Not Without You

by Taylor, Janelle

  Her innocent question broke him into deep chuckles. “Yes!” he said.

  “Good.” Kelsey grinned. “Where was I?”

  Jarred groaned and crushed her mouth beneath his. The curve of his lips slowly diminished as amusement turned to something else. For Kelsey, it was a sweet realization that she had such an effect on him. She’d forgotten how heady it was to make him stop and notice her. She’d been able to capture his attention once, but it seemed so long ago now.

  With an effort, Kelsey fought free of his marauding mouth, only to have him slide those warm lips down the arch of her throat. “So things are progressing at work,” she went on. “Gwen’s worried about you. I told her you were recovering and she was glad to hear it. At least I have one friend there. Well, two if you count Meghan.”

  “You have more than that,” he disagreed, his husky voice sending shivers down her spine.

  “I don’t know about that. Gwen’s really the only one who’s even tried to—”

  “Shh.” The finger he placed over her lips said he was through listening to shoptalk. Kelsey’s eyes met his. Even in the semidarkness she could read the stirring sensuality in his gaze. “I’ve been thinking of this a long, long time,” he said softly, his mouth moving to capture her lips and stay her words. With a soft sigh, Kelsey’s lids fluttered closed, and she gave in to her own desire. He’d read her so easily and scaled her defenses. She ought to be furious and put up some kind of fight, but there was simply no fight left within her.

  “You win…this time,” she whispered into his mouth.

  His lips curved up in silent answer.

  Then his mouth gently rubbed against hers, stroking the contours of her lips until she shivered. Her whole body was tense with suppressed emotion. It felt like the first time. So long ago, so long… She’d been living in limbo so long that she hardly knew what to do first.

  But Jarred had no such qualms.

  His right hand slid over her shoulder to her breast, to the front clasp of her bra. A quick twist and her breast spilled into his palm. Instantly he bent down and suckled the nipple. Kelsey simply melted. When he lifted his head, it was to allow room to remove her bra, and as soon as that was accomplished, his finger hooked into her panties and slid them down her legs.

  Naked next to her husband, she marveled at how odd, and how wonderful, it felt. Nagging thoughts tried to invade her consciousness, reminders of the unhappy past and a problematic future. But for tonight she mentally slammed the door shut on the Pandora’s box of memory. Tonight was for her.

  Her hand slid over his smooth, taut skin and his warm muscles. She smiled.

  “What?” he whispered, watching her.

  “Physical therapy’s been good to you.”

  His mouth opened over hers, his body sliding smoothly atop her, his hands curving around her buttocks. The combination of heat, musky scent, hard touch, and urgent desire made Kelsey’s head swim. She dug her fingers into his lower back, unconsciously begging, her body, arching against him.

  Jarred’s tongue invaded her mouth, stroking, testing, commanding. Kelsey answered with quickened touches, fingertips dancing over his skin in a way that had once elicited groans of pleasure from him, long forgotten now, but suddenly remembered.

  “Kelsey,” he muttered on an escaped breath, and warmth flushed through her as he, too, recalled how good it had once been. A slight jerk of muscle and he tensed. Pain. They’d moved too quickly.

  “Are you sure you—” she began, but he cut her off with another hard kiss.

  And then his fingers began a lower exploration. Kelsey swept in a breath, then writhed beneath him as the sensual exploration of his fingers was matched by a silken stroking of his tongue within her mouth. She pulled at him, forgetting his injuries, forgetting everything, in the sudden, hot, compelling need for fulfillment.

  And Jarred complied, pushing against her, his heart pounding deep in his chest hard enough for her to feel against her breasts, his manhood sliding along her ready feminine parts. She pulled him tight, silently begging for possession. Everything was wet and slick, and she thought she’d scream if something didn’t happen soon.

  But Jarred was nothing if not thorough. That she could remember! He held her hips, poised, drawing out the moment, until Kelsey was so desperate with wanting that when he drove slowly into her she dug her fingers into his buttocks and demanded just as much. Each powerful thrust was a memory timed to drive her crazy. She pressed her mouth into the neat of his neck and arched her back, consumed with mounting waves of desire. Closer and closer to the edge… until the scream she felt inside her passed her lips in a moan of pleasure. Moments later she pulsed with fiery climax, and Jarred drove one more time, deeper and stronger, groaning with the climax of his own sweet pleasure as he fell forward against her, his breathing hot and fast against her shoulder.

  “Kelsey,” he whispered achingly.

  “Yes,” she sighed.

  Moments later, he turned gently on his side, pulling her with him. Feeling oddly shy, she ran her fingers along the contours of his cheek, dropping a soft kiss on his lips. “Worth the wait?” she teased, and his answer was a groan of submission.

  “How long has it been?” he asked after a studied moment.

  “For me, years. Since you,” she admitted, almost embarrassed to admit the truth.

  “There’s been no one but you,” he responded, tracing one finger down the sculpted curve of her cheekbone.

  Kelsey froze a little inside. Was this the truth? No. It couldn’t be. What about Sarah? It had been years since they’d been together, and she knew from experience what a sensual creature her husband was. He could never wait that long for a woman. He hadn’t during their marriage by all accounts, why would he after she left?

  Feeling her withdrawal, Jarred stared at her hard. “I’m not lying,” he said seriously. “Whatever you thought of me in the past, I never cheated on you. Not with anyone.”

  “Faulty memory,” she whispered.

  “No.”

  She shook her head ever so slightly, negating the impossible. Swallowing, she addressed the root of the problem. “Sarah Ackerman.”

  “Kelsey, I don’t find her attractive in the least. I neverhave. I know it. But I confess that I used her aggressiveness for my own purposes. Whenever you hurt me, I let you think the worst.” He drew a breath and exhaled slowly. “I’m not proud of it, but I wanted to hurt you back.”

  “Whenever I hurt you?” she questioned. “When did I hurt you?”

  “With Chance Rowden.”

  “But…we were just friends.”

  “Friendly friends,” he corrected.

  “No.” Kelsey was adamant. “High school sweethearts. That’s it. We never even had a serious relationship.”

  Jarred stared at her through the darkness, fascinated but disbelieving. He’d heard differently. From the horse’s mouth, too, and though he knew it was the time to throw his knowledge of the truth in his wife’s face, he was too enarmored with her right now to spoil the beauty of the moment. And anyway he didn’t care anymore. The past was over and wiped clean from the accident. Chance was dead. Nothing more needed to be said.

  “Jarred?” Kelsey gazed at him, a bit alarmed when his eyes closed as if he were in pain.

  “Shh…” He kissed her gently, tenderly. “I love you. Good night.”

  She was still reeling from that admission when she heard his even breathing and realized this time he was definitely asleep. Either that or making a damn good representation of it.

  Moments later, his arms released her and he turned over. Instinctively she nestled her body up against his. Her mind churned. Had he told her the truth about Sarah and any other woman? Couldn’t be, yet it was certainly a lovely, seductive thought, and she suddenly so wanted it to be true that it almost hurt.

  But on the heels of that thought came another—one she kept locked in a distant part of her brain: the time of her short-lived pregnancy and Jarred’s harsh reaction. Blin
king in the dark, Kelsey gingerly explored the jabbing memory. She’d kept herself from thinking about it for so long that she’d almost believed it hadn’t happened. In the wake of other problems with Jarred, it was just the worst and deepest cut, and she’d refused to dwell on it. But thinking about it earlier in her memories of Nola had twisted the lock, and with all these new feelings and discoveries pouring over her, she couldn’t ignore the worst of his faults and expect any kind of long-term solution for them.

  But whether Nola believed it or not, there had been a baby. A conception of their love. And Jarred’s cold reaction had surfaced even before Nola suggested that Kelsey had made the whole thing up. Jarred’s stony reaction had been to the idea that she was pregnant! He’d never said he didn’t want children, but upon learning his new bride was carrying a child, he’d suddenly turned into a distant, chilly stranger. That had been the start of the ruin of their marriage. Oh, he’d expressed some sorrow when her heart was broken over the “miscarriage,” but she’d known by then that it was merely lip service.

  And she’d never forgiven him. Never. No other slights he’d dished out had ever bothered her so much. Not even his apparent attraction to Sarah. But his attitude during that time had crumbled Kelsey’s love for him until everything between them became a simmering, angry battle.

  Until now.

  Pressing her cheek against the warm skin of his back, she squeezed her eyes closed. Her heart hurt. She’d wanted that baby so much, and because of Jarred’s lackluster response, she’d fooled herself into believing she didn’t want him. But she did want him. So much now that she realized how thoroughly she’d subverted her feelings all these years.

  And if you were wrong about the Sarah issue, could you be wrong about this one, too? a hopeful little voice asked inside her head.

  With scary, wonderful, dangerous new thoughts circling her head, Kelsey didn’t fall asleep for a long time, but finally near morning she slipped into deep, dreamless slumber, where worries couldn’t find her.

  Jarred woke up with a start. “Kelsey?” he said into the dark December morning.

  “Hmm?”

  Her body was curled around his, her voice sleepy. He relaxed, inordinately pleased that she was still in bed with him. “Just checking that it was you,” he admitted, sounding pleased.

  “Who did you think it was?”

  “I was afraid Mr. Dog or that feline of yours had found their way in here.” He ran a finger down her bare arm. “Want to make love?”

  “Shh. I’m tired. I’m just sleeping with you, okay? I’m not sleeping with you again.”

  “You won’t hurt me,” he said dryly.

  “I’ve got to go to work.”

  “Call in sick. I know the boss.”

  She chuckled and shook her head. He ran his fingers through those reddish brown waves, then dragged them to his mouth and nose. “You’re wearing Kelsey,” he said, drowning in the scent of it.

  “That’s not its name.”

  “What’s it called?”

  “Something like Fragrance Number Eighteen.”

  He made a sound of utter annoyance and Kelsey started to laugh. What a wonderful way to wake up in the morning! “I do have to go.”

  “Not yet.” Jarred kissed her and held her until she was a willing slave to passion again. And besides, he did know the boss.

  “I’ve got to leave,” she protested half an hour later, refusing to let him hold her captive one moment longer. “Believe it or not, I’ve got a meeting this afternoon with the woman who painted the cabinets in the waterfront units. The one who painted the ivy design along the crown. Apparently she thinks her art has been compromised by the financial restrictions Bryant Industries placed on her.”

  Jarred closed his eyes and shuddered. “Why are we still using that woman? I made it clear I thought she was a kook after she stormed into my office sobbing and wailing. Sarah was supposed to tell Elisabeth to get rid of her.”

  Elisabeth was Kelsey’s predecessor—the woman who’d been upset when Will had tried to make room for Kelsey at the company. “Elisabeth quit when I came on board,” she reminded him.

  “You don’t have to meet that woman today. She was Elisabeth’s problem, not yours.”

  “I can do it. I’ve dealt with temperamental egos before.” She smiled at him. “Case in point.”

  He gave her an innocent look, which cracked her up. “Listen, I’ll take care of it,” she assured him, then slipped away from his arms and dashed into the bathroom before he could raise another argument. A quick shower, brushing of her hair, and light dusting of makeup and she was ready for anything.

  When she stepped back into the bedroom, the bed was empty. “Jarred?” she asked, but there was no answer. The crutches were not in their spot next to the bed, so he’d left without saying good-bye.

  I love you….

  Had he really said those three little words? She was fairly certain she knew what she’d heard. After slipping on a gray skirt and sweater, a black wool jacket and black pumps, she headed down the hallway in search of him.

  She found him back in his bedroom, clad in workout gear and stretching his muscles. Mr. Dog sat to one side, wagging his tail.

  “If you’re going to keep leaving me, I’m going to have to get myself fit enough to chase you,” he said.

  “You’ve got a long way to go. I’m pretty fast.”

  He examined his right leg and ankle. “Yeah,” he agreed soberly, and Kelsey stepped forward, wrapped her arms around him and kissed him hard on the mouth. “And what was that for?”

  She arched one brow. “For last night.”

  It was as if they’d never had a break. Years had passed, yet teasing her husband was a pleasurable memory that had never fully left her, even in her worst moments of telling herself she hated him.

  The phone rang before he could respond. “Do I have to get that?” he asked, his hands in her hair, his lips near her ear.

  “Yes.”

  “Forget it.” With that, he pulled her down on the bed against Kelsey’s protests. Kelsey listened hard, but she couldn’t hear the kitchen answering machine from inside his bedroom.

  “You’re making this difficult for me,” she mock scolded him.

  “That’s what I’m here for.”

  Moments later the phone began a second insistent ringing. Jarred sighed and Kelsey said, “Someone wants you pretty badly.” That reminded her of her prank call, and as Jarred untangled himself from her, she said, “Some guy left me a strange message on my phone at the condo.”

  “Some guy?” He carefully climbed to his feet and limped toward the phone. By the time he picked up the receiver, the caller had hung up. “They’ll call back if they really want me,” he said with an unconcerned shrug of his shoulders.

  Kelsey told him about the prank call from the public phone and the scads of other calls on Caller ID that she couldn’t account for. “They might have been from him, but he hung up on me before he said anything.”

  “He said he needed help?” Jarred frowned.

  “Maybe he’s got my number mixed up with someone else.”

  “This just makes one more reason why I’m glad you’re staying here.”

  Seeing how concerned he seemed to be, Kelsey was both touched and sorry she’d brought the calls up. “It’s probably nothing. I’d practically forgotten about it until the phone started ringing.”

  “I don’t like it.”

  “I shouldn’t have brought it up. I’m sure it’s nothing.”

  “You know, if I’m not around, you can count on Will. He’ll take care of things.”

  Will. She thought back to Gwen’s concerns. “Will doesn’t trust me,” she reminded Jarred.

  “Like everyone else, he’s just being overprotective. Give him time.”

  She gazed at her husband, wondering if he truly believed his words or if they were just wishful thinking. Yet when she tried to put Will in the place of the spy within the company, she just couldn’t do
it He was too loyal to Jarred.

  “Part of Will’s problem these days is that he and Danielle are having trouble,” Jarred revealed.

  “Marital trouble?” Kelsey asked.

  Jarred nodded. “That’s why we haven’t seen her around.”

  Gwen might not want Kelsey to relay her suspicions about Will, but there was no reason to completely exonerate him either. “Will’s been pretty tight with Sarah,” she said. “I wasn’t kidding when I said that, whenever he’s around, she’s around.”

  “You think there’s something going on between them?”

  Though she knew she was being too sensitive, she couldn’t help a prick of uneasiness. He’d said he didn’t care about Sarah, but years of conditioning herself to believe otherwise couldn’t just be brushed aside. “I have no evidence to support anything,” Kelsey told him. “I just noticed how close they’ve become, and since I don’t like her, I always think the worst,” she admitted candidly.

  “I never had an affair with her,” Jarred said pointedly. Silence pooled between them. The only sound was their breathing. “I don’t find her attractive and I never have.”

  Kelsey gazed at him soberly. “Do you really remember everything?”

  “All of that, yes! Sarah is an employee, period. And like I said, there were times when I used her attraction to me to my advantage. I wanted you to think the worst.”

  “I always think the worst with Sarah,” Kelsey admitted.

  “Yes, I know. I didn’t have to try that hard,” he said with dry humor.

  Smiling, Kelsey glanced at her watch, raised her eyebrows, then turned toward the door.

  “Wait!” Jarred worked his way toward her, shooting his own ankle a dark look. He reached her and held her close. Kelsey was afraid to move, considering he wasn’t exactly steady on that one leg. But when he kissed her, she pulled back.