My Hero (Cowboy Craze)

by Sable Hunter

  Apple didn’t disagree.

  She wasn’t sure why she’d hung on to it. Perhaps as a grim reminder when her hopes and dreams soared a bit too high for her own good.

  Taking the journal in hand, she moved to the couch and opened the back cover. This was where she’d filed the photograph of Alan’s second family. “Why did you do it?” she asked as she lifted the worn polaroid to see it better. Just looking at her husband’s face made her feel funny. How did she ever fancy herself to be in love with him? What she felt for Alan was nothing compared to what she felt for Benjen Blackhawk.

  Her hand dropped as she admitted the truth to herself.

  She loved him completely. Utterly. More than she’d thought possible. The only love she’d ever felt to rival the feeling was the love she’d known for her little baby. Remembering Jenny, she raised the photo again and looked at Juanita. She was beautiful. So small. So innocent. There was no way Apple could ignore her plight.

  With a groan of dismay, she laid the photo on the side table to show Benjen later. How he would react to this latest development, she had no idea.

  … “Okay. Okay. Hold on. Everybody gets their turn for cuddles.” Benjen knelt by the puppy bed. “Guess what I have in my truck?”

  Maisie came close for a cuddle as Hope and Rose danced around the garage, celebrating the fact that Benjen was spending a few minutes with them. Standing up, Benjen walked to the back of the garage. “Come on, girls. Let me put you in the yard. I’ll drive around and unload my surprise, then we’ll come back in and move the babies.”

  After moving the truck, Benjen carefully moved the doghouse off the back of his truck and into the yard. Once it was set up, he brushed dust off his jeans. While he was at the ranch, he’d showered and changed clothes. As soon as he finished with the dogs, he’d head out to the Dam Pub to meet the guys – and watch the girls.

  “Okay, ladies, let’s move the little ones.”

  Doing anything for the animals made Benjen happy. He didn’t really understand why taking care of small, helpless things did it for him – but it did. Often, he’d wondered about being a father. Remembering what Apple had told him, a pang of loss hit his chest. She couldn’t have babies. He felt her pain and he shared it. Benjen would have cherished any child she gave him. One thing he did know though, his love for her was not conditional on her reproductive ability. Benjen worshiped the ground Apple walked on. Together, they’d be a family. And if the time came when they might want to adopt – he was all for that too.

  As soon as he’d seen to everyone’s needs, Benjen secured the dog yard and the house, bidding the animals goodbye. “We’ll be home soon. Keep watch!”

  …Sara raised her glass. “To good friends and good times!”

  Apple leaned forward to clink her glass to the others. After only thirty minutes or so, she felt like she’d known Ryder, Pepper, and Tamara forever. “Cheers. Here’s to shopping, gossiping, and mani-peds!”

  “Amen, Girlfriend!” Pepper leaned across the table to give Apple a high-five. “So, you work for Dr. Cleveland?”

  “I do. I love animals. The job’s a good fit for me.” She took another sip of her margarita. “What do you do?”

  Pepper giggled, pulling a maraschino cherry out of her Tequila Sunrise. “The woman is married to two billionaires. She jet-sets for a living.”

  “Do not!” Ryder protested. “I volunteer at the hospital. I help Heath with his business and I…” She took a sip of her beer and laughed. “I…keep my husbands entertained and happy.”

  Apple sat there with her mouth slightly open. She remembered Easy saying something about Ryder being married to a billionaire – but the two husbands part knocked her for a loop. “Husbands, plural?”

  Ryder waggled her brows at Apple, then pulled out her phone and showed off the loves of her life. “My Dukes. Samson and Gideon.”

  “Oh!” Apple’s eyes widened. “I know who they are!”

  “They’re…nice guys,” Tamara said haltingly.

  “I’m sure.” As she looked at Tamara, the thought kept playing in her mind that she knew this girl from somewhere. The hesitancy of her speech was distinctive but took nothing away from her sweet personality. “You’re married to Ryder and Pepper’s brother?”

  “Yes. Jax…son.” Tamara smiled from ear to ear. “He’s my world.”

  When she smiled, it hit her. “I know who you are! You’re Tamara Grayson!”

  Tamara blushed. “Well…I used to – be.”

  Ryder, Tamara, and Sara all protested her self-analysis.

  “Stop it, Tam!” Pepper hugged her. “You’re amazing. The only reason you used to be Tamara Grayson is because now you’re Tamara McCoy!”

  “I’m sorry. Did I say something wrong?” Apple felt like she’d put her foot in her mouth about something.

  “No. No.” Sara touched her hand. “Tamara is an amazing woman. She is an Olympian. She works with autistic children.”

  Tamara tapped her head. “Bike accident. Brain injury.” She smiled. “I think fast. I speak slow.”

  Apple took her hand. “You speak fine.” She looked at Tamara’s glass which was nearly empty. “Do you want another drink?”

  Tamara shook her head. “Not right now. I may get a water later.”

  “Yay, water!” Pepper clapped her hands together. “Can I tell, Tam?”

  Tamara blushed. “Yes, sister.”

  Ryder kissed Tamara’s cheek as Pepper spilled the beans. “Tam’s not drinking tonight, because we think she might be pregnant! She goes to the doctor tomorrow to be sure. I’m so excited! I have a little one at home too, you know.”

  Boom!

  “You do? What it is? A girl or a boy?”

  While Pepper was extolling the wonders of her pride and joy. A mental bomb was going off in Apple’s head. Remembering Mandy’s comment about having cramps and her realization that she hadn’t had a period since…since…

  Since before she started sleeping with Benjen Blackhawk!

  “No. No. Not possible,” she muttered under her breath. “I can’t get pregnant.”

  “Did you say something, sweetie?” Sara asked, leaning near.

  “Nah.” Apple brushed off her shock. “Just muttering to myself.”

  “Anyway,” Pepper finished, “Judah and I are in heaven with Cadence. We love her so much. Molly is babysitting tonight. Cato has called for dibs for our next night out. Have to give the aunts equal time!”

  “Absolutely. I’m sure Cadence is a darling.” Apple wiped imagined perspiration from her forehead. Things were getting out of hand. First, the situation with Juanita – and now this? She was imagining things – that was all.

  “Do you want another margarita?”

  Yea, she wanted three.

  “No, I’m fine.” She wouldn’t drink more – just in case. “I feel a little dizzy.” Apple didn’t meet Daniel’s wife’s eyes as she pushed the drink glass away from her.

  “Are you okay? Do you need food?” She looked at the other girls. “We should get appetizers!”

  “Not for me.” Sara’s concern touched Apple. “I’m good.” She just needed to think. With the loud music and the noise of the crowd, concentrating on anything was hard – much less the mammoth topics she was struggling with. “Hey, I’m going to run to the restroom, I’ll be right back.” Rising quickly from the table, she gave the other girls a tiny wave. “Potty time.” Pepper raised her hand, presumably to offer to come along – but Apple didn’t wait. She needed a few moments alone. Weaving her way from their table near the bar, she headed for the restrooms at the back. As she walked, her eyes roved over other customers. She was just wondering about not seeing anyone she recognized, when her eyes landed on Sara’s husband sitting with Philip McCoy at a table in the corner. With them were three other guys, two of whom were the Duke brothers – Ryder’s husbands - the other one was a familiar face, singer Judah James. A niggle of memory came to mind that – the singer was Pepper’s husband! “Hmmm, I won
der if the girls know they’re here?”

  She stared at the guys as she continued on her way, looking over her shoulder instead of where she was walking.

  “Excuse me.”

  “Sorry.” Apple apologized for bumping into a woman who was coming down the hall. Once she refocused her attention on the direction she was heading, she made it to the restroom and pushed inside. Thankfully, she didn’t have to wait on a stall.

  As she sat, not really needing to do anything – she let out a long breath. “Wow.” What a difference a day can make. Could she be pregnant? Apple shook her head. Probably not. Another thought made her frown. “What if something else is wrong?” Something serious? After all, she’d suffered with fibroid tumors – what if they’d returned in a more malignant form?

  “Stop it!” She bowed her head and studied her shoes. “I wish I was pregnant.” An image of a small boy who looked like Benjen made her heart pound. “How would he feel about a baby?” She hoped he’d be glad.

  A pleasant thought bred an unpleasant one.

  “God, how am I going to tell him about Juanita? I need his help to figure out what to do.” An overwhelming urge to hold him made Apple bring her arms up to hug herself. “Admit it, I’m absolutely addicted to him. He’s become my mainstay. I don’t know what I’d do without him!”

  She moaned. “You’re going to drive yourself crazy, Apollonia. One thing at a time.”

  After wiping, she rose from the toilet, and straightened her clothes. “Maybe, I should just go home.”

  With no better answers than she’d had before, Apple checked her reflection in the mirror as she washed her hands, sticking her tongue out at her less than perfect form before walking out into the hall. She’d only taken two steps until she froze and backed against the wall. “Oh, my God!”

  Benjen Blackhawk was no more than three yards away from her, pinned against the wall by a woman who looked like she’d love to eat him up with a spoon. Apple covered her face with both hands, hoping it was dark enough that she couldn’t be seen. Every doubt she’d had came roaring back like a freight train ramming into her heart. Tears began to stream down her cheeks. She pressed herself into the shadows, doing her best to be invisible.

  She prayed no one would speak to her and give away her hiding place. Thankfully, the crowd seemed to move away from the bathroom area. “Please go. Please go.” Apple just wanted to escape without Benjen seeing her. She felt so humiliated. How could he? “Oh, what am I thinking?” Of course, he could. After all, she was just Apple – “and that woman…that woman…” She glanced down to see the man she loved in the arms of someone else. “That woman is gorgeous.”

  And then…she realized she could hear them talking.

  At first, she wanted to close her ears – but then Benjen’s voice carried down to where she was standing.

  “Stop, Denise. I don’t want this. I don’t want you. You’re making a fool out of yourself.”

  “Oh, come on, Benjen. How can you not want me? We could be so good together.”

  “Not possible. I’m completely in love with someone else. She’s the love of my life, the apple of my eye.”

  At that reference, Apple felt brave enough to glance at them once more. She watched Benjen move Denise’s arms from around his neck, then put a hand on her shoulder to hold her at a distance.

  “You don’t mean that plump little veterinarian assistant who dresses like a Barbie Doll from the 60’s, do you?”

  The woman’s description of her made Apple cringe. Her observations could easily have come from Alan.

  “I don’t intend to stand here and listen to you insult the most wonderful person in the world. She looks exactly the way a woman is supposed to look.”

  “No way…”

  Benjen didn’t let her finish. “I’ll bid you goodnight, Denise. It’s about time I headed back to my table.” He tipped his hat to her. “Have a nice life.”

  Apple watched as the skinny Denise ran a red-tipped finger between her artificially enhanced breasts.

  “If you come to your senses, Blackhawk, I’ll be waiting.”

  “Sorry. I’m not even tempted. You’ll be waiting a mighty long time.”

  As Denise flounced off and Benjen pushed away from the wall, Apple couldn’t make her feet be still. “Hey.”

  That one word was all it took to gain Benjen’s complete attention. He stood still a moment, then he turned. “Apple?”

  The joy on his face was all she needed to see. In the next heartbeat, she launched herself into his arms. “I love you.” She pressed kisses all over his face. “I heard what you said. You defended me.”

  Benjen held her so tight, she couldn’t take a full breath.

  “Of course, I defended you.” He kissed her deeply. “And I’ll do it every damn time.”

  “Let’s go home. Okay?” As much as she liked the girls, the only person she wanted to be with was Benjen.

  “Fine with me. Let’s tell everyone we’re leaving before we hit the road.”

  While he said goodbye to the guys, she returned to her table only to find it empty. Knowing they wouldn’t have left without finding her, she turned in a circle. “Ah, there you are.” A good song was playing and they were out dancing. Not with a guy – with each other. Having just heard Benjen declare his love for her to another person, she felt bold enough to join them for a few minutes, moving to the music.

  “Hey, Apple, we saw you with Benjen. You two make such a cute couple,” Pepper told her. “I guess you noticed our bodyguards lurking in the background.”

  “I did. So, you knew the guys were here?”

  “They’re always around,” Ryder said with a laugh.

  “And we wouldn’t…have it – any other way!” Tamara said with an unexpected flourish.

  “Are you two leaving?” Sara asked after noticing her brother-in-law headed their way.

  “Yea, I think so.” She looked around the group. “Can we do this again soon?”

  “Absolutely.” Ryder came and gave her a quick hug. “I can’t wait to get to know you better.”

  “Me too!” Pepper and Tamara chimed in together.

  “I’ll call you tomorrow,” Sara told her as she hugged Apple, then held her arm out to include Benjen in the embrace. “You two be good.”

  “Take care.” Benjen waved at the group as a whole. “How many drinks did you have?” he asked Apple on their way out.

  “Just one,” she told him softly. “I’m safe to drive.”

  “Okay. I’ll follow you home.” He walked Apple to her car and fastened her seat belt once she was inside. “Drive safely, love.”

  “You too.”

  She waited for him to pull in behind her before they started off and all the way home, she rehearsed what she’d tell him about Alan’s little girl.

  About a half hour later, they arrived home. As soon as Benjen was out of his truck, he came to Apple to walk her in. “I’m sorry you had to see that fiasco with Denise.”

  She took his arm. “No, I’m glad I did. I saw your love and faithfulness for myself.”

  “Actions speak louder than words, huh?”

  He didn’t sound upset, so she confessed, “Yes, I guess so. I’m sorry I have a tendency to doubt people.”

  Walking up on the porch, he unlocked her door with the key she’d given him. “You don’t have to be sorry. I totally understand. I plan to work each day to build your trust in me and the time will come when those doubts will never enter your mind.”

  Hearing his heartfelt declaration was the last straw in an emotional day. While he held the door open for her to enter, Apple felt tears well up in her eyes. She held them back long enough to help Benjen tend the dogs.

  “If you want to get ready for bed, I’ll take the girls for a walk,” he offered. “Remind me tomorrow to show you the dog house I built.”

  “Okay. I’d rather come with you, if that’s all right.”

  “Of course, I’d always rather have you with me than
not.” He found a flashlight and they put leashes on Hope, Rose, and Maisie. “The stars are out, it’s a nice night for a walk in the moonlight.”

  Once they were well on their way, Apple took a deep breath. “I needed this. The dark. The quiet. You.” She squeezed his hand.

  “I’ll always be what you need, baby,” Benjen assured her gently as he let the dogs go for a quick run. A feeling of concern began to build in his chest. He seemed to be picking up on some uneasy vibes coming from Apple. “Is something wrong?” That simple question was all it took. She turned in his arms and clung to him. He could feel dampness on his shoulder from her tears. “Hey, hey, darling. What’s the matter?”

  “You’re so good to me. You invite me to trust you, to lean on you.” Her words were coming in gulps mixed with sobs. “You’ll never know how much that means to me. No one has ever treated me with such care.”

  “I’m glad.” He rubbed her back, kissing her neck. “I want to be here for you. Always.”

  “I just don’t want to…ask too much.”

  “Never.”

  She pushed on, endeavoring to find the right words. “I have…something to tell you. Something to ask you. I need help.”

  “Yes.”

  Apple pulled back, looking up into his handsome face. The shadows of night made him look like a fearless warrior from long ago. “You don’t know what I’m asking.”

  “Doesn’t matter. You belong to me. If you need help – the answer is yes.”

  She bowed her head and leaned on him. “It’s big…”

  Benjen chuckled and whispered in her ear, “So am I.” He gave a low whistle to call the dogs, then they started back. “So, tell me. What’s the problem?”

  “I didn’t tell you this before…not because I wanted to hide it from you. I was just ashamed.” She paused, struggling for the right words.

  “No need for shame, you can tell me anything.”