Lyin' Like a Dog, The Yankee Doctor, The Danged Swamp! 3-Volume set

by Richard Mason

  “Wow, Uncle Hugh, was that man tryin’ to stop you ’cause something was on the tracks?”

  “Yeah, Richard, he shor was. The fireman told me he looked down the tracks, and there was a big wagon-load of iron pipe right in the middle of the tracks. When the wagon was crossin’ the tracks, one of the wheels must have broken ’cause the wagon was lurched over, and pipe done spilled all over the tracks.”

  “My gosh, Uncle Hugh, I’ll bet that fireman and the engineer was just scared to death when they looked down the tracks and saw that.”

  “They shor was, John Clayton, ’cause they knowed that big train wasn’t gonna stop ’fo it plowed right into that mess of pipe and wagon. That’s when the fireman hollered to the engineer to jump, but the engineer wouldn’t turn loose of the brake and he done rode that big engine right into that pile of iron pipe and wagons.”

  “Oh, my gosh, Uncle Hugh, did the engineer get hurt?”

  “He sure did, Richard, ’cause when that engine hit that pile of pipe and wagon, it skidded off the track right into Flat Creek, and the mail car right behind it piled on top of the engine. ’Bout six of them coaches slid off the track and turned over on their side, but back where I was in the caboose, it was just like we done hit a wall, and everything just stopped.”

  “What did you do then, Uncle Hugh?”

  “Well, Richard, I jumped up and ran down the tracks to help people that was hurt, and when I got to the front of the train, the fireman come crawling up from where he had jumped off and told me what had happened. ’Course, we looked and looked for the engineer, but there was high water in the creek and the engine was plumb outta sight, and all we could see was that mail car piled on top of the engine. They wasn’t nothin’ to do but go and help the people in the other cars that had turned over, and we started helpin’ people out and seein’ if they was hurt. One good thing about that wreck was that during the oil boom, not many people was leavin’ El Dorado, and the train was almost empty.”

  “What happened to the engineer, Uncle Hugh?”

  “Now that’s a real good question, John Clayton, ’cause the next mornin’ the railroad sent one of them big liftin’ cranes to pick up the cars and put ’em back on the track and to pull out the engine and mail car that was in the creek. ’Course, we’s all standin’ there waitin’ for the engine to be pulled out ’cause the engineer was a good friend, and then the strangest thing happened. That big crane pulled out the mail car, and then it hooked onto the engine, and up it come from the bottom of Flat Creek, and we run over to pull out the engineer’s body, but they wasn’t no body there. Then we looked in the cab of the engine, and everybody just drawed back.”

  “What was it, Uncle Hugh? The engineer’s body?”

  “No, Richard, but what I seen gave me nightmares for weeks. There wasn’t nothin’ in that cab but the engineer’s hand, and it was still grippin’ the brake. Boys, it just looked awful with bones stickin’ out and pieces of flesh just hangin’ on to where the hand was broken off.”

  Shoot, when Uncle Hugh started describing that hand, me and John Clayton sat straight up, and I started getting a little nervous.

  “Oh, my gosh, Uncle Hugh, is that the truth?”

  “Yes, Richard, and I’ll swear on a stack of Bibles that’s just what I saw; and let me tell you something else, the story don’t end there. In a few minutes the coroner for the county come by to pick up the body, but we still couldn’t find no body, and we figured it had been lost in the creek. Well, the coroner said he’d take the engineer’s hand off the brake and go on back to El Dorado, and when we found the body, he’d come back and get it. He got up in the cab and began to bend them fingers loose from the brake, but they wouldn’t turn loose and finally he called for us to get him a bar to make them fingers turn loose. It took ’bout twenty minutes for the coroner to get that hand loose from the brake, and then he put it in a bag and walked off shakin’ his head ’cause he’d never seen nothin’ like that before.”

  My lord; just sitting there thinking about that bloody hand had me and John Clayton just wide-eyed and, I’ll admit it, a little scared. John Clayton finally managed to mumble, “Did y’all ever find the engineer’s body, Uncle Hugh?”

  “Naw, we didn’t, John Clayton, and we looked for two days, but that ain’t all of the story. It took a couple of days to get them tracks cleared and repaired, but pretty soon trains was a-running back and forth to Little Rock just like they’d been before the wreck. Then I begun to hear ’bout a strange light that all kinds of people were seein’ at the O’Rear Crossing late at night. An engineer from one of them late-night trains told me he would swear that he see’d someone waving a lantern at the crossing, and he braked the train and nearly hurt some people ’cause he stopped so quickly. Then the conductor, fireman, and the brakeman jumped outta the train and went up and down the tracks lookin’ to see why somebody had tried to stop the train, but they didn’t see nobody.”

  “Well, what was the light, Uncle Hugh?”

  “I don’t rightly know, Richard, but the train crews kept a-seein’ it so much that they stopped payin’ any attention to it, and then I started hearin’ how other people was seeing it and pretty soon folks was a-saying it was the engineer with a lantern tryin’ to stop a train from crashin’ into something.”

  “Gosh, that’s a pretty good story, Uncle Hugh. Did anybody ever figure out what was causin’ the light?”

  “Naw, Richard, but it’s still there, and some night if y’all ain’t got nothing to do, just go down to the crossing about midnight and take a look. I’ve heard folks talkin’ just last week that the light is still there.”

  “Aw, Uncle Hugh, you’re just kiddin’ us.”

  “Naw I ain’t, John Clayton; just head down there to the railroad crossing at midnight sometime if you don’t believe me. But boys that ain’t the onlyest place folks have seen that light.”

  “Huh?....What?”

  “Well, boys, there was a fireman and a brakeman on that train. Y’all know I was the brakeman. It wasn’t long after that train wreck that I retired and built this little cabin, and late one night I got up to check on something I heard, and when I looked out the door guess what I seen?”

  Shoot, that was enough to put us on our feet.

  “What? What did you see, Uncle Hugh?” we both said.

  “A light, down toward the spring where I gets my water. There was a light and it was swinging back and forth just like a lantern.”

  “Oh, my gosh!”

  “Sho, ’nough, boys, and it just disappeared when I walked out on the porch.”

  Well, me and John Clayton sat there and talked with Uncle Hugh about the light at O’Rear Railroad Crossing and the light he saw down in the lane for a while longer and the more we talked the more I wanted to see it myself. Shoot, Uncle Hugh is always telling ghost stories about something so I figured this story was just made up. But what if it wasn’t?

  Uncle Hugh got up and walked over to the window and then looked over at us.

  “Lemme tell you something, boys: We ain’t got time to talk anymore today ’cause it’s done gettin’ dark, and y’all needs to start for home.”

  “Oh, heck, Uncle Hugh, come on, I wanna hear more about the light. It’s not dark yet.”

  “Well, Richard, just look out that window and see for yourself. It shor looks dark to me.”

  “Really?”

  Dang, just about the last thing in the world I wanted to do was walk down Uncle Hugh’s lane in the dark.

  “Come on, John Clayton, let’s get outta here,” I yelled, and shoot, I was outta that door in a flash. We tried to walk along like we weren’t a-scared, and we started whistling and trying to act brave.

  “Heck, Richard, you know they ain’t no such thing as ghosts. Uncle Hugh is just making up them stories.”

  “Uh, huh, yeah, but I’ll be glad when we get back to the main highway. This danged lane is spooky.”

  Them words were no more than outta my mouth when I nea
rly dropped dead.

  “Ahaaaaa! Ahaaaa!”

  Well, we screamed like nothing you’ve ever heard ’cause a light just appeared right there in front of us.

  Heck, we were just about to hightail it outta there, when somebody yelled at us, “Boys, I’m just rabbit huntin’. Y’all don’t get all upset.”

  We stopped running and I looked back as Mr. Benton, a man who works with my daddy, came walking up.

  ’Course, we tried to act real brave like he hadn’t scared us, but my heart didn’t slow down until we got back home.

  I went to sleep that night wondering about the light.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  A Finger

  The next day at school we started asking kids to give or sell us funny books. Heck, forget about giving ’cause them kids weren’t about to give us nothing. Soon we was buying funny book for a nickel apiece, and then, after Ears found out we were collecting enough funny books to trade with him for the upside-down funny book, he changed the deal.

  “Richard, I’ve been thinkin’ ’bout this upside-down funny book, and I think it might be worth a lot more than just three hundred funny books.”

  “Wait a minute, Ears; you told us you’d trade it for three hundred.”

  “Yeah, but that was last week. This here funny book just went up … You know, like an antique. Heck, you saw all the funny books Doc got in last week. Was any of them upside-down on the cover?”

  Well, I had to admit I’d checked every funny book in the whole entire newsstand, and not one of them had an upside-down cover. Shoot, me and John Clayton was just sure Ears’ upside-down funny book was worth a bunch of money, and when Ears upped the price it made us want it even more.

  “Okay, Ears―how many?”

  “Six hundred.”

  “Six hundred? You must be crazy!” I yelled.

  Gosh, we were mad as hops, but Ears held to the six-hundred number, and he kept telling us that he was giving it away for just that few funny books, and we believed him.

  The next day me and John Clayton was sitting on the breadbox down at Echols Grocery trying to think of how we could get six hundred funny books when John Clayton said, “Heck, Richard, what if we do get six hundred funny books, and then Ears ups the number again?”

  “Yeah, he probably would, too. You know what?”

  “What?”

  “When we finally get the upside-down funny book, sell it, and have all that money, let’s don’t give Ears nothin’ since he changed the deal.”

  “Okay, he don’t deserve nothin’, but how are we gonna make sure he holds to the number and don’t change it again?”

  “Heck, havin’ him cross his heart and swear to die won’t do no good.”

  ‘Naw, it won’t but listen to this: Let’s write up a letter for Ears to sign, and we’ll put in there that he owes us twenty dollars if he changes his mind again.”

  That seemed like a good idea to us, and we got a Big Chief writing tablet and printed out a letter. It said, “I, Ears Thompson, agrees to trade my upside-down funny book to John Clayton and Richard for six hundred funny books. If I change the number of the trade again, I promise to give them twenty dollars.”

  We was waiting on Ears that next morning at the door to the school with a pencil and the printed-up letter.

  “Here he comes, John Clayton. Get out the letter.”

  “Ears, come here. We’ve got something for you,” I yelled.

  Ears walked up, and we started talking about the upside-down funny book, and John Clayton asked Ears if he would still trade for six hundred.

  “Well, maybe. Have y’all got six hundred?”

  “Naw, not yet, but we don’t wanna go tryin’ to get ’em and have you change the number again,” I said.

  “Heck, Richard, six hundred is my number. Y’all come up with six hundred, and you’ve got the upside-down funny book.”

  “Okay, Ears, just sign this, and we’ll start trying to find that many funny books.”

  “What? Sign what?”

  “Here, Ears, read this.”

  Ears took the paper and slowly read it, and I handed him the pencil.

  “Go ahead, Ears, sign it,” John Clayton said.

  Ears took the pencil, stood there a minute, and kinda smiled. Then he took the paper and held it on his stack of school books, and it looked like he signed it.

  “Here, I signed it,” said Ears.

  Ears handed me the paper, and sure enough he’d signed it, but then I looked at the six-hundred number, and Ears had made the six into an eight.

  “Ears, you cheater! You made the six into an eight!” I yelled.

  “Well, the price went up while we were talkin’,” Ears said, and then he just walked off laughing.

  Gosh, when Ears walked off, all I could think about was how much that upside-down funny book was really worth. Shoot, eight hundred funny books weren’t worth nothing compared to that upside-down funny book. Heck, me and John Clayton was just sure it was worth thousands and thousands of dollars.

  “Listen to me, John Clayton, we’re gonna get them eight hundred funny books if it takes a year. Heck, the upside-down funny book sure ain’t gonna be worth any less, and it could be worth even more. Remember, it said them stamps have gone up a bunch just in the last few years.”

  “Yeah, Richard, let’s make a pact right now between us; we’re gonna get that upside-down funny book if it takes ten years. Just think, we’ll sell it for thousands and thousands of dollars and it’ll make us big-dog rich. So rich you won’t believe it!”

  “Un, huh, and we ain’t gonna give that cheatin’ Ears a penny!”

  When school let out that afternoon, we met six kids and bought another thirty-two funny books. Heck, my paper route money was just flying outta my pocket, and I knew for danged sure we’d never get enough money together to buy the six hundred funny books we needed. We’d hafta find some way to come up with a lot of funny books for a little money.

  After we finished the funny book buying, we headed downtown and went in the Red Star Drug Store, got a coke-cola, and set at one of the little tables and started talking about how to get more funny book, but after a while we started talking about Uncle Hugh’s ghost story and the light at O’Rear Crossing.

  “I think Uncle Hugh is just makin’ up that story,” I said to John Clayton who nodded like he thought so, too.

  We talked a few more minutes; then I had a really good idea.

  “Hey, if there’s anything to that story, I know who’ll know all ’bout it.”

  “Who?”

  “Doc, down at the newsstand. Shoot, he can tell you everything about everybody, and if anybody has been talking about a strange light at O’Rear Crossing, he’d durn sure know ’bout it.”

  Well, John Clayton thought that was a good idea, and, after we finished our sodas, we headed for Doc’s.

  When we walked in, Doc was leaning back in his chair almost asleep, and he jerked up when he heard the door slam behind us.

  “Humph, don’t slam that door like that, Richard! You’ll knock out the glass.”

  “Yes, sir. Uh, Doc, we’ve been talking to Hugh Burns, and he told us there’s a strange light down at O’Rear Crossing. Has anybody ever told you anything like that?”

  “Well, sure, Richard; everybody around here has heard of the light at O’Rear Crossing.”

  “Really, Doc?”

  “Yeah, they see it late at night, usually around midnight, and when they walk toward it, it’s suddenly behind them.”

  “Huh, that’s all?”

  “Well, some folks say it’s a little spooky, and a few have said they thought they could make out something around the light, but mostly it’s just the light.”

  Gosh, Doc acted like the light was something everybody knew about, and we sat and talked with him for nearly thirty minutes about the details. I’ll tell you one thing: When we finished talking to Doc, I knew for durn sure me and John Clayton was gonna go see the light pretty soon.

 
; ’Course, that was all we could talk about for a few days, and finally we decided to check out the light that next Friday night, but, of course, there was one little problem.

  “Heck, Richard, they ain’t no way on god’s green earth our folks are gonna let us go down to O’Rear Railroad Crossing late at night.”

  “I know it, but I’m always getting up early to run my paper route, and Momma and Daddy never know when I leave the house. Shoot, I can sneak out about sometime after eleven and meet you, and we can walk down to the crossing and be there by midnight.”

  “Dang, Richard, every time I let you talk me into something like that, our folks find out, and I get the fool switched outta me. I ain’t ’bout to do something that stupid.”

  “Well, chicken, chicken, cluck, cluck, cluck! I double-dog dare you! Anyway you’re always telling me your folks go to bed real early. There is no way on earth they’ll know you’re slippin’ out.”

  Well, it took awhile to convince John Clayton, but finally he agreed to meet me outside my house at eleven-fifteen that Friday night.

  Friday night rolled around, and I surprised Momma by going to bed at eight o’clock. I set my alarm clock, and my clothes was on the floor ready for me to just slip them on. Shoot, it seemed I’d just dozed off when that danged alarm clock rang. I slammed it off, pulled on my jeans and sweatshirt, and slipped outta the house.