Hear Me Now

by Melyssa Winchester

  His answer despite his nervousness, evident with the way he’s picking at his fingers yet still looking straight at me, is immediate and definitely not what I’d been expecting when he said he had something he wanted to ask.

  “Will you go to prom with me?”

  “Aren’t you a junior?”

  He nods and I’m thankful that I remembered what my mom told me. With all of them being in the same class and it being different than it is at my school, I sometimes forget that he’s younger than some of the others.

  “Why do you want to go the prom?”

  “Because I’ve never done it before and I can’t hide forever.”

  He’s got a point about that. He can’t hide forever even though Dillon and his friends sure go out of their way to make sure that’s exactly what he does. Well, they did before Dillon broke away from them. Hating the fact that I’m thinking about Dillon when there’s a guy standing in front of me asking me to be his date to prom, I shake the thoughts away and focus my attention back on Eric.

  “I don’t go to your school. Why don’t you ask someone there?”

  “No one wants to go with a person like me. You’re all I’ve got.”

  His eyes as he admits this, they lower again, but his head stays level, as if he’s afraid to look at me but not bothered enough to turn away. Something that right now I’m thankful for because turning away would completely ruin what he’s here to do.

  It hurts me inside that people treat him the way they do. If they could only see the kind of person he is, the soft heart he has and his willingness to help anyone, maybe he would be able to get a date to his prom with someone that actually goes to his school and not have to reach outside for one.

  “There’s one person that wants to go with a person like you.” When his eyes raise, I smile and move toward him. Leaning across the table, I bop my finger on his nose and laugh. “I do. Looks like you’ve got a date to prom buddy.”

  “Really?”

  “Yes really.”

  The awkwardness that I’d seen earlier, the picking at the corners of his fingers, the way his hand came up to his mouth and he started nibbling on his nails, it’s all gone now and all that’s left is a smile. Despite the fact that I’m not sure going to prom is the smartest move considering who’s sure to be there, I’m not taking it back. If me going to prom with him makes him this happy, then the reservations I’ve got about it don’t matter.

  Eric being happy is what matters. I can always talk myself into it later when he goes home. Surely having a couple of days to come to terms with going back there, to the place where my life was turned upside down would take all of the worries I have right now away.

  Right?

  Dillon

  The last thing I want to do after getting out of practice is stop and talk to anyone, but no sooner do I make my way across the field and to the parking lot then I hear my name being called. The quick getaway I had planned the minute Coach said we could leave falls apart around me, leaving me even more pissed off than I was earlier.

  After Tim leveled him with another couple punches, I put an end to it. I can tell it confused the hell out of him considering what I said about dealing with Eric personally, but I didn’t care. After looking down at Eric on the ground and seeing Cadence’s face, I’d seen more than enough.

  It left me in a sour mood for the rest of the day. Where I saw her instead of Eric, it happened at other random times too, which did nothing for my already dwindling mood. I wanted to forget about her and everything that came along with our short time together, but it seems that my head doesn’t want to let me.

  It’s my heart that doesn’t want to let me and I know it, but since I’m trying to go back to appearing as though I have no heart; that’s the last thing I’m gonna admit to.

  Hearing my name again and this time unable to ignore it as it’s closer, I turn and come face to face with the last person I expected to see.

  Ms. Taylor is walking toward me and where I expect to see an angry expression on her face after everything that went down with her daughter and me, there isn’t one. She’s not smiling at me or anything, but wearing no real expression at all is better than the alternative.

  “What’s up Ms. T?”

  “I came by the locker room to see you but your coach told me you didn’t head in with the others. I was hoping to get a couple minutes of your time to talk about something.”

  If she wants to talk to me about Cadence, I don’t want any part of it. With the girl haunting me around every corner all day, the last thing I want is to bring her up willingly. She’d managed to stay out of my head the entire time I was on the field. I want to keep it that way.

  “What’s up?”

  “I know that you probably don’t want to talk to me about it, but it’s about Cadence.”

  Yep, she’s right. I don’t want to talk and definitely not with her mom of all people. Up until a week ago this woman despised me as much as the rest of the faculty. It’s what I want her to go back to doing now. The way her eyes look remind me of her daughter and I’ve had enough of it. I don’t want another Taylor woman looking through me.

  I don’t open my mouth and tell her any of this though. I do the one thing I’m fighting so hard against. I open myself up to talking.

  “What about her?”

  “Despite trying to appear otherwise, it’s obvious that she’s not acting like herself. I was wondering if you could shed some light on it.”

  “I haven’t talked to her since Wednesday afternoon, so I’m not sure there’s a whole lot I can tell you.”

  “Why don’t you let me be the judge of that?”

  Great. Now I’m going to have to rehash everything that happened with Caddy and watch her expression change from the one she’s now giving me to one of hate. There’s no way she can hear everything that happened with us and not be pissed as hell at me. I asked her daughter out without going through her first and then I went ahead and acted like a total asshole, ruining it and her in the process.

  I’ve got enough hate for everything that happened and my fault in it all on my own. I don’t need hers too.

  “What exactly do you want me to say?”

  “You can start by telling me when you decided that you wanted to be with her.”

  The answer to that question is easy for me, but I’m not sure telling her the truth is the way to go, so I lie.

  “The day I asked her out.”

  She turns toward the school, not even acknowledging my answer and I start to think she got what she came for and she’s finally gonna let me leave, at least until she turns back and smiles.

  Looks like I’m not getting out of here anytime soon.

  “Come with me. If we’re gonna talk, I think its best that we do it inside and not out in the middle of a parking lot.”

  Doing as she says, I follow behind her until we’ve walked around to the front and into the office. A place I know a lot better than I should.

  “Everyone’s gone home for the night, so I don’t think using Principal Daniels office will be a problem.” She says as she heads down the hall and disappears into the room.

  The right thing to do would be to follow her and get this over with, but I’m sick of doing the right thing. The few times I tried, it’s always come back and bit me in the ass. I’m not looking to make a repeat performance.

  “Are you coming?” she calls out and I know its decision time. I can walk out of here now, not looking back until I’m in my car and halfway down the road away from this entire situation, or I can go into the room and get this over with even though just the thought of opening myself up and talking about Cadence is enough to make me wanna throw up.

  Heading toward the office, remembering the last time I’d been here, three days before she walked into my world and turned it upside down, I want to kick myself for choosing the wrong thing and I’m about to literally do it when she speaks again.

  “Dillon, I know everything.”

&nbs
p; Wasn’t expecting that.

  “What do you mean?”

  “Cadence told me about what happened between the two of you before she left. Well, as much as I could yank out of her anyway.”

  “If you already know, why are you talking to me? Like I said, if she’s different, it’s got nothing to do with me. Maybe something else happened the last two days she was here or over the weekend.”

  “Can I tell you something?”

  “Do I have a choice?”

  “You always have a choice, but something tells me if you didn’t want to hear what I have to say, you wouldn’t be standing in the room right now.”

  She’s got me there. I want to know every single thing she’s willing to tell me and I don’t care if it makes me look like a gigantic pussy or not. When it comes to this girl, I’d be willing to be just about anything for a scrap of information about her.

  “What do you wanna tell me?” I ask, finally throwing myself down into the chair across from her.

  “My daughter spent the majority of the weekend locked in her room. She doesn’t think I’m aware because I didn’t go out of my way to call attention to it, but she was crying. Her heart is hurting Dillon and while I’m pretty sure that right now you’re thinking I’m about to lay a guilt trip on you, I’m going to do the opposite.”

  Cadence crying is wrong. Knowing she spent the weekend doing it because of what happened with us is even worse. I know there’s nothing else that happened to her that could have caused her to cry. I made sure of it. I warned every person away from her those last two days because I didn’t want her to have to feel any more broken then I already made her.

  “I don’t follow.”

  “Cadence wasn’t crying because of something you did to her, Dillon. She was crying because of what she thinks she did to you.”

  Huh—what? She’s got to be joking. Cadence doing anything to hurt me is crazy. Sure, I asked her not to go, telling her I loved her, but she had every right to do what she did and leave. I knew the way she felt about things and I completely disregarded it to act like an imbecile.

  “She didn’t do anything to me.”

  “I figured that would be your answer.”

  “Ms. T; what happened that day, it’s on me. I went after Tim knowing I was going to scare her. I knew she hated fighting and with everything she tried to do to help with my dad and what he’s got me doing, it should have been enough to stop me, but it wasn’t. I couldn’t see anything but making him pay for the things he said.”

  “Can you tell me exactly what it was that he said?”

  “She didn’t tell you?”

  She laughs and I’m confused. How there is anything funny right now is beyond me.

  “Cadence hates admitting when people call her names. There’s something about repeating the words that make her feel that she’s as bad as the people saying it. As if repeating it somehow means she believes it. So, no, she didn’t tell me.”

  “When he showed up, he asked if I minded walking away from the retard so he could talk to me. I reacted to that one, but that’s not what got me in his face. It didn’t make me attack him.”

  “What else was said?”

  “I told him that we, Caddy and me, didn’t wanna hear what he said to say and he ripped on her for being deaf. I couldn’t handle it after that. I lost it.”

  “Thank you. I’m sure it wasn’t easy, considering your friendship with the guy in question.”

  My friendship with the guy. That’s a joke. There’s no friendship with him and that was obvious today with the way I reacted to what we did to Eric. I’m over doing that now, despite wanting to be the way I used to be and the only thing between Tim and me now is familiarity.

  As long as he’s with me, I don’t have to be alone.

  “Can I be honest with you and have it stay between us?”

  “If there is something you want to speak to me about in confidence, of course. I will never speak of it, not even with my daughter. That is who you want me to keep it from right?”

  “No, I want it kept from everyone else. I think Caddy already knows it anyway.”

  “Well what is it?”

  “The other day, Kayden said something to me. At the time I didn’t pay much attention to it because well, your daughter was there and when she’s around, I don’t really pay attention the way I should. Anyway, he said something about realizing the day in the parking lot with Isabelle that he was tired of the way things were. When I got here today, I thought things were going to go back to the way they were before. I even tried to make them the way they used to be, but I can’t do it.”

  “Because what Kayden experienced is now what you’re facing?”

  “Exactly. I get what he was talking about now. I knew it last week, but again, I ignored and buried it because it just didn’t seem important at the time. The truth is, I haven’t been right for a while. What happened at Homecoming, it was up to me to see it through and there was a second there where I almost didn’t do it.”

  “Why didn’t you follow through on it?”

  “Because it’s not what I do. I’m not the good guy, Ms. T. I’m pretty sure you know that; especially now.”

  “Here’s what I know. You’re a misguided boy who when faced with the right decision backs down because doing the right thing is harder than going through with the wrong one. You’ve spent the majority of your life having excuses made for you and your behavior and it’s made you entitled. For whatever reason, you’re starting to see it yourself and for a while even wanted to change it.”

  “Except I didn’t change anything.”

  “But you did. You changed. I know what happened to Eric today. He told me about it after class, when he was sure you and Tim were not in the vicinity. Where you would have been the one hurting him before, that’s not at all what happened. Tim will be dealt with, but it was your behavior that stood out.”

  “Did he tell you that too?”

  “As a matter of fact he did. He said that you’re the reason he was able to get up and walk away. You may have gone into it with a different outcome in mind, but something stopped you and you want to know what that something is?”

  “Your daughter haunting me?” I answer, realizing too late that I just gave away the real reason the stuff with Eric ended up the way it did. She laughs and I just shake my head. Now that it’s out there it’s not like I can take it back. If she finds it funny there’s not a whole lot I can do to stop her.

  “No, though I can see that happening. It’s you, Dillon. Your desire to do the right thing. As hard as you try to bottle it, it’s not letting you anymore and it has nothing at all to do with how you feel about my daughter or the impact she may have made on your life. It’s all on you. You were ready for the change.”

  “That’s not right at all.”

  “She was right about you. She told me what you said to her the last time you spoke. That you wanted to change for her because you want to be worthy of her. What you need to realize is you were worthy of her the whole time. You just couldn’t see it because you’ve buried yourself so deep in self-hatred and the way you think things should be that it’s impossible to see much else.”

  “Even if what you’re saying is the truth, what does it matter now?”

  “Before I answer your question, can you answer one for me?”

  “If I can.”

  “How did it feel today, walking away from Eric the way you did?”

  “Pretty damn good.”

  “Then you’ve answered your own question. It matters because despite her being gone, the two of you having no contact, you’re staying true to what you told her from the start. You’re becoming the person you’ve always been, the one that’s been buried for six years under a weight no child should ever have to carry.”

  I don’t want to admit it, but she’s right. I told Cadence the reason for me changing was her, but it wasn’t. I made it about her, putting the weight of it on her but it was me the entire time. I
’m just like Kayden. I got tired of being someone I couldn’t stand looking at in the mirror every morning and was just looking for the right motivation to change it. I found it in her and I’ve been changing ever since, even though my reason is no longer there.

  “Her not being here, I’m not okay with it. I’m not okay with the way we left things.” I confess, not sure where it comes from but needing to get it out before it eats me alive.

  “Well, if you’re not happy with the way things are, you know what you have to do, don’t you?”

  Yeah I do. I need to fix it. I need to go to her and I need to make her understand everything that I’ve learned here today, what I’ve been learning since before she even left four days ago. I can’t do it though. I ran out of chances.

  “I can’t fix it this time, Ms. T. I tried that day to make her see the truth, the way I felt about her and it wasn’t enough to make her stay.”

  “You want to know a secret? A little bit of information I’ve picked up over the years?”

  “Sure.”

  “Love isn’t about trying, failing and giving up because it didn’t work out the way you wanted it too. It’s continuing to try despite it.”

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Dillon

  I’m not the guy that tries. If it doesn’t come easy to me there’s just never been a point. That’s probably because I’ve been handed everything for so long that trying never entered into the equation.

  Two weeks.

  Fourteen days.

  One girl.

  That’s all it took for everything I’ve spent the last six years believing and feeling secure in, to change. I’m not sure from one second to the next if I’m moving up or down, forward or backward, but what I do know is that everything I’ve been through these last two weeks, I wouldn’t change for the world.

  It started out so simple. Spy the new girl in the special needs class, get her to talk to me, bring her as close as possible to me and then completely destroy her for my own amusement. That’s not what ended up happening at all. If anything, she brought me in as close as she could and been the one to destroy me.