My Wish for You

by Destiny Webb

  Nothing was cooperating with me like it was the night before. My hair was a mess, and my skin was pale from getting sick earlier. I hurriedly tossed my hair into a messy bun and stuck a few bobby pins in it to hold my bangs back. I pulled out my make-up and applied a quick layer of cover up before I heard my father calling me from downstairs. I stuck my make-up in my purse.

  “I’ll be right down!” I hollered from the bathroom. My things were already downstairs. All the other essentials I would need were in my purse. I took one last look at myself before I went down to face everyone…to face him. I didn’t look awful, but I certainly didn’t look as good as I had the night before. My eyes looked as if I had been crying for days, which wasn’t a comforting thought; I didn’t want Sean to think that I had been crying about him. My hair had turned out okay. Somewhat content with my appearance, I left the bathroom and went to face the day.

  When I got downstairs, I discovered that everyone was already there, sitting in the family room having their own separate conversations. “The Adults” were sitting on the west side of the room in the chairs. Charles and Mr. W were smoking away as usual. Mom and Mrs. W were talking about the latest fashions and sales.

  Over in the corner, Sarah, Brian, Sean, and Cassie, Sean’s older sister, were arguing over some movie. Mitch had left late last night to get back to campus, so he wasn’t there. Sean didn’t seem to be very engaged in the conversation, and when I walked up I realized why. They were talking about the movie that we had seen together.

  “Hey Cass,” I mumbled as I took my seat next to Sarah.

  “Samantha,” she greeted me coolly. I wondered what was up with her. We had never been the best of friends, but we had always gotten along fairly well.

  I glanced over at Sean and he was looking at me. I couldn’t break my gaze from him. There was something in the way that he looked at me that I couldn’t place. It wasn’t anger or sadness. He obviously didn’t blame me for last night, despite the fact that I blamed myself. I didn’t blame him for my mistakes.

  “Breakfast is ready,” Lucinda announced, breaking our gaze. Everyone stood up and headed into the kitchen. Sean and I tried to avoid each other, but wound up being forced to sit right across from each other at the dining table. As Lucinda, our housekeeper, brought out breakfast, I realized that I was starving. She had made French toast and brought out some fresh fruit. I piled a mound of fruit on my plate and dug in.

  “So, Sean, your mother was telling me that Tasha is going to be staying with a friend at their cabin. When is she coming up?” my mother asked him. I dropped my fork and my mom glared at me. She knew I liked him, and didn’t like the fact that I was so obvious about my feelings for him when he had a girlfriend. Sean ignored my reaction.

  “She should be coming up about a week from now. Tasha has some things to take care of before she can leave.”

  “That will be nice, won’t it?”

  “Yes, ma’am,” he politely responded. He really didn’t seem the slightest bit interested in the fact that Tasha was coming up. I wondered what was going to happen to them.

  “Brian, you should learn to be more like Sean,” my mom was suggesting to Brian. “He is always so polite.”

  “Yeah, so I can be with the most popular girl who’s cheating on me. I would just love to be that guy,” Brian murmured sarcastically, just loud enough for everyone at our end of the table to hear it. Simultaneously, I stomped on his foot as Sean went to kick him under the table. Needless to say, he missed Brian completely and kicked my shin with as much force as he could muster under the table.

  “What did you say Brian?” Dad asked as Brian and I let out a yelp of pain. Everyone looked at me. I stared up at the ceiling as if it would reveal the world’s secrets. Sean looked mortified.

  “I said that she was right and that I should be more polite, sir,” Brian quickly covered for me. He had more problems with our stepfather than I did; they were always fighting about something, from picking up a sock from his floor to Brian’s grade point average.

  Our end of the table was silent for the most part during the rest of breakfast. When everyone was finished, we all got up and headed towards the hall, where everyone’s luggage was sitting, separated into two piles. I figured one was the pile that was going in Sean’s truck, and one was going in Dad’s Highlander.

  “Honey, do you really need to bring your briefcase with you? You’re not going to need your laptop or files,” my mom asked Charles, gesturing to the briefcase sitting by his bag.

  “It’s in case of an emergency,” he explained shortly.

  “But it’s your vacation,” my mom tried to reason.

  “Sharon, I believe you know what the definition of ‘emergency’ is.”

  “Oh alright,” she huffed, heading out the door with her bag as Charles turned to address us.

  “Okay, so you know the way there. Your luggage is that pile over there.” He pointed to the pile that was further away from us. “Cassie, you’re going to come with us if that’s okay with you. It will be less crowded that way. Now, I don’t want you to take any detours. I’d like us to all get there before noon. You shouldn’t need to stop, but if you do, give us a call to let us know you’re going to be late. We’ll see you in about two hours.”

  We all moved towards the bags of luggage. I went to grab my bags and blanket, but Sean snatched them up before I could grab them. He didn’t say anything to me—he just walked out the door. Brian saw the look on my face and seemed to sense there was something wrong. He looked at Sarah, who knew everything, and she just shook her head. I had a feeling that Brian already knew everything too, though; he must have talked to Sean. Brian grabbed Sarah’s bags and we headed out to the truck.

  Brian and Sean tossed the bags in the bed of the truck and tied them down next to the quads. I walked around to the driver’s side of the truck and realized that I would have to get up yet again. Sean walked up unbelievably close and unlocked the truck. He looked at me and held out his hand to help me up. I took it silently, hopping up into the truck, and he handed me my blanket. Sarah and Brian got in on their side without a problem…I looked at them enviously for the fact that they didn’t need an extra boost. Sean got in and started the truck. He looked into the rearview mirror to back out, only to discover that he could see me perfectly. I sighed and prepared myself for the long drive ahead of us.

  Chapter Five

  The hostility was rolling off of Brian and Sean as we drove down the street. It probably wasn’t a good idea to let them sit up front together, but it was too late now. They were both in a bad mood and I could tell that this wasn’t going to be a good trip if Brian didn’t apologize, hopefully soon. A small part of me was telling me that I should do something, but I was too tired to do anything at the moment. I ruffled through my bag looking for my iPod. Of course, it was at the bottom, underneath everything. I pulled it out and put the volume on high to drown out the sound of the music coming from the expensive stereo system in Sean’s truck.

  Being sick that morning had really taken it out of me. It didn’t help that I hadn’t slept well….I’d had nightmares all night long. It didn’t take long for me to fall into a deep sleep.

  For the second time that day, I didn’t wake up pleasantly.

  “No, I trusted you with that. You don’t get to use it against me. I thought you were more considerate than that.”

  “Dammit Sean, I said I was sorry! I’ve had plenty of things going on in my life too. Did you ever think of that? Did you even consider that possibility?”

  Their screaming did not help my head, and my stomachache was back. I started to wonder if I really had eaten something bad rather than just being punished by my guilt. I didn’t have very long to think about it.

  “That’s beside—” Sean started his side of the argument again.

  “Sean, pull over,” I mumbled quickly.

  “No,” he stubbornly replied. “I don’t want to hit traffic.”

  “Pull over,” I calm
ly but firmly repeated. He looked into the mirror and must have seen that I wasn’t joking, because he slowed down and pulled over to the right hand shoulder. Not caring whether I made it down safely, I hopped out of the truck quickly. Slamming the door and running behind the truck, I got to the side of the freeway just in time.

  The morning’s breakfast came tumbling out, not caring how I felt about getting sick. I heard another slam of the truck’s door and prayed that Brian wasn’t coming to tease me again.

  “Sam? Are you okay?” a voice I knew too well was asking when obviously I wasn’t okay. I would have preferred Brian’s teasing.

  “Sean, does it look like I’m okay?” I gagged on the last few words and he ran to my side.

  “Is there anything I can do to help?” he asked worriedly.

  “No.”

  “Nothing?”

  “Please, just stop talking,” I groaned. I was trying to focus on not getting sick, and his talking was not helping me keep my focus.

  The nausea passed a lot quicker than I thought it would. Trying to hold onto what dignity I had left, I stood up straight.

  “Do you want some water?” He held a water bottle out to me and I gratefully grabbed it. Taking a swig, I swished it around my mouth and spit it out. I thanked him and started to walk around to the front of the truck. Now that I wasn’t about to get sick, walking right next to the speeding cars didn’t seem like such a good idea. I was right next to the front passenger door when he called me.

  “Sam….”

  I turned around. He looked upset…troubled. I knew that he wanted to talk right now, but he still caught me off guard. I wasn’t prepared. I’d barely managed to stop emptying my stomach and he brought this up on me?

  “We need to talk Sam. What happened last night was—”

  “Stop.”

  “But—”

  “I have one question that will save us from this entire conversation.”

  “What’s that?”

  “Are you staying with her?”

  The look on his face said it all, but pulled me in nonetheless. I knew he wouldn’t leave her, but maybe, just maybe, there was a small chance.

  “No, Sam, I’m not leaving her.” His voice broke on the last word. He had struggled with his decision…I could tell just from his tone. He loved her though.

  “Well, then, there’s nothing to talk about.” The disappointment rang crystal clear in my dry voice. I had set my hopes too high…I knew all along he wasn’t going to leave her, yet I still hoped. My eyes stung with the tears that wanted to force their way out, and my throat hurt while I fought back the urge. We were in front of the truck now. Brian and Sarah could see everything that was going on.

  “Yes there is,” Sean disagreed.

  “No, Sean, there isn’t. I don’t know what you’re talking about. Nothing happened,” I told him coldly, turning to walk back to the truck. I felt nauseous again, but this time, it wasn’t health related. I knew that my statement had hurt him. The look on his face clearly laid it all out for me to see. He didn’t want to just forget it. He wanted it to mean something to both of us… and it did…but I wasn’t going to let him know that. As much as I wanted him to know it really meant something to me, I wasn’t going to show that I was vulnerable.

  I got in the truck without his help. Brian and Sarah both looked at me questioningly. I just shook my head and pulled my headphones back on. Closing my eyes, I tried not to think about what had happened. The car shook lightly and I waited for the engine to start, but it didn’t. Confused, I opened my eyes and looked around. Brian and Sean were a few hundred feet from the truck. I glanced over at Sarah. She motioned for me to take my headphones out. Reluctantly, I did.

  “Sam, what did you say?” Sarah softly asked. She was never pushy about these kinds of things, but it was obvious now that she had to know, so I explained to her what happened and what I said.

  “Well, first off, do you feel better?” Of course, she was worried about how I felt. That only made me feel worse.

  “Well, health wise, I feel tons better. Emotion wise, I feel tons worse.”

  “Well, I can’t really say anything to make you feel better. Sorry.”

  I just nodded and put my headphones back in. Whatever their problem was, Brian and Sean seemed to be over it now, and were walking back toward the car. I composed myself and my emotions and turned my music back on.

  I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. As I pulled it out, the car shook slightly. Knowing how he would look at me, I didn’t look up as Sean started the car. Vowing to keep my eyes off the rearview mirror the rest of the trip, I looked down at my phone to see that Cara, my best friend, had sent me a message.

  Hey. Can’t wait til you get here! BIG party tonight. You in? Let me know when you get here! <3-C.

  Sighing, I remembered her saying that there were always huge parties up at the cabins. A lot of the rich kids at my school, including me, had parents that owned cabins around the same lake. Many of them went up with no supervision…hence the parties. I heard that they were a lot of fun, but still, I really wasn’t in the mood. As much as I wanted to go so I could forget everything, even if just for a little while, I still felt sick and I knew I wouldn’t be well enough to go.

  Hey! Can’t wait to see you too. Can’t go to the party. Sick. = [ Ugh. See you soon. <3 -S

  Snapping my phone shut, I looked up automatically, breaking my vow, and instantly regretted it. At the same moment I looked up, Sean looked in the mirror. His eyes were full of sorrow and pain. My stomach clenched, but I knew I wasn’t going to be sick again, even though I felt awful seeing him hurt. My phone buzzed again and I broke from our painful gaze. I opened my phone to another message from Cara.

  =[ Bummer! That sucks! Sorry. Call me when you get here. <3 -C

  I closed my phone and stuck it back in my pocket. My iPod was almost dead so I turned it off, but left the headphones in so it appeared like I was still listening to it. I closed my eyes, though I knew I wasn’t going to get any more sleep.

  Everyone was silent. I could just feel the emotions rolling off of everyone…pity, anger, sadness, guilt.

  A phone rang. I opened my eyes as Brian snatched it up quickly and answered it.

  “Hello?” There was a pause. “Well, he’s driving. I didn’t think that you would want us to crash. Yes, sir….um, I’m not sure.” He turned around and faced me. “Are you feeling better Sam?”

  Someone must’ve called them while I was on the side of the road. I just nodded. I couldn’t speak without feeling that I was going to cry. Brian must have been upset with me. Even with all their differences and fights, he and Sean had been best friends since seventh grade. He turned back around to answer the caller.

  “Yes, sir, she is. Yeah. We’re back on the road….we only lost about twenty minutes. We should be there in about a half hour. ‘Kay. Bye.”

  “Thanks,” Sean said quietly, the hurt solid in his voice.

  “You’re welcome. It was your dad. I thought he’d be able to tell something was wrong.”

  “You didn’t have to do that.”

  “Ya, I know. It’s the least that I can do after….”

  “Hey, Brian. It’s cool. Don’t worry about it.”

  So, all was well between them, and I felt like crap.

  The rest of the drive seemed to go by very slowly. We got stuck in traffic and Sean’s father called again, wondering where we were. Sarah fell asleep. Brian and Sean joked and talked like guys do. I was left out, not that I minded really; I wanted to be by myself.

  I stared out the window and watched the trees go by. There were little critters climbing up and down the trees and through the bushes. They had life so easy. They didn’t have to worry about much besides eating and mating season. Squirrels didn’t worry about school and grades, parents and relationships. Simple-minded squirrels.

  Surprisingly, I didn’t mind all that much that we were going to the cabin right now. I wanted to be alone where no one would fi
nd me, to go for a long walk where no one would be able to trace my steps, maybe even get lost and not have to deal with the pain and confusion of this mess that I had gotten myself into. Actually, I could do without getting lost. None of that was really what I wanted. I wanted to stay and be a part of everything…except, I wanted him. For him to love me, to be my boyfriend, to be there for me.

  Sighing, I took a deep breath. I knew that wasn’t going to happen. Wanting him as much as I did, I could only wish. In the end, it wasn’t going to happen, not in this lifetime.

  We were getting closer. The trees were starting to clear a little and the road that led to our cabin made us veer to the left. I could see trails left behind by people who walked through the forest to get away and think.

  I looked over at Sarah who was peacefully sleeping. I didn’t want to wake her, but I’d have to.

  “Sarah…Sarah. Wake up sleepy head.” She groaned at the nudging on her shoulder. She muttered something unintelligible and opened her eyes. Leaning back, I closed my eyes. I was feeling slightly better; still feeling a little nauseous, but maybe I’d go to the party anyway.

  We pulled up to the cabin and everyone was already inside. Everything was a bright, luscious green. On the wall facing the pathway that lead to the lake were green intertwined vines simply decorated with small, purple flowers that were in full bloom. Near the front door were flowers shaded a vibrant yellow. I stepped out of the truck and the warmth of the sun swallowed me up. It was freezing inside the truck. I hadn’t realized that it would be warmer up here than it had been in Reno.

  Sarah and I grabbed the bags so Sean and Brian could unload the quads and get them into the shed. We walked up the path and into the cabin. Mom and Charles were sitting at the table in the kitchen talking with Mr. and Mrs. W. When they saw us walk in, they stopped talking.

  “Took you long enough. Go unpack quickly. We’re eating in twenty minutes,” Charles snapped. I looked at Sarah and she looked like she was about to laugh.