shift happens 03 - no were to run

by peterman, robyn

  Granny left the room with the two wolves close on her heels. They’d taken a real liking to Daniel and rarely left his side.

  “Seth’s not even remotely ugly and I have no clue what his package looks like,” I snapped as I plopped down on the couch and let my head fall into my hands. “Maybe he’s gay.”

  “I have a fabu gay-dar. I can check him out tomorrow and tell you if he plays on my team in three seconds flat,” Dwayne offered as he sat down next to me.

  “Have you made it clear you’re interested?” Essie asked as she flanked me on the other side.

  “Yep. I’ve all but jumped him. He’s perfect in every other way. Maybe he doesn’t want me.”

  “Impossible,” Dwayne snorted and Essie nodded in agreement. “He’d have to be a blind castrati to not want you. I want you and I don’t like girls,” Dwayne added rather unhelpfully.

  “I thought you wanted me,” Essie said with a laugh and an eye roll.

  “I want to be you,” Dwayne assured her, which caused an even bigger eye roll from Essie.

  Who wouldn’t want to be Essie? She had a fabulous mate who adored her. She had a grandma and friends who would die for her. She had her parents—even though they were stuck in their Wolf form—who adored her as well. Deadly-as-all-get-out should be her middle name and she could shoot better than anyone I’d ever come across. Essie was beautiful, but what she had in love and loyalty far outweighed her looks. I wasn’t such a great deal—I had looks and very little else to offer. Sure I was just as deadly as Essie, but that didn’t make me any friends.

  “I have too much baggage,” I said, revealing my biggest fear to my new friends. “Why in the world would anyone want me? My father is the reviled Dragon King. I have no family to speak of because he killed them all and I’m a single mom. Oh my God, saying it out loud is so freakin’ depressing.”

  “It is kind of off-putting when you lay it out like that,” Dwayne agreed as Essie slapped his bald head.

  “Dima, you’re amazing and if this Seth doucheballhole can’t see that he doesn’t deserve you,” Essie argued as she aimed for Dwayne’s head again. “Do you think he’s your true mate?”

  Did I? No. I didn’t, but Dragons rarely ever got to be with their true mate.

  “No. And Daniel’s father wasn’t either,” I said softly.

  “Should I get you guys some Twinkies and wine?” Dwayne asked as he hopped off the couch to avoid Essie’s left hook.

  “Why would you get us Twinkies and wine?” Essie asked as she closed her eyes and let her head fall back on her shoulders.

  “Because this is getting good and I know how you gals like to eat and gossip,” he offered reasonably.

  “Do you have ice cream?” I asked as a little grin pulled at my lips.

  “Coming right up,” Dwayne said as he raced from the room to get our fattening girl-talk food.

  “So, Daniel’s father?” Essie prompted me.

  “Do I have to tell you without ice cream?”

  “No, but Dwayne has a big mouth so anything you want to stay in confidence should be said now,” she replied as she tossed me a throw pillow to hang onto for courage.

  “Dwayne’s a talker?” I asked surprised.

  “Nope. He just gets excited and runs his mouth. He’d die for any of us. He’ll also pilfer your clothes, so don’t let him near your suitcases.”

  “I can hear you,” Dwayne called out from the kitchen. “Supersonic Vampyre hearing.”

  “No one is going to die for me,” I promised with a small grin. “And I think he’s already been in my suitcase.”

  Essie laughed and then grew quiet. It was crazy, but I trusted this Werewolf more than I trusted my own people. I’d only known her a short while, but she’d stood up for me in ways no one had—as had her mate, Hank and her Granny and Dwayne. If I was going to tell my sordid tale to anyone it may as well be Essie. Besides, I had an enormous request to ask of her.

  I’d been waiting for the right time…no time was the right time for this question.

  “If I die, would you hide and raise Daniel?” I asked on one breath as I stared at her hard and accidentally tore the pillow in half.

  “Wow. Wasn’t expecting that one,” she said as her eyes grew wide with surprise. “Wanna give me a few more details?”

  “Yes. Long story short…Daniels father was a lovely man that I barely knew. He wasn’t my true mate, but he was a good man and I was attracted to him. The pregnancy wasn’t planned and he was killed by my father before he even knew about it. Any Dragon I’ve ever shown an interest in has been murdered by my father,” I said as I picked at the torn pillow feathers that floated in the air around me.

  “Dude, that is some screwed up shit,” Essie said as she stood up and began to pace. “So other than being a gaping murderous assmonkey, why does you sperm donor kill all your potential mates?”

  “So the line ends,” I replied.

  “Not following,” Essie said as she took the destroyed pillow from my hands and replaced it with a cast iron doorstop shaped like a duck.

  “I’m the next in line and he doesn’t want me to rule.”

  “But if he were to have a son doesn’t that trump your right to the throne?” Essie asked the appropriate question.

  “I think so,” I said slowly wondering how much I should spill. Since I’d asked her to take her life into her own hands by raising my son upon the very real possibility of my demise, she deserved to know it all. “That would be true if my father was of the Royal House of Dragons, but he’s not. My mother was.”

  “And that means you and Daniel are the rightful heirs. Actually the only heirs,” Essie finished the story.

  The damn duck doorstop was indestructible. I needed to destroy something or set it on fire to keep talking. Realizing my need, Essie handed me a pile of Granny’s gossip magazines. I began to tear them to shreds.

  “It gets even worse,” I admitted as I tore the glossy paper head off of Brad Pitt and several other movie stars I couldn’t place. “If I don’t mate before I turn 500, I die anyway. The Royal Dragon line comes with some screwed up perks. I have to kill my father before my birthday so Daniel is safe.”

  “Holy Faye Dunaway with a truck load of wire hangers,” Dwayne gasped as he reentered the room with several gallons of ice cream and two bottles of wine. “We’ve got some problems here.”

  “No,” I said as I wadded up the pages I’d torn apart and shook my head. “I have some problems. Not you. The only thing I ask is that if I die and my father still lives, you would keep my son safe. He’s the only thing in the world that means anything to me.”

  I wasn’t used to asking for things. It was difficult and my pride was taking a beating, but my son was far more precious than my ego.

  “Done,” Dwayne said without missing a beat. “I’m clearly outnumbered with eight daughters and I’ve always wanted a son. Being gay and dead it’s highly unlikely I’ll get an heir in the usual fashion. I have more homes than I even know about. I can keep him hidden for eternity and the Cows will spoil his little fire-ass rotten.”

  Tears filled my eyes and I tried not to laugh at the thought of my son being raised by a gay Vampyre with eight adopted violent, yet sweet, Were Cow daughters but a small smile made its way to my trembling lips.

  “I believe she asked me,” Essie corrected her BFF.

  “Please,” Dwayne huffed. “You and Hank travel too much and if you become Council members it would be awfully hard to hide a Dragon.”

  “You think you’re up to raising a preschool fire-breather, Bagina Man?” Essie inquired with a smirk.

  “Yes, I do I Wipe My HooHoo with Poison Ivy,” he shot back.

  “Thank you,” I said quietly, not quite believing my good fortune at finding this crazy crew.

  “However,” Dwayne continued as he shoved a tub of ice cream into my hands and stabbed a spoon into it. “I say you’re not going to bite it. Are you into your gay boyfriend?”

  “Um…�
� I started.

  “We don’t know he’s gay,” Essie reminded him as she dug into her mint chocolate chip.

  “This is true,” Dwayne agreed as he floated to the ceiling in excitement. “I will teach you how to seduce him. You’ll be mated by the end of the week. We can then go en masse to kill your bastardass father and be back in time for me to finish planning my wedding. It’s simple.”

  “First of all it’s my wedding, you undead dork. And Dima needs no help in seducing anyone. She’s hotter than hell in a heat wave. Have you tried flashing some boob?” Essie asked as she pulled Dwayne off the chandelier.

  “Yep,” I replied as they both gasped in shock.

  “The boob failed?” Dwayne asked, dismayed.

  “Yep.”

  “He’s got to be gay,” Dwayne fretted. “Do you have anyone else in mind?”

  “No,” I replied on a long sigh. “It’s kind of hard to find a Dragon when most of them know my father will try to kill them.”

  “I can see how that might cause a few problems,” Essie said as she resumed her pacing. “You don’t need to mate with anyone to kill your dad. We just have to work fast. If he’s dead it will be far easier to find a freakin’ mate before you bite the big one. There are many ways to skin a cat or more accurately, kill a Dragon.”

  “He has a rather large army of insane Dragons that would do anything for him,” I supplied as I pressed the bridge of my nose to alleviate the ice cream headache I’d just given myself or maybe it was Essie’s way with words.

  “True, but we have Junior!” Essie clapped her hands and did a little dance around the still floating Dwayne.

  “Your alpha?” I asked doubtfully.

  Junior seemed like a great guy, but he was also clumsy and kind of a hot mess. His obsession with a gal named Sandy who wouldn’t give him the time of day was all he thought about. To me, he appeared to be a handsome good ole boy who ran a pack of Wolves.

  “I know,” Essie cut me off before I could say anything else. “He’s all kinds of spectacularly unorganized, but the dude is MENSA.”

  “Shut the front door,” I said with a surprised laugh. “No way.”

  “Yes way, and he can hack into anything,” she added with an evil little smirk.

  “Outstanding!” Dwayne shouted. “We can metaphorically slice your father’s financial balls into confetti with Junior’s help, and then I’ll mind meld the stinky butt jammer when his army turns on him. And then of course, we can confetti his testes for real.”

  “Okay, those visuals are a little much, but the general idea is fairly brilliant,” I said as I put down my tub of frozen sugar and started pacing next to Essie. “Money is paramount to my father’s operation and I’m more than sure most of it’s illegal. Destroy a Dragon’s hoard—destroy a Dragon. If we can fracture his army, I have a real chance of taking him out. Is Junior really that good?”

  “Junior is better than that good,” Essie promised. “Tomorrow morning is the beginning of the end of Daddy Dearest.”

  “I think I love you,” I said as I tackled Essie and Dwayne in a hug.

  “Just don’t tell Hank,” Dwayne advised with wide eyes and a barely disguised smirk. “He’s a little possessive of me.”

  “Oh my hell, Dwayne, you are going to drive me to drink,” Essie griped as she giggled and punched him in the arm.

  “Got ya covered,” he said as he handed each of us a full bottle of very fine wine.

  It was the best damn bottle of wine I’d drunk in 499 years.

  Chapter 2

  “It’s been about a month and a half and I’m pretty sure my balls are gonna explode,” Junior lamented as he moved around the Sheriff’s office like a bull in a china shop.

  My doubts about his ability to lead much less hack into an empire and bring it to its knees came roaring to the forefront. Junior was a hot mess on a sharp stick.

  “Junior, I’m gonna need you to focus here and get your brains out of your crotch for a few hours. Can you do that?” Hank asked as he ran his hands through his hair in frustration.

  “Of course I can focus,” Junior huffed. “I just wanted you to know the state of my purple nuts. Not to mention Sandy’s wearing a goddang miniskirt today.”

  Junior and Hank were brothers—gorgeous and powerful Wolf Shifters. Hank had been the Alpha of the Georgia Pack until very recently when he and Essie went to work for their Council. Now Junior was in charge. I wondered at the wisdom of having a horny and destructive Wolf as Alpha, but again, I was not here to judge.

  “Being as I’m not the only one standing in the office, the state of your testicles is not appropriate conversation,” Hank replied wearily.

  Clearly Junior kept his brother apprised of his explosive man parts. As amusing as it all was, I didn’t have time for this. Essie, Dwayne, Hank and I had come to talk to Junior and it wasn’t proceeding like I’d hoped.

  “I’m sorry,” Junior apologized to the room. “It’s just that I’m a recovering manwhore and it’s been hard.”

  “Pun intended?” Dwayne inquired seriously.

  “What?” Junior asked, perplexed.

  Shit. It was going to take a lot to convince me he was MENSA.

  “Ignore the Vampyre,” Essie said as she physically sat Dwayne down in a chair and then did the same to Junior who was almost twice her size. “Sandy is into you, you just have to keep your thingie in your pants for a few more weeks and then she’ll go out with you.”

  “Are you sure?” Junior asked. “I catch her looking so I’ve been flexing a lot, but she won’t really talk to me about anything other than work.”

  “Um,” Essie said as she tried not to laugh. “Don’t flex, just act normal around her.”

  “That is normal for Junior,” Hank informed his mate with a headshake and a chuckle.

  “Alrighty then.” Essie bit back a giggle. “Just keep doing what you’re doing. If your banana sack blows you’ll grow another one back. Probably bigger,” she added for good measure.

  “Sweet Jesus on a rollercoaster, that is the best news I’ve heard all week. Would it be offensive if I told Sandy the good news about my man tool?”

  “Um, yes—extremely offensive,” Essie told him with a snort. “Do not share with Sandy. It will not help your cause.”

  “Good to know. So what can I do for you good people?” Junior inquired.

  I was kind of done with the niceties and the discussion about Junior’s reproductive organs. I needed to get down to business or make a new plan. Seth would be here in a few hours and he was my plan B. I had no intention of letting Dwayne help me seduce Seth into becoming my mate, but I wasn’t above getting a few pointers.

  “Can you hack into bank accounts and drain them completely leaving no trail?” I asked Junior bluntly.

  “Just US bank accounts?” Junior sat up straight. His expression went from dopey to intelligently curious.

  “No, there would be stock portfolios and offshore accounts as well,” I replied.

  “What about land holdings? Other investments?” he queried as he went behind his desk and fired up his laptop.

  “Investments, yes. What can you do with land?” I asked, confused.

  “Well, if I drain the accounts and hack into the property deeds I can put them up for sale. We then buy them with some of the funds we drain. And the kicker would be we turn around and resell everything, unless you wanna keep the land,” he explained logically, as if anything he was saying was even remotely logical.

  Logical? No. Brilliant? Yes, yes, and yes.

  “You can do all that?” I was shocked. I hadn’t even considered the land—and there was an enormous amount.

  “I have a few friends that enjoy acquiring properties. Do you care if they get a very good deal?” Junior questioned as his fingers flew over the keyboard faster than I’d ever seen anyone type.

  “No, as long as they’re your friends, undervalue the shit out of it and sell,” I told him as I pulled a chair over to the desk and sat n
ext to him.

  “Do you mind me asking who exactly we’re doing this to?” Junior gave me a goofy grin and waited.

  “My father, the Dragon King.”

  “Holy shee-ot,” Junior yelled gleefully. “This is gonna be fun. That mother humper has so much blood on his hands it ain’t right. What are we doin’ with the money? You want me to lock it up in an untraceable trust for you and Daniel? I can do it offshore and I’ll lock that sucker up so tight no one will ever find it.”