Not Without You

by Taylor, Janelle

  Not that she minded. Well, as long as he didn’t take it too far, and as the weeks had progressed and they’d moved back into the house and survived the beauty and craziness of the Christmas season, he’d relaxed a bit. When she had examined her ghastly pallor in the mirror, she studied the sapphire earrings he’d had specially made to match his grandmother’s sapphire pendant. The tiny circle of diamonds surrounding each stone winked at her as if sharing her secret happiness.

  Secret happiness…

  She and Jarred had made love with the joy and interest and abandonment of new lovers, and Kelsey couldn’t help pinching herself now and again because nothing— nothing—this good in life ever lasted long. She had to remind herself to just enjoy it, and every time there was a little hitch, she half expected the whole thing to come tumbling down. But it hadn’t. At least not yet.

  Detective Newcastle had given his usual postmortem after Connor’s meth lab exploded. “Bound to happen eventually. Lucky you weren’t seriously hurt, Mrs. Bryant.” A bit of censure there. A reminder that amateur detectives were always a nuisance to themselves and others. “From what you’ve said, he confessed to the accidental murder of Chance Rowden. That explains a lot of things, although it’s unlikely he set off the bomb in your husband’s car.”

  “He mentioned the people in black cars.”

  Newcastle nodded. “Dealers. Someone a few rungs up the ladder. The kind of muscle Connor would turn to if he needed a job done.”

  “He seemed scared of them,” Kelsey said, remembering.

  “He’d be a fool not to be,” was the succinct response.

  They discussed Connor backward and forward, needing to clear their minds of all the events that had led to this moment. Exhaustion was all that kept them from talking through the night as they lay cuddled within each other’s arms to the gentle rocking of December’s Wish.

  But now, as Kelsey approached their table, her husband rose from his chair. “Are you all right?” Jarred asked, taking in his wife’s alarming pallor.

  “I’m just not feeling one hundred percent,” she sidestepped. Was now the time to tell him? No. Better to wait for the corresponding blood test. Maybe she could get away this afternoon and make certain.

  A baby!

  If. she was correct, and she was sure she was, then Sarah’s pregnancy would be a moot point. Jarred’s thirty-ninth birthday was on Friday. Maybe she should wait and tell him then. How would he feel to know that his inheritance was safe? Would he be pleased, or would he think she’d somehow diabolically planned this? On this one issue Jarred was completely unpredictable.

  “What are you thinking about?” he asked, noticing her smile.

  “Sarah’s pregnancy,” Kelsey admitted.

  “Really?” His brows lifted. “You looked a lot happier than I would have expected to be thinking about her.”

  “You know I asked Connor about her that night.”

  “About Sarah?” Jarred’s brows drew together.

  “Connor mentioned a woman. And that’s what you said,” she reminded him. “The night you remembered about the meth lab. So I asked him if he meant Sarah. He said no.”

  “I can’t really let her go without a reason,” Jarred said, “and I don’t have enough proof yet that she’s—”

  “Oh, I know. I’m not saying that. If she and Will are really getting married, then I think you should wait. Though I’m sure she did it, I don’t know why she would sell out to Trevor anyway. For the money?” Kelsey shook her head. “You’re right. There’s not enough proof.”

  Jarred poured them both another cup of tea. Kelsey gingerly sipped from her cup and Jarred asked, “You think Chance and Connor suspected she might be selling secrets to Taggart?”

  “She knew Chance from college. She probably knew of Connor, kind of like I did.” She shrugged. “It’s just that she’s the only woman who seems to have a connection to Chance, although I must admit, Chance seemed kind of over-the-top passionate about whoever was eroding your company and this kind of sneaky bit of thievery doesn’t seem to qualify. I mean, not in Chance’s world. But isn’t that the word he used? Eroding?”

  Jarred nodded. His cell phone rang and he pulled it from his pocket, frowning at it. Since Kelsey’s accident he’d kept it close. “Hello?”

  Kelsey shrugged off the Sarah dilemma and let her mind wander down happy avenues as she envisioned baby clothes and baby paraphernalia and baby smiles.

  Jarred listened in silence for several moments. Then he said, “I’ll be right there,” and hung up. Kelsey gazed at him in question. “That was Nola. My father wants to talk to me.” He paused. “They don’t think he’ll make it through the night.”

  “Oh, Jarred!” She felt sick once more, guilty over her own happy thoughts.

  “He wants to talk to me alone. Do you mind if I drop you at the office on the way? I’ll pick you up later.”

  “That’s fine.”

  Twenty minutes later Kelsey climbed into the elevator and pushed the button for the Bryant Industries floor. She hoped they were wrong about Jonathan. It seemed a cruel irony after his son’s miraculous recovery.

  Meghan was at Gwen’s desk, talking on the phone. She waved Kelsey over and whispered, “It’s Gwen. She’ll be back tomorrow.”

  “Good.” At least complication two seemed to be getting satisfactorily resolved. “I’m going into Jarred’s office for a few moments,” she told Meghan, who nodded and returned to her conversation.

  Why she wanted to be in his office she really couldn’t say. But knowing he was with his failing father made her feel sad and unable to get her head into work. She ran her fingers along his desk, faintly amused at the accumulated dust. Jarred hadn’t spent a ton of time in his office lately either. Too many outside influences and decisions to be made.

  Kelsey sat down in Jarred’s chair and thought about Jonathan. The man had deteriorated in front of everyone’s eyes. It was as baffling as much as it was impossible to correct.

  “A death of the soul” had been the unsolicited diagnosis from an elderly woman at the hospital one afternoon when Kelsey had stopped by to see him. It had shaken Kelsey and haunted Jarred when she mentioned it to him. Maybe she should go to the hospital herself, get a blood test, learn the truth, and tell him if her belief proved positive. Maybe it would help Jonathan.

  She frowned. But learning about Sarah’s pregnancy and Will’s impending fatherhood hadn’t. Jonathan had shrunken almost visibly at the news. Kelsey could empathize. When she’d learned about Sarah, her teeth had actually started to chatter. No one, with the possible exception of Sarah herself, seemed particularly excited by the possibility. Even Will was quiet and acted as if he were facing a very unwelcome destiny. He’d told Danielle the news and she’d answered that it was just one more reason to hurry with their divorce.

  There was a small stack of papers shoved between Jarred’s phone and a desktop organizer. She fiddled with one end of the papers and considered calling Jarred on his cell phone. But what would she say?

  Hi, honey! I’m pregnant. I was just wondering: Should I tell your dad and hope that it makes him feel better?

  Kelsey snorted. No, there was nothing to do but wait for Jarred to call her. This was a terrible time for him. Still, if Jonathan were truly that ill, wouldn’t he want to know?

  The paper slipped from its spot and unfolded in front of her. She realized it was a bank statement and was about to slide it back when she spotted her name. Frowning, she examined the paper thoroughly. It wasn’t merely a bank statement. It was a reckoning of every cent she’d spent over the last several years. Even the years when she and Jarred had lived apart.

  He’d been monitoring her cash withdrawals all along.

  Nola sat outside her husband’s hospital room, tense and distracted. She scarcely noticed when Jarred arrived but she squeezed his hand when he clasped her cold one. “Mother,” he said gently. “It seems to be what he wishes.”

  “Will’s going to have a baby. Tha
t’s all your father knows.”

  Patting her shoulder, Jarred inhaled a deep breath and entered the shadowy room, where his father lay on the hospital bed. They’d gone full circle since Jarred’s plane crash. Now it was his father who lay white faced and ill against the bedding.

  “Jarred,” Jonathan said in a whispery voice.

  “I’m here.” He pulled up a stool and sat next to the bed.

  “I want to talk to you.”

  “I know,” Jarred assured him. When his father’s hand reached for him, Jarred clasped it within both of his. He could feel time ticking away and he was almost angry at his father for giving up.

  “I’ve never talked to you about Will’s mother Janice. She died a couple of years ago, you know. She wanted me to divorce your mother and marry her.”

  Jarred’s memory of her dropping Will off on the porch was still quite vivid. “Did she give you Will because you refused her?”

  “Yes.” Jonathan coughed several times, hard. “First she held him for ransom. Then she dumped him. It’s never been fair and I’ve had to make peace with God.”

  “I know,” Jarred inserted quickly, hoping his father would keep on track for a while longer before he got sidetracked by his religious fervency.

  “Will’s suffered for it. I know that. My fault. You’ve suffered, too.”

  “I’m fine.”

  “The plane crash nearly killed you.” His voice was nearly inaudible.

  “But that wasn’t your fault,” Jarred reminded him. “And the man behind it is dead now too. It’s over.”

  “No. It is my fault.”

  “Dad…”

  “You’ve got to be careful. Watchful. God can only do so many miracles.”

  “Stop that.” Jarred was firm. “You are letting guilt eat you alive and it’s not even deserved! Don’t do this. Get well. Stop letting it take you.”

  “No, no.” He hesitated for a moment, breathing with difficulty. “She wanted you dead,” he suddenly said. “She wanted to get back at me. She’s always wanted too much. Thought it was her right because she and I had a long-term affair.”

  “It doesn’t matter,” Jarred said quickly, not liking the turn of this conversation at all. “She’s gone now, too. Don’t dwell on it so much.”

  “She’s not gone.”

  “I thought you just said she died.”

  “Janice died,” Jonathan stressed.

  Jarred shook his head in bafflement. “Then who are you talking about?”

  Jonathan stared at his son. Tears gathered at the corners of his eyes. “I thought you heard us talking.” He inhaled a shaky breath and closed his eyes. “I thought you heard us talking .…”

  “Dad?” Jarred leaned forward, alarmed, but his father was still breathing sketchily. Jonathan’s head lolled sideways. Jarred touched his wrist. The pulse was there. Thready and weak. “Don’t go,” he whispered.

  He waited, but Jonathan was lost in a deep sleep. Swallowing, Jarred regarded him somberly. Had to recover… had to remember…

  …lost all memory. Doesn’t speak…

  …could be temporary? Couldn’t it? Well, couldn’t it?

  …opened his eyes twice and spoke. Didn’t know a damn thing. Doctor says it happens sometimes after severe trauma…

  And Jonathan’s voice again. “…has to remember… has to recover… Oh, God, what if he doesn’t?”

  And a woman’s voice. Familiar. But hard and full of rage. “Forget it. We could never be that lucky.”

  Jarred snapped back to attention. “Dad,” he whispered urgently, fighting the desire to shake his father awake. “Dad!”

  But Jonathan Bryant’s slackened jaw told of deep sleep or worse. Jarred froze for the space of two heartbeats, then stabbed the call button several times. He jumped to his feet. A woman. A woman who wanted him dead.

  He stumbled outside, where Nola still sat. She gazed at him blankly. “What is it? What is it?” The look on his face must have spoken volumes, for she suddenly cried, “Oh, my God!’’ and clambered to her feet, hurrying to her husband’s side as a nurse raced to answer his page.

  “My father,” he said to her, and that was all that was necessary to bring in the doctors and nurses.

  The cab dropped Kelsey in front of the hospital in the midst of another drenching rain. Cold as sin and slanted by the wind, it peppered her face and soaked her coat and nyloned legs. She stepped through the front doors and stopped short, shocked to see Jarred standing directly in front of her in the middle of the lobby.

  “Jarred?” Kelsey asked, concerned.

  They were alone. The deep blue chairs and couches were empty. Kelsey walked slowly toward him, trying to gauge his mood.

  “My father’s in a coma,” he said tonelessly.

  “Oh, Jarred. I’m so sorry.”

  She wrapped her arms around him and pressed her face into the crispness of his shirt. He didn’t move, apart from brushing his lips along her hair. “I am so sorry.”

  “It can’t be helped, I guess.”

  They stood that way for long seconds. Finally, Kelsey said softly, “Jarred, I’ve got a couple things to say.” She hugged him closer. “I found the bank statements in your office. The ones that show all my cash withdrawals. I realized you’ve been checking on me.”

  “Kelsey,” he murmured in a tortured voice.

  “No, shh. I’m not upset. I should have told you before that I was helping out the Rowdens. Robert’s illness has created a financial nightmare for them, so I gave them money, but I didn’t want you to know, so I gave them cash. “ Her confession tumbled out faster and faster. “And then I realized how stupid it was to keep it from you and that I’d blamed you for so many things that were wrong in our marriage, but they were my fault, too!”

  “I didn’t run copies of those documents. Will did. He didn’t entirely trust you, and he knew I’d wondered about those cash withdrawals in the past. But I already knew that, whatever the reason, it didn’t matter to me. It was your business.”

  She pulled back to gaze at him. He looked so terribly drawn and tired. Kissing him softly, she said, “And there’s something else. Just in case your dad comes out of the coma. I’d like him to know that—well, that I think I’m pregnant.”

  This time Jarred froze. He gazed at her, hollow eyed. Frightened by his taut expression, she whispered brokenly, “Jarred?”

  “You think you’re pregnant?”

  “I was sick at tea today. I bought a home pregnancy test and used it at work just before I came here. It was positive, but I’d like to get a blood test just to make sure.”

  He stared at her so long without giving a clue to his feelings that her heart lurched with terror. This was just like the Jarred of before. The one who had rejected her love and her baby. Unconsciously, Kelsey took one step backward. But then he suddenly swept her close, his uneven breath fanning her ear. She was touched to realize that he was shaking all over.

  “Don’t tell anyone,” he whispered harshly in her ear.

  “Don’t tell anyone?”

  “I don’t feel safe,” he said with repressed urgency. “I don’t want anyone to know besides us. Promise me.”

  “Why?”

  “Just promise me. Please. I love you Kelsey, and I don’t want to lose you. Promise me!”

  “I promise,” she said solemnly, then glanced around the hospital lobby half expecting some strange presence to descend upon them.

  “I’m going to take you home,” he said. “I want you to stay there.”

  “At the house?”

  “I’ve got to figure out what my father meant.”

  “Jarred, you’re scaring me. What did your father say?”

  “He said there’s a woman who wants me dead. For the inheritance. I thought he meant Will’s mother.”

  Kelsey thought of Connor’s words. She’s not what she seems… She’s a chameleon… tricky friends…

  “Sarah?” she asked.

  “No. He was talking about
someone he had an affair with.”

  “If Sarah has a baby and you don’t by the time you’re forty—”

  Jarred jerked back and gazed at her hard. “Who told you about that?”

  “The terms of your grandfather’s will?’’ Kelsey sighed and admitted, “Nola.”

  “Nola.” Jarred made a sound of impatience and weariness. “Did she tell you she wanted you to have a baby to make certain I inherit?” When Kelsey didn’t immediately answer, his jaw dropped. “Oh, God.”

  “It’s not like that!” Kelsey said, suddenly seeing the direction of his thoughts. “I told her I wanted a baby. I wanted our baby. The first one. The one you rejected. And she told me to have another one, but I always worried about what you really thought about starting a family because you were so cold. But when you told me you didn’t want it because you thought it was Chance’s, I stopped worrying. But I want my baby. Your baby. And I don’t give a damn what Nola thinks!”

  She was practically in tears. Turning away, she buried her face in her hands. They were both too emotional. This wasn’t the right time. She should have known better.

  Gently, Jarred turned her back around to face him. “Don’t cry. I’m sorry. There’s nothing I want more than to have a child with you,” he said through his teeth.

  She could scarcely believe her ears. “You—you mean it?”

  “I mean it. Nola’s got it all wrong and she knows better. Will deserves part of the inheritance. Whether I have an heir or not makes no difference. Most of the company has been built up since the terms of Hugh’s will, and that’s all mine. I’m going to make sure Will inherits what he deserves no matter what.”