Write That Book Already!: The Tough Love You Need To Get Published Now

by Barry, Sam

  If you have to scramble to get everyone ready for school and work in the mornings, perhaps you can write during your lunch hour or in the evenings. If you’re a nurse or a firefighter and work long shifts, you may have to write more four days a week, to make up for not writing at all three days of the week. There is no requirement to write at the same time each day, as long as you schedule some writing time each and every day (or each and every day it is possible). As time goes by, you will find that certain circumstances work best for you. Pay attention to your body and brain. If you sit there staring at the computer in a total fog at 8 a.m., but find words flowing and fingers flying in the evening . . . well, duh—then don’t try to write in the morning, no matter what we said at the beginning of this chapter.

  Once you’ve figured out your best writing time, do everything you can to keep that time sacred. Be creative about where and when to get your writing done. (Speaking from bitter personal experience, Sam would not recommend writing on your laptop while floating in a pool. Bathtubs and playground swings are also bad ideas.)

  As we said earlier, some authors can write at the dining-room table with family life swirling around them. Others can write on commuter trains and airplanes. We have personally seen Ridley Pearson hunched over his laptop writing on rock & roll tours—a time the rest of us Remainders think of as summer camp for so-called grownups who have temporarily forgotten how to read, let alone write.

  But most writers do their best work in a serene, private, interruption-free environment. Many writers like to listen to music while they work, though some say that lyrics distract them and they prefer instrumental recordings. Others can write in front of the TV (though you may run the risk of having bits of Law and Order dialogue creep into your manuscript). Some like a room with a view; others like to work in small, closet-like spaces. In our household, Sam writes in an airy upstairs room facing the ocean, sometimes with a game on TV in the background. Kathi holes up in a cluttered office with red-lacquered walls and leopard-print pillows, blasting country-and-western classics (added benefit: non–country music fans will vacate the premises swiftly).

  FIGURE OUT WHAT WORKS FOR YOU

  You won’t get far following someone else’s rules or schedule. You have to pay attention to your own preferences and rhythms and do what works for you—but you also must be flexible. There will be times when you’re nowhere near your Kitty Wells CD or your beloved 49ers (Wither Joe Montana? Wither Jerry Rice?). Guess what? You’ll need to figure out how to roll into your Zone and write anyway. The only rule is this: your writing won’t get done if you don’t sit down and do it. So, how do you create circumstances that will help you produce? We’re glad you asked.

  • If you listen to music while you work, remember which track was playing when you last stopped writing. Engage your sense-memory by playing the same track again when you start. You can also do this with smells and visual cues.

  • Turn off those digital alerts that let you know the instant an e-mail comes in.

  • Shut down your e-mail altogether.

  • Turn off your phone.

  • Keep a notebook and pen or pencil with you at all times to jot down ideas that come when you’re not at your usual workspace.

  • Don’t lose the notebook.

  • Even if no one knows that you’re writing a book, respect and honor the process. Treat your writing as you would any other important work. Would you go to the office in your pajamas and bunny slippers before brushing your teeth? Most people do better work if they’re washed and groomed, have had a bit of breakfast, and remembered to get dressed—even if all that means is changing into a fresh pair of sweatpants.

  • If you get stuck, take a walk. Four out of five scientists agree that physical activity will improve your circulation and dislodge blocked brain cells. The other scientist is on the sofa eating potato chips and watching reruns of Law and Order.

  • Whatever you do, don’t forget to get your magic rubber chicken out from under the divan, dress it in a scarlet sequined cape and Mouseketeer hat, pinch its nose, and wave it around your head three times. What? No one told you this is the secret ritual employed by every New York Times best-selling author, particularly Anne Rice in her vampire period? We thought everybody knew . . .

  WRITING ALONE VERSUS WRITING WITH OTHERS

  Writing is a solitary process. You’ll probably want to complete at least one draft of your work before showing it to anybody, and we advise reading the whole thing out loud (to yourself, the cat, or one trusted, supportive friend or family member). But don’t show your work to just anyone at this stage, and please don’t show it to everyone. You know that guy who thinks he’s a terrific poet and sends you (along with many others on his list) long stream-of-consciousness e-mails every couple of days? Take it from us: you don’t want to be that guy. You want to be the sweetly unassuming friend-of-a-friend who surprises everyone by getting a novel published. So keep it to yourself, or within a very small group, until you feel you’ve done the absolute best you can on your own.

  WRITING GROUPS

  No matter what you’re writing, a time will come when you’ll need to show your work to other people if you hope to get published. Writing groups can be a great midlevel forum, providing a valuable service for new writers—as long as you find the right group. Though it can be interesting and educational to join a group in which members write in different genres, you might get more out of a group that includes people who write in a similar genre to yours. Kathi once spent a very long evening as the only comic-fiction writer in a room full of authors of heart-wrenching memoirs, and ended up feeling like a callous jerk. Try to find people at approximately the same skill level, something that is hard to quantify and even harder to accomplish. Despite the matchmaking-disaster potential, it’s worth giving writers’ groups a try.

  If you don’t like any of the groups that exist in your community, you can start one of your own. As the leader, you’ll be able to define the rules and pick and choose the members. If you have trouble finding other writers in your area, you can also create or join a virtual writing community online.

  All writers’ groups are different, and since you are starting the writers’ group, you get to make up the rules. Is that cool or what? As the initiator, it will be up to you to set the tone and provide some guidelines. Here are some tricks that have worked for us and other writers’ groups we know.

  Finding Your Fellow Writers and Starting Your Group

  Find members by asking your local bookseller or librarian or advertising online. It may take a while to gather exactly the right mix of people, but it’s worth putting some effort (and patience) into this part of the process. All members should be within shouting distance of the same level of writing skill. This doesn’t mean you all have to be working in the same genre—a variety of writing styles and themes can make for an interesting group.

  Figure out how often it’s practical to meet, then require that members make a commitment to attend all meetings. More writers’ groups fall apart due to a casual attitude about attendance than any other reason. In this sense, writers’ groups are no different than bowling leagues, softball teams, and poker games.

  Try to meet in person, rather than online, if you possibly can—and have those whose work is being discussed read aloud. Reading aloud to others is the surest way to catch all sorts of little things in your own writing, like redundancies, awkward phrasing, and redundancies.

  Who Reads What and When?

  Decide how many pieces, and pages, will be read and discussed at each meeting. In a larger group you might want to take turns, with no more than three or four members’ work being discussed at any one meeting. Distribute pages among group members at least a day or two before each meeting, so everyone has time to read and think about the material ahead of time.

  Giving Helpful Feedback

  Establish a positive tone. Even if a piece of writing needs a lot of work, find something good to say. Critique one anothe
r’s work in a supportive and constructive manner, but do critique; it doesn’t help the other writers if you see problems but are afraid to mention them. Be as specific as you can. “This doesn’t work for me” is not as effective as “I think if you cut the first paragraph and started here, you’d have a more engaging beginning.” The same rule applies to praise. Be very specific about what you like, and why. “You have a great sense of how to use dialogue—I can really tell one character from another” is more useful than, “Wow—you’re a good writer!”

  Always write your suggestions down on your copy of the pages, and return them to the author. If you are working digitally, do the equivalent—make sure that the author has a record of your thoughts.

  Remember that the reason you are all in this group is to help each other improve. Watch for patterns and themes in the feedback that you receive. If three out of four people think you should lose the three-page description of a cornfield, well, they just might have a point. If three out of four readers strongly think you have a gift for young adult fiction, you might want to be open to that idea, even if you have always been convinced it is your destiny to write the defining, dark postmodern novel about adult angst and win the National Book Award. Maybe the postmodern novel is your second book. Develop your strengths and work on your weaknesses, and you are guaranteed to become a better writer. If four out of five dentists prefer Blatz beer, then maybe you should consider switching to Blatz.

  You can also instigate a more casual form of writers’ group by choosing one or two writer-friends and getting together in a café or at someone’s home to write, rather than discuss, your respective work. You’ll have some company, but there’s no pressure to read anything out loud or submit to a critique. You’ll have someone to share a pastry with and put on fresh sweatpants for. And with another writer or two in close proximity, you’ll be less tempted to talk on the phone or check your e-mail. Let peer pressure work for you.

  ATTEND A WRITERS’ CONFERENCE

  Writers’ conferences can help you improve your writing and hone your message, and also offer opportunities to meet agents, editors, and other writers. Some conferences focus more on literary craft (these are sometimes juried—meaning you have to submit a sample of your writing and be accepted in order to attend); others focus more on sales and marketing; many cover both, and most welcome anyone willing to show up and pay the tuition. Do your research and choose a conference that best meets your needs and budget.

  We recommend talking to others who have attended a particular conference before plunking down a lot of cash. You can also ask about scholarships, and there are often opportunities to volunteer your time in exchange for access to a conference.

  Whether or not you end up making a connection that leads to publication, attending a writers’ conference will allow you several days to concentrate on nothing but yourself and your writing (not to mention getting a welcome break from your job, husband, kids, and dog)—a true luxury. Chances are you’ll learn a lot, too.

  One online resource for finding the right conference for you is Writers’ Conferences and Centers (WC&C) at www.writersconf.org.

  GET CAUGHT READING

  We can’t think of any writer we know who didn’t start out as an avid reader. Reading is what makes many of us decide to be writers; reading fuels our imaginations, and even helps us learn how grammar and syntax work. So read. Read as much as you can, all the time.

  Except . . .

  Some writers find that when they are deep in a project, it throws them off to read other people’s writing. This seems to apply mostly to fiction and has to do with not allowing another voice to interfere with your own, and it’s a viable and respectable position. But if you find yourself unaffected by others’ writing styles (for example, if you’re the type who can write while Law and Order is on and not find lines from the script creeping into your manuscript) then by all means read. Read a lot, read anything you want, read for fun. But don’t read when you’re supposed to be writing. And even if reading in your own genre distracts you or causes you to have difficulty writing, you don’t have to stop reading altogether. Just read other good stuff and call it “research.”

  THE AUTHOR ENABLER’S CARE PACKAGE FOR WEARY AUTHORS

  No matter how talented, disciplined, or even lucky you are, there will be days when you end up staring at a blank page or screen in utter despair. Even if you take every bit of advice in this book, we can’t promise automatic bestselling success, or even 100 percent productive writing sessions. We’d like to offer a few comfort strategies for those Mama said there’d be days like this moments.

  Take a comfort food break: It can really help soothe jangled nerves to eat something you love. (If someone you love prepares your treat from scratch, using a tried-and-true family recipe, all the better.) Here’s one of Kathi’s secret weapons: Grandma Clara’s famous matzo ball soup. It’s warm, soothing, and tasty—and turning off your brain for the time it takes to chop all those vegetables might even rejuvenate your creative juices. If you’re not a matzo-ball lover then mashed potatoes, macaroni and cheese, or a quart of triple-fudge ice cream might work just as well. You’ll have to come up with your own recipes for those.

  The Soup

  Serves eight with leftovers

  One whole chicken

  Enough water to cover chicken (see below)

  Salt and pepper to taste

  2 onions, chopped

  1 pinch of sugar

  6 carrots, chopped

  1 parsnip, chopped

  1 to 2 leeks, chopped

  2 cloves garlic, chopped

  6 stalks celery

  A generous handful of parsley

  1 tablespoon dill

  1. Cover the chicken with water. Add salt, pepper, onions, and sugar.

  2. Add carrots, parsnip, leeks, garlic, celery, and parsley to the mix.

  3. Bring to a boil and simmer one and a half hours.

  4. When chicken is falling off the bone, remove from the stove and strain the liquid into another pot. Add as much of the boiled chicken and other ingredients as you’d like; the rest of the veggie mush can go into the compost with the chicken bones.

  Keep warm on the stove until your matzo balls are ready.

  The Matzo Balls

  This recipe makes approximately 16 matzo balls

  4 teaspoons vegetable oil (if you don’t keep kosher, use melted butter—you won’t be sorry!)

  4 large eggs, slightly beaten

  1 cup matzo meal

  3 tablespoons parsley, chopped

  3 cloves garlic, chopped

  Salt to taste

  4 tablespoons of the soup

  1. Mix together vegetable oil (or melted butter), eggs, matzo meal, a parsley, garlic, and salt.

  2. Add the soup. Stir until loosely blended.

  3. Cover the mixture and refrigerate for at least fifteen minutes— longer is fine.

  4. Bring a large pot of water to a brisk boil.

  5. While you are waiting for water to boil, roll matzo mix into balls approximately 1 inch in diameter.

  6. Reduce flame and drop balls into the water.

  7. Cover the pot and cook forty minutes.

  8. Scoop matzo balls out and add them to the soup. Enjoy!

  OTHER TRICKS FOR KEEPING IT FRESH

  Take a musical break: Walk away from your writing for a few minutes to play, sing, or listen to a little music. Do you own a guitar, a violin, a clarinet, a zither, or a kazoo? Whatever your instrument, take it out of the case, buy an inexpensive stand (perhaps you can design your own kazoo stand), and keep it near your writing space. Play it once in a while. You can also indulge in one-minute “harmonica moments” and it just so happens that we know of a book to use to help you learn how to do this: How to Play the Harmonica: and Other Life Lessons by Sam Barry. We would love this book even if one of us wasn’t the author.

  Take a movie break: There are so many wonderful, entertaining, and inspiring movies out there! The
best thing about a movie break is that you can watch while playing the harmonica or eating soup. We don’t recommend both at once. Dropping your harmonica into the soup is only one of the potential pitfalls. Here is a list of some favorites that are about—or feature scenes about—books, bookstores, and/or authors:

  • Stranger than Fiction (both the author-care and IRS stuff are far-fetched—in real life, your publisher doesn’t send Queen Latifah to help you finish your manuscript—but the story is fun)

  • Crossing Delancey (the Amy Irving character works in a bookstore)

  • Bridget Jones’ Diary (has a funny scene involving Salman Rushdie)

  • You’ve Got Mail (small indie bookstore is forced to close; some wonderful pretentious-author moments)

  • Borat (includes a scene where they kidnap Pamela Anderson from her book-signing)

  • The Shining (a writer slips into insanity in an isolated old hotel)

  • Chasing Amy (all about comic book writers)

  • The 40-Year-Old Virgin (Seth Rogen’s character is writing a novel)

  • Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (exposes the silly, ego-driven behavior of some authors with the Gilderoy Lockhart character)

  It doesn’t have to be a movie. There’s a great episode of the TV show Stella (available on DVD) all about the publishing industry. The episode is called “Novel.” And in the television series Mad Men the characters spend a good deal of their work time trying to come up with hooks for their advertising campaigns.

  Do something nice for someone else: a big thing (opening a homeless shelter or an urban tutoring center) or a little thing (washing someone else’s dishes or taking the neighbor’s dog for a walk)— it doesn’t really matter. You’ll be helping out, and you’ll end up feeling better about yourself.