Cities of Rust

by Ariel Bonin

_____

  When Lindsey and Robert arrived in front of the quaint grocery store, they seized the bags they'd brought along and stepped out of the Camaro.

  "So when we were here before we didn’t clean out the dead bodies. I imagine it's going to be fairly ripe. Just thought I'd warn ya," Robert said with an awkward smile.

  Lindsey chuckled. "Good to know."

  They pried open the door to enter the store. She wasn't sure what the place had looked like when Robert made his previous run, but it was absolutely trashed. They would have to do some serious digging to find enough useful supplies to fill their bags.

  Robert began on the right side of the store, while Lindsey took the left. She grabbed random items of importance off the shelves: toothpaste, deodorant, shampoo. She walked behind the pharmacy counter, running her hands over the bottles and boxes scattered about. She found a few more handy things and tossed them into her bag. A small box crunched beneath her foot, and some unknown force urged her to look down. In a gray package, the words "Morning After Pill" glared up at her. With much reluctance, she leaned over and plucked it from the floor.

  The box felt too light for such a heavy decision. It was hard to imagine that this one tiny pill could change someone's life. She knew it wasn't abortion—it was birth control, same as condoms, but it still didn't sit well with her.

  Robert passed by the counter, moving toward the front of the store again. If she was going to do it, this was her chance. She slipped her water bottle out of the side pocket of her bag and punched out the single pill. As she held it in the palm of her hand, she thought of Andrew—then Jacob and Kelly.

  Just do it. Just do it. Just do it!

  Tipping her head back, she popped the pill into her mouth and took a swig of water. With one gulp, it was done. Her body convulsed as a sob threatened to rip from her throat, and she dropped behind the desk. Shaking, she covered her mouth, struggling to remain silent.

  "Lindsey, where'd you go?" Robert called out.

  "I- I'm in the back. I'll be right there," she answered, her voice cracking.

  Robert appeared around the counter and found her in a heap on the floor.

  "Hey! Are you okay?"

  Before she could answer, he picked up the empty blister package that she'd dropped onto the counter.

  "Lindsey, did you take this?"

  She looked up at him as tears trailed down her face. Just from her pained expression, he got his answer.

  "Please don't say anything to anyone, Robert. I promise that I'll tell Andrew when he gets back," Lindsey assured him, though, she wasn't looking forward to that conversation.

  "It's no one's business but your own," Robert said, extending his hand to her. "I won't speak a word of it."

  She got her footing and met his emerald gaze. "Thank you."

  They gathered enough items to fill their bags and walked out to the Camaro. Lindsey scanned the empty street, checking for approaching threats. All was silent, but she didn't feel any more comforted by that fact. She tossed her bag in the back and slid into the passenger seat. Robert mirrored her actions and got behind the wheel, starting the car with a roar. He pulled away from the curb and took off down the road.

  _____

  The four people in the truck had been silent for almost the entire return trip. Andrew heard a whisper in the backseat and glanced over his shoulder. Ana was leaning close to Darius, a smile on both of their faces. Andrew's lips quirked up at the corner. It was nice to see someone staying positive among all the death and missing family members.

  On the subject of staying positive, Andrew replayed the events from the previous evening, warmth spreading through his low belly. He hoped that maybe they could have another go at it when he returned to the ranch. Just the noises Lindsey made in the heat of the moment, and the look on her face when she...

  The smile immediately wiped off his face, replaced by the grip of utter shock.

  Oh, my God. What have we done?

  He was officially the world's biggest jerk. Of course she'd been upset this morning! He could have possibly gotten her pregnant and simply left her without a word about it. What would this do to her? He could see it in her eyes every time she looked at Zoey and whenever she'd held Jacob—she took her role in their lives seriously. She was a natural mother. Even though they'd only been together for a short time, he desperately wanted to have a child with her. To watch her stomach grow, and then have a little girl with her brown eyes, or a boy with her sandy blonde hair.

  Andrew cursed himself. What the hell was he thinking? They couldn't have a baby in this horrible world. He'd been through that once already. It was like he had amnesia all of a sudden—Kelly, Jacob, the school, the turners.

  Fuck. What were they going to do?

  He held his breath as they sped up the road to the ranch. Zoey was just running out of the house as Charlie parked the truck and Andrew jumped out. He hugged his daughter and kissed her hair, thankful that they were back together again. He glanced over Zoey's shoulder and saw Lindsey standing on the porch.

  "Any sign of Nadie and Jake?" Zoey asked as they parted.

  Andrew shook his head sadly. "You and I can go out tomorrow. Okay?"

  He patted her on the shoulder and walked up the steps, meeting Lindsey's tired red eyes.

  "We need to talk."

  "Yeah, we do," she whispered.

  Chapter 21

  Andrew shadowed Lindsey up the stairs and into their bedroom. He moved slowly as he closed the door, trying to buy some time. He'd had the whole drive to think of what to say and still wasn't sure where to start. Lindsey lingered on the other side of the room, her back to him with her arms wrapped around her torso. Andrew cleared his throat and waited for her to turn around. When she did, her face appeared calm and slightly reserved. He wasn't fooled by her façade, though—he knew her too well.

  Andrew took the initiative and spoke first.

  "I'm so sorry that I left without talking to you about what happened last night. I was so preoccupied with the run, I didn't even realize it until I was on my way back. I know that's no excuse, but I wanted you to know that I wasn't avoiding this discussion," he said, attempting to read the calculating look in her eyes. "With that being said, have you given any thought to what we should do now?"

  Lindsey glanced at the floor, hesitation confining her movements. She seemed to break through it and twisted around to open the drawer behind her, extracting a crumpled, white prescription bag. While avoiding his gaze, she placed the bag in his hands. The strangling sensation of anxiety gripped him as he unrolled the paper container. He lifted the bottom of the bag and dumped the contents into his upturned palm, revealing the opened blister pack of a morning-after pill.

  You've got to be kidding me.

  "Ohhh, Lindsey," he breathed, collapsing to sit on the bed and burying his face in his hand.

  "I had to. There was no other option," Lindsey said, a quiver in her voice.

  Andrew looked up, his gaze radiating of anger. "Seriously?" he bit off as he clutched the empty packet.

  "Don't you dare get mad at me. You're just as much at fault in this as I am!" she accused, her eyes brimming with tears. "I didn't want this either, Andrew! I'm thirty years old. All I've ever wanted was to be a mother. I want to have your baby. I want to live in a world where it's okay to want that!" Lindsey groaned. "God, how stupid do I sound right now? Am I even making any sense?"

  His anger ebbed as he listened to her confessions and saw that she was crumbling in the process. Swiftly, he moved from the bed and pulled her into his arms, allowing her to cry onto his shoulder.

  "I just don't understand. Why didn't you wait for me? We could have made this decision together," Andrew stressed as he rubbed her back.

  "What 'decision'? Like I said, there was no other option! I'm sorry, Andrew." Lindsey looked into his eyes, and he felt his throat constrict at the raw agony in her gaze.

  "No, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have put you in this position," he whisper
ed, wiping the moisture from her cheeks with his thumb.

  "Well, it took the two of us," she quipped through her tears.

  Andrew cocked his head in agreement. His mind began to wander, thinking of Jacob and his unknown fate. He thought about Kelly and how she'd bled out in Zoey's arms. Robert was just an EMT, not an actual doctor. The odds were entirely against them.

  "As much as it pains me to say this, I think you did the right thing, Lindsey."

  She stepped out of his embrace and, as she walked into the bathroom, said, "I don't know what to think anymore."

  _____

  Lindsey avoided her reflection in the mirror above the sink—she didn't want to look at herself right now. The smooth porcelain was cool under her hands as she leaned over, letting her tears fall into the bowl. With a sniffle, she watched them creep down the sides and disappear down the drain. There was a clicking noise outside of the bathroom, and she realized that Andrew had left their room. The thud of his boots was distinct as he walked down the creaky staircase.

  Ever since Lindsey took that pill, she'd been having difficulty figuring out her purpose in this life. Never before would she have made that choice. She'd been happily pregnant once, but the baby was taken from her and Jared, leaving them devastated. This morning she had been given maybe another opportunity to find that happiness, but, instead, she had put a stop to it herself. She knew she'd made the right choice—it didn't mean she liked it, though.

  After wallowing in self-pity for a few more minutes, Lindsey collected herself and made her way downstairs. She felt bad that she'd just left Andrew like she had. She wanted him to know that she didn't blame him for anything, that she would be okay.

  When she stepped outside to help unload the supplies from the truck, she made it her first priority to find him. The light of day was waning, but she was still able to spot him as he left the shed located diagonally from the house.

  With a sharp exhale, she crossed the space between them. Andrew saw her approaching and a look of uneasiness shadowed over his features. Lindsey offered him a warm smile, reaching out to touch his arm. She stroked the rough material of his jacket as she gazed into his stormy blue eyes. Upon contact, they seemed to clear and soften.

  "I love you. We're gonna be okay," she whispered, pressing a soft kiss to his lips.

  Andrew slowly opened his eyes as she pulled away, and gave her a single nod. "I love you, too."

  Feeling like things between them were resolved for now, Lindsey got to work. She lifted a heavy tray piled with ammo and started toward the shed. As she went inside, Dean was just turning to leave. He saw her with the tray and instantly wrenched it from her grasp.

  "Should you really be lifting things?" he hissed, dropping the tray onto a stack beside them.

  Lindsey's spine stiffened as Ana directed a suspicious glance their way. Dean didn't seem to care that she was there, but the woman left, undoubtedly picking up on the tense vibes.

  "That's none of your concern, Dean," Lindsey threatened in a low voice.

  "I'm not going to—"

  "I took care of it," she said, cutting him off.

  Dean stared, trying to make sense of what she was telling him. Finally, it dawned on him.

  "The trip to the store…that's what it was about." He sighed and laid a gentle hand on her shoulder. "It was for the best, Lindsey."

  With almost a growl, she shrugged off his hand. "Just stop, all right?"

  "Hey, is everything okay in here?" Andrew asked from the doorway, looking between the two with discontent.

  Lindsey was breathing heavily through her nose, all of her concentration on Dean. Her eyes challenged him to say something to Andrew. If he did, he'd surely regret it, because if Andrew didn't tear him apart, she would.

  "Just peachy," Dean spat, and brushed by Lindsey, not tearing his eyes from her gaze until he had passed her.

  Andrew watched him go, then looked to her. "What the hell is his problem?"

  Faintly, Lindsey rolled her eyes and shook her head. "I have no idea. He's just in one of his moods," she said, unwilling to admit to Andrew that she'd inadvertently shared her predicament with Dean. She was fed up with his behavior. It was obvious that the guy cared about her, but he sure had a funny way of showing it. If they had one more exchange of this nature, she vowed that she would put a stop to all of it—no matter what it took.

  _____

  At the end of the night, Lindsey wound up in her favorite place—in Andrew's arms. After everything they had experienced in the past few days, she considered them fortunate to still be together like this. She snuggled closer and let her worries melt away—the school, Jacob, "the mistake," her solution, Dean. Andrew's light covering of chest hair tickled under her cheek and she drew in his musky scent as he caressed a hand over her hair. The only noises that could be heard were their quiet breathing and the settling of the farmhouse.

  "Do you think we'll ever find a way out of this mess?" Lindsey whispered, breaching the silence around them.

  "Do you want my honest opinion?" Andrew asked. His deep voice reverberated under her ear, making it sound louder than it actually was.

  Lindsey let out a short, breathy laugh. "Probably not…"

  Andrew cracked a smile, but it faded as he decided on an answer. "I doubt we'll see it in our lifetime, if it does happen. As far as we know we're still without a cure, so I'm not feeling too confident in the human race coming out of this on top. Most of the people that have survived up to this point are not the ones you'd want in charge to restore order, if they're even capable of that." He paused. "Actually, I'm not sure I'd want to go back to my old life."

  Lindsey glanced up at him with curiosity. "What do you mean?"

  "Well…just imagine that a cure is found, order is restored, and you go back to your job teaching kids English. Do you think you could do your job as the person you are now? Like, with all the junk in your head—things you've seen, things you've had to do…" Andrew murmured. "We'd all be so damaged, like war torn soldiers, but not quite the same."

  Lindsey couldn't have agreed with him more. In no way was she the same person from two years ago. After the shit she'd endured just to survive, it'd be impossible to go back to normal. Working for her paycheck, using a computer—it would seem pointless, a waste of time.

  "I've never really thought about it like that, but you're right. Things would certainly never be like how they were before," she said.

  Andrew was quiet again, and she wondered what he was thinking. All of a sudden, he moved onto his side, displacing her onto her back. She was going to ask him what he was doing, until his large hand splayed across her belly. The simple action caused her breath to catch and butterflies to go wild in her stomach. She searched his gaze as he gave her the most affectionate look she'd ever seen on his face.

  "But if we do make it out of this, I want you to know that I'd love to have a child with you."

  Lindsey drew her lips inward, pressing her mouth into a tight line as she fought back happy tears. She'd already cried enough for one day. Even if they were happy, she didn't want them to impede on this perfect moment.

  She curved a hand around his neck, threading her fingers into the short strands that covered the back. Andrew tipped his head to the side, savoring her touch. She was sure he could see how much that statement meant to her.

  After pouring all of her emotions into one soul-rendering kiss, she nuzzled her nose against his and said softly, "Thank you."

  _____

  The next morning, Andrew opened his eyes and was greeted by the sight of Lindsey lying next to him. The new day's sun shone through the window, accenting the gold in her hair and the faintest of freckles on her nose. As he watched her sleep, he admired the peaceful expression on her face. There were so many occasions when her face was tense with fear or heartache. It brought him relief to see her relaxed in this moment.

  Feeling refreshed and ready to take on the day, Andrew got out of bed and crossed into the bathroom. When
he came out about ten minutes later, Lindsey was just stepping into her jeans. He glimpsed the raised scar on her thigh from where the Marcus’s bullet had torn through her leg, and was once again thankful that the bastard was dead.

  Remembering that day, Andrew wished he could have met Lindsey some other way, instead of discovering her bleeding out on the floor of a pharmacy. He supposed that was probably the norm in this new world. Before, you would most likely have met your significant other at a coffee shop. Maybe you spilled your drink on her or ordered the same beverage. Nowadays, you might accidentally shoot at each other or raid the same convenience store. It was a crazy world and he was still trying to make sense of it. Nonetheless, they were both healthy and together—that was all that mattered.

  Lindsey tugged on her boots and tipped her head up as Andrew bent over to softly kiss her on the mouth. When he drew back, she smiled at him from under long lashes.

  "Well, good morning," she whispered.

  "Good mornin' to you, too." He grinned, pulling her to her feet.

  Lindsey holstered her Glock, which had been setting on the bedside table, and went ahead of Andrew into the hallway. There, they walked side by side.

  "Are you going to stay for breakfast?" Lindsey asked with nonchalance, but Andrew could hear the hope in her voice.

  He nodded. "I'll even sit next to you," he said, and gently bumped her shoulder with his own. Lindsey made a noise that could only be described as a giggle, and Andrew promised himself that he would try to be more playful with her. She was beautiful when she smiled. It was even more satisfying when he was the one putting it on her face.

  The twosome descended the staircase and entered the dining room. Robert and Zoey were playing a game of checkers as they ate the occasional spoonful of oatmeal. Caren watched on, a mug of coffee cradled in her hands. Everyone swapped words of acknowledgment, and Andrew moved to retrieve two bowls from the kitchen cabinet. Lindsey thanked him and dished out the oatmeal. As they occupied chairs next to each other, Zoey was immediately asking questions.