Og-Grim-Dog and the Dark Lord

by Jamie Edmundson

  ‘I believe,’ said Og, ‘this all boils down to our objectives here. Are we loyal followers of the Dark Lord? Or are we just in it for our food and lodging? In which case, what’s to stop us siding with Lilith, if it looks like she’s going to be on the winning side?’

  A silence fell.

  ‘Dog?’ Grim pressed.

  ‘What?’

  ‘Come on now,’ said Og. ‘It’s time to be honest with each other. You’ve been the one most in favour of our place here. To keep our place, we’ve had to do things I regret. We’ve murdered and kidnapped: hurt people we had no personal quarrel with. We’ve lost our friend Assata over it. What have we become? Unthinking beasts? Dogs that do their master’s bidding in exchange for the scraps from his table?’

  Dog snarled at that.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ said Og. ‘That was a poor choice of words.’

  Dog took a breath. ‘No. You are right. I am just a mean dog, who only cares about where his next meal is coming from. But I know you are more than that, Og. I am sorry. This has gone far enough now. I’ve no loyalty to the Dark Lord or to Lilith. Both captivated me for a while, I’ll admit. I thought I’d found somewhere to belong. We don’t belong here. But if you’re asking me what we should do now, I haven’t got a clue.’

  ‘You’re not just a mean dog,’ Og told him. ‘We’re all better than what we’ve become. But we still have some decisions to make. Do we warn the Dark Lord? Do we just escape alone in the night? Do we leave Princess Borte in her cell, or do we take moral responsibility for our part in putting her there?’

  That was a lot to think about, and Grim felt as unable to fully answer Og’s questions as his brothers. But he could see a first step, at least.

  ‘I think we should tell Gurin what we know,’ he said.

  ‘I don’t give two craps about the Dark Lord,’ Gurin admitted once Og-Grim-Dog had filled him in on what they had observed. ‘It’s what you learned about the Bureau that interests me. Director Barclay,’ he said the name with obvious distaste, ‘the man behind the debasement of the adventuring life, is actually working for Lilith. Do you understand? The Bureau has been corrupted, its members sent here to eliminate the Dark Lord on her orders.’

  Grim nodded. With all the revelations they had learned, he hadn’t quite pieced together what it told them about the Bureau.

  ‘I don’t think it’s just the Bureau, either.’

  ‘What do you mean, Og?’ Grim asked.

  ‘Do you recall when we went dungeoneering in Wight’s Hollow?’ Og asked them.

  ‘That disgrace of a place?’ asked Gurin. ‘Why are you reminding us of that?’

  ‘There was a branch of Discount Dungeon Supplies there. I remember Assata suggesting that they were corrupting that place, in a fashion. Changing it into a tourist destination: not a real dungeon at all. Ever since, I’ve noticed how many branches of DDS there are around Gal’azu. When we returned here from Kuthenia, a DDS warehouse had appeared. It’s replaced the Dark Lord’s own weapons manufactory. A strange decision, if you ask me—making him dependent on others to keep his army supplied. And who was behind it?’

  ‘Lilith,’ Grim answered his brother. ‘So she and this Samael she spoke to, what if they control DDS and the Bureau? It seems that Samael now has a measure of control over the Kuthenians, too, since he is leading an army this way. And now Lilith wants to remove the Dark Lord—’

  ‘—and take over Fell Towers,’ Dog finished for him.

  ‘By The Maker’s Mighty Beard,’ said Gurin. ‘There’ll be no institution left in Gal’azu that they don’t control. A hidden nexus controlling all the weapons and armies in the land—even the heroes who might have stood up to them.’

  ‘And the food,’ Og added.

  ‘Eh? What do you mean?’ Gurin demanded.

  ‘Sheev’s,’ Og said simply.

  ‘No!’ said Dog. ‘Don’t tell me that Sheev’s is now the enemy. This is going too far.’

  ‘And for all we are learning,’ said Grim, ‘we still have to decide what we are going to do about it.’

  ‘And quickly,’ said Og. ‘Because a Kuthenian army will be here in two days’ time.’

  It was the night before the day before the wedding. Og-Grim-Dog was in the basement room they had begun to call home, though recent events meant they no longer used that word. Still, some things hadn’t changed. Their job, as it had been for the last few weeks, was to keep an eye on the princess of the Kuthenian Empire. If anything, they were taking that duty more seriously than ever.

  They took turns staying awake through the night while the other two slept. So it was, that when an unusual noise of clanking metal came from the basement—a noise which Grim would probably have slept through on previous nights—he woke his brothers and got to his feet.

  Og-Grim-Dog took the time to light a lantern and then exited their room. The basement was especially dark at night-time, and as Og held the light in front of them, Grim was able to navigate towards Borte’s cell.

  As he neared, he saw a pale blue light that looked like it was hovering in the air, at about the same height as Og’s lantern.

  It wasn’t until the bars of the prison cell came into view that he realised the light was held in the palm of a human wizard. It bathed Borte’s cell in a gentle light, revealing an open door. Inside, a halfling was in the process of leading the princess out of her prison. They stopped, caught in the act, when they saw Grim approach. Movement next to the wizard caught his eye next, and an elf appeared at the mage’s side. The bow she held was drawn and aimed their way. Finally, a voice from the darkness made him turn in the opposite direction to the prison cell. Here, Og’s light identified a sword-wielding barbarian.

  ‘We don’t want to turn on you, Og-Grim-Dog,’ said the voice. ‘But if you try to intervene, we won’t hesitate.’

  The barbarian frowned slightly at the response.

  Three ogre smiles appeared.

  ‘Praise be to Lord Vyana and His Horde of Winged Hyenas,’ said Dog. ‘We’re glad you’re here.’

  The Yellow Wedding

  The wedding breakfast was held in the Old Refectory. Tables full of menials occupied most of the space, while other menials acted as servers. They had already begun to circulate with the food, and the smell of fried bacon and hot syrup hung temptingly in the air.

  No-one from Princess Borte’s family was at the top table. Indeed, Princess Borte was not there herself, since in this part of Gal’azu it was considered bad luck for the groom to see the bride before the ceremony. Instead, joining the Dark Lord and Lilith, was the groom’s mother, and various aunts, uncles and cousins.

  Not far away was a table reserved for the Dark Lord’s henchmen. Og-Grim-Dog sat on a bench next to Gurin. Opposite them were Simba and Brother Kane. Underneath the table was an invisible wizard by the name of Sandon Branderson. It had been agreed that Sandon would wear Raya’s amulet and stay with Og-Grim-Dog and Gurin, in case they needed his help. It was only at the last minute that Raya had foreseen a problem with this part of the plan. Sandon was both invisible and silent, and would therefore struggle to communicate with them. To solve this problem, he had a parchment and quill with him, and would pass any messages he had on to Gurin.

  The first of these was very unwelcome.

  Grim could hear the dwarf whispering to Og. Leaving it a while, to avoid suspicion, Og quietly passed on the message to him.

  ‘Don’t eat the food.’

  Sound advice, Grim supposed. The food was supplied by Sheev’s, which if their suspicions were correct, was controlled by Lilith. They had overheard her assuring Samael that the resistance in Fell Towers today would be ‘limited’. What better way to weaken the Dark Lord’s soldiers than poison them at this breakfast?

  Nonetheless, Grim gave a deep sigh. Asking Dog not to partake wasn’t going to be easy.

  As for Raya herself, she, Princess Borte, Assata and Hassletoff were long gone. They had left not long after Og-Grim-Dog had stumbled upon thei
r rescue operation. It was agreed that they needed to get as far away from Fell Towers as possible before Borte’s absence was discovered. It wasn’t just the danger of the Dark Lord and his forces tracking them down. The Kuthenian army, with Lilith’s ally Samael in tow, were due to arrive at Fell Towers too—and from everything Og-Grim-Dog had overheard, it was not a rescue force. They had come to take over Fell Towers, and their plans for Princess Borte were unlikely to be benign.

  The servers arrived at their table with trays of pancakes, bacon and egg muffins, and bagels, with hot coffee and tea. As the feast was laid out, Grim took the opportunity to pass the warning on to his brother.

  To his credit, Dog was able to control himself. He said nothing, instead gripping the edge of the table with his hand, until the fingers began to go white.

  ‘These pancakes smell delicious,’ said Simba. ‘Here you go, Og-Grim-Dog,’ he added, shoving the platter in their direction.

  ‘Actually,’ Grim responded through clenched teeth, ‘we ate rather a large supper last night. Silly, really, but none of us has much of an appetite this morning. Please, don’t let us stop you enjoying it, though. Those muffins look very tempting.’

  Simba gave the muffins a nervous look. ‘I would,’ he replied, ‘but I’m actually trying to cut wheat out of my diet.’

  ‘You could always scoff out the bacon and eggs,’ Og suggested. ‘No-one here will mind, I’m sure.’

  ‘Can I pour the drinks?’ asked Brother Kane, who was due to lead the service later that day. ‘Even if you’re not hungry, I’m sure you can manage a nice cuppa.’

  ‘What a shame,’ said Gurin, looking suspiciously at the pots, steam visibly rising from the spouts. ‘I’ve recently decided to go caffeine free.’

  This awkward charade was interrupted by the arrival of the Dark Lord at the table, accompanied by his mother. She had taken the trouble to put on a nice dress for the wedding and Grim thought she had a kind face. However, he could see her eyes widen in horror at the sight of some of her son’s associates. She seemed to like the look of Brother Kane, however, and after her son introduced everyone, she stood next to him, one hand on his shoulder.

  ‘It must be a very proud day,’ Gurin offered into the silence.

  ‘Yes,’ she said, ‘though I do wish with all my heart that Jonty’s brother, Fraser, was here. Such a sweet boy, he was. It’s the not knowing where he is that hurts the most.’

  ‘Oh, mum,’ said the Dark Lord irritably. ‘Knowing Fraser, he’s probably partying in some dive somewhere, perfectly safe, with not a thought for the rest of us.’

  ‘Yes,’ Og agreed. ‘He’s probably a lot closer than you think.’

  The Dark Lord’s helmeted head turned towards Og, and it was easy to imagine there was a withering look on his face. He soon led his mother away, and the henchmen returned their attention to the trays of food and drink on the table, now going cold.

  Dog’s hand, still gripping the edge of the table, now began to shake, as he tried to resist every natural compulsion he had.

  Lilith appeared, and now she too glared at the food on the table.

  ‘No-one’s eating?’ she asked, a dangerous edge to her voice.

  ‘Apparently,’ Simba said, ‘Og-Grim-Dog are too full.’

  Lilith turned her dark-eyed gaze to Og-Grim-Dog. ‘I find that almost impossible to believe,’ she said. Unable to look away, Grim found her gaze holding him, searching his thoughts for evidence of treachery. He tried to keep his mind blank—tried to stop it revealing what he knew. But the more he struggled, the more those memories threatened to enter his consciousness. It was only at this moment that Grim got a true sense of the woman’s power, and it was terrifying.

  ‘On second thoughts,’ said Dog, his hand coming away from the table’s edge, ‘I am getting a little bit peckish.’

  He reached for a muffin. Everybody watched, as slowly, he brought the food to his mouth, and let it drop in. Everybody continued to watch, in absorbed silence, as he chewed and swallowed. ‘Mmm,’ Dog said appreciatively. ‘Very nice.’

  Lilith relaxed then, and she allowed a satisfied little smile to appear on her face. ‘Good. I am pleased,’ she said, and returned to her place at the top table.

  Dog belched loudly.

  ‘That doesn’t smell too good,’ said Grim, wishing he had a hand to waft away the smell, or to hold his nose.

  ‘I’m not sure I feel too good,’ said Dog.

  ‘No, well, you’ve probably just eaten a poisoned muffin.’

  Come to think of it, Grim wasn’t feeling too good, either. He wasn’t sure what happened to the food that he and his brothers ate, but he had a suspicion that it all ended up in the same place.

  ‘We may have a problem after eating that muffin,’ Grim warned Og.

  ‘Look around,’ said Og. ‘We won’t be the only ones.’

  Many of the menials seated at the tables were clutching their stomachs, or grumbling to one another. Any remaining doubts Grim had about Lilith’s plan disappeared at the sight of the Dark Lord’s forces withering before his eyes. And now was the moment Mistress Lilith chose to begin proceedings.

  She rapped on the table for quiet. ‘It is time to fetch the new Lady of Fell Towers,’ she announced in a voice that carried around the room. Her words were met by a mixture of polite applause and wind, the latter of which, Grim feared, was emanating from both orifices. ‘Og-Grim-Dog, you have the honour.’

  Grim got to his feet and proceeded to leave the Refectory at what he hoped was a stately pace. He felt his stomach roil in protest as he left the Refectory and headed for the trapdoor to the basement.

  ‘At least we had just the one muffin,’ he muttered under his breath.

  ‘We’ll be fine,’ said Og. ‘Though I’m not so sure about those menials in the Refectory, who must have ingested much more poison than Dog.’

  Grim had to agree. The menials also lacked the fearsome digestive tract of an ogre, which was capable of dealing with virtually anything its owner sent there.

  The two menials on guard duty were already raising the trapdoor at Og-Grim-Dog’s approach.

  ‘It’s exciting, isn’t it?’ one of them suggested.

  ‘You don’t know the half of it,’ said Dog. ‘I recommend you stand back a little,’ he said cryptically, as Grim began to descend the stairs to the basement.

  He got a shock when Sandon suddenly appeared next to them, the amulet in one hand.

  ‘Lord Vyana’s whiskers, Sandon!’ Dog let out. ‘I nearly flattened you with my mace!’

  ‘Apologies, Dog,’ said Sandon. ‘I just thought I ought to let you know. The Dark Lord’s adviser—’

  ‘Mistress Lilith?’

  ‘Yes. I snuck a look at her when she came over to the table. I’m afraid to say, I believe she’s a succubus.’

  No doubt Grim should have known what a succubus was, but he didn’t.

  ‘A suck you what?’ demanded Dog.

  ‘A demon. A very powerful demon. Whatever happens now, please be aware that she possesses far more power than I do—perhaps more power than any other creature in Gal’azu. Under no circumstances do we take her on. As soon as we get the chance, we need to get out of here.’

  ‘Well,’ said Grim, ‘here’s our chance. Fraser?’ he called into the darkness of the basement.

  Grim detected a slither of movement at the bottom of the steps.

  ‘Back up a little,’ came Fraser’s voice. ‘She’s hungry.’

  Grim and Sandon retreated up the steps. ‘I said get back!’ Dog ordered the two menials as they cleared a space around the trapdoor.

  They all fixed their attention on the exit to the basement, as a giant worm’s head appeared at the top of the steps. As it slithered its way into the hall, its rider was revealed—Fraser, the imprisoned older brother of the Dark Lord—imprisoned no longer. He blinked in the light, his gaunt frame looking almost skeletal in contrast to Evie, the Dark Lord’s plump, fleshy pet.

  Fraser flashed
them a vicious grin. ‘I’ve been waiting for this moment,’ he stated. ‘Forward, Evie!’ he cried, and the worm responded, heading for the sounds and smells of the Old Refectory.

  ‘What are we going to do?’ asked one of the menials.

  ‘We’re going to watch,’ said Dog, and, taking the hint, Grim followed in Evie’s wake. Sandon had disappeared once more, but Grim assumed the wizard wasn’t far away.

  A predictable chorus of shouts and screams erupted from the wedding reception, and Grim re-entered the room to see Fraser guiding Evie towards the top table. A few loyal menials staggered over to bar their path, but the worm sucked them up into its maw and few chose to intervene after that, complaining to each other about their upset stomachs.

  ‘Hello, brother!’ Fraser crowed with delight, as he bore down on the Dark Lord. ‘Your pet monster has already eaten your bride to be. Now it’s your turn!’

  Good, Grim said to himself. Part of the deal they had struck with Fraser was that he would announce Princess Borte’s death. It made it less likely she would be hunted.

  Lilith quickly evacuated the top table, staring at the giant worm with an intense fascination.

  ‘Destroy them!’ the Dark Lord demanded, but she shook her head.

  ‘Down Evie!’ the Dark Lord instructed, but his pet let out a high-pitched whistling noise, that suggested it was not going to oblige.

  He raised his hands, as if to cast some spell of protection. But no magic appeared, and the Dark Lord’s helmeted head swivelled around to look at Lilith. A smirk of pleasure met him, as the succubus’ own powers countered his.

  ‘Is that you, Fraser?’ asked the Dark Lord’s mother, looking up as Evie opened its maw and began to rise into the air.

  ‘Yes, it’s me! Finally free, after years locked up in Jonty’s dungeon!’

  ‘Is that true, Jonty?’