Sunset Flames_Baytown Boys

by Maryann Jordan

  He slumped in his chair and said, “What sucks about this is that we could be looking for anyone. The only reason we’re looking at this list is because they sort-of fit the profile. But it could be someone from Accawmacke County, somewhere else, or who the fuck knows?”

  Katelyn leaned over, placing her hand on his arm. “I know how hard this is for you, Zac. I’m so sorry.”

  He offered a slight smile in appreciation of her concern. “I’m good…or as good as I can be.” Standing, he said, “But, I’ll be better when the bastard’s caught.” Collecting the papers, he thanked them both. “Send the bill and I’ll get the payment for you.”

  With hugs goodbye, he headed back to the station, a strange sense of dread filling his mind.

  Standing in the kitchen of her father’s house, Madelyn signed the papers to list it.

  “It looks nice and I think, at the reasonable price you’re offering, we can make a good sale,” the realtor said, her smile bright.

  After the realtor left, she walked through the house once more, soaking in the memories, both good and bad. She had packed up the last of the furniture she was keeping, including the journals and scrapbooks, and had them placed in a storage facility on the outskirts of town. Standing in the doorway of her old bedroom, now void of any personality, she heard a knock on the front door. Thinking the realtor must have forgotten to have her sign something, she hurried down.

  Coming to a halt, she observed her mother standing on the other side of the screen. Her breath caught in her throat as she approached slowly. Her mother, hair still the same dark color as always, was trimmed neatly in a shoulder length bob. Her face was still youthful, faint lines emanating from her eyes the only wrinkles visible. High cheekbones hinted at Native American blood, so resembling hers. Seeing her mother was like looking into a futuristic mirror.

  Opening the screen door, she was able to see the concern in her mother’s dark eyes and the nervous tick in her jaw.

  “Mom,” she greeted softly.

  “I…I wanted to come…and…talk. Try to…well, just talk,” her mother said, her voice filled with uncertainty.

  Glancing behind her, she said, “There’s no furniture left. I’ve emptied the house and just signed the papers for the realtor to list it. But, you can come in if you like.”

  Nodding sharply, her mother stepped over the threshold, her face tight with pain. Her gaze drifted to the empty space and her chin quivered. “I never thought to be back here again,” she said, barely above a whisper.

  The anger Madelyn felt toward her mother melted slightly as she watched the evidence of pain on her face. “Mom, why don’t we go somewhere else to talk.”

  Her mother dropped her chin to her chest as she dug out a tissue from her purse. Wiping her eyes, she said, “Maybe in a bit. But I think the first part of what I need to say needs to happen here. Here where it all started. And here where it all ended.”

  30

  They walked into the kitchen, standing on either side of the counter. Madelyn watched as her mother lay her hands on the surface, almost reverently, touching it with her fingertips. Staying silent, she decided that this was her mother’s show…her time.

  Inhaling deeply and letting it out in one long sigh, her mother began. “I loved this house. Once. I still remember when your father and I saw it for the first time. We were newly married. Young. In love. Naïve. The realtor showed us around and we knew we could afford it…barely, but we were so excited, we would have given anything to own it.

  “We painted each room and filled it with furniture. Lenny found great pieces at discount prices by searching yard sales and antique shops that had more than just expensive antiques. I thought he was the smartest man.” She chuckled softly at the memory.

  Looking at Madelyn, she said, “I knew he drank. He celebrated most events by drinking a little too much, but I figured that’s what some men did. My father did not drink alcohol at all, so I had no idea what was too much.” Her gaze drifted around the kitchen again.

  “I worked at the pharmacy as a cashier and your dad worked on some of the local farms. Money wasn’t plentiful, but there was always enough to cover all our bills and save a little. I was frugal…it was my parents’ teaching. Your father liked to spend money. He never had much growing up and with both of us working, it seemed like we hit the lottery.”

  Madelyn listened to her mother’s recitation, realizing she never knew any of her parents’ history, but then she supposed most children did not know what life was like for their parents’ early in their marriage.

  Her mother continued, “I don’t know when I finally realized that things were getting worse. He celebrated the news of my pregnancy by going out with his friends and drinking. He also celebrated your birth by going out to a bar with his friends.” Sighing again, she shook her head sadly. “But I loved him so. He was kind, caring. He loved you beyond reason and was such a good father. He worked hard, so I figured if he played hard, that wasn’t bad. He wasn’t a mean drunk. He wasn’t abusive. He was just drunk. And that part of his life began to take over.”

  Madelyn’s legs were tired from standing and she noticed the fatigue in her mother’s stance. “Mom, you can’t be comfortable. Would you like to sit down, or um…go somewhere else?”

  Her mother glanced out the window. “How about we sit outside?”

  Nodding, she opened the back door and they moved to the patio, where a few folding lawn chairs were propped against the wall. Setting them up, angled toward each other, they settled again.

  Taking up her story, her mother said, “I suppose the first time I realized that we had a problem was when one of our checks bounced. I knew it had to be a mistake, but when I went into the bank, they showed me a series of withdrawals from our checking account. Fifty dollars. Twenty dollars. Seventy-five dollars. I was stunned. Our savings was intact, but our checking account was almost empty. I came home and confronted your father. He just laughed, told me that he had it covered. When I pressed him, he confessed that he had been buying antiques, searching for that one piece that would be worth thousands. That was our first big argument. He was spending money that was needed for necessities.”

  “How old was I then?”

  Her mother thought, then said, “You were probably about seven or so.”

  Nodding, she said nothing, remembering that she was in elementary school before she ever heard her parents argue.

  “I ended up taking a second job at the post office to help cover our expenses when he promised that he would not spend money without checking with me first.” Shaking her head, her mother admitted, “I was resentful. I worked about sixty hours a week, made sure you were taken care of, did the housework, did the cooking, and began taking care of the yard. Your father was working his days at the Johnson’s farm but spending his evenings drinking and his weekends out looking for furniture.”

  Rubbing her hand over her forehead as though to rub out the painful memories, she sucked in a shuddering breath. Madelyn, her heart aching, reached over to place her hand on her mother’s knee.

  “I’m sorry, I didn’t know, Mom.”

  Jerking her head up, her mother landed her wide-eyed gaze on her. “Oh, sweetheart, I kept all that from you. I never wanted you to know. I might have resented your father, but he was so good with you, I didn’t want to taint that.” Sighing, she said, “Looking back, there are so many other things I should have done.”

  “What really happened, Mom?”

  “Things kept getting worse. Your father lost his job because he showed up, more than once, intoxicated. I had to open up a separate bank account, in my name only, and started putting most of my paycheck in it, so that he couldn’t get to it. Our relationship had deteriorated to arguments about his drinking and spending money he didn’t have. I hated for you to hear it, but I was so tired. So very tired.”

  She heard the agony in her mother’s voice, her heart aching for her parents’ marriage dissolving even though they both had loved e
ach other.

  “One day, I went driving. I needed to get away. I had a rare day off, you were in school, and I just needed a break. I ended up in Accawmacke, at a coffeehouse near the water. I just sat, drinking tea, and looked out on the coast. The man who owned the shop came over, asking if I were okay.” Giving a little chuckle, she admitted, “I had tears rolling down my cheeks and didn’t even realize it. Anyway, he introduced himself and we began to talk. He was so kind. He listened as I poured my heart out to a perfect stranger.”

  “Saul,” Madelyn said softly, understanding slowly coming over her.

  Turning her sad eyes to her daughter, her mother nodded. “Yes. Saul.” Looking back out over the yard, she continued, “I began to drive to his shop a few times a month, just to have a bit of peace. He was calm. Kind. A good listener. He was a little older than me and his wife had died years before from cancer. I never meant to fall in love with him. That’s not an excuse. I was a married woman who was visiting another man, even if it was in public.” Chuckling ruefully, she said, “We never even kissed after we knew we cared for each other.”

  “You told Tonya?”

  “We were friends and she knew how bad things were at home. I told her about Saul and she was trying not to be judgmental, but she said I needed to end one relationship before starting another. In all honesty…she was right. As Lenny became less stable, and I realized he was an alcoholic, I tried so often to have him get help. He denied he had a problem and I felt trapped.”

  “What pushed you over the edge, Mom?”

  Licking her lips, she said, “I came home one day from work and you weren’t here. I was terrified until I heard the car careening into the driveway. Your dad was driving while intoxicated, with you in the car. I was livid. I waited until you went to bed and told him then that I was done. That I was taking you away until he got help. He just laughed and completely dismissed my threat. You were fourteen.”

  “I remember that,” Madelyn breathed. “I called him because I had to stay after school to get some makeup work done and needed a ride home.”

  “Sweetie, it’s not your fault. It wasn’t your responsibility…that lay on his shoulders. So, I packed you up and we headed to North Carolina to where my parents were.”

  “And Saul?”

  “He followed. He opened a shop in North Carolina, allowing his sister to take over the shop here.” Piercing Madelyn with her gaze, she added, “I know you may not believe this, but I didn’t sleep with Saul while still married to your father. I filed for divorce and yes, we dated while I was still separated, but it was not until the divorce became final that we consummated our relationship.”

  They sat quietly for several minutes, each lost to their own thoughts. Finally, she said, “You know, Mom, a lot of that makes sense. But when I think of the journals dad left me… He said that he got into AA and his counselor told him to journal his thoughts. So, he did that in the form of letters to me. He admitted he made mistakes. That he shouldn’t have pushed me away when I came to see him. He admitted he drank too much, spent too much money. But, he also mentioned that he had been in contact with you and you intimated that we would be a family again. Then, there was the heartbreaking entry where he found out you were married again. Not to mention that you said I didn’t want a relationship with him. How do you explain that?”

  Blowing out a breath, her mother said, “I’m not perfect and, Lord knows, I made mistakes. Things that I now wish I had handled differently.” Appearing to gather her thoughts, she said, “You begged me to see him again and it was right after he said he had joined AA. I thought it would be good. It would show me that he was trying to better himself and therefore I could at least allow you to have a relationship with him. Saul agreed and encouraged the trip. He said he wanted me to be sure that my feelings for Lenny had irrefutably changed. I didn’t tell Lenny we were coming…I wanted us to see him without him being able to prepare ahead of time. I suppose it was me testing him.” Ruefully snorting, she admitted, “That did not turn out well. He was off alcohol, but it was still hard. He was painfully thin and a little unkempt. He was embarrassed and we had surprised him so he said things that could be interpreted badly. I understood that, but you were so upset. So, I drove us straight back to North Carolina. The divorce went through the next year and I married Saul.”

  Leaning forward to take Madelyn’s hand, she said, “I knew that I was no longer in love with Lenny. I would always have a place for him in my heart, but no longer wanted to be married to him. Life with Saul was good. He took care of us. Loved you like his own daughter.”

  “And me? I’m happy for you, Mom, truly, that you found love and you got out of a bad marriage. But what about me? You let your own anger get in the way and set Dad up to fail by not giving him a chance to prepare that day. You may not have been able to stop him drinking but you didn’t have to ruin my chance at a relationship with him. If you knew why he was embarrassed and lashed out, why didn’t you try to explain that to me? He was my father and you just decided that he wouldn’t be anymore.”

  “I was only doing what I thought was best. He wasn’t good for us anymore, Madelyn. The decisions he was making? Spending all our money, driving while drunk—and with you in the car! I told Saul how upset you were with what your dad said. We agreed that it was not in your best interest to see him again. At least, not for a while, not until you were older.” Shrugging, she admitted, “I did not tell him that I was getting married. That was probably a mistake. He deserved to know.”

  “His journals said that you told him we could be a family again.”

  Shaking her head, she said, “Your father was always great at hearing what he wanted to hear…not always what was said. I told him that when he was completely sober, and you were older, then he could reach out and we would talk about when you could see him again. By then, you were almost sixteen years old and had joined some things in high school, finding new friends. We already had a life in North Carolina when I told him that I was married.”

  “How did he take that?”

  Her mother looked over the backyard again, a wistful expression on her face. Madelyn watched her, realizing that the dissolution of a family was rarely an easy thing for any of the members, no matter what role they played in it. The toll on her mother showed in her face.

  “Not well. Although, he didn’t express anger…just sadness. He said he was so sorry to have not realized sooner that he had a problem. I told him that Saul was good to you, but that I felt that you would want to have a relationship with him. I don’t know what he thought, Madelyn, but he didn’t reach out to you. Maybe he thought it was going to come from you. Maybe he thought you were better off without him. Maybe he thought he didn’t deserve you.” Shrugging, she added, “I don’t know and I didn’t try to find out. I had my new life and it was a good one, so I let bygones be bygones.”

  “I’m going to be honest. I’m struggling with what you are telling me and what Dad said in his journals about wanting to see me. But actions speak louder than words, and neither one of you did the right thing where I was concerned. If Dad wanted to see me he should have made the effort. But you should have made the effort too—for me. I was the kid in all of this. You were the parent. And you let me stay angry for so long, when maybe I didn’t have to be.”

  Taking a deep breath, she looked at her hands. What else was there to say? It was too late to change anything now.

  “When I came here, I was surprised when I walked in. The house could have been on Hoarders, with furniture piled to the ceiling in some rooms.” She watched her mother’s eyes widen, and said, “I met a nice antique dealer, who said he and Dad were friends and would go furniture shopping together. He’s the one who placed a value on the contents and hauled them off for an auction. He came highly recommended, so I feel good about him taking care of that aspect of Dad’s estate.”

  “And the funeral? I later felt guilty that you had to deal with it all alone.”

  “Baytown step
ped up and helped. Jillian Evans, who married Grant Wilder, and Katelyn MacFarlane, who’s now married also, got the American Legion and the Legion Auxiliary to take care of the service and reception. It seems Dad did get sober and actually made a life for himself…a simple life, but at least he had some friends.” Seeing her mom nod, she continued, “He talked to Zac Hamilton about being in the Navy and Zac spoke at the service.”

  Her mom eyed her carefully, and said, “Is that the young man you’re involved with?” As she nodded, her mom said, “I remember when Mary Hamilton died. Her husband took to the drink as well. Are you sure you’re not involved with someone like your father—”

  “No!” she bit out, suddenly angry. “Zac is nothing like his father or mine. He’s a firefighter and EMT. In fact, he has been the Fire Chief. He’s brave and kind and takes care of me. I won’t allow you to insinuate that he is a drunk or that he will be. Don’t cast theirs, or your, mistakes on me.”

  Sucking in her lips, her mother blushed. “I’m sorry. You’re right.”

  They sat quietly, the silence broken by the crickets and occasional bird chirping.

  “So, you’re staying? Here in Baytown?”

  “Mom, you know I was unhappy at the clinic with Julius as my boss. You and Saul have your own life, your own friends. I’ve made more friends and been accepted by more people here than I have in the past four years since grad school.”

  Her mother’s eyes roamed over her, assessing, but warm. “I can see that. I confess that I also remember Baytown fondly, before things became untenable at home. I’ll miss you, but am glad to see you really happy.”

  “You only live three hours away, Mom.”

  “So, you will still see me?”

  Madelyn heard the fear in her mother’s voice as they both stood. She wrapped her arms around her shoulders, saying, “Of course. You didn’t always make the right choices, but neither did he. None of us do. I know you were trying to protect me. I now know that my dad loved me and never meant to reject me, even if I will never know why he stayed away. I wish I had the chance to know him when he became sober, but I can’t go back and change the past. At least I have come to peace with what was and can move forward, taking the good memories with me and the journals, knowing that he cared.”