by K. M. Scott
“I don’t know. They’ve always been inside me. From the minute I met you, they made me want you, even though I worried I’d hurt you. They make me selfish sometimes. Other times they make me feel anger so completely I can’t stop myself from hitting someone.”
“They never want you to hit me?”
Shaking my head, I said quietly, “No. With you, it’s something different. I can’t explain it. From the first night I saw you, you were all I could think of. I tried, Abbi. I really did. I knew what would happen if I gave in and pursued anything with you. This is why I’ve stayed alone all these years. No woman wants a man who can’t control himself.”
Abbi took me in her arms and kissed me. “That’s not true. I want him. I want the man who fights for me, who protects me. I want the man who’s afraid to lose control with me even though I’m not afraid of that.”
“I wish you would be afraid, angel, although it wouldn’t make a difference now. You’re inside me, part of me. I couldn’t give you up now even if I had to. It would be like losing an arm or a leg.”
“Kane, I love you. I love every part of you, including whatever demons you have inside you. I just want you to promise you won’t do anything to get yourself in trouble over me. Why is that so hard for you?”
“Because I didn’t do it for Holly and she paid the ultimate price. I’ll never make that mistake again. If it means I go back to jail, as long as I know I stopped someone from hurting you, I can do whatever time they force me to do. She suffered because of me. I won’t let that happen to you. I love you too much.”
She tilted her head back and looked up at me with tears in her eyes. “Why me? Why did you have to pick me, someone who always seems to make people angry so they want to hurt me? If only you picked a Gemma or an Olivia, none of this would be happening. You’d be happy and never have to worry that someone’s going to do something to make your demons come out.”
“I didn’t pick you, angel. You showed up one night and my heart never had a chance.”
“If I never let Gemma talk me into that interview, you’d be safe and happy.”
I kissed her forehead and shook my head. “No part of my life at Club X has ever been safe. Every night I run the risk of being led away in handcuffs. And I wasn’t happy. I wasn’t really living. It was more just existing.”
“Will it always be like this? I know you don’t like to think about the future, but it’s what makes me happy.”
“Then it makes me happy, angel. I don’t know what’s going to happen in the future. All I know is that I’m going to do everything in my power to make sure every morning you have a reason to give me one of your beautiful smiles and every night you have one of those smiles on your face as you drift off to sleep in my arms.”
Abbi was quiet for a long time, but then she said sweetly, “You never talk about your happiness. Why? I want to know what to do to make you happier.”
“Just having you by my side makes me the happiest man in the world. I have everything else I could want. Money, possessions, a successful business. Everything people think makes a person happy. But I’d willingly give up all of it as long as I know when I reach down to take your hand in mine it will always be there.”
She weaved her fingers through mine and lifted my hand to her lips. “I will always be there to take your hand. Always, Kane.”
“Then no matter what happens, we’ll be good.”
I believed that, but I knew something was scaring Abbi. I didn’t know what it was, but when I found out, whoever was behind it better hope she didn’t get hurt.
Abbi kissed me goodbye at seven o’clock and promised to be home as soon as Gemma stopped crying, but I still saw fear in her eyes, no matter how many times she told me she was fine. I wanted to believe she’d told me the truth. My gut told me otherwise, though.
I settled in for a night at home with Angel, who seemed content to wrap herself around my right ankle as I sat on the couch to watch TV. Flipping through the channels proved to be a waste of time, and I closed my eyes intending to think about what to surprise Abbi with when she came home.
Instead, my mind drifted back in time.
“Tell me again how we’re going to move to California and live on the beach. Can we really do it, Kane?” Holly asked as she squeezed my hand tightly in excitement.
I pulled her away from her front porch and toward the street. “Shhh. We don’t want anyone to find out or they’ll try to stop us.”
“I don’t care what my parents say. Your mother’s okay with you leaving, isn’t she?”
“My mother doesn’t care one way or another, but your father will come after me with a bat if he finds out, Holly.”
She broke away from my hold and ran down the street giggling, her long brown hair flying behind her. “I don’t care who finds out, Kane Jackson. We’re going to be beach bums and live happily ever after in sunny California!”
I caught up with her as we hit the intersection and took her hand in mine. I loved when she was like this—light and sweet to my darkness and anger. Eight months had gone by since that first day I saw her at that ice cream shop, and every day I loved her more than the day before.
“Where are you running off to?” I asked with a smile.
“I want to take you to see something I found the other day. It’s behind Center Street.”
I followed her to an alleyway that led to where her surprise for me was and saw a Harley parked in front of someone’s house. A black soft tail, it was a beautiful bike just like the one I’d always dreamed of having someday. Since my mother and I were poor, someday would be a long ways off, but I could dream.
She wrapped her arms around my waist and rested her head on my chest. “You’d look so good on that bike, Kane. We could ride out cross country on it.”
“We could, but I think we’re going to have to find another way.”
She gazed up at me with longing in her soft brown eyes. “Someday we’ll have one of those, won’t we?”
“Someday, I promise.”
I would have promised her I’d take the stars out of the sky for her. All she had to do was ask. Holly gave me something I’d never had before. Love. For that, I’d do anything to make her happy. When we finally left Tampa after she graduated, we’d get married and spend the rest of our lives together. After a life filled with hatred, I’d found the happiness I’d always dreamed of.
“Let’s go down to the beach tonight. Melly said they’re having a party near her house.”
As much as I didn’t want to spend the night drinking on the beach, I smiled and nodded my agreement. That’s what I was supposed to do—make her happy—so that’s what I did. Her happiness gave me mine.
My mind raced through memories of her like a painful movie made just for me. The birthday she got me my lip piercing. The warm summer night in my bedroom when I took her virginity and gave her mine. The feeling of her in my arms. The sound of her laughter. The smell of vanilla in her hair when she cuddled close to me and laid her head on my chest. The taste of her on my lips.
I knew how to control this walk down memory lane. I’d done it for years. But tonight my demons had different ideas and the one memory I’d desperately tried to forget came raging back like it was just yesterday.
We turned and walked back into the alleyway and got halfway through when I saw four men coming toward us. Without saying a word, I pulled Holly close to me and reached down to hold her hand. She continued to talk about how great it would be if we had that bike when we left, dreaming out loud of the fun we’d have riding off with her arms around me into the sunset to our new life together.
The men passed us without a word, but I saw one nudge the man next to him in the side and every muscle in my body tensed. Quickly, I began walking toward the street just half a block away, pulling Holly’s arm to help her catch up with my pace. If we could reach the corner, it wouldn’t just be us against them. I might be able to take two of them, but four never and while I fought off the first
two men, the other two could have their hands on Holly.
“Where you goin so quickly?” one yelled after us, but I kept walking, whispering to her, “Don’t look back. Just keep walking.”
“Kane, what’s happening?” she asked in a terrified voice.
“Nothing. Just keep walking.”
“Hey, come back here!”
I walked faster, but they caught up with us. Reaching into my pocket, I pulled out all the money I had. “Take it. It’s all I have. Just let us go.”
Holly’s hand shook in terror against mine. I squeezed it gently to let her know I’d protect her no matter what they tried to do.
The one who looked the youngest with short hair and wide eyes grabbed the money from my hand, but the one closest to Holly spoke up and I knew it wasn’t money they wanted.
“What’s your name, sweetheart? You’re a pretty thing.”
“Please, let us go,” she begged in a terrified voice. “We just want to leave.”
He reached out to touch her long brown hair, but she cowered next to me, angering him. Before we could get away, they descended upon us, yanking Holly away from my side. I lunged toward the two men grabbing at her, but two sets of hands pulled me backwards and held me as her cries flooded my ears.
“Let me go! Don’t fucking touch her!” I yelled as he held me down on the ground.
“We’re gunna do more than just touch her, loverboy.”
I screamed threats and thrashed against their hold as I listened to Holly cry and sob my name, but I was powerless to do anything. All I could do was watch as their hands tore at her clothing, ripping her shorts and T-shirt off her body. Then one held her down as the biggest one whipped out his hard dick and began stroking it. The man holding her ripped off her underwear and laughed as he let his friend know, “She’s ready for ya! Go at it!”
Holly let out a blood curdling shriek, and as I watched the man lean over her body, I struggled to get free of the hands holding me before he hurt her. Two faces above me grinned and laughed as I watched that man thrust his hips forward. Holly’s cries for me to help never stopped the entire time he raped her. I didn’t know how long I fought against their hold, but at some point they began hitting me to stop me from fighting. It didn’t matter. Nothing they did could drown out the horrible sound of them raping her.
By the time he’d finished with her, I could only see out of one eye and my mouth was full of blood. Everything seemed to spin around my head, and I felt a boot kick me in the stomach as they walked away laughing. I slowly pulled myself over to where Holly lay and saw a stream of blood slowly running down over the inside of her thigh.
“Holly?”
She lay there sobbing as I pulled her close to me, her body heaving against mine. The spinning around me grew darker, and then I felt myself slipping away.
I woke with a start, cold sweat running down my face and my hands clenched in rage like they always were when I thought about that night. Quickly, I scrambled to find the time and saw by my watch that I’d only been asleep for a little while.
9:14. I didn’t know why, but something inside me told me I needed to speak to Abbi right at that moment. Grabbing my phone, I called her but her phone just rang until the voicemail kicked in. I tried three more times and got nothing. My mind racing with fear I knew was unreasonable, I dialed Gemma’s number and hers just rang too.
They could be watching a movie. Or they could be doing each other’s makeup or whatever else women did when they hung out to get over some guy. I had no idea what they could be doing, but that they weren’t answering their phones bothered me.
I tried Abbi’s phone again and got the same result. Gemma’s rang three times and I was about to give up when I heard her say tentatively, “Hello?”
“Gemma, it’s Kane. I need to talk to Abbi. Put her on the phone.”
“She’s busy right now, but I’ll have her call you as soon as she’s done.”
“Now, Gemma. I want to talk to her now.”
“She can’t, Kane, but I promise she’ll call you as soon as she can.”
Suddenly, my chest felt empty and my mind whirled with a thousand reasons why Abbi couldn’t talk to me. I knew Gemma. She was lying for her friend.
“I’m coming over then.”
Before she could give me some excuse, I hung up and grabbed my keys. Gemma’s house wasn’t too far, so I’d be there in a few minutes and find out what the fuck was going on.
By the time I pulled up, I knew something was wrong. I could feel it in my gut. My palms were already so damp from gripping the steering wheel so tightly that when I tried to grip Gemma’s front doorknob, my fingers slid right off.
Frustrated, I pounded on the door. “Abbi! What’s going on?” I yelled.
Gemma flung the door open and stared up at me with fear. “Kane, come in.”
“Where’s Abbi? I want to see her.”
“She’s not here. Sit down and I’ll explain.”
I looked around Gemma’s living room and saw no evidence that Abbi had been there that night. “What the fuck is going on here? Why did she lie to me and say she was coming here?”
“She’s got herself into something I don’t think she knows how to get out of. She couldn’t tell you because she didn’t want to risk you getting in trouble. I need you to be calm, okay?”
“I need you to tell me what’s going on right the fuck now or this level of calm I’ve got going on is going to vanish fucking quickly, Gemma.”
“Please sit down and take a breath. I can’t talk to you when you’re like this.”
I did as she asked and tried to keep it together, even though I was this close to exploding. “All right. I’m sitting. Now tell me what’s going on and where Abbi is.”
“She’s at a bar called The Greyhound. She’s bartending there.”
“Why?”
She had no reason to bartend anywhere. She made enough money to live on at my club, and I took care of everything else. Why would she need to bartend at some bar named The Greyhound?
“She made a deal so you’d stay out of jail. The Greyhound is that guy’s bar, the one you beat up. Whenever she has a night off from the club, they expect her to bartend there. She had her first shift the other night and she said everything was fine. The guy wasn’t even there. Only his brother was, the councilman? It’s a dive bar, but she doesn’t think it’ll be bad and if it keeps you out of jail, she’s willing to do it.”
My heartbeat pounded in my ears as I listened to Gemma explain how the woman I loved was sneaking off to bartend at some dive bar to keep me safe. Everything inside me said to go to her and take her out of that place.
“So this is why Mason was so willing to get the charges dropped. How could you let her go there, Gemma? Jesus Christ, that guy grabbed her when she was dancing. What made you think he wouldn’t do that again?”
I looked at Gemma in disgust as she tried to excuse her behavior.
“I couldn’t stop her, Kane. She would have found a way there with or without my help. I wanted to make sure I knew where the place was so I could help if she got into trouble. She’s doing this because she loves you and is terrified of losing you. I couldn’t say no.”
Then it dawned on me. It was Sunday. State law didn’t allow alcohol served in bars and clubs on Sunday. “Why is she there tonight? Bars aren’t allowed to be open on Sunday.”
Gemma’s eyes flashed her fear. “I don’t know. I didn’t realize bars couldn’t serve on Sundays. We have to get there in case something bad is happening, Kane!”
“You’ve already done enough. I’ll go by myself.”
I turned to leave, but Gemma grabbed my arm and wouldn’t let me go. “Please, Kane! I need to know she’s okay.”
I didn’t have time to argue with her. Shrugging, I yanked my arm from her grip and barked, “Fine. Let’s go.”
All that ran through my head as I stormed out to my car was God help Mason and Jethro if Abbi was hurt. This time, there’d be no one
who could stop me.
* * *
I PUSHED open the front door of The Greyhound to find the bar dark and not a soul inside. The door had been unlocked and Mason had been very clear about how he expected me to be here tonight, so I held out my cell phone in front of me to light my way through the building, wondering why he’d demand I show up if the bar wasn’t even open.
My phone showed five missed calls, and as I swiped the screen, I saw Kane had called me four times and Gemma had called me right after him. Something was wrong. I quickly dialed her number and continued to walk toward the bar with my one hand out in front of me to feel my way.
She answered her phone on the first ring, and instantly I heard the panic in her voice. “Abbi, are you okay?”
“I’m fine. There doesn’t seem to be anyone here. It’s a Sunday and Mason said I had to work, but I can’t find him or anyone else. The bar was dark when I walked in. Why did you call?”
There was silence for a long moment and then I heard Kane’s voice come through loud and clear, the hurt in it shooting straight to my heart. “Angel, you don’t have to do this. Get out of there now. We’ll be there in a few minutes. I want you to stay on the phone with me and keep talking. Do you understand?”
“Oh, Kane, you can’t come here. I have to do this or Mason and Jethro will make sure you go to jail for what you did. Don’t be mad at me. Please. I couldn’t sit back and do nothing. I had to make sure you were safe.”
“I love you for that, baby, but there’s no good reason why they’d want you there tonight. The bar can’t open, so whatever you’re doing there isn’t bartending. Get out now and wait in the parking lot, and if they come after you, run as fast as you can and stay on the road. I’m driving there right now. Abbi, do as I say.”
I felt the bar beneath my fingertips and stopped walking. “I’m okay, Kane. I have to do this. You protected me, so I have to protect you.”
“Angel, get out of there now! Did you hear me? Leave now. We’re almost there.”
Something touched my sleeve, and I turned to see Mason looking at me with a stare that instantly made a shiver run down my spine. I stood stunned that he’d suddenly appeared, my brain unable to form words. I heard Kane telling me over and over to get out of there, but Mason took my phone and ended the call.