Sophie's Path

by Catherine Lanigan

  Sophie knew it was best she meet his anger head on. “I can explain,” she said, pushing past him into the condo.

  “Fine,” he replied, tossing his shoe into the corner. “I take it we’re not going running.”

  “I’m game if you are. I brought my stuff.”

  “No,” he spat out. “I’d rather run alone.” He took off his other shoe and threw it down with the other sneaker.

  Sophie put the bags down on the granite countertop. “Okay. Out with it. What’s got you so riled up?”

  “I saw you today.” He pointed his finger at her. “On the sidewalk in front of the Alliance with Jeremy. I know you feel responsible for him. A sense of duty. But I feel a bit lost here, Sophie. I don’t know what to think. One minute you were kissing me and telling me you want to spend time with me and the next minute, you were standing me up.”

  “It was a tech glitch, Jack. That’s all. I did try to text you.”

  He slashed the air with his hands. “Stop! Fine. I will give you that. But the real issue here is that I don’t understand you.”

  “Sorry?”

  “You have to know that your dedication to the Alliance could cost you your job. I know Emory Wills. He’s a control freak about his ‘rules,’ both written and unwritten. If Emory finds out about you sponsoring Jeremy, he could easily fire you. But the bottom line is that with all your concerns, I just don’t think you have room in your life for me.”

  Sophie felt deflated. She sank onto a bar stool. “That’s not true, Jack. I want there to be time for us. And I wish I could stop myself from over-scheduling. Rationally, I agree with what you’re saying. I can’t keep this up forever. But Jeremy needs me. He’s so desperate. He’s in so much pain.”

  “I can only imagine.”

  “Yes.” The night of the accident flashed through her mind then that image was replaced by Jeremy’s tortured face. She remembered his fear-filled voice on the phone. “I don’t have the answers, Jack. Sometimes, I feel like my efforts are a pinprick in the sky. Yet, on the other end of the line is a person asking for a kind word. A moment of my time to tell him he matters.”

  “But it’s dangerous for you.”

  “I know it must be hard to understand my need to help Jeremy, but I feel that what I’m doing could make a difference.”

  “How? Do you honestly believe he can be cured?”

  “Eventually, that is what I’m hoping for, Jack.”

  “Is that possible?”

  Sophie took a deep breath. “In my world, just about anything is possible. I’ve held a human heart in my hand and watched it beat. I’ve held a preemie infant weighing less than two pounds and watched her not just live, but grow and thrive. I’ve seen patients beat every odd in modern cardiac medicine and live years longer than they should.”

  “So this is a new challenge for you?”

  She was thoughtful for a long minute. “It is.”

  He folded his arms over his chest. “From what I see, he’s the type of person who chooses to use drugs and then goes out into the world and hurts innocent people.”

  “Jeremy has a disease. It’s no different than leukemia,” she countered.

  “Sure it is, Sophie. It involves choice.”

  “Jack...” Sophie took a deep breath, hoping to gain some courage. “Aleah is the elephant in the room. I can’t help thinking that every time you get upset about something with me, it’s really about that night. About Aleah. Will you ever forgive me for what you think I did or didn’t do?”

  Jack’s eyes filled with pain, and he took a long moment before he answered her. “Truthfully? I don’t know.”

  “Great.” Sophie’s blood turned to ice. She hadn’t expected that. She’d thought they’d gotten past that night.

  She started to rise.

  He reached out and touched her arm. “Please, Sophie. I understand that Greg Fulton killed Aleah. Not you. Not all the other addicts and diseased people struggling with addictions like you tell me. And are showing me. It’s taken a lot for me to get there. It was Greg on that one particular night. Logic and fact tell me you did all you could for Aleah.”

  “But...” she interrupted. Ever since their kiss, Sophie had been picturing a future with Jack. Now that vision was dashed. They were back at the beginning. “You can’t forgive yourself.”

  He lowered his eyes and Sophie felt the weight of his emotions as acutely as she did that of Jeremy’s and every other patient she’d known. Her grandmother told her she empathized with other people so deeply that she took on their troubles. It was a curse, not a blessing.

  Sophie placed her hand on Jack’s shoulder. He covered her hand with his, but still didn’t look at her.

  “They say that the shadow of a person’s death fades in time.”

  “They do say that.”

  “I wish it would,” he replied, meeting her gaze. His face was filled with questions and doubt.

  Sophie’s heart sank. “But we might never get past this. You won’t let it go, will you, Jack?”

  He ground his jaw, his eyes stern and unrelenting. Sophie thought she heard her heart break.

  “I don’t know how,” he croaked.

  He hadn’t said he loved her, yet that tiny clutch of emotion told her she still had a chance with him—if she fought for it.

  For them.

  And for the first time ever, Sophie wanted that chance. She wanted this man to believe in her. To support her. To be on her side. With a jolt, she realized that she needed Jack to be there for her. She had to convince him.

  “Jack,” she said softly. “Jeremy is a danger only to himself. He doesn’t drive a car. He doesn’t even ride a bike. He uses drugs and alcohol to self-medicate. He comes from a good family in Phoenix, but he is so ashamed about what he’s done to himself that he refuses to even call home. So he’s not getting love and support.” The next words were so painful, they scratched her throat on their way out. “Jack, he’s threatened to kill himself. I’ve done all I can think of to give him hope...something to hang on to...” Her eyes filled with tears. “But I don’t know if it’s making a difference.”

  Jack slipped his fingers under her chin and lifted her face to his. “I’m sorry, Sophie. So sorry. What you’re doing is noble, and I’m being arrogant.”

  Jack slipped off the stool and put his arms around her shoulders. “I think I understand a bit better,” he said, kissing her forehead. “But will you listen to what I have to say now?”

  “Yes,” she replied, liking the warmth of his arms around her and the safe feeling of her cheek against his chest. It was comfortable here, in his embrace. There were no lost souls or broken bodies for her to tend and mend. There was only this man and this moment with him. And it was enough.

  “I think you’ve let this one assignment—and that’s what Jeremy is—become your world. I’ve done a little research on my own about sponsors. Apparently, they have to learn to balance their own lives with their work. To be able to detach, get some distance. Jeremy is part of your work world. You forgot about our plans for tonight. You were late. You texted me, but did you pick up the phone and call when you didn’t hear back from me? You took it upon yourself to go the grocery store, when I said I’d be happy to do that for us.”

  He paused for a moment, rubbing her back and shoulders. “I’m not trying to sound petty, but I guess what I’m saying is that I want to be as important to you as this sponsorship and your other projects. I want a place in your life.”

  She looked up into his compelling eyes. “You mean a great deal to me, Jack.”

  “Sophie, you’re the kind of woman I want to lasso the moon for. I want to be there for you. But I also want you there for me.”

  “Jack, I can’t tell you how much this means to me. Aside from my family, I’ve never had anyone, well, o
n my side.”

  He held her at arm’s length and peered at her quizzically. “Never? Not once?”

  “Nope.” Then she sighed. “Not that I ever gave anyone a chance.”

  “And why was that?” he asked, mirth dancing on his lips.

  She let herself respond coyly. “Maybe I didn’t see potential in any of them.”

  “Hmm. So that’s it? I have potential?”

  “And you’re a challenge.” She chuckled, sliding her fingertips under her eyes to wipe away the last tear. “You’re the first garlic-free household I’ve ever visited.”

  “Aw, c’mon,” he groaned as she rose off the stool and slid her arms around his waist again.

  “See, you need my help,” she said. “I’ll open new worlds to you once I’m let loose in this kitchen.”

  Sophie knew they hadn’t worked everything out yet, but for now she was content that they were making progress.

  As Jack unloaded the groceries onto the counter, Sophie took out two wineglasses. Jack got the corkscrew and opened the bottle. Then he poured the wine while showing her where he kept a mismatched assortment of pots and pans.

  She kidded him about proper cooking tools.

  He picked up her hand and kissed it.

  When she mashed the pine nuts in his blender, Jack grimaced, as if she’d defiled sacred territory.

  Jack found a bottle of olive oil in his pantry. Unopened, of course.

  As Sophie sautéed garlic, filling the kitchen with a heavenly aroma, she gave Jack directions for getting the pasta ready.

  The rest of the evening passed sweetly. Sophie complimented Jack on his sous-chef skills and Jack told Sophie her cooking was the most delicious he’d ever tasted. Not once during dinner or at any time while sitting on Jack’s deck with a glass of sauterne, gazing at the full moon and talking about their childhoods, did the thought of Jeremy or Aleah cross Sophie’s mind.

  When she returned home and dressed for bed, brushed her teeth and slathered lotion on her legs, all she could think about was Jack.

  Nothing about her growing feelings for Jack was intoxicating or dramatic, like it had been with other guys. This was nothing like those flash-fire attractions that lasted for a few days or weeks before dying away.

  And why was that?

  For one thing, Jack seemed to be looking deeper than her heart-shaped face and flirty nature. He was seeing the real Sophie, the Sophie who intimidated most men once they got to know her. Sophie had rock-solid goals and intentions. She didn’t need a man to pay her bills, be her social life or help her find a football team to root for. She’d created a life for herself on her own terms.

  Still, she realized that getting Jack to support her beliefs and efforts in everything she did, including her work with Eleanor and Jeremy, was of great importance to her.

  Whether Jack was up to that kind of challenge, only time would tell.

  She hoped he would be.

  She could almost feel her heart wince at how much she wanted Jack. She didn’t need him, but she wanted him. The more time she spent with him, the more she liked about him.

  Sophie had been making significant changes for months now. She’d pinned and repinned, nipped and clipped the pattern of her life, creating a new tapestry. She wanted it to be everlasting and glorious. And she wanted—oh, how she wanted—Jack sewn into it.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

  SOPHIE ASSISTED NATE with back-to-back ablation procedures that were as textbook as expected. Both patients were in recovery, each with two nurses pressing on the femoral artery for the prescribed ninety minutes to avoid a bleed-out. Initial reports were that there were no complications in either case.

  Sophie finished the last of her notes and set up the equipment for the next operation. She then disposed of her surgical gown, mask and gloves, left the ablation room and went to her locker at the back of the break room. She was pleased with her work today. Because she’d wisely cut back on her hours at the Alliance, her nursing career was back on track. Perhaps even improving. She was proud of her accomplishments at the ablation center.

  Though it was early Friday evening, she wasn’t heading home; she only had about an hour before her shift in the ER. She’d have most of Saturday to rest, and on Sunday she intended to spend the day with her parents. She might even tell them about Jack. She wasn’t quite sure what she would call her relationship with him, but she considered their dinner the other night a date. The attraction and emotion were there. But things were complicated. He’d said he wanted to try to understand her. Support her in all that she did. But he couldn’t guarantee it.

  Still, Sophie thought about him all the time. When the last ablation was wrapping up, she found herself looking forward to this moment—returning to her locker and checking her phone. Had he texted her a selfie or one of his funny pictures of Frenchie? She had never, ever been a “wait by the phone” woman. She was the one who made men wait.

  Until now.

  Sophie unzipped her purse and pulled out her phone. No texts, but she had one missed call and a voice mail from an unfamiliar local number. That had to be Jeremy—he tended to call her from pay phones or wherever he could entice someone to let him make a call.

  Still, it was odd. He never left messages for her.

  She tapped the play button.

  “You’re not there. I, er, was hoping you would be. But you’re not. No one ever is. At least not for me. That’s okay. I get it. Guess I was dumb to think anything would change. That’s the thing. Nothing is going to change—not for me. Not ever.”

  Sophie’s fingers shook as she tried to play the message back again. Jeremy’s voice was filled with desperation. She’d never heard him this low.

  She redialed the number he’d used, but it rang incessantly. Pay phone.

  She dropped her chin to her chest, trying to think of where he might be.

  “Sophie? Are you in here?” Monica, one of the receptionists, called from the door to the break room.

  “Yeah. I’m here,” Sophie replied, coming around the corner from the locker area.

  “You’re scheduled to work in the ER tonight, right?”

  “Yes, I am,” Sophie said, glancing down at her cell. She needed to find Jeremy to make sure he was all right. Her instincts went Code Red. She didn’t have much time before her shift. “Why do you ask?”

  “They need you now. I just got a call from Dr. Caldwell. He wants you stat.”

  “Let him know I’m on my way.”

  Sophie reluctantly slid her phone back into her purse and closed her locker. Jeremy would have to wait.

  * * *

  SOPHIE SHOVED HER hands into a pair of nitrile gloves as she swung into Bay 8 in the ER. It had been a quiet week, but all that had changed when an unattended campfire ignited not one, but two houses north of town, burning both to the ground. Monica had filled Sophie in as they raced to the elevator.

  Two children and one adult had been badly burned. The children were being treated for smoke inhalation. Dr. Caldwell was trying to save the adult grandfather.

  “What do you need, Doctor?” Sophie asked as she looked down at the elderly man, who was clearly not breathing through the oxygen mask.

  “V-fib. Get the cart. We’re three nurses down here. The rest of the staff is helping the kids.”

  Ventricular fibrillation was life threatening. The lower chambers of the heart quivered and the heart could not pump any blood, causing cardiac arrest. Dr. Caldwell asked her to get the defibrillator machine.

  “Got it.” Sophie shot down the hall to get the equipment.

  As Sophie returned to Bay 8, she heard the sound of an approaching ambulance. The doors banged open and EMTs were shouting at hospital staff.

  “We got a possible DOA here!”

  A gurney r
attled across the floor.

  Sophie couldn’t let the commotion distract her. She didn’t have time to waste. A man’s life was on the line. Every second counted.

  Dr. Caldwell grabbed the paddles from her and she turned on the machine, waiting for the beep.

  “Clear!” Dr. Caldwell called as the electrical shock jolted through the elderly man’s body, causing his back to arch.

  Sophie took his pulse and shook her head. “Nothing.”

  At that exact moment, a young nurse, who couldn’t have been more than twenty, rushed into the bay.

  “Dr. Caldwell!” she said anxiously. “We need you in the next bay. It’s a drug overdose or suicide. He’s not breathing.”

  Dr. Caldwell placed the paddles on the elderly man’s chest once again. “I’m saving someone now.”

  “Yes, Doctor, but I don’t know what to do.”

  “CPR till I get there,” he ground out. “Now back away. Clear!”

  Sophie hit the defibrillator button again. The patient’s body arched even more intensely this time.

  She and Dr. Caldwell both took their stethoscopes and listened to the man’s heart.

  It was faint, no more than the whisper of a dragonfly’s wing, but it was there. The beat of life.

  Dr. Caldwell looked at Sophie. “You get the epinephrine ready. He may need it. He’s barely alive. If he reacts to the pain from the burns we could lose him all over again.”

  “Yes, Doctor.” Her eyes slid to the frantic face of the young nurse who had just appeared in the doorway again. She was practically wringing her hands. Sophie remembered being that new to the job. Fresh out of nursing school. There was no terror greater than a critically ill patient.

  Still wasn’t.

  “Doctor. They said they need you. Stat,” the young woman said.

  He continued listening to the old man’s heart. “Give me the particulars on your patient. How old?”

  The nurse’s voice hitched with anxiety. “He’s twenty-four. We found an ID. Jeremy—”

  “Hawthorne?” Sophie could barely get the name out before a tidal wave of anguish ripped through her.