Once Upon a Groom

by Karen Rose Smith

  “Actually, I did. Did you know he’s thinking of moving back here? In fact, he’s pretty sure about it.”

  “Is he really going to do it?” Mikala’s eyes seemed to take on an extra sparkle and Zack wondered about that. He didn’t remember Dawson and Mikala being an item in high school. Dawson had hung out with everyone at Mikala’s aunt’s but also dated the popular girls. Zack didn’t think Dawson and Mikala had been more than friends. But what did he know? He’d been too smitten with Jenny.

  “If he moves back here, I think you’re one of the reasons,” Zack admitted to Mikala. “He thinks you might be able to help Luke.”

  The sparkle left Mikala’s eyes and her expression became more polite than friendly. Zack guessed why. “You can’t talk about that, can you? Because of patient confidentiality?”

  “That’s right.”

  Zack knew he could hold his own on the dance floor. He had to for all the social functions he attended. He took Mikala through a few intricate steps and found her to be an excellent partner. “I should have known you’d be good at dancing. After all, you’re all about music.”

  “Music has been my salvation on many an occasion.” She tilted her head and eyed him thoughtfully. “Just as film-making has been yours.”

  This close friend of Jenny’s understood more than he expected. “Was I so transparent as a teenager?”

  “No, not to everyone. Maybe I just understood because I used music to escape the same way you used that video camera. Besides, even now I can see the intensity and desire to make the world a better place in your films. Jenny and I have talked about that.”

  “You have?” He kept his voice neutral, not knowing if he wanted to know what Mikala and Jenny spoke about concerning his films and his life.

  When he glanced toward Jenny and Brody again, he saw they were laughing, seemingly having a good time. As he turned away from them and Mikala caught sight of them, she said, “Jenny and Brody are friends.”

  “The way you and I are friends?”

  “Possibly. Brody spends some time at the Rocky D treating the horses.”

  “It’s none of my business,” Zack muttered, knowing it wasn’t, yet feeling pangs of jealousy anyway. He might as well call a spade a spade.

  Mikala’s understanding expression told him he wasn’t fooling her one bit.

  After the ballad ended, Zack escorted Mikala back to where Celeste and Clay were seated. He sat with them for a while, listening to the women describe Celeste and Clay’s wedding. He couldn’t help being cynical about marriage. Years ago, he’d decided he’d never marry. He never wanted to end up the way his mom and dad had, fighting all the time, looking at each other with resentment, playing the social game for others to see. Yet Clay and Celeste certainly seemed happy. The way they spoke about their daughter and their life together gave Zack pause.

  After another hour chatting with people, he decided to call it a night. He had to admit, reconnecting with old friends had been enjoyable. Yet his gaze had never been far from Jenny and he was on edge about her relationship with Brody. After he retrieved his jacket and hat from a rack, he exited through a side door. Shoving his hands into his jacket pockets, he took a few deep breaths and gazed up at the night sky. This wasn’t a smog-filled California sky. It was a Miners Bluff sky, with too many stars to count.

  When he rounded the side of the building to head to the parking lot, he heard voices around the corner— Jenny’s and Brody’s.

  She said, “Thanks for coming with me tonight.”

  “You surprised me when you called. The last couple of times I asked you out you were busy.”

  Zack didn’t hear Jenny’s answer to that. He didn’t want to hear it. What if she said her feelings toward him had changed and she was interested in dating him for a while, to see how their relationship would progress? After all, isn’t that what she should do? Especially if she wanted to have a family.

  Zack strode through the parking lot, his thoughts all in a jumble. He shouldn’t care. He didn’t care. Yet he remembered Mikala’s knowing look. He knew denial was a strong defense against unwanted feelings.

  His life was in California and Jenny had no desire to leave Miners Bluff. Those were the same facts that had divided them once before.

  Back at the ranch a half hour later, Zack checked on his father. Silas was sleeping. In the kitchen, Martha was setting the table for breakfast. Now that Zack was home, she went to her quarters without worrying Silas might need her. Zack thanked her for looking after his father, then made a pot of coffee, expecting to be up for a while. He had work to do and he was always productive at night.

  He’d just poured himself a mug of the freshly brewed coffee when Jenny came in the side door from the garage. She looked startled to see him standing there.

  “Decaf?” she asked, nodding toward the coffee pot.

  “Nope. I found the real thing in the freezer.”

  She laughed, but it was an uncomfortable laugh. An I-know-there’s-something-we-need-to-talk-about laugh. Except she tried to exit the kitchen so quickly, he understood she didn’t want to talk. Tough. He did.

  “Jenny?” he called before she was through the doorway.

  She stopped but she obviously didn’t want to. “It’s late, Zack. I have an early morning. I need to exercise a few of the horses in the arena before Michael and Tanya come for their lesson.”

  He took a moment to absorb that. “I was going to work with Dusty, but if you need my help—”

  “I don’t.”

  The tension between them pulled taut.

  She added, “If he learns to trust you and then you leave, I’m not sure your time with him is going to be beneficial.”

  “If he learns to trust me and then I leave, he’ll have learned at least one human being can be kind to him. I don’t see that it will hurt, as long as you work with him, too.”

  Jenny kept silent, but unbuttoned her turquoise-and-red-patterned wool jacket. He might as well ask her what was on his mind. “So are you and Hazlett going to see each other now?”

  Her eyebrows quirked up. “What gave you that idea?”

  “You seemed to be having a good time with him.”

  “Brody and I go back a ways, Zack. We’re friends. That’s it. I pretty much told him that tonight.”

  “You did?”

  “Yes.”

  “I accidentally overheard some of your conversation with him before I left the fire hall. Why did you ask him to the dance? Why didn’t you just ask me to take you? Aren’t we friends, Jenny?”

  She didn’t answer him and that bothered him more than he wanted to admit. So he left his mug on the counter and crossed to her. “Dad and I had a conversation the other night.”

  He could see she was listening wholeheartedly now, wondering what was coming next. He wondered the same thing. “You know how he likes to make cryptic comments. He said to me, ‘She hasn’t told you everything yet, has she?’ and I asked him what he meant. He wouldn’t answer. He said I should ask you.”

  Jenny suddenly looked panicked, just like Dusty did sometimes when he was cornered…when Zack approached him and he wasn’t sure what Zack would do.

  Zack reached out and took Jenny by the shoulders, partly to comfort her, partly because he wanted to know the truth. Had she been married and divorced in the fifteen years he’d been away? Did something happen to her while he was gone?

  He had no idea what to expect. He certainly didn’t expect the tears that came to Jenny’s eyes, and her attempt to pull away.

  “Jenny, what’s going on? What was Dad talking about?”

  Her lower lip quivering, but her head held high, she finally answered him. “I found out I was pregnant after you left. Six weeks later, I had a miscarriage.”

  Although Zack heard the words, it took a few moments for their full impact to hit him. He was stunned by the thought of Jenny being pregnant—and even more stunned that she hadn’t told him.

  “Tell me what happened.” Emot
ion filled his voice—he couldn’t seem to hold in the turmoil Jenny was creating.

  Her face went pale as if she hadn’t expected him to ask that. Her eyes looked for an escape, but there was none because he wouldn’t let her turn away from him. She confessed, “I had a fall.”

  He guessed right away. “From a horse?”

  “Yes.”

  “My God! Why did my parents let you ride?”

  “Only your mom knew. Your dad didn’t until the day I fell.”

  “Why were you riding when you were pregnant?”

  “I couldn’t quit my job here. I needed the money.”

  “The money? You lost our baby because of money?”

  Her eyes flashed and her whole body tensed. “Don’t sound so self-righteous, Zack. You don’t have the right. You left.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me?” The question came slowly because he had such a hard time getting it out. He was filled with anger and disappointment and loss.

  “I didn’t tell you so you could chase your dream. I didn’t want to be a burden on you or hold you back. I didn’t want you to resent me for trapping you.”

  The reasons spilled out of her as if she’d been holding them in for fifteen years. He supposed she had. “Did you know before I left?”

  “Not until a few weeks after. Your mom saw me throwing up behind the barn one day and she guessed. She tried to convince me to tell you, and I was going to, but then I lost the baby and there just didn’t seem to be any point.”

  Everything she was revealing swirled in his head. Looking at her, at the face that had been in his dreams more times than he could ever count, he saw the honesty he’d always expected from Jenny. Yet she’d kept this secret for fifteen years.

  “Who else knew?” he asked, feeling betrayed.

  “No one else. Only your parents…and a doctor your mom took me to.”

  No wonder Jenny and his mother had been so close. They’d had this secret between them as well as everything else. If only she’d told him. If only he could have been here for her. He murmured, “I can’t believe you never told me.”

  She must have taken his complete shock at her disclosure as an accusation, because she asked, “How was I supposed to tell you, Zack, when you were miles away in a different life? What happened didn’t matter anymore. I was young and stupid and devastated when you left. Along with that, I had to get over losing a baby. It wasn’t as if you came home or wrote or phoned. Your parents and I were just part of your old life. We didn’t matter anymore.”

  He wanted to deny that, but he’d embraced his future with all the energy he’d possessed, leaving behind his father’s disapproval and Jenny’s refusal to go with him. Yet she said she’d been devastated by his leaving. It all seemed so incomprehensible now.

  “What happened mattered,” he protested. “The fact you were carrying my baby mattered. The loss of our child matters. It’s true, I don’t know what I would have done. But I wish I’d had the chance to find out.”

  Now when Jenny tried to pull away, he didn’t hold her. He couldn’t bear gazing into her brown eyes, filled with the pain of what she’d experienced.

  As she left him in the kitchen, her pain gripped him and became his.

  Chapter Six

  After Zack had spent some time with Dusty, he had gone on a cold morning ride, trying to sort out everything Jenny had told him last night. He’d stayed up most of the night, lost in the past, remembering too much about their senior year in high school, remembering too much about the night he and Jenny had made love in the hayloft. He’d been naive back then, more experienced physically than emotionally. He’d believed that night had meant as much to her as it had meant to him. He had to admit that he’d been bitter and resentful about her refusal to go with him ever since. But now—

  Returning to the Rocky D after a fast ride he’d hoped would numb his thoughts, he spotted Jenny entering the arena with Michael and his sister.

  As he lead Tattoo into the everyday barn, Hank saw him and waved. “I’ll take him for you if you’d like.”

  “Are you sure?” Zack asked. “I know you have enough to do.” Hank was a few years younger than Silas but never seemed to slow down.

  “No problem. I see how much time you’re spending with Dusty. He won’t let me get anywhere near him.”

  “We’ll have to change that. Maybe tomorrow if you have a little time, you could come with me and I’ll show you some of the things I’ve learned about him.”

  “Like?” Hank asked with an arched brow.

  “Like if you sit on the fence long enough, he’ll come over to see what you’re about.”

  “You, not me.”

  “We just have to show him there are a lot more nice humans in the world than cruel ones.”

  Hank laughed and shook his head. “You never would believe you had a special gift. But I’ll come out with you tomorrow in that dang cold just to prove my point.”

  Zack shook Hank’s hand and agreed, “It’s a deal.” Then he left Tattoo with a man he’d learned to trust when he was just a boy.

  Zack took out his cell phone as he strode to the arena and speed-dialed his father.

  Silas picked up on the second ring. “Where are you?” his father asked without any preamble.

  “I’m going to the arena to see what Jenny’s up to. I just thought I’d check in, to see if you needed anything.”

  “I need some energy and a good dose of stamina.”

  “When are you coming down to the barn?” His dad had been walking on the paved paths in back of the house. He also now climbed the stairs to his bedroom each night. That was progress even though his dad didn’t seem to see it that way. But he hadn’t taken a stroll down to the barns yet and it was time.

  The silence was so lengthy, Zack asked, “Dad?”

  “Not when there are people around. Jenny’s got those kids there and their mom will be coming to pick them up. Ben went to Flagstaff today but Hank and Tate are around somewhere, too.”

  “What are you afraid will happen?”

  “I’m not afraid of anything.”

  Becoming more comfortable at the Rocky D again, Zack had forgotten he needed to watch his words. “What are you concerned might happen?”

  “I can’t do what I used to do. I don’t know when I’ll be riding again and I don’t want anybody asking me about it. Jenny said something about going to lunch with Mikala and Celeste on Monday. Hank will be going into town to place a feed order. The temporary hands won’t care what I’m doing. Maybe then I’ll take a walk over.”

  “All right, whenever you want. You know what the doctor said—build up each day.”

  “Go do what you gotta do,” Silas muttered. “I’m fine here for now.” Then his father hung up.

  Go do what he had to do. Talk to Jenny about what had happened fifteen years ago? Not likely with two kids around. Yet he felt drawn to the arena where he knew she’d be.

  Opening the heavy door, he stepped inside. Jenny was riding Goldenrod, one of the horses she’d be putting up for sale in the spring. Michael and Tanya were following her in a circle on two of the mares Jenny trusted with kids. One of them, a chestnut with a white blaze, was her own horse—Songbird.

  He heard Michael say, “I wish we could come out here and ride every day.”

  Zack heard Jenny laugh, a sweet sound he’d always enjoyed. She responded, “You have to go to school, and I have horses to train.”

  “It’s great you have an arena,” he said. “That way if it snows, we can still ride.”

  “That was the idea when Mr. Decker built it.”

  After a few moments, Tanya informed her, “Daddy doesn’t like when we come here.”

  “That’s just because he can’t pay,” Michael explained. “I heard him arguing with Mom again about taking handouts. He doesn’t want anything for free.”

  Jenny stopped leading and waited until Michael brought his horse up beside hers. “Your mom will be here shortly. Let’s dismount an
d unsaddle. If we have time, you can help me groom.”

  Jenny dismounted first and then helped both of the kids. As Zack watched her, he realized she was as gentle as a caring mother. Last night, when she’d told him about the miscarriage, there had been such sadness in her voice. Did she long to have children now? Did she want a family?

  As they walked the horses to their stalls along the edge of the arena, Zack joined them, ready to help with their saddles.

  “Hi, guys.”

  “Hi, Mr. Decker,” Michael said, as Tanya grinned shyly. “Carson and Danielle couldn’t come, so it’s just us today! I was hoping I’d see you,” Michael went on. “Can I talk to you?”

  Jenny gave Zack a look that asked what it was about, but Zack shrugged, having no idea. Their gazes stayed connected longer than necessary, but then she broke eye contact and almost too eagerly helped Tanya. Michael joined Zack by a set of feed bins.

  “What’s up?” Zack asked.

  “You know how to make movies.”

  Zack suppressed a smile. “Does making movies interest you?”

  “Not really. I mean, I don’t want to make a movie exactly. I want to make a video of me and Tanya to give to my mom and dad for Christmas. My mom said we’re going to have to be inventive this year and think of things to give each other that don’t cost money. Well, my dad has a video camera and there’s some blank tapes with it he never used. So I thought it would be really cool if you could help me and Tanya make a movie for Mom and Dad. What do you think?”

  The last thing Zack was thinking about was the holidays. He was obviously going to be here for Thanksgiving. But Christmas? That was still up for grabs. He thought about what Michael had said, about the family being inventive so they could give each other gifts that didn’t cost anything. Wasn’t that a novel concept? He didn’t give many Christmas gifts. For the most part, Christmas was just another day. He remembered again how special the holidays had been to his mother.

  He didn’t know why he was even considering this boy’s request. It wasn’t something he’d ever do if he was back in L.A. But the sparkling hope in Michael’s eyes, the idea his parents would derive joy from this present that was much needed in their lives encouraged Zack to say, “Let me think about the best way to do it. Can you get the camera here without your parents knowing?”