The Ties that Bind (Kingdom)

by Henry, Theresa L.

  “Suppose I refuse?”

  “Don’t push it, old man.” Steve answered for the whole family. He was through playing, and whatever Nixon saw on his face seemed to be enough to help him come to a decision.

  Leaving his post behind the bar, Nixon again straightened his clothing and made his way to the door. As he opened it, he turned towards the occupants of the room, and gave a flourishing bow that mocked them even with his departure.

  Watching him, Steve knew Nixon was the ultimate showman, he needed a stage and an audience. With that realization, Steve knew exactly what he needed to do.

  Chapter 22

  After Nixon’s departure, Taryn sat at one side of the couch, her daughter at the other, and watched her husband. She had missed so much. While she had been lost in her world of drink, her daughter had grown into a woman, and her husband had been holding all their lives together despite Nixon’s constant interference and threat.

  “I think it’s time we talked, Mason, you too Hope. I mean really talk... about everything.”

  “I think I should leave.” Steve told the room at large.

  “Please stay, Steve. In a roundabout way, our actions have also impacted on you. Please sit down.”

  At his look of uncertainty, Taryn spoke to him again. “Please. This is very important to me, to all of us.”

  Waiting until he had taken a seat, Taryn again turned her head in her husband’s direction. “Mason, will you please hear me out?”

  “So, all it took was my complete humiliation for you to finally want to have a conversation with me. If I had known, maybe I would have instigated this whole sordid scene years ago.”

  The sarcasm dripping from Mason’s voice wasn’t lost on Taryn, and she had to bite her tongue to hold back a retort. She knew she should be used to Mason’s disdain of her, but in actuality it still gnawed at her whenever she was confronted with it.

  Refusing to bite, Taryn became aware that she needed a drink. Her mouth watered for a taste. The more she thought about it the more the longing grew. So much so that sweat broke out on her back and her hands began to tremble. Wetting her lips she fought her internal demons knowing this was probably her last chance. If she digressed there was a high probability she would lose everything. She had already lost almost more than she could bear while she had been lost in her alcohol-induced state. Taryn was now determined to make amends for whatever part she had played in the stagnation of their lives.

  “I’m an alcoholic, Mason.”

  At his scoff of derision, Taryn took a deep breath knowing that she had to begin to break down the walls that were between all of them. Who had erected the walls didn’t matter anymore. They just needed to be removed, so she continued undeterred.

  “My name is Taryn Richards, and I’m an alcoholic. It’s been thirty-nine days since I last had a drink.” Throughout her recitation, Taryn’s eyes never once left her husband’s back and so she saw the sudden jerk of his shoulders in reaction to her words. He might refuse to look at her, but she was determined that he would hear her.

  “I went to my first group just before our daughter’s wedding. I was scared, Mason. Our daughter was getting married, and I was so scared. What if I shamed her? What if I couldn’t refuse a drink? What if I just kept drinking and drinking in front of all her friends? In front of all your friends.” Turning to look at Hope, Taryn’s eyes were now fixed on her daughter. What she saw in Hope’s posture confirmed to her that the journey she and her only child had to make would be a long one.

  Gathering all her sincerity, Taryn spoke to her daughter from her heart. “I couldn’t have borne it if I had humiliated you in that way my precious one. So I went to the program. But I didn’t make it. I wasn’t strong enough. This house was full of alcohol. Even though I wanted to stop more than anything, I couldn’t bring myself to get rid of my stash. So I ended up having a drink, and then another, all the while hating myself even more because of it. Before I knew it, I was back to where I had been for so many years.

  Mason, I now accept my weakness, my illness. I acknowledge it, and I own it.” Turning from her daughter back to her husband, Taryn continued, “I’ve wronged you, Mason, almost from the moment we met. Although I didn’t know that you and Nixon were even acquaintances, I still wronged you. I knew how you felt about me, and I didn’t care enough about your feelings. For that, I’m truly sorry, and I ask that you please try to forgive me.” With her declaration, Taryn came to the end of her attempt at making amends for the way she had done all those years ago.

  Mason still showed her his back. Hope’s expression had also remained unchanged. Glancing quickly at Steve, Taryn saw an almost imperceptible nod of his head. She had his support.

  “Mason, I swear that the day M.J. died I didn’t leave our children alone so that I could be with Nixon. He barged his way in, and he attacked me. Hope what you saw were my attempts at getting him off me. I had just managed to get him out of the house when I heard your screams.”

  Jumping to her feet, Taryn looked as though she were reliving that day all over again and her agitation rose. Her faraway look a telltale sign she was again ensconced in memory of her loss. Tearing at the collar of her sweater a frightened look overtook Taryn’s visage, as she was once again lost in the horror that had been her reality of that fateful day. No matter how she tried to push away the thoughts of what had taken place the day M.J. had died, they refused to be relinquished. Even as Taryn was lifted from her feet her and gently placed on a seat, her anguish refused to abate.

  Someone smoothly applied pressure to her back bending her over until her head almost touched her knees. Only then did her breathing begin to normalize. Pulling huge gulps of air into her lungs, Taryn became acutely aware of her position, it was uncomfortable.

  Pushing herself upwards, Taryn sat up in the chair. Hope knelt beside her, a tissue in one hand and a glass in the other. Unable to hide her look of horror, Taryn recoiled from the glass.

  “It’s okay, Mom. It’s only water... just water.” Hope assured her.

  “Thank you, baby.”

  “Let me help you, Mom.”

  With a nod of her head, Taryn placed her still shaking hand over her daughter’s and together they guided the glass to her lips.

  “Thank you, Hope.” Taryn said, taking the opportunity of being in such close proximity to her daughter to place a soft kiss against her hand. It had been a long time since Hope had ventured this close to her, and she was unwilling to let the opportunity pass without touching her.

  Taryn couldn’t help but offer up a tentative smile. If the expression on Hope’s face was any indication, she had just shocked her daughter, who quickly rose to her feet and withdrew.

  “I think I’m okay now. If you will all listen, I’d like to continue. I have things I need to say.”

  Neither Mason nor Hope responded. Taryn could tell that Hope had retreated after her momentary concern for her wellbeing. As for Mason, at least he was now facing the room, but he still occupied his post across the room, detached from them all

  “I know I lost my way the day M.J. died. I take full responsibility for his death. I want you all to know that there is not a day that goes by that I don’t ask for his forgiveness. As I’m now asking for yours, both of you. I know it won’t be easy, I don’t even know if it’s possible after all this time, but I’m asking... Hope, Mason, will you both please try to forgive me for M.J.’s death, and not being there when we all needed each other the most?”

  Looking between the members of her family, Taryn waited for a response. As the moments ticked by she began to get agitated once again. Unsure of what she had expected, all she knew was that their continued silence wasn’t it.

  “Well that was really beautiful, Taryn. Thank you so much. But I’m not ready to forgive you. Since the day I met you, you have been the cause of most of my unhappiness. You chose my cousin over me, and I forgave you, even though you were pregnant with his child I chose you.

  Even if you set
aside Nixon’s threats of exposing me I would have still taken you back. I married you, I treated your daughter as my own, loved her, and took care of her because she was a part of you.

  Then M.J. came along. I still remember the day he was born. I thought my heart was going to explode, I was so happy.

  When I got the call that my son was dead, drowned in our own pool, all I could ask was where my wife was, where was his mother when it happened? Then I found out that she had left an eight-year-old child in sole charge of a toddler while she was in the house with a man. While my child was dying, his mother was nowhere to be found!”

  “Mason, she explained what had happened. It was an accident.”

  “I know what happened, Stephen. My son is dead, so yes, I know what happened!” Mason shouted.

  “I’m truly sorry, Mason, but I have to let it go. I have to start forgiving myself.”

  “Well I’m glad you can do that, Taryn, because I don’t know if I can.”

  Taryn could feel her temper begin to boil. While she didn’t expect him to immediately acquiesce to her appeal for forgiveness, she hadn’t expected him to sound so resolute in his rejection of her apology.

  “What about me, Daddy? Do you forgive me?” For much of the conversation that had been taking place, Hope had remained silent. “You told me that my mother blamed me for M.J.’s death, and I believed you. Is that why you turned me against my mother because you don’t just hold her responsible, but me as well?”

  Taryn couldn’t stop the tears from falling. Hope sounded so dejected, beaten down, and they were the ones who had done it to her.

  “For God’s sake, Hope, you are not a child!”

  “I know, but I was when it happened. Mom was sleeping all the time, and you looked at me as though you wished it were me who had died instead of, M.J.”

  Mason hesitated a moment too long before he attempted to give Hope his reassurance that she was wrong in her assessment of the situation.

  “Why can’t you at least try to forgive them, Mason?”

  “What?”

  “You heard me, is it because you can’t forgive yourself?”

  “You are here by my good grace, Stephen, and I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Mason said, dismissing Steve.

  “That’s where you’d be wrong. I’m a grand master at forgiveness. I’ve been doing it nearly my whole life.

  You see, Mason, if you don’t learn to forgive maybe one day you’ll wake up in a hotel room disgusted with yourself, and start wondering how you allowed pride or self-loathing to ruin your life.”

  “You all want the truth so much, huh? Well this is the truth. I don’t forgive you, Taryn, because yes I blame you for the death of my son. His daughter is still alive, and my son is dead! As for you, Hope, sometimes I blame you too. Why couldn’t you just have done as you were told? If you had just done what you had been told, none of this would have happened!”

  “I always knew you blamed me, Daddy. I could tell. The way you treated me after M.J. died changed. I got anything I wanted. I even remember that one occasion when Mom was lucid and tried to stop you. Sometimes I could see you in the mirror or I’d glance back, and you’d have that look on your face. The one that told me that by getting what I wanted you were actually punishing me and my mother.”

  “Hope, I’m so sorry.”

  “You said that already, Mom. As someone told me not too long ago, it’s time to stop saying you’re sorry. It’s time, for all of us to let our little boy go so he can rest in peace. We, all of us, need to take responsibility for what we’ve done, how we’ve acted, the part we played all those years ago. We need to let M.J. go.”

  In that moment, Taryn couldn’t have been prouder of her child. Despite having her, and Mason for parents, it looked as though her daughter was going to be okay.

  “That’s all very well and good. I’m glad that the two of you have finally found your Zen. Well what about me in all of this? Who did I have to turn to? What about me, when was I supposed to mourn the loss of my child when I had the two of you to take care of?”

  “Now, Mason. Mourn his loss now. I let you down in so many ways, and if you will let me I’ll try to make it up to you. But you have to let the past go.” Taryn pleaded with him.

  “What if I can’t? What if too much has happened?”

  “Why are you still here, Mason, a part of this family?” Steve asked.

  “I... because I... because I love these women. But sometimes I hate them so much it takes everything within me to remain sane.” When he finished speaking, Mason wiped his balled up fist against his mouth, seeming almost to be rubbing away a bitter taste.

  “Thank you.”

  “For what?” Mason asked his wife, unsure of the meaning of her words of gratitude.

  “For having the courage to say that out loud because most of the time I feel the same way.”

  As her parents looked over at her, Hope could only nod her head, and sigh that she too felt the same way as them. She too had issues of blame. But Taryn was grateful that at last her family issues were finally out in the open. They had a long way to go, but finally they had all placed at least one foot on the same path that could lead to recovery.

  Chapter 23

  As Steve cut the engine to the car, Hope grew nervous. They hadn’t said a word to each other on the drive over to her condominium.

  “Well this isn’t what you signed up for is it?”

  “What did I sign up for, Hope?”

  “Not all this family drama, I’m sure.”

  “I’ve been through worse.” Steve said without changing his tone.

  “What do you mean?”

  “It’s not my story to tell. But I was there and trust me, it was much worse than what I experienced tonight. Let me turn the table back on you, what did I sign up for, Hope?”

  Still unsure why he was asking her the same question again, Hope’s fear intensified. To her, Steve seemed different. More watchful, it was as though he were taking in every aspect of her, summing her up. The atmosphere was so intense that Hope knew that this was her last chance with this man and if she miscalculated he would be lost to her forever.

  As she had processed her thoughts, she realized that she had taken too long to respond. Steve was already out of the car and on his way around to open her door. Looking at his face, she saw that the expression of intensity he had worn moments before was gone. In its place was the look of disconnection she was beginning to recognize.

  As they rode the elevator to her condo, Hope wracked her brain for something to say, something that would alter the tension that now existed between them.

  “Thank you.”

  Steve didn’t pretend to misunderstand her. “You’re welcome.”

  Reaching her apartment, Hope fished out her key, ready to unlock the door, yet at the same time reluctant to see him go.

  Steve took the key from her after her third attempt at inserting it into the lock. Opening the door, he held out the key, dropping it into her palm, gently closing her fingers around its metallic coldness.

  “Do you want to come in?”

  He didn’t answer right away, and Hope could see he was thinking carefully.

  “No, I don’t think so." Steve said with a slight bow of his head. "Good night, Hope.”

  As he turned and walked away, each step taking him further and further away from her, Hope experienced an almost overwhelming sense of desperation. It was almost as though he were walking away from her for good.

  “Steve!” Hope called. She didn’t know what she wanted to say, but she knew she needed to delay his departure. When he turned and looked at her, she became tongue-tied, feeling foolish.

  “Ah... when will I see you again?”

  Her question seemed to stop him in his tracks. Hope watched as Steve came striding back towards her. Reaching out a long arm, he pulled her close. Lowering his head, Steve placed his lips against hers. It wasn’t the kind of kiss she was used to receiving from him. Th
e gentle touch of his mouth didn’t speak of the sparks that normally flew between them. Rather it spoke of a period of renewal. They also had their own path to travel and this gentle display of affection, she hoped, was a sign that they had taken their first step on it together.

  Lifting his head, Steve looked into Hope's eye, his gaze still questioning. When she saw the slight rise of the sides of his mouth, his smile, Hope’s heartbeat increased. For the first time in weeks, she began to believe in the possibility that she might still have a chance with this man.

  “I’m only as far as the end of the phone. If you want me, all you have to do is pick it up.”

  With one last kiss, this time firmer than its predecessor, Steve was gone.

  Chapter 24

  Steve knew he could hold his own in the cyber world, but the information he needed required more skill than he possessed. There was only one person he felt he could trust with helping him to gather it, Jason.

  Steve didn’t think twice about going over to the house unannounced. Jason was usually at home at this time of day, locked away in his office, taking care of his stocks and share interests.

  Pushing open the door to Jason’s office, Steve saw that his assumption was correct. Jason sat behind his desk, one leg propped up on the desk with his eyes glued to one of the many computer screens that surrounded him.

  It came as no surprise to Steve that Jason’s eyes locked on him as soon as he stepped through the door. No doubt he had been alerted the moment the main gate had been opened.

  “Jason.” Was all Steve said by way of a greeting.

  “What’s up, man?”

  “I need your help.”

  “With what?”

  “If you’ve got some time I’ll fill you in.”

  “Take a seat.” Jason indicated the chair that faced his desk without changing his reclined position. “So, are we good?”

  “Not really, or at least not yet. Your stubborn ass gets on my nerves, but recently, I’ve experienced some things that make me thankful that you’re who you are. At least I know who and what you are. I’ve given it some thought, and I accept that you don’t like Hope. While it doesn’t make me feel great, I suppose I understand where you’re coming from.”