“What kids?” he asked with a curious look.
“I give riding lessons. I do it on a sliding scale and take a few pro-bono students who can’t afford to pay. They learn how to ride and groom, and just forget anything that’s troubling them.”
“Like you did.”
“Horses have many lessons to teach, but I give these children goals and they have a sense of accomplishment when they learn how to master riding. I’m hoping those skills will stay with them well into the future.”
Zack was standing beside a tall fir. She went still when she recognized it.
“What is it?” Zack asked, following her gaze. Then he saw the bark of the tree. Their names were carved there, deeply enough to have lasted all these years.
“I can’t believe the weather hasn’t worn them away.”
“Or a lightning strike,” Zack said nonchalantly. But she knew he was remembering the day he carved them there. They’d had exams at school that week and had come riding out here one day to let off steam, to forget about studying, to be together. She’d been so innocent. He’d been so noble. They’d kissed and made out, and she’d known he wanted her. Yet more than once, he’d insisted it wouldn’t be fair if they became really intimate because he’d be leaving.
“You carved our names there, so there would be something lasting of our friendship.” They would have had so much more that was lasting if she hadn’t had the miscarriage. Yet what would they have done? Even if she had told Zack, would she have joined him in California and regretted it?
“Not much is lasting, is it?” he asked rhetorically.
“Friendships last. We both have proof of that.”
“Maybe our high school friendships are the ones that matter most. I don’t have friends in L.A. like Clay and Dawson. Even though we don’t see each other often, we can pick up wherever we left off.”
“Are you sure you don’t miss Miners Bluff?”
He didn’t answer right away, just studied their names, the tall firs, the land that he’d roamed when he was younger. “You can miss something but not need it or count on it or want it in your life anymore.”
She wondered if he was feeding himself a line, or if he really believed that. “I think you don’t want to admit you miss it. I think you don’t want to admit you miss your father.”
“Miss the arguments and his disagreeable view of my life?”
“He’s proud of you.”
“Maybe you’ve heard that, but I haven’t. When I scored the most points in a basketball game, he was proud of me. When I gentled a horse he couldn’t get near, he was proud of me. But when I picked up a camera, when I attempted to give him a look at the visions I wanted to create, he turned the other way. A kid can only take so much of that.”
“But you’re not a kid anymore.”
Zack’s gaze became set and somber. “No, I know what I want. I detached from Dad and what he thinks of me.” As if he’d grown tired of being on the defensive, he motioned to the land beyond the tree growth. “And what about you, Jenny? Just why did you stay? Out of loyalty, or out of a chance that all this could be yours someday?”
There was something in his voice that disconcerted her. Suspicion? “What do you mean?”
He only hesitated a moment before he said, “I left. I wasn’t coming back. The longer you stayed, the more entrenched you became. You loved my mother and she loved you. But after she died, then why did you stay?”
“Because Silas needed me. Because by then the Rocky D was part of me, too.”
He studied her as if he was looking at a scene he didn’t quite know how to edit. “Tell me something, Jenny. Are you included in Dad’s will?”
She was absolutely shocked by the direction of his thoughts. Did he believe that she’d hung on to a job here because it would pay off someday? That with him gone, she’d seen an opportunity and she’d taken it? That after his mother died, she could somehow convince his father she was the heir?
Insulted beyond measure, she couldn’t even speak. Had her refusal to go with him caused this cynicism? Had his sense of betrayal grown into something insidious that made him think of her as an opportunist?
Without a word, she spun around and headed for her horse. She’d already untethered him when she heard Zack call, “Jenny.”
Ignoring the sound of her name on his lips, ignoring the voice that could always affect her so deeply, she mounted Songbird, clicked her tongue and took off for the Rocky D. The boy Zack had once been had been taken over by a man she absolutely didn’t know.
The crunch of tires on gravel from cars and trucks pulling into the space between the everyday barn and the mares’ barn on Saturday morning pulled Zack from his office where he sat listening by the intercom in case his father needed him. As if that would happen. Silas wasn’t asking for a thing from him, not even a glass of water. He was relying on Jenny and Martha.
The door to his father’s room was slightly open. Zack peered in and found Silas working on a crossword puzzle. “Dad, I’m going out to the barn.” Zack lifted his cell phone. “You have my number on speed dial, right?”
“Filling out a crossword puzzle isn’t too strenuous for me,” his father muttered, waving him away. “I’ll be fine.”
Leaving his work behind, Zack headed for the kitchen door. Martha was already sautéing something for lunch.
“Smells good,” he said with a smile for her.
“Jenny and I concocted this recipe. We’ll see if your dad’s ready to become part vegetarian.” Martha had brown hair with blond highlights and was in her late forties. She’d been the Rocky D’s chief cook and housekeeper since Zack’s teenage years. Her quarters were behind the kitchen and like everyone else on the Rocky D, she was more like family than an employee.
“If you can win him over to vegetables, you deserve a raise.”
She gave him a quick grin as she shuffled the vegetables in the pan.
As if his sixth sense about Jenny was still functioning, Zack spotted her outside the barn talking to a group of kids. She’d just pointed them toward the arena when she stepped aside to have a conversation with a woman who looked to be about her own age.
He knew he should apologize to Jenny, but whenever he thought about it, he realized that wouldn’t be quite honest. He’d voiced some of the thoughts that had niggled at him for all these years. Why had she stayed? Because his mother had become the role model she’d missed? Because Silas was a substitute father? Or because she’d seen the opportunity to become part of a family that in the end could benefit her in so many ways?
When Jenny had refused to go with him, he’d thought about all of this. The longer he’d been in L.A., he’d thought about it even more. From his own experience, he’d learned women often wanted to latch on to him because of what he had to offer, not because of who he was. In fact, he’d broken off a relationship before the reunion. He’d learned a woman he’d been dating for a couple of months had used his name as a reference when she’d gone to a bank to apply for a small business loan. Rachel Crandall had never mentioned a loan to him, never asked him if it would be okay to use his name. Afterward, when he’d told her he was going out of the country soon and didn’t feel their relationship was going to work, she’d arrived at his penthouse, all perfumed and tempting, her dress so tight he didn’t know how she’d gotten into it. She’d pouted, she’d pleaded and finally she’d come right out and asked him for money. He’d known then their matchup had been all about money for her, or at least what she could get.
He’d again nixed the idea of any investment in her on his part and she’d left in a huff. As soon as the door had closed, he’d known he wasn’t going to miss her.
On the other hand, while he’d been in England, he hadn’t been able to stop thinking about how beautiful Jenny had looked at the reunion in her yellow dress, or how she’d looked in jeans with a bandanna around her neck and a straw hat on her head fifteen years before.
Approaching the women at the barn, he froze
when he heard the brunette say, “Stan doesn’t want me to bring the kids for lessons. He insists he won’t take handouts. I just don’t understand the man anymore. We’re behind on our utilities and the rent. I can see Michael and Tanya are worrying about us. They hear us arguing about money, talking about where we might go if we have to leave the house, and I just want to give them some happiness. They love your lessons. I want to be on the same page as my husband, but with this, I can’t be. We’re not going to have money for Christmas gifts this year and this is the least I can do for them, thanks to you.”
Jenny reassured her. “Helen, if your husband calls me, I’ll do my best to convince him to let Michael and Tanya keep coming.”
Helen gave Jenny a wan smile. “Thank you.”
“Is there anything else I can do for you?” Jenny asked her. “You know the community will be delivering food baskets for the holidays. I can put your name on the list.”
“Stan would never accept a food basket. He went into Flagstaff today to apply for a job at an electrical company. Say a few prayers for us that it comes through.”
“I will,” Jenny said, and Zack knew that she meant it. He waited until Helen went to the car and said over her shoulder, “I’ll be back at noon.”
Jenny spotted him then. Their gazes met briefly but she turned away, heading toward the arena.
He caught up to her easily. “Tough conversation,” he said.
She glanced over at him, but she kept silent.
“You’ve given me the cold shoulder for forty-eight hours. Is this the way it’s going to be?”
This time she stopped, hands on her hips. “I don’t know. You tell me. Why would you want to talk to someone with ulterior motives like mine?”
She was angry, but he could tell from the expression in her dark brown eyes, she was hurt, too.
“Damn it. Do something for me,” he suggested. “Try to imagine yourself in my shoes. I thought we had something to build on and you refused to take a chance with me. All these years you’ve stayed here when you’re young, beautiful and talented. You could go anywhere and do anything you wanted. So from my perspective, what would you think?”
“So you didn’t accuse me of being an opportunist because I was backing you into a corner? You really meant it? You really don’t trust me?” She seemed horrified at the thought.
Before he considered how to word his answer, she asked, “Do you trust anyone?”
“I trust Clay and Dawson.”
“You don’t trust your accountant, your lawyer, people who work for you?” She shook her head. “What kind of life do you have out there?”
He wasn’t sure what he heard in her voice, but he didn’t like it. “I have a life I like—the life I’ve always wanted.”
She searched his face. Her gaze dropped to his lips. Then she turned away from him so he couldn’t see her thoughts in her expression and headed for the arena again. “I’ve got to get to those kids. Hank can get them started, but they’re a lot to handle.”
“How many in the class?”
“It varies.”
“Ages?”
“Eight to eleven.”
“Mind if I watch?”
“I don’t mind as long as you don’t get in the way.”
He grinned at her. “You won’t even know I’m there.”
Twenty minutes later Zack’s words echoed in Jenny’s head. Oh, she knew he was here all right. In his black crew neck sweater, jeans and boots he was an imposing presence whether she wanted to admit it or not. At first, he’d stood at the arena’s entrance watching her and Hank help the children mount, making sure their helmets were secure. But then he’d come closer, studying what they were doing. Jenny was on her horse leading the class in a circle while Hank was on the ground watching for any problems. One of the boys’ boots kept slipping out of his stirrups and Hank had gone to help him adjust them.
However, the next time she looked behind her shoulder, Zack had Helen’s son, eleven-year-old Michael, to one side and was talking to him in a low voice, showing him something with his hands. She didn’t want to break the circle and distract the other kids, so she kept giving directions, leading them in a figure eight. Soon, however, Michael joined them and he seemed to have better control of his horse. He was all smiles and she couldn’t help but wonder what had taken place between him and Zack.
She’d never seen Zack with kids. What kind of father would he be? What kind of father would he have been? One thing was certain—she was never going to tell him about the miscarriage. She just wasn’t. Only Silas and Olivia had known. She hadn’t even told Mikala and Celeste. Her pregnancy had been such a scary secret that she’d only confided in Zack’s mother. Then when the miscarriage happened, Silas had to know, but that was as far as it had gone. Except, of course, for the doctor Olivia had rushed her to.
Now, crazily, the wave of loss came rushing back. Years had passed. She had to admit when she babysat Clay and Celeste’s little girl, Abby, longings tugged at her heart. “What ifs” rushed into her head. She’d had lots of practice with staying in the moment. The problem was, Zack’s return had mixed the past with the present.
True to his word, Zack didn’t interfere with the class. He just sat on one of the bales of hay, his long legs stretched out in front of him, ankles crossed, as if he didn’t have a care in the world. But Jenny sensed more was going on under the surface than he’d ever admit. Returning to the Rocky D had obviously stirred up old feelings and resentment, old bitterness, maybe even a feeling of home he hadn’t experienced for a while.
At the end of class, Hank and Jenny helped the kids with their mounts and their tack, then Zack did, too. When he saw the children were going to groom their horses, he passed out the brushes.
A moment later, he stopped to talk to Michael. Zack said something and Michael laughed and she wondered how the two of them had formed a bond so quickly. Sometimes Michael and his sister had worry written all over them. She was glad to see Zack could help Michael forget some of what was going on at home.
She said easily, “I see the two of you have met.”
“Yeah,” Michael answered. “Zack taught me how to hold the reins so Firecracker listened. I was having an awful time turning him.”
After a glance at Zack, Jenny asked, “What did he tell you?”
“He didn’t tell me. He showed me. I was confusing Firecracker. Zack said my hands had to be gentle and easy, yet clear. If I wanted him to go right, all I had to do was tug the reins that way and give him a little nudge with my left foot, and it worked. I kept up and didn’t get out of line once.”
“Well, I’m glad to see you’re pleased, but you don’t always have to stay in line. And if you need help, all you have to do is ask me.”
“I know.” His voice lowered. “I don’t want to seem stupid to the other kids.”
“I don’t think any of them would think that, Michael. You catch on quickly. I’m glad you learned gentleness with Firecracker works best.”
“Did you know Zack makes movies?” Michael asked her, wide-eyed and in awe.
“Apparently, his dad told him someone famous was staying at the Rocky D right now,” Zack interjected. “I guess the whole town knows about Silas’s heart attack and why I came home.”
“My dad said it was on the news channel,” Michael offered helpfully.
Zack grimaced.
“His picture was on there and everything,” Michael added. “That’s how I knew he was the one my dad was talking about.”
“I have a job like most people. Mine just happens to involve shooting film,” Zack explained.
Michael looked down at his shoeboots. “I wish my dad had a job, then maybe he wouldn’t be so grumpy.”
Zack exchanged a look with Jenny. “It’s hard for a man not to have the work he likes to do. Work not only pays the bills, but it makes a man or a woman feel like he or she is accomplishing something. What do you want to be when you grow up?”
“I don’t know
, but I sure do like riding and taking care of horses.”
Zack stood again. “I always liked that, too.”
“But that’s not what your work is,” Michael pointed out.
“No, it isn’t. I miss being around horses.”
“If you’re famous and rich, then you could have some,” the eleven-year-old said as if life was as easy as that.
Zack laughed. “I suppose I could, but I’m not in one place very long. If I had horses, I’d like to be there to take care of them myself, not let someone else do it.”
“My mom says Tanya and I can learn responsibility coming to this class.”
“You already are,” Jenny insisted. “You’re grooming your horse yourself and you take care of your own tack.”
“Maybe I could ride my bike out here and help you with chores and I could earn money for Christmas.”
Jenny didn’t know what to say to that. Finally, she responded, “Instead of earning money to buy things, maybe you could give your mom and dad something they’d enjoy that wouldn’t cost anything.”
Michael thought about that. “You mean like taking out the garbage without being told?”
“Sure, something like that.”
He didn’t seem impressed by the idea.
Zack said, “If you think about it, I’m sure you can be creative.” Zack held out his hand to Michael and said, “It was good to meet you.”
Michael shook his hand, too. “I’ll have to tell my dad you’re just a regular guy.”
Zack smiled. “I’ll make the rounds and see if anyone else needs help.”
Jenny watched him walk away with a lump in her throat. She told herself again Zack couldn’t mean anything to her now. But watching him interact with Michael had made her wonder once more what might have happened if her pregnancy had gone to term. It made her wonder again exactly what kind of father Zack would be.
Chapter Four
Once Upon a Groom Page 5