Not Without You

by Taylor, Janelle

  Newcastle nodded slowly. “I believe they are, but I also believe they’re interrelated. Something to do with your business or your blind discovery of Rowden’s meth lab or something involved with your family—I think there’s a tie in.”

  Jarred frowned. “Chance is dead. I can’t tie anyone else to that crime except possibly this Connor.”

  “He’s a person of interest,” Newcastle said with a slight nod, as if something had been decided. “Although my guess is he’s just a link. These are serious crimes— the kind made when someone has serious friends. And those friends are after you.”

  “I don’t know anything.”

  “Maybe you do.”

  After the detective left, Jarred prowled around his office. It was some comfort to realize that this mess appeared to be related more to Chance Rowden’s drug abuse than Jarred’s business. On the other hand, the idea of a shadowy group of drug traffickers wanting him dead didn’t leave him with a strong sense of security.

  What do I know? What did I see?

  Once again he came up against the frustrating wall of his memory. Nothing more to learn. A blank. The worst of it was he had a feeling he might never know. He’d had his breakthrough already. There was nothing left to learn.

  A knock on his door. Will looked around the jamb, saw Jarred, and stepped inside. “I’m leaving. I’ve got some things that need to be taken care of.”

  Jarred nodded. Will didn’t normally check with him about his minute-by-minute itinerary. “I’ll see you later then.”

  “At the Christmas party.”

  Jarred sucked in a sharp breath.

  “You forgot,” Will accused with a smile. “Damn good thing I reminded you, or Nola would have your head!”

  Due to Jarred’s accident, Nola had planned an intimate Christmas party for himself, his father, Will, Kelsey, Sarah, and Gwen, rather than the usual full-blown company holiday event. Jarred had wanted to forget the whole thing, but Nola wouldn’t hear of it. They were to meet at the Olympic for dinner and drinks in a private room this evening.

  “I forgot to remind Kelsey. I’m not even sure I told her it was tonight.”

  “Where is she?”

  “Running errands,” he said for wont of a better explanation. He hadn’t talked to her this morning. The atmosphere had been oddly strained between them—a recognition that his memory was returning and with it fears of a strain in their relationship. Or something. He wasn’t quite certain, but the tension between them had been palpable. His fault, he realized with an inward grimace.

  “Sarah’s upset with Kelsey,” Will confided. “I guess they had run-in over who’s slipping information to Taggart.”

  “I think Sarah can take the heat,” Jarred answered dryly.

  Will nodded and pursed his lips. He seemed about to say something, but just lifted a hand in farewell. For a moment Jarred stared after him, lost in thought. Then he tried calling Kelsey on her cell phone but only got her voice mail.

  “It’s Jarred,” he said after the beep. “Call me.”

  Shrugging his shoulders, he tried without much success to shake off a feeling of impending doom. Newcastle had left him feeling raw and vulnerable, and he didn’t like it one bit.

  “Tara?”

  Tara glanced up from a file of papers on her desk and broke into a smile. “Kelsey! Hey, there, stranger.”

  “Hello, yourself.” With a feeling of being a bit of a turncoat, Kelsey entered the model unit. A stack of carpet samples lay scattered in the corner, and coffee stains littered the papers across Tara’s desk.

  Catching her gaze, Tara said, “Nothing much changes, does it?”

  “Not really. Apart from my employer, I guess. Is Trevor around?”

  “Are you sure you want to see him?” Tara’s brows inched skyward.

  “No, but we have some unfinished business.”

  Tara gazed at Kelsey as if she’d lost her mind. Then she shook her head and lifted her arms in surrender. “He’s on his way here. If you stick around, you’re bound to run right into him, but since Phase Two fell through, he’s been an absolute bear. And it doesn’t help that your husband’s the man who pulled the switch.”

  “I’m sure I’m tarnished with the same brush.”

  “Honey, you’re guiding the tarnisher’s hands.” With that ringing endorsement, Kelsey wandered through the model and outside the grounds while Tara returned to business. She felt unsettled and newly anxious. Since Jarred’s “breakthrough” of the night before, she’d been firmly set outside his line of thinking. After these past weeks of being his one and only confidante, she found it disconcerting and downright scary. Her memories of the old Jarred were not that distant.

  At work this morning she’d been less than useless. Newcastle’s disappearance into Jarred’s office bothered her as well, and though she knew from the little Jarred had said that his concerns were over Chance and his ties to the drug underworld, she nevertheless felt as if she were on trial, too.

  She had to do something. No more sitting on the side. lines wringing her hands. No more worrying and wondering. Time to be proactive. There were answers to learn, and the plodding pace of the police was just not fast enough for either her or Jarred. And though Jarred had clearly changed tactics and decided to fight this battle without her help, Kelsey would have none of it. There were people she could contact, people she could confront. With that firmly in mind, she’d driven over to Trevor’s Phase One to confront him about his “spy.” Sarah had accused her of being the culprit, and Kelsey firmly believed Sarah was simply covering her own ass.

  And Kelsey intended to learn the truth.

  Fifteen minutes later, she saw Trevor puffing along the sidewalk from the parking lot to the model unit. He stopped dead upon seeing her. His breath was visible in the cold, dry air. “Kelsey,” he said with a certain amount of distaste.

  “Hello, Trevor.”

  “What are you doing here?”

  “I came to see you.”

  “To gloat? Your loving husband sold Neil Brunswick a bill of goods and cut me straight out of the deal! But I’m sure you know that already.”

  “You only got close to that deal because Sarah dropped you inside information.”

  “What are you talking about?” he demanded, but the hand he ran through his thinning hair trembled.

  “She accused me of being the spy. Nice tactic. She wanted Jarred to lose faith in me. And it’s a tactic she’s used before. Except since I knew I wasn’t the culprit, it kind of turned suspicion on her.”

  “I don’t have a clue what you’re talking about!”

  “She first tried to turn suspicion on Will,” Kelsey went on thoughtfully, as if the idea were unfurling as she spoke. “She even got Jarred’s secretary to believe it, but now she thinks she’s got Will twisted around her little finger and she no longer wants him to be blamed. She wants me blamed, but that isn’t working. It’s almost a matter of elimination: not Will, not Kelsey, then who? There’s only one other person with access to valuable information and an ax to grind.”

  Trevor glared at her, his face red. “Are you finished?”

  “I don’t believe Jarred’s accident had anything to do with this corporate spying. But Detective Newcastle is interested in anyone who has anything against Jarred. Your name’s come up.”

  “Kelsey!” Trevor was aghast. “I—I can’t believe you’re saying this!” he sputtered. “Are you… accusing me?”

  “Of buying information from Sarah. I overheard you on the phone the day I quit.”

  Trevor staggered backward, stunned by her words. For once in his life he looked beaten, dazed, shrunken by his own small-minded desires and machinations.

  “I just came by to let you know I’m on to you and Sarah,” Kelsey told him, feeling cold inside at the true realization that her suspicions had all been correct. It was a killer to fully realize that people you liked and once trusted could be so self-centered and incapable of returning real friendship. “Good
-bye, Trevor.”

  It was impossible to return to the office. She didn’t want to face anyone involved in Trevor’s dirty politics, so after wandering around for several hours, she ended up at McNaughton’s late in the afternoon. Mac himself came to her table, regarding her white face with concern and sympathy.

  “What’s wrong then?” he asked. “You look chilled to the soul.”

  “Very close to the truth, I’m afraid. I could use some of your Irish stew.”

  He grinned and patted her shoulder. “Coming right up.”

  Huddling in her coat, Kelsey stirred the savory meat and vegetables around and felt guilty about having no appetite. Her initial energy to learn the truth had deserted her. Trevor’s attitude had zapped her and left her feeling weary and forlorn.

  With a mental shake, Kelsey pulled up her determination. What was wrong with her? One small rejection from her husband and she was a basket case? Was her belief in his love for her, his change of attitude, so weak that she couldn’t abide even the smallest of rejections?

  She paid for the stew, apologized for her feeble attempt to do it justice, and left the restaurant under Mac’s worried gaze. She had no clear idea of how to proceed, so she drove to her condo, picked up the newspapers stacked outside her door, and walked inside. It was cold as the Alaskan tundra but she didn’t touch the heat. Instead she went to the phone, intending to stop her newspaper subscription.

  A list of numbers on Caller ID. Nothing on the answering machine. She checked the numbers and felt a shiver dance down her spine. Just like before. Pay phones. From all over the city.

  For a moment she stared into space, thinking. A glimmer of an idea formed. Thinking hard, she called the Seattle Times, cut off her subscription, then locked the condo and headed for her rental car. Ten minutes later she was driving northward with one hand, digging inside her purse with the other. Grabbing the cell phone she rarely used except for emergencies, she checked the battery and was relieved it had some life left. She saw a message had been received on her voice mail and punched in her security code to hear Jarred’s authoritative voice order, “Call me.” For a moment she debated doing just that, but she wasn’t ready to talk to him just yet. She sensed they were turning a new corner—one she’d somehow been avoiding, the one where the old Jarred and the new Jarred collided. His distance had bothered her this morning, shades of the old Jarred. No, she wouldn’t call him just yet.

  But she could leave a message on his cell phone, which he only turned on when he was outside the office.

  “Jarred, it’s Kelsey. I talked to Trevor. Looks like Sarah’s the one who’s been selling him information. I don’t know what you want to do with this information, but there it is. I’ve got some errands to do and I’ll meet you at home later. “Bye.”

  She almost added, I love you, but she just couldn’t force herself to do it somehow. You’re such a fragile goose! she berated herself, but she didn’t call back. Instead she called the Rowdens. Glancing up at the darkening sky, she realized distantly how threatening it appeared. Night was falling fast and it looked, and felt, like snow was on its way.

  “Hello?” a faint voice sounded through a wall of static.

  “Marlena? It’s Kelsey,” she yelled above the loud fuzz. Her particular cell phone was several years old and had never been all that clear. Marlena’s voice was damn near unintelligible right now. One of these days Kelsey was going to have to upgrade. “Are you there?”

  “Oh, Kelsey! Yes! Are you on—” The rest of what she said was lost.

  “Marlena? Marlena? I’m heading your way,” she called. “Can you hear me?”

  “Yes!” Some more static, “—to Silverlake?”

  “Yes. To Silverlake. I’ll see you soon. Okay? “Bye.”

  She tried to plug in her phone, realized she didn’t have the charger with her, muttered obscenities at herself, then headed into traffic. Before she left Seattle, she stopped at her bank and withdrew several thousand dollars in cash. Back in her car she sat still for several long moments, her gloved hands on the wheel. What the hell am I doing? she asked herself. She’d made a habit of giving cash to the Rowdens rather than depositing it into their account. She’d done it to hide her philanthropy from her husband, whom she’d considered ruthless, cruel, and autocratic. She hadn’t wanted him to know that she subsidized Chance’s parents, and that if they, in turn, subsidized Chance, then so be it. This was her life. The Rowdens were her family. And Jarred was no part of it.

  But what a subversive thing to do! How could she demand trust when she couldn’t completely give it herself? How was she ever going to make this marriage work if she couldn’t be truthful and open? With bitter selfdiscovery, she realized she couldn’t blame Jarred—the old Jarred—for the destruction of their love without swallowing a little of the blame herself.

  But she couldn’t fix everything at this very moment. In the back of her head she had a plan to help Jarred, and before he withdrew further and the situation turned into a serious problem, she wanted to take care of a few things. With that in mind, she turned the car toward Silverlake and hoped that pending snowfall would wait a while.

  Grabbing his coat from the back of the chair, Jarred put another call in to Kelsey’s cell. She never had the damn thing on, but she’d been missing all afternoon. He’d left messages at the house, but she still hadn’t called him back. Now he regretted his reticence to talk this morning, and he wished he’d told her he needed a ride home when she’d asked. He’d said he’d take a taxi, mainly to keep his independence. He’d just wanted to… think. Alone. The Christmas party had completely slipped his mind, and now he was frustrated, needing to head home and change and find his missing wife.

  “If this was the old days, I’d think she was with Chance,” he growled under his breath.

  The outer halls were empty. Everyone had either left early or closeted themselves in their offices. Gwen, however, was at her desk, swallowing a pill with a glass of water.

  “You okay?” Jarred asked.

  “Headache.” She smiled wanly. “Just a little one. I’ll make it to dinner.”

  “Good. Could you call me a taxi? I’m about to leave.”

  “Oh, Kelsey’s not here?”

  “No.”

  Gwen nodded, picked up the phone, and called Jarred a cab. He mouthed a thank-you and headed for the elevator. Crossing the lobby to the revolving door, he glanced at a low gray sky. He was overcome by an urge to find his wife, take her back to the boat, and make love to her all night, blowing off the dinner party to the horror of his mother. He grinned at the image.

  The yellow taxi pulled up the curb. Throughout the journey home he entertained himself with visions of his beautiful wife in the shadow of the boat’s gas fire or her face contorted in the throes of ecstasy.

  With these thoughts for company, he wasn’t going to be able to get out of the car without embarrassing himself!

  To Kelsey’s surprise, Marlena was waiting on the front steps, rubbing her hands together and huffing out clouds of white vapor in the frigid air. She shifted her weight from one foot to the other.

  “How long have you been standing outside?” Kelsey asked, greeting her with a hug and a kiss. “My goodness. Since I called?”

  “Yes,” Marlena answered, and her tone sent a dagger of fear into Kelsey’s heart.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “Oh, Kelsey! Connor was here!”

  “Here?”

  “He’s in terrible shape. Terrible, terrible shape. I know you didn’t know him well, but he used to be the sweetest boy. Just like Chance…”She broke off on a sob. “He wanted money. He demanded money. And he wanted me to talk to you.”

  “I brought money,” said Kelsey.

  Marlena waved her away and shook with tears. “It’s not right. It’s not… fair. You can’t always be there. You have a husband who loves you, Kelsey. You’re part of his family now.”

  “I’m still part of yours!” Kelsey said fiercely. “Now s
top worrying. Please. Come on. Let’s go in and get warm.”

  But Marlena wouldn’t let Kelsey guide her to the door. “I don’t want to upset Robert. It was hard when Connor showed up. He wanted me to give him your phone number and address. He was raving! I’ve never been so scared.”

  Shivers slid down Kelsey’s spine. “Has he been trying to reach me?”

  “I… I think so.”

  “Do you think he could be at Chance’s old place? I know the police checked it and it was deserted, but would he go back?”

  Again she shook her head helplessly. “I don’t know. I don’t know where else he would go. He’s not the same. He’s really not the same as he was. He waved his arms around like a madman, ranting about conspiracies! He threatened my husband…” Now she totally broke down, collapsing within the shelter of Kelsey’s arms.

  Kelsey soothed Marlena, but her mind was speeding ahead, ticking off thoughts, forming conclusions. Connor. And Chance. And chemical dependency. And drug lords.

  And an explosion that had torn out their garage.

  “Marlena, let me give you this money.” Kelsey drew back for a moment and handed the woman she considered her mother a thick packet. “It’s for you and Robert.”

  “No, I know how this has been a secret from Jarred, and I won’t let you.”

  “Marlena, from now on, I’m not going to keep it secret. The money will be directly deposited.”

  “I can’t take it!”

  “You must. We’ve been through this before. I don’t need it. Use it. I’ve got to get going.”

  “But you just got here!”

  “I want to confront Connor. I need to hear what he has to say. I just wanted to stop by and give you this.”

  “Oh, Kelsey, it’s too dangerous! Call the police!”

  “And tell them what?”

  “I don’t know. I don’t know.”

  “I’m going to say hi to Robert and then head out. Oh, God.” Kelsey inhaled suddenly.

  “What?” Marlena gazed at her through anxious eyes.

  “Nothing. Nothing. I just remembered where I’m supposed to be tonight. Never mind. I might just be a little late.”