Sophie's Path

by Catherine Lanigan

  The older she got, the more she realized how lucky she was to have grown up with two loving parents, a roof over her head, food to eat and an education.

  “Let’s sit over there at the picnic table. Unless you’d rather go inside. I’ll buy you lunch.”

  “Maybe later. I’m not hungry.”

  She eyed him carefully. She would guess he hadn’t eaten in days. “Suit yourself.” She walked toward the table, letting him follow. She didn’t want him to think she didn’t trust him. That’s what this was right now—a dance of trust.

  She sat down at the end and motioned to the space beside her.

  He sauntered, barely picking up his feet. His sneakers looked like he’d walked from Arizona. She knew he had access to newer, cleaner clothes through donations from several agencies in Indian Lake, including Recovery Alliance. He had not availed himself of those services. She wondered why.

  He stared at her but didn’t start the conversation. His frame was even thinner than she’d earlier suspected. She guessed he was still using.

  Sophie realized she had one shot with this guy and if she blew it, she’d never see him again. She had to be careful and effective.

  “I’m surprised you agreed to meet me.” She gestured at his sweatshirt. “You don’t take charity from anyone, do you? Otherwise, you’d have better clothes and you’d be eating more.”

  “I eat,” he snipped.

  “Yeah?” She reached over and yanked his hood down.

  His blond hair was patchy with short clumps that stuck up in unwashed stacks.

  “I’m a nurse, Jeremy. Your skin is pasty under all that dust and dirt. Your eyes show early signs of liver failure, probably from too much alcohol. Your teeth are cracked and several are missing. That tells me that you’ve done a lot of crystal meth. There’s not much you can say or do that will fool me. If that’s what you’re all about, then this meeting is over.”

  She started to rise and he grabbed the edge of her sleeve.

  “You’re right,” Jeremy said. “Please, sit down.”

  Sophie sat. And waited. It was his turn.

  He kicked the ground, then stuck his hands in his sweatshirt pocket. “That’s the part I hate the most about being me. My life.”

  “What’s that?”

  “The lying. I’ve been doing it since I was a kid. Born to it, I guess.”

  “I don’t believe that. You learned it. But why?”

  He shrugged his bony shoulders. “Trying to get attention from my parents, I guess. They were always too busy. They both worked. Professionals. Dad was an architect. Mom was an attorney. He was chasing down clients or dreaming up some new skyscraper that would rock the world with his genius. Mom worked eighty hours a week trying to make partner. There was no time for me,” he said morosely.

  Sophie winced. Though she didn’t have a husband or child, she was doing just what Jeremy complained about. She overscheduled, overpromised, overinvolved herself. She wanted to help him, but clearly, he needed attention. A lot of it. Could she truly be valuable to him?

  “Do you have brothers or sisters?” she asked.

  “No, just me.” He heaved a sigh. “That’s a good thing. They didn’t have the chance to mess with another kid’s life,” he spat out.

  “You’re very angry with them, aren’t you?”

  “I shouldn’t be. You know, they spent over four hundred grand on rehab for me.”

  Sophie’s eyes widened in surprise. “I didn’t know. I thought you were in this all alone.”

  “I am now. They finally threw up their hands after fourteen stints in treatment. But I kept using. I learned more about drugs, how to buy them, use them, how to cheat on my drug tests. Even if you’re on parole, you can time it so that your officer will never catch you. It’s all a game.”

  “The chasing?”

  “Yeah. The chasing is a game.”

  “But in the end, you’re the one who loses. You’ve already lost your family. They’re all the way in Arizona and here you are in this little town in Indiana talking to a total stranger. Is that how you see your life? Constantly moving?”

  He shook his head and his hair moved stiffly. “My life? Every shrink and counselor I’ve talked to in every rehab center has preached to me about how I need to value my life. Well, I don’t. Miss Mattuchi...”

  “Sophie,” she corrected.

  “Sophie. I only wanted to see you because I liked the sound of your voice on the phone.”

  “Really? That’s it?”

  “It was enough,” he replied with a faint smile creeping across his face. He put his hands on his knees and stared at them. “Look, Sophie, I don’t expect anything. I don’t care about anything. I went to the Recovery Alliance because I was walking through town and saw the sign. I was curious. Usually, places like that have free snacks. You know, tea, coffee and cookies. When I got there that day, there was so much food. It reminded me of one of my mom’s parties for clients.”

  Sophie nodded. That must have been the day of the open house. “I was there that day.”

  “I waited till all the normal people had left.”

  “You consider me ‘normal’?”

  “Yeah. You know. Not a user. Like my parents.”

  She folded her arms. “I don’t know your parents and I’ve never been married or had kids. So don’t compare me to them. That’s not fair. Lumping me in with everyone else you’re angry with. Tell me, Jeremy, what did you expect from our meeting today aside from staring at my...pretty face?”

  His eyes drifted to the horizon as if there was something there.

  “I hung out with Eleanor a long time. She arranged for a place for me to stay with the Salvation Army. They feed me, too. She convinced me to join one of her counseling groups. It was actually pretty good.”

  “Why’s that?”

  “It was just me and the counselor. Henry was his name. Volunteer. Didn’t take notes or make me feel more ashamed than I already do.”

  “And do you feel ashamed?”

  “I do. I’m sorry I hurt my mom and dad.”

  “But you’re still mad at them.”

  He nodded. “They wanted everything in the world, but not me.”

  “So you felt abandoned.”

  He jerked his head toward her and their eyes locked. She could see he’d just had a revelation. “I...never thought of it that way.”

  She continued, “Like an orphan. You felt no different than a baby who’d been tossed in the trash. And that’s what you’re doing with your life. Staying on the move. Going from drug house to shelters to the next drug house. So you live the life of an orphan. No family to report to or be responsible for. And you believe no one wants to find you. But there’s something wrong with your scenario.”

  “Wrong with it? It’s all wrong. I’m as messed up as anyone can get.”

  “Maybe. Maybe not,” she countered. “I’m betting your parents do want to know where you are. What you’re doing.”

  He waved his hand, as if to deflect her comment. “So, what’s in it for you? You get your rocks off saving people? Is that it?”

  “Actually, yes.”

  “Figures I’d get the Nurse Nancy type.” He paused. “Why exactly do you think I’m worth saving, Sophie?”

  She studied the razor-sharp planes of his face. There was a trace of innocence, like a small child in need, and yet his eyes were filled with the look of someone who’d seen too much. He roamed the earth with one foot on solid ground and the other stuck in a narcotic dream. His alienation and loneliness struck the deepest part of her heart. No one should ever feel that alone.

  She sensed he was reaching out for help. The fact that he’d lingered in Indian Lake since the open house told her something. Perhaps Eleanor’s easy and caring ways had
won him over. Maybe it was the slow pace of the town. It could be one of a dozen things, but the point was he was there with her now.

  “All human life is valuable, Jeremy.”

  “Cut the platitudes. I’m as worthless as they come,” he ground out. He leaned forward, hunching his shoulders, and as he did, something in his backpack moved.

  “What was that?” Sophie asked, pointing to the jostling canvas bag.

  Jeremy shucked the shoulder straps off and pulled the backpack around to his lap. “This is part of the reason I wanted to meet with you today. You sounded nice on the phone. Really nice. Considerate. Like you were a kind person. A person who would help me.”

  She nodded. “That’s my hope. Yes.” She stared at the backpack.

  “I have a big favor,” Jeremy said, unzipping the bag.

  An ink-black furry head popped out of the opening. Two small black eyes peered at Sophie and blinked.

  She snapped her head back in surprise. “That’s a...puppy!”

  “A Yorkie-Poo, actually. Frenchie is a full-grown dog. Two years old and six pounds of love.” Finally, Jeremy smiled. He pulled the tiny, curly-haired dog from his backpack. Frenchie immediately jumped onto Sophie’s lap and scrambled up to her face to lick her cheek.

  “I knew it!” Jeremy exclaimed. “She does like you. A lot. She’s got a natural instinct for people.”

  Sophie held Frenchie with both hands but didn’t try to make her stop licking. Sophie giggled at her tickling tongue. “She doesn’t do this with everybody?”

  “Not at all. I haven’t seen her do that with anyone in Indian Lake. Not even Eleanor,” he said, zipping his bag up again.

  Sophie cuddled Frenchie to her chest. “She’s adorable. Where’d you get her?”

  “In the town where I lived before I came here, I scooped poop for a kennel. I liked being around dogs. The dogs loved me.” He reached over and stroked Frenchie’s back. His eyes misted over. “Frenchie was abandoned. Her parents never came back for her. It happens in kennels. Vets, too, my boss told me. Anyway, when I left there, they gave her to me because we’d bonded so much.”

  Sophie held Frenchie up and peered into her black eyes. Her little head cocked to the right and left, assessing Sophie. “She’s lucky to have you.”

  “No, Sophie, she’s not.”

  “What?” Sophie stared at Jeremy, taking in his downcast eyes and somber expression.

  “I can’t keep Frenchie. I’ve already seen what it’s like for her when I use. I forget to feed her. Walk her. Bathe her. Even pet her. I’m afraid I’ll freak out someday and really hurt her. I love her too much for that to happen. I have to give her up.”

  “Jeremy...she could be enough to make you want to stay straight.” Sophie didn’t believe anyone was a lost cause. She had to give him hope.

  He shook his head vigorously. “No. No, I know myself too well by now. I’m not kidding anyone anymore. Will you take Frenchie or not?”

  “Me?” She shook her head. “There’s no way. I work long hours, even on weekends sometimes. Plus I volunteer for Eleanor. I’d never be home to walk her or care for her. Frankly, I don’t think I’d be any better for her than you.”

  Sophie started to hand Frenchie back.

  Jeremy recoiled. “No. I’m not good for her. You have to believe me. Please, Sophie. If you can’t be her mom, find someone who will. She deserves a real home. She’s the sweetest, smartest little dog ever. Tell me you’ll help me.”

  Frenchie blinked up at her. The little dog had already found a place in Sophie’s heart. “I have no idea what to say or do. I’m new to being a sponsor. I don’t know what the rules are or how we’re supposed to react to this kind of thing...”

  “You mean I’m your first gig?”

  She nodded with a half smile.

  “I figured you were like all the other do-gooder former addicts, trying to erase their own sins.”

  “I’m not an addict. I’ve never done drugs or even been drunk. Eleanor took a chance on me because I want to help people like you who are having trouble coping with their disease.”

  He worried his bottom lip as he listened to her. “So you don’t think I’m a loser?”

  “No. I think you’re lost.”

  Tears welled in his eyes and he pinched the bridge of his nose. “I am lost.” He jerked his head up to meet her eyes. “I’ve failed at every program imaginable. There’s no hope for me.”

  Shifting Frenchie into the crook of one arm, Sophie said, “I think there is. As long as one person on earth believes in you, then there’s hope. She stood. “Besides. You just need to find a new addiction to replace your old addiction. We could start with garlic.”

  “With...what?”

  “I’m an excellent cook. Maybe once we get you some new clothes and a haircut, you could come out to my parents’ farm. On Sundays my mother and grandmother put out a spread that you won’t believe.”

  “You would take me to meet your family?”

  “Sure. Why not? You and Frenchie both might like them.”

  He stood up next to her and said, “I wasn’t thinking about me liking them. What would they say about you bringing home an addict? Won’t they be afraid?”

  She kissed the top of Frenchie’s head, already feeling bonded to the little dog—and to Jeremy. “Nah. They know I could take you in less than sixty seconds if it came to that.”

  Jeremy smiled, cracked teeth showing between his thin lips. “That was a joke, right?”

  She raised an eyebrow. “Want to try me?” Holding Frenchie, she waved him forward. “Now, c’mon. Let’s get something to eat. What do you feel like? Grilled cheese and tomato soup? Hamburger? Chili?”

  “Pancakes and bacon,” he said. “They’re my favorite.”

  Sophie helped Jeremy put Frenchie into the backpack before they went inside to avoid any disapproval from the owner. She hooked her arm in his. “Pancakes and bacon it is.”

  Sophie led him inside, where the accountant bikers were eating. Sophie ordered a large stack and two rashers of bacon for him. She sipped coffee while Jeremy ate.

  He talked about his childhood. She noticed that most of his recollections and memories were negative. She took mental notes to research the possibility that Jeremy could have clinical depression. It was possible he was a manic-depressive. She remembered reading that bipolar disorder and alcoholism or drug abuse often occurred in tandem.

  If doctors could diagnose and treat his underlying conditions, perhaps his addictions could be abated.

  Just as Jeremy finished his last bite, he asked, “So, Sophie, can Frenchie stay with you?”

  “For the time being—yes. I have to think about it.”

  By the time they left, Jeremy was comfortable enough with Sophie to accept a ride back to town. She drove him to the shelter at the Salvation Army.

  Afterward, she went into the Goodwill a few blocks away and bought him some jeans, shoes, tees and sweatshirts. At the Walmart she bought new underwear and socks. She drove back to the shelter and left the bags with the administrator. She gave the man her card and a gift certificate for Jeremy to get his hair cut at the salon next to the Walmart.

  As she drove back to her apartment, Frenchie sat in her lap and stared out the window intensely, watching all the cars. She was obviously mesmerized by the traffic lights and neon signs. Frenchie was one observant pup.

  Sophie didn’t know what to do with Frenchie. She didn’t have all that many friends in Indian Lake. Katia and Austin weren’t even married yet and they were planning a long honeymoon. Mrs. Beabots had her hands full, often babysitting Sarah’s kids next door. Nate and Maddie might be a fit, but both of them were out of the house all day, just as she was. No, it had to be someone who could take Frenchie to work.

  Sophie turned onto Maple Bo
ulevard from Main Street and glanced at Jack’s insurance office building.

  Jack! His house could use a bit of life. Since Jack owned his business, he could easily take Frenchie to the office.

  Sophie reached over and petted Frenchie’s head. The pup preened under her touch. Sophie smiled.

  By taking Frenchie and promising to keep her safe, she’d made a difference in Jeremy’s life. Tomorrow, she’d go see Jack. She could only pray she would make a difference for him, too.

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  ONE DAY WITH Frenchie had taught Sophie that she needed to talk to Jack—and soon. Leaving Frenchie alone in her apartment while Sophie got called to work for an emergency upset the little dog so much that Mrs. Beabots had to come upstairs and comfort her. Then Katia arrived to pick up Mrs. Beabots for a hairdresser’s appointment and they had to leave Frenchie alone again for another hour and a half. As far as they could tell, Frenchie barked and whimpered at the front door until their return.

  “What are you going to do?” Mrs. Beabots asked that night after Sophie came home from the hospital. “You’re the most overscheduled woman in Indian Lake and I can’t promise to be home all the time for her, either.” She touched Frenchie’s head. “So sweet.”

  “I have a plan.”

  “I hope so.”

  “I thought I’d ask Jack Carter to take her.”

  Mrs. Beabot’s sky blue eyes flew open. “Jack? But he works all day, as well.”

  Sophie smiled. “But he’s the boss. He can make the office dog friendly.”

  Mrs. Beabots grinned. “That is a plan, my dear.”

  “Still, it’s not going to be easy. He despises me. He’ll never forgive me for Aleah’s death.”

  “Oh, he will. I’ve met Jack several times, both with my business and at parties and gatherings. He’s a fair man. Be patient.”

  Patience. Sophie looked at little Frenchie. Even if Jack felt guilty about Aleah now, as time wore on, Sophie hoped he would realize her death was not his fault.