gentleness he kept hidden beneath his tough exterior.
He seemed oblivious to my staring at him as he stood drying his cropped hair with a towel. Throwing it over one of the kitchen chairs, he closed his eyes and cracked his neck twice, all the while saying nothing to me.
I couldn’t stand the silence, and I blurted out the first thing that came to mind. “Did you have a nice shower?”
Practically dismissing me, he nodded and mumbled, “Yeah, it was fine.”
God, the man didn’t even like me enough to try to have a conversation. There I was standing in his home still in my dancer’s costume from the sexiest club in town while he stood in just a towel, and it was like we were strangers waiting for a bus. I snuck a look at that towel and saw his cock had as much interest in me as his mouth and brain did in talking to me.
“Since you didn’t get to see me dance much tonight, can I dance for you now?”
His eyes widened like they always did when I said something that interested him, and his pupils seemed to take up his entire eyes, blocking out the gorgeous blue color. He said nothing but stared at me with a look that conveyed a longing for something.
Was that something me?
I closed my eyes to shut out my doubts and began to dance, rolling my hips slowly as I moved toward him. With my arms raised, I turned away from him and leaned into his body, loving the feel of his muscular chest against my back as I slid my hands up toward his neck. The damp towel brushed up against my legs as I swayed back and forth to the music in my head, and I sensed his cock harden with every time I touched him.
Each moment that passed made me want him more, but his silence told me my feelings weren’t returned. Rolling my hips in bigger circles, I pressed my body to him, praying he’d do something to show me this made him happy.
I should have stopped, but I couldn’t. I wanted him. I wanted him to want me.
“Take the wig off,” he said in a deep voice meant to let me know that wasn’t a request.
I stopped my dancing and turned to face him, unprepared for what I’d see. The impassive man who so often seemed disinterested had disappeared, and in his place stood one with wild eyes full of need.
“I said take it off, Abbi.”
The stern look in his eyes commanded me as much as his voice, so I lowered my hands to my head and slipped off my blond wig to once again reveal what made me ugly. Holding it in my hand, I hung my head, unable to hide my unhappiness and insecurities, and whispered, “There. It’s off.”
“Why do you want to tempt me like this?” he groaned above me.
“I can’t now. Now I’m just me, messed up me,” I said quietly as I tugged on the ragged ends of my hair.
He cupped his hand to my cheek and lifted my face so I had no choice but to see him. His face strained, as if he was in pain, and he closed his eyes, wincing. “I’ve tried so hard to fight my desires, Abbi. All we’re going to do is hurt each other if we do this.”
“You would never hurt me, Kane.”
His eyes opened and in them all I saw was that pain I’d seen in his expression. “Everyone I get close to gets hurt. The last thing in the world I want to do is hurt you.”
“I can’t believe you’d hurt me. Not the man who drove all the way across town to protect me.”
Those beautiful blue eyes that so often seemed so cold flashed the purest emotion I’d ever seen. “Every demon I have inside me wants you. They scream your name day and night, and I’ve been fighting them because I’m terrified what will happen if I give in. Leave here and never look back. Take all the money I have in my wallet and run, Abbi. Leave me alone with them and be happy.”
Cradling his face, I shook my head and smiled. “I don’t want to leave. I’m not afraid of bad things. Every man I’ve ever been with had bad in them, but none of them cared for me like you do. I don’t believe you’re a bad man.”
Kane leaned down and gently kissed me. Pressing his forehead to mine, he said in a voice filled with anguish, “I’m sorry if I hurt you. I swear it’s the last thing I want to do.”
I didn’t know what demons he had in him, but I wasn’t afraid of them. The only thing I was afraid of was losing him. I didn’t know what it was about him, whether it was how he walked into that club and rescued me from that awful place or how he held me in his arms all night long after, but I didn’t want to think of my life without him, demons or no demons.
“Kane, you never hurt me.”
He kissed me deeply and whispered against my lips, “I will, and for that, I’m sorry.”
His hands slid down to cup my ass, and he lifted me so my legs easily wrapped around his waist. Clinging to his neck, I felt his muscles thick against my ca
lves as I pressed my heels to his powerful lower back to bring him closer to me. His towel still hung across his hips, but I wanted what was underneath that towel.
Kane kissed me hard as he pushed me against the wall, like he couldn’t hold back how much he wanted me anymore. His tongue snaked into my mouth, searching for mine, and I met his need with my own, softly mewing my desire for him.
Pulling away, he looked down at me. “I want to be inside you so fucking bad it hurts.”
With my heel, I pushed down on his towel, and it fell to the floor. Licking my lips, I stared into those gorgeous eyes and said, “Please…no more waiting.”
He lifted me higher and covered my mouth with his in a kiss that took my breath away. I felt the head of his cock press against me, and then he stopped, making me want him even more. “I don’t wear anything because of my piercings. Are you…?”
I nodded and kissed him. “Yes. Don’t worry. Please don’t stop.”
Kane’s hands cupped my ass and squeezed as he slid into me, those piercings grazing my sensitive skin and making my nerve endings come alive. The feeling was the most exquisite I’d ever experienced.
“I tried to stay away, Abbi,” he groaned as he thrust the last few inches hard into me. “I did. Ever since that first night, I tried.”
His cock stretched me until I couldn’t imagine being able to take any more of him, and then as soon as my body adjusted to his sweet invasion, he left me, making me feel emptier than I’d ever been before. I clung to him, crawling up his body as mine begged for more of him. Pulling away from his kiss, I whispered, “Don’t stay away, please, Kane. Don’t leave me alone.”
He slammed back into me with a deep grunt and moaned, “Never. I can’t do it. I don’t want to stay away.”
His cock slid up into me until we were joined completely, my body needing what only he could give me. Each stroke into my pussy sent a string of sensation from his piercings caressing against my flesh. And with each time he pushed deep into me, I was sure I’d come, but then his cock would retreat from my body, leaving me wanting at that point just before he gave me any release.
With each moment, he edged me closer to my orgasm, so close and then he’d back off just enough to keep me needing him. Never before had I craved a man like I craved him.
I watched his face as he fucked me, those blue eyes so intent as they stared into mine. This man who so often had seemed to not even notice me now made me feel like he looked down into my soul with his gaze.
His hands moved up to cradle my face, and he whispered in his raspy voice, “Don’t let go, no matter what I do.”
“I won’t. I promise.”
Clinging to his neck, I pressed my heels into his back to hang on as he stroked in and out of me. Grunting, he fucked me hard and slow, taking my body over. The icy façade and aloofness he nearly always wore disappeared, replaced by a level of passion no one had ever shown me.
“Abbi,” he whispered hoarsely in my ear. “Tell me to go away. Tell me you never want to see me again.”
“No! Don’t stop,” I cried as my body willingly surrendered to his like it never had with anyone else before.
He looked at me and rasped, “I’ll only end up hurting you. Get away from me before I do.”
I cradled his face and pressed my forehead to his as his thrusts slowed. The pain in his eyes tore at my heart. Why did he keep saying he would hurt me?
“Don’t make me go, Kane. Whatever you’re afraid of, I’m not. I want you. Don’t you want me?”
He stopped and smiled so sweetly, like he only did when we were alone. “The last thing I want to do is hurt you. Since the moment I met you, I haven’t been able to think of anything else. I’ve been alone for so long that I thought that was the way it was supposed to be. Alone in these rooms hidden away I couldn’t hurt anyone.”
“I’m tougher than I look, I promise. But do you want me or is this because I’m just here with you?”
Closing his eyes, he said softly, “You’re all I can think of, Abbi. I was ready to be alone for the rest of my life, but now I can’t think of living another day without you.”
I caressed his face and said, “Look at me, Kane. I’m not afraid.”
His eyelids slowly lifted and he shook his head. “I hurt everyone I touch. I have these demons inside me that make do things I shouldn’t. I’m just afraid they’ll make me hurt you someday.”
“No, I can’t believe that. You wouldn’t do that.”
He slid out of me and lifted me up in his arms to carry me to the bedroom. Placing me on the bed, he gently caressed the ragged ends of my hair and kissed me so sweetly, I couldn’t imagine him ever hurting me.
We made love no less intense than we’d started just minutes before, but now something had changed in him. In his powerful hands, I felt worshipped and cared for. The hardness that surrounded him faded away, and as he wrapped his arms around me, I sensed his loneliness that had been masquerading as coldness begin to disappear.
His body invaded mine and took over, but I wasn’t afraid. With each thrust into me, I felt more than just the physical ecstasy he gave me. In his care, I felt secure and loved.
When I came, I gave myself over to him believing he’d protect and take care of me. As we lay there in each other’s arms, I placed my head on his chest and whispered, “I trust you, Kane. Of all the people in this world, I believe in you and that you won’t hurt me.”
His fingers played with the ends of my hair and he kissed me on the top of the head. Hugging me tighter, he whispered to me in those little rooms he hid away in, “I won’t ever hurt you on purpose, Abbi. I swear.”
* * *
I HELD Abbi close to me as my heartbeat returned to normal, never wanting to let her go. I’d fought what she brought out in me from the first time I laid eyes on her, but now I couldn’t imagine ever being without her. Her head on my chest, she sighed as I squeezed her to me and we lay there in silence while she traced her finger over my skin.
After a long while, she said quietly, “Tell me why you wanted to help me.”
I closed my eyes and remembered the moment I knew I couldn’t just forget her. “Have you ever just known something deep inside—like a truth you can’t deny? That’s how I felt when I first saw you in Cash’s office. You were beautiful and I knew someone had hurt you, and even though we’d just met, I wanted to find that person and make them pay for what they’d done. I’d only felt that once before.”
“Tell me about her. I want to know everything about you. Who you loved. Why you loved her. How she lost you.”
Taking a deep breath, I told her what I’d never told another soul. “Her name was Holly. She was sixteen and I was seventeen. I lived to make her happy, and she loved me more than I’d ever been loved before in my life. I needed her. I wanted her. I couldn’t live without her.”
“Why did you love her?”
I thought about the moment I realized I loved Holly. That night she lay in my arms just like Abbi did now. “She made me happy like I’d never felt before.”
Abbi looked up at me and smiled. “Back to not saying much?”
I kissed the top of her head and chuckled. “I loved her because for the first time in my life, I felt at home with someone. I’d never felt that before Holly.”
“Never?”
“Never. All I’d known before was hate. My mother hated my father for not leaving his wife and sons. It’s why she named me Kane. My life before Holly consisted of her hate for him and by extension, for me.”
“I can’t believe your mother hated you,” she whispered almost reverently, as if the truth of my life needed to be kept secret.
“She named me Kane after the Bible’s Cain and Abel. She wanted me to kill Cash, the child she believed kept my father from us.”
“Really kill him?”
“I don’t know. I just know from the moment I could understand, she told me the story of my being named after the son who killed his brother.”
�
��But you didn’t. You and Cash seem close even.”
“We are. Now. But before our father died, we weren’t. I grew up hating him because of my mother. Then I met Holly, and there was no hate to feel.”
“What happened to her? Why aren’t you with her now?”
The terrible events of the night that changed my life flashed through my mind. “She’s dead. A drug overdose when I wasn’t there to keep her safe.”
Abbi’s eyes filled with tears and she looked up at me. “I’m sorry, Kane. I didn’t mean to bring up things like that. I didn’t know.”
I smoothed her hair under my palm and kissed her gently on the lips. “It’s okay. You didn’t do anything wrong. I should have been there to protect her, but I didn’t have a choice.”
“Why?” she asked in a tiny voice filled with fear.
Swallowing hard, I confessed to her all that I’d done, knowing that I might lose her because of it. “One night, she and I were out and four guys jumped us. I offered them everything I had thinking it was a mugging, but that’s not what they wanted. While the three of them held me down, the biggest one raped her as they forced me to watch. I swore to every one of them that I’d find them and make them pay, even as they were beating the hell out of me. I came to and saw Holly in a bloody heap next to me, barely conscious. When I could finally move without every bone in my body aching, I found every single one of them and beat the hell out of them. The one I’d watched rape her I went too far with and beat him to death. I didn’t mean to, but I wasn’t sorry.”
Abbi cradled my face and kissed me. “Oh my God, Kane. I had no idea.”
“Nobody knows. I’ve never told Cash or Stefan. Or anyone before you. They tried me for manslaughter and because I was a minor and he was an adult who’d raped Holly, they sentenced me to juvenile detention until I was twenty-one. So for four long years, I lived in a cell like any other prisoner. When they let me out, all I could think of was returning to Holly, but she was gone. She was never able to handle what that fucking animal did to her or what I did to him to make them take me away.”