by K. M. Scott
“Is that what she told you?”
I shook my head in disgust. I didn’t come here to do the whole true confessions I loved you from afar bullshit with him. “She never told me anything other than the night she told you she was pregnant with me, you left her and she knew she should name me Kane because I caused pain from the very beginning.”
He couldn’t hide the horrified look that came over his face at hearing the truth, but I saw those cold blue eyes soften as he said, “I didn’t leave her because of you. It’s hard to explain, but it was never because of you. When you were born, I offered to take you, give you my name, and bring you up with my son. She refused. She said you were hers. Even if I wanted to go back to her, I couldn’t, but I’m not going to lie to you. I didn’t want to.”
“Nice. At least I don’t have to wonder anymore if her hatred of you is deserved. Thanks for answering that question.”
He took a deep breath in and let it out slowly. “I didn’t want to go back to her, but I wanted you to have the kind of life I could give you. That should count for something.”
Hanging my head, I said quietly, “Yeah. You got her pregnant and then didn’t feel like doing the whole family thing with her. I get it. Is this what you wanted to meet with me for? To tell me I was wanted but she wasn’t?”
“You have two brothers I’d love for you to meet, Cassian and Stefan. You and Cassian are about the same age. Stefan’s a couple years younger. I guess I just wanted you to know that you aren’t alone.”
“I’m sure your wife would love that. Bring the bastard child to dinner and see how that goes. Sounds like a great time, but as you know, I’m going to be a little busy for the next few years.”
He winced at the mention of my upcoming incarceration, and a frown settled into his features. “I know. My lawyer did the best he could, Kane. I know four years sounds like a lifetime now, but it could have been worse.”
“I know. I’m lucky they only gave this monster four years.”
Shaking his head, he frowned even deeper. “That judge was way out of line. You aren’t a monster. You just did something because of what that man did to your girlfriend. But that doesn’t make you a monster.”
I leveled my gaze on the man considered my father. “This is who I am. That judge called me a monster, but he wasn’t wrong. My demons make sure of that.”
“You sound like your mother. You don’t have to be like her. I’m in there somewhere too.”
Chuckling at his attempt to act like a supportive father figure, I said, “All I got of you is on the outside, Cassian.”
We stood there next to his expensive car in that parking lot as the distance he’d always kept between us shrunk just a bit. It was barely noticeable, but it shrunk all the same. Maybe it was because in just a few days I’d be sent away and my mother would be dead, but I didn’t want to hate him, even though that’s all I’d ever been taught to do.
With a look of pride in his eyes, he said, “Well, I’d like to think you have some of me on the inside too, although I do have to admit there’s no denying you’re my son.”
I shrugged, unsure of what to say since all I’d ever felt was his denial of everything about me.
He reached out and touched my forearm as if he cared that I had nothing to say to that. “I know your mother has never had a nice thing to say about me, but would it be so bad to be like me in some way?”
“I probably wouldn’t mind having your money.” I realized how that sounded as soon as the words were out of my mouth. Not meaning to insult him, I quickly said, “I didn’t mean it like that. I just meant I wouldn’t mind being rich like you.”
Cassian grinned as I fumbled over my explanation. “I understand. Someday when I’m gone you and your brothers will get a lot of my money. But I hope you’re more like me on the inside than you think. You don’t have to be angry at the world, Kane. I know it’s been hard, but there’s a lot of good in this world.”
I thought about Holly and her love, the only real good I’d ever experienced in my life. For the next four years, I’d have to live without that good. How I’d get through without it—without her love to keep me from becoming nothing but that anger I held inside—I didn’t know. Already I felt myself hardening over as I felt my freedom slowly slipping away.
“Maybe you’re right. I just haven’t seen a lot of that good.”
“I know it’s going to get a lot a worse for you, but when you get out I hope you and I can have a fresh start.”
“Yeah, that might be nice,” I said knowing any promises he made might not ever come true when I was finally out four long years from then. “I better go. I only have a couple more days of freedom. I want to spend as much of that time with Holly and my mother.”
“I understand. If you need anything, I’m here, Kane.”
He held out his hand and gave me the kind of handshake I’d always imagined my father would give me when I made him proud. Not that I’d done anything to deserve that. But maybe after I got out I might have the chance to do something.
Fucking whiskey making me reminisce about things that did no good. My father was gone by the time I got out of prison, dead from a heart attack before he’d even turned fifty and just four months before my release. Fate had fucked me again by dangling the chance to finally get to know him in front of my eyes only to take it away.
I left those four years behind to find both my parents and the only person I’d ever truly loved dead and gone. Whatever my father had seen of himself in me I never really knew, but he believed it was inside me and to prove it, he decreed in his will for Cassian, Stefan, or me to get any of his money, we had to work together and make something in this world a success.
More a punishment than anything else at first, we’d fulfilled his wish and I’d found two brothers. But I’d never found that something good inside me my father had seen.
Now I was going to be a father but nothing had changed in me. Two men dead at my hands and my demons happy to make excuses for my actions. I wasn’t the kind of man a child needed as a father. For all his faults, Cassian March III hadn’t been a murderer like me. I had money and anything I wanted to buy like he had, and if that was all I could offer, at least I could give my son or daughter a better life than I had growing up.
But those things didn’t make up for the horrible things I’d done and the demons inside me who would never let me go.
Abbi and our child deserved more than who I was.
“Kane, please open the door. I know you’re in there,” Abbi pleaded as she banged on my door.
I stumbled off the couch and opened the door to find her standing there looking up at me with her gentle eyes full of sadness and Stefan standing behind her.
“Abbi, go. I told you not to come for me. Go back to that little house that’s yours now. I’ll make sure you and our child will never want for anything. But go away from me before you get hurt.”
She reached out to touch me, but I backed away. I watched the tears well in her eyes and hated myself, but this was for the best.
“Why are you doing this? You said you’d come for me. Why did you send Stefan instead?” she asked as the tears began to roll down her face.
Shooting him an angry look, I said, “I didn’t send Stefan. I told Cash to make sure you got home, not to bring you here. You need to go.”
“I don’t want to go. I love you. I’m carrying your child. Don’t you love me anymore? Is it because of what I wrote in that letter? I was just being stupid. I wasn’t sure a child was something I could handle, but I know I can now. I can do this, but I can’t do it without you.”
I pushed the door to close it and said, “I’m not what you need. I can give you all my money, but you don’t want me around when the baby comes. Go.”
Abbi pushed all her weight against the door to stop it from closing and in my drunken state, I didn’t fight her. I just didn’t have it in me.
The two of them came in, and she stood there in front of me sobbi
ng, “I’m not going anywhere. I belong with you, and if that means in these little rooms, then so be it. As long as we’re together, that’s all that matters.”
“Stefan, get her out of here. Take her to the house like I asked Cash to do.”
His expression told me he thought I was being the world’s biggest dick, but he said nothing. All the better. I didn’t want to explain myself to him too. Instead, he tapped Abbi on the shoulder and said quietly, “I’ll be downstairs if you need me to give you a ride to the house.”
As he closed the door behind him, she turned to look at me with those blue eyes that never failed to weaken my resolve. “I’m sorry I ever wrote that letter. I was wrong. Please, just listen to me. I love you, Kane, and I know you love me too.”
I hung my head and tried to think of the words to say to convince her she didn’t want me in her life. “Angel, sometimes love isn’t enough. You have a chance now to go wherever you want. I’ll make sure you’re taken care of along with baby. Start a new life like you’d planned before you met me. Just go and don’t look back.”
She took my hand and pressed her damp cheek to it. “I told you before I don’t want to leave you. Your demons don’t frighten me. The only thing that scares me is not having you by my side.”
“I thought my love for you would be enough to change who I am, but I’m still that monster that judge said I was all those years ago. I can’t promise what happened with Mason and Jethro won’t happen with someone else, and no child should be around that. You shouldn’t be around that.”
“What if don’t want to go? Don’t I get a say in this?”
I moved my hand from her soft cheek and walked away toward my place on the couch where all I wanted to do was drink enough to forget how much it hurt to tell her to go away. She followed me, unwilling to accept the truth. I said nothing but lifted the bottle of whiskey to my lips for a gulp I hoped would take some of this pain away.
“Kane, what happened between when you sent me those letters telling me you missed me and today? What changed?”
“Nothing. That’s the problem. Nothing changed. I’m still the same person I was when I killed that man who raped Holly. The same man who killed Mason because of what he did to you. Why can’t you see that no child should have a father like me?”
“All a child needs is love. You love me and I love you. It doesn’t matter who you were in the past. Our son or daughter won’t care what you did. All they’ll know is that you’re the kindest man and you take care of me.”
I wanted to believe everything she was saying, but I knew the truth of who I was. She wasn’t going to listen to that, though, so with a lump in my throat, I said the hardest words I’d ever spoken in my life. “Abbi, I want you to go.”
She clung to my arm and cried, “No! Don’t do this, Kane! Don’t send me away. I need you!”
I stared into her eyes and struggled to do the right thing, no matter how much it was breaking my heart. “You need to go. Have Stefan take you back to the house. I’ll make sure you have everything you need.”
“I need you! Why are you doing this?”
Standing, I walked to the door and held it open for her. “I’m doing what I said I would. I can’t take the chance that you or the baby could be hurt by me. I’d rather you hate me than me hurt you anymore.”
She followed me to where I stood and took my hands in hers, pleading with her eyes for me not to make her go. “I love you, Kane. Please don’t do this to us. I can handle whatever your demons do. Just don’t push me away.”
I looked down into that beautiful face so sad from everything I was doing and couldn’t help but want to kiss her. Pressing my lips to hers, I wished so much that I wasn’t what I was and that all her dreams of a wonderful life with me could come true, but I knew better.
“This is the way it has to be, angel. I’m doing this because I love you.”
“You’re doing this because you don’t want to hurt me, but you’re breaking my heart! Don’t you think that’s hurting me?” she screamed as she beat her fists against my chest.
I wanted to take her in my arms and make all the bad we’d been through go away, but I couldn’t because I’d caused it. Whatever hurt she was feeling at that moment would pass. In the end, she was better off without me.
Backing away from her, I said quietly, “I’m sorry, angel. I never meant to hurt you.”
“Well, you did. I don’t care about your money or houses or anything else. Why can’t you see that?”
I couldn’t stand there and watch her cry anymore or I’d give in to my own pain and never let her leave. Hating myself more than ever before in my life, I closed the door and listened as she sobbed that she loved me and would never give up on us.
When she finally left to go downstairs to Stefan, I walked to my bedroom and lay down on the blanket I’d spread out on the floor and let the loneliness I’d felt for years come back and take me over. Some people are meant to be alone because all they do is hurt others. I was meant to hurt, no matter how much I wished that wasn’t true.
Abbi was better off without me, and someday she’d realize that. If only it didn’t hurt so much to let her go. I couldn’t think about what this did to me, though.
You were meant to hurt, Kane.
I knew who I was and what my place in the world was. I had no choice.
I had to hurt her to save her.
For me, writing is always a collaborative effort, even when it’s a book where I’m the sole author, because it happens between my characters and me. They come to me with their stories, and I listen as they tell me them. Sometimes that goes on for months before I begin writing. When Cassian, Stefan, and Kane first appeared, it was in a dream, as many of my characters do. Cassian sat down and in his sexy cool way began to tell me the story of how he and Olivia found each other. A lot of his story involved his relationship with Stefan (much more than I included in Temptation), so his younger brother was never far away, even as Cassian and later Olivia told me their story.
I don’t change who they are when I finally write their books, so Cassian was very much the reserved Alpha male he was when I spent time with him. To make him anything else would have been wrong because it would have betrayed how I write. The same thing can be said about Stefan. I’ve publicly discussed how I did try to change Stefan to be more like his brother and Tristan Stone because I was worried readers wouldn’t like who he was. So I fought against him as I wrote his story and paid the price. For weeks, I couldn’t write Surrender because I wasn’t being true to the character. Only when Shay told me how she loved him more after accepting his past did I really understand. For all Stefan’s faults, he is who he is, and that includes his past. I could either accept that or not, but if I didn’t, his story wasn’t going to happen.
Lesson learned.
So when I finally got to Kane, I knew I couldn’t try to change who he was or his story wouldn’t be his and would never see the light of day. He’d been sitting in the background all the while, leaning back in a chair with his long legs stretched out in front of him as his half-brothers told their stories, and then he came forward one night and said in a low voice, “I’m not like my brothers in a lot of ways. Just so you know.”
He wasn’t wrong. As he told me his story, I found out it was much darker than Cassian and Stefan’s. Then one night Abbi sat down next to him and the tortured man who I’d been spending all these hours with smiled like he only does for her. For the first time, Kane looked happy. I listened as they talked and told me all that happened between them, amazed by how different he was with her. Tender and sweet, she brought those things out in him, and he adored her.
And then one night she wasn’t there anymore. Kane changed back to that dark, quiet soul without her and proceeded to tell me the last part of Possession. But I needed Abbi’s part too. Night after night, he and I waited for her to come back, but she didn’t. Kane slowly withdrew into himself without her, and when I finally heard from her, I knew she was s
uffering without him too.
Nothing I did could bring them back together. I announced I’d write Satisfaction to wrap up the Club X series, all the while hoping I’d be able to give readers a happily ever after for all three brothers. So while I’ve been spending time with Ian and Kristina from the SILK serial and Gage and Jordan from Hold On My Heart, every night Abbi and I wait for Kane and hope that he’ll finally see he deserves a happily ever after.
K.M.
LOOK FOR THE CONCLUSION TO THE CLUB X SERIES
COMING SOON!
***ADD SATISFACTION TO YOUR GOODREADS SHELF TODAY!***
CLUB X EXTRAS
Visit Pinterest to check out the Club X board to see Stefan’s Ducati, Cassian’s Maserati, Kane’s Mustang, and other great pics related to all the Club X series!
Listen to the Possession (Club X #3) Playlist on YouTube too and see what songs influenced Kane and Abbi’s story!
AND DON’T MISS K.M.’S NEXT BOOKS, THE SILK SERIAL,
A STORY OF LOVE AND OBSESSION COMING SPRING 2015!
SILK
I want her. I crave her. She’s my addiction.
The world knows me as Ian Anwell, New York Times bestselling author, but Kristina makes me want more.
Much more.
I need him. I love him. He’s my obsession.
Everyone thinks they know Kristina Richards, but I’m more than what they see on the screen.
So much more.
I’m his muse, and this is our story.
***ADD THE SILK SERIAL TO YOUR GOODREADS SHELF TODAY***
SILK VOLUME ONE
SILK VOLUME TWO
SILK VOLUME THREE
SILK VOLUME FOUR
READ ON FOR AN EXCERPT OF SILK VOLUME ONE!
SILK VOLUME ONE
Excerpt:
I sign my name and a few words about her being my biggest fan, but all I can think of is how her knee feels nudging against my thigh as she sits next to me with her legs folded underneath her. When I hand her the book, she smiles so sweetly at my inscription.