Once Upon a Groom

by Karen Rose Smith

  He shrugged. “That’s hard to say. I might have been alone, walking the beach, taking advantage of the day off, or I might have spent it working on script notes for my next project. Or I might have gone north for some skiing. Why?”

  “I just wondered. Most of the things you mentioned, you would have been doing alone, except for the skiing if you took someone along.”

  “Did you ever ski?” he asked her.

  She shook her head, wondering if he was thinking again how limited her life experiences were.

  “You should try it. It’s great exercise. But for the most part, it’s a solitary sport.”

  “You wouldn’t have taken someone along?”

  “Not if I wanted to ski.”

  Jenny realized exactly what that meant. Zack was a focused person. If he went to the mountains to enjoy the outdoors and to ski, that’s what he’d do. If on the other hand, he went to the mountains to hook up with someone in a cozy little cabin and have sex, that’s what he’d do.

  The kiss in her bedroom played in her mind all over again and she felt her face getting hot. “I’d better see to the potatoes,” she told him, going to the stove and cutting off their conversation. But Zack couldn’t be shut down that easily. He came up behind her and turned her around to face him.

  “There’s nothing wrong with the way I live my life or the way you live yours. They’re just different lifestyles.”

  Were they so different? He walled people out and kept them at a distance. Because he’d gotten hurt too many times in the past? Because she’d been one of those reasons he’d put up walls? She let people in, but not men, at least not men who wanted a relationship. Because she was afraid they’d let her down…as her father had always done? Because she was afraid they’d leave…as Zack had done?

  She said the truth running around in her head. “I think your life is lonely, Zack, and maybe mine is limited.”

  Just then, the three-tone chime on the front door echoed through the entire house. They’d been too engrossed in each other to hear a car driving up outside. If they became engrossed in each other again, would their walls come tumbling down? Or would they simply be opening themselves to more heartache?

  Chapter Eight

  Jenny loved holidays, especially when they were like this one, with friends and people she cared about sitting around the dining room table. She’d dreamed of a Thanksgiving like this when she was a child. Now it was a reality.

  Yet, sometimes she felt as if she were living someone else’s life. This wasn’t her house. These weren’t her horses. Silas wasn’t her father. Really if she got down to it, she was an employee on the ranch, just like Hank and Tate and Ben and the other workers.

  Still, when her gaze met Zack’s she felt a sense of…belonging. How crazy was that? She didn’t belong with Zack. They were way too different…and five hundred miles apart. As she passed the green beans to Mikala, she noticed Mikala watching Silas and Anna. They hadn’t stopped talking since Anna arrived and Silas looked more animated than he had since his procedure.

  “They’re getting along well,” Jenny said in a low voice.

  “I think they dated once upon a time,” Mikala said.

  “What happened?”

  “Aunt Anna has never told me much. I mean, I always knew she and Silas went to school together. But he worked so hard trying to give the Rocky D a good reputation. He was always on a horse, in the barn, going to sales, traveling to other ranches meeting clients. So I think his ambition got in the way. Then he met Olivia Reynolds. Aunt Anna told me she’d never really had a chance after that.”

  “Look at them now. Even your aunt seems to be…sparkling.”

  “Hmm,” Mikala said, noncommittally. “Zack doesn’t look as if he’s happy about it.”

  As Jenny watched Zack, she had to wonder what he was thinking…what he was feeling. She’d lost her mom, too, and missed her desperately. No one could ever, ever take a mom’s place. Yet, as she’d grown older and her father had been away more and more, she’d wondered if he’d met the right woman, if they could have formed a family. The thing was, he never had, or at least he’d never brought anyone home.

  Zack’s experience, on the other hand, had been altogether different. He’d known his mother into adulthood, and the sun had risen and set with her. His father had been the bad guy, the disapproving distant dad who had done his mother wrong. Now she wondered if Zack would resent seeing his father happy, or if he just didn’t want to see a woman fill his mother’s place.

  Mikala engaged Zack in conversation. When Jenny tried to do the same and their gazes met, she couldn’t seem to find any words. At one point, when they all seemed to be finished with the main course, Silas focused his attention on Jenny.

  “What do you think about having dessert in the living room?”

  This was a departure from their usual routine, but Jenny liked the idea. “Sure, we can do that.” She wondered if Silas thought his guests would stay longer if they were comfortable.

  Silas rose to his feet. “Wonderful! Coffee and dessert in the living room, and maybe Anna and I can share some of the legends circulating around Miners Bluff from when we were kids.”

  “The Preservation Society is trying to gather them all,” Anna explained. “Celeste Sullivan is helping us put them all together in a book.”

  “Celeste is also working on a book with Clay’s mom about the Sullivan family history, isn’t she?” Jenny asked.

  “She is. And I understand even Harold is contributing his time. Celeste’s marriage to Clay has brought that family together. It’s wonderful to see.”

  “I suppose a good marriage can do that,” Jenny responded with a quick glance at Zack.

  His expression was so blank she knew he was really working at keeping it that way. He’d once told her that after seeing his parents’ arguments, he would never marry. Maybe that was the real reason why she hadn’t gone with him to L.A. Maybe because she’d wanted to believe in the power of marriage—and wanted to be with a man who believed in it, too.

  Over coffee, fruit tart and pumpkin pie, Anna and Silas told some of the legends of Miners Bluff. Zack appeared totally engrossed. He’d obviously never heard them from his father before. They were stories about the miners who worked the first copper mine, tales about the drums some visitors heard when they were exploring Feather Peak. Jenny wondered if Zack was seeing his dad in a new light, but was almost afraid to hope.

  After Anna and Mikala left, Silas gave Jenny a hug. “I’m grateful you made this Thanksgiving special.” He looked at Zack. “And I’m glad you’re here.” Then turning away from both of them, he said, “I’m tired. I’m going to my room and fall asleep in front of the TV.”

  Once Silas had turned away, Zack stared after him.

  “He and Anna seemed to get along well.” Jenny thought she’d just throw the comment out there and see what was going on in Zack’s head.

  “What are you suggesting?”

  “That hinting to your dad that he might want to go on a date with Anna could be a good idea.”

  “Jenny…” Zack’s tone was filled with warning.

  “What? It’s not so far-fetched. Dating Anna could give Silas some of his old verve back.”

  “Verve? Look what he did to my mother!”

  “Can’t you see the man he is now?”

  Zack raked his hand through his hair and she realized it would probably take a lot more than a few weeks for him to see how much Silas had changed.

  She knew she should keep her mouth shut, turn away and go to her suite. But she couldn’t. “You know, Zack, your dad made bad decisions, but your mother did, too. She stayed with him instead of holding him accountable for his actions. I think she liked her life here, and she didn’t want it to change. She’s the one who got into that small plane, knowing full well the weather could be bad. You’re blaming him for the decision she made that night. Is that fair?”

  “I thought you loved my mother,” Zack said, accusation w
ritten all over his face.

  “I did. I do. And I love your dad. That doesn’t make me blind. That just makes it even more important that I accept who they were and who they are. It takes two people to fight, two people not to resolve the problems in their marriage.”

  The house phone rang breaking the dense silence between her and Zack. “I’ll get it,” Jenny said, “in case Martha already went to her quarters.” Checking the caller ID, she murmured, “It might be my dad.”

  Her heart lifted at the thought.

  “Go ahead and take it. I’m going out to take Dusty a Thanksgiving treat. Hank, Tate and Ben should be back, but I’ll check the bunkhouse to make sure.”

  With a nod, he left her in the foyer.

  Phone in hand, seeing the caller ID said OUT OF AREA, she answered, “Hello?”

  “Hey, baby. Happy Thanksgiving!”

  Hearing her father’s voice always created a mixed rush of feelings. She kept telling herself it didn’t matter if he called. She no longer waited for calls or visits. Yet when she heard his deep baritone, she remembered the times he’d hoisted her on his shoulders, took her to the rodeo to watch the horses, looked at her mother as if she’d been the most important person in his world. Now she felt…relieved that his latest job of teaching techniques to rodeo clowns and cowboys hadn’t gotten him injured. “Thanks. What are you doing?”

  “I’m here at a restaurant with some of my rodeo buddies—great turkey and pie—just outside of San Antonio. You ought to come down here sometime. You’d like the Riverwalk.”

  She’d read about the Riverwalk and its shops and boutiques and restaurants. Her dad just didn’t understand that the traveling bug had never bit her, probably because he’d always been gone so much that he didn’t realize she saw traveling as a way to escape responsibility. Because of the life her dad had led, she’d always wanted to put down roots, to dig in her heels, to make a life that was sturdy and safe.

  “How long are you going to be in San Antonio?” She couldn’t stop herself from asking. “Do you think you can get back to Miners Bluff for the holidays? It would be great to spend Christmas together.” As always, she issued the invitation without getting her hopes up.

  “I don’t think so, darlin’. I’m going to be one of the teachers at a training camp between Christmas and New Year’s. The money’s too good to turn down.”

  At her silence, he went on, “You’ll have a big ole Christmas tree at Silas Decker’s place, and probably any present you could ask for. You don’t need me mucking around.”

  Maybe her father had just never understood how much she needed him. “Silas had a heart attack, Dad. He’s recovering now, but I’m not exactly sure what we’ll be doing for Christmas. Zack came home while he was in the hospital and he’s staying a few weeks.”

  “Zack, huh? How do you feel about that, having him there again?”

  Her father had known she’d been smitten with Zack. She hadn’t been able to hide it. But he hadn’t known about the pregnancy or the miscarriage, or how broken-hearted she’d been when Zack had left. “This is a big place. We run into each other now and then.”

  He laughed. “Oh, I bet you do. Does he act all high and mighty like he’s better than everybody else? That’s the way those celebrity types are.”

  As she thought over exactly how Zack did act, she found herself thinking that it wasn’t like a celebrity. “No, he’s not like that. He’s more introspective, more cynical, more…alone.”

  “That’s hard to believe. Hey, maybe I should ask him to back my idea for starting up a clown camp.”

  “Oh, Dad, you wouldn’t.”

  “Why not? He could be part investor.”

  “Everybody wants something from him. I think that’s partially why he is the way he is. So don’t even think about asking him for money.”

  There was a very long pause, then her father said, “I understand.”

  She was glad he understood at least. He’d never really understood her. Ever since her mother died, she’d had no one to depend on. When she tried to depend on her dad, he’d let her down, not once but over and over and over again. Her life just wasn’t important enough to him to be part of it. Yet she could never close the door.

  “I wish you could come back for Christmas,” she said, trying to keep the wistfulness from her voice. “You know if you change your mind, you’re welcome.”

  “You know I wouldn’t be comfortable staying there.”

  “You could always stay in the bunkhouse. I don’t think Hank, Tate and Ben would mind.”

  “We’ll see, darlin’.”

  Jenny swallowed hard, then blurted out, “Why don’t you want to get close to me, Dad? You never have. I always thought something was wrong with me.”

  “Jenny, no! There’s nothing wrong with you. You’re beautiful and smart. You always have been.” He stopped, maybe trying to rearrange his thoughts, and she gave him the time. Finally he admitted, “You look like your momma. Even when you were a little girl, you did. After she died, I couldn’t look at you without seeing her. It hurt. If I’d stayed home with you, I would have drunk myself into an early grave.”

  She didn’t know why she’d brought this up. Because Zack’s return had stirred the pot?

  “What about now?”

  After a few beats of silence, her dad sighed. “Aw, Jenny. When you love someone and you lose them, the pain never goes away. It comes back in a wave when you least expect it.”

  “Can’t you just appreciate the ways I’m like Mom, but also know the ways we’re different? Can’t you separate us? Can’t we just be a daughter and a dad getting to know each other?”

  “That was a mouthful.”

  “No, it was a heartful.” She waited a beat and added, “Silas is great, and he does act like a father. But he’s not my father. You are.”

  “Jenny, life is what it is. People are who they are. You’re old enough to accept the fact that I’m a wanderer. I don’t stay in one place. You do.”

  After a long pause, he said, “I’ve got to go.”

  “All right, Dad. Thanks for the call.”

  “You take care, you hear?”

  Before she could even say “I love you, Dad,” he was gone.

  Jenny wasn’t sure why she went to the exercise room later that night. Usually when she couldn’t sleep, she went to the barn, or at least outside on the balcony that overlooked the rose garden. There she could remember happier times with Olivia. She could remember strolling with Zack in and out of the paths, stealing kisses under the arbor. But tonight, she thought Silas’s new elliptical trainer might be what she needed. Maybe she could work off steam, calories and exhaust herself so that when she fell into bed, she’d go to sleep.

  Her dad’s phone calls always troubled her, and this one was no exception. When she was a kid, she’d watched out the window, waiting for him to come home. She’d waited for phone calls that had never come. She’d longed for daddy-hugs at bedtime when he was gone. As a teenager, she’d gotten used to being disappointed by him. She’d sloughed off his absences and just pretended they didn’t matter. But the truth was, when he’d so readily agreed to the Deckers taking her in during her senior year, she’d just felt unwanted.

  You’re an adult now, she told herself. Get over it. Isn’t that what she expected Zack to do?

  She heard the hum of the treadmill before she reached the exercise room. Silas certainly wouldn’t be in here this time of night, not without someone to watch over him. So it must be—

  As she stood in the doorway, Zack was unaware of her presence. He was shirtless with a towel slung around his neck. He was jogging on the treadmill and she couldn’t help but stare at the straightness of his spine, the smooth motion of his hips, his powerful thighs as he ran the difficult course he’d selected. Zack would never take an easy course. He would challenge himself with the hardest one.

  His black hair was mussed as if he’d rubbed the towel over it. He stared ahead at the TV screen on the wall�
�the sound was turned down low and she didn’t know how he could even hear it. But then she supposed he might just be reading the crawl across the bottom of the news channel. She knew she didn’t make a sound when she entered. Her athletic shoes were silent on the wood floor. Still, he glanced over his shoulder spotting her. He appeared surprised, slowed his pace to a fast walk, then switched off the machine.

  “I didn’t mean to interrupt your workout.”

  He stepped off the treadmill and ran the towel over his face and down his chest. She couldn’t look away. He’d had broad shoulders as a teenager, but now they were even broader. His chest was wider, covered with black hair tapering to a spot below his navel. The draw-string of his shorts kept her transfixed.

  “I’m finished.”

  As her gaze traveled back up his torso to his eyes, her breath caught at the sheer virility emanating from him. Being in the same room with him had always affected her. But now, being in the same room with him looking so primal made her pulse quicken and her breath come in short puffs.

  “Did you come in to work out?” he asked her, noticing her attire. She’d worn leggings and a tank with her hair in a topknot.

  She motioned to the elliptical trainer. “I thought I’d try that out. I’d firm up different muscles than I use when riding.”

  He gave her a quick once-over. “I think you’re firmed up just fine.”

  She felt the heat of the blush.

  He grinned at her. “Aren’t you used to compliments?”

  “Not that kind,” she admitted.

  He shook his head. “I think you’re running with the wrong crowd of men.”

  “I don’t run with a crowd of men.” And the implication was there—like you do with women.

  His grin faded. “I know you don’t. That was a stupid thing to say.”

  Admitting he’d made a mistake was something she didn’t expect from Zack. Flustered, she searched for something substantial to hold on to, something that would distract her from the chemistry between them, the sexual vibrations beating along with her heart as loud as a primitive drum.