Blame It On The Shame Part 2

by Ashley Jade

  Ricardo runs a hand down his face. "Shit," he says. "Look, Alyssa. Trust me when I say that you're better off not knowing the truth. I don't think you can take it and I'm not going to be the one to tell you."

  She shoots the wall beside his head and I gasp. "Tell me. Tell me the fucking truth."

  "No. You can shoot me dead, but I will not be responsible for putting the same soul-crushing look on your face that my father did the day he killed your dad!" he roars. "My father's eyes haunt you in your dreams? Well, yours fucking haunt mine!"

  It feels like all the air just got sucked out of the room because I think I just figured out exactly who Alyssa is. But God I hope I'm wrong because then we really are fucked right now.

  Unless Ricardo can make her understand that although he's Bruno DeLuca's son...he's not a DeLuca.

  "You—You were there that day? The day my father was killed?" Alyssa questions, looking at him in disbelief.

  "I was 18," Ricardo says. "In fact, it was my 18th birthday. The day I officially became a man. My father wanted to celebrate by showing me what you do to rats. Or specifically, what you do when you find out that one of your men is an undercover agent."

  His face contorts in agony. "You weren't the only one locked in a car that day, Alyssa," he says gruffly before his tone turns somber. "I'm so sorry. I liked your dad. We did some runs together and became close. I looked up to him. Wanted to be like him. He used to talk about how much he loved his little goblin— "

  She shoots the wall beside his head again and my stomach knots because not only am I petrified for Ricardo—I'm watching Alyssa completely unravel right before my eyes and I can't help but feel bad for her.

  However, that doesn't even compare to how bad I feel for Ricardo at the moment.

  It makes sense now why Ricardo was so protective over her. He was

  right when he said that love wasn't the driving force behind it...it was guilt.

  The kind of guilt that eats at your soul...every single day. The kind of guilt that wraps you in so much shame...you pray for the day that someone finally puts you out of your misery.

  "Shut the fuck up," she screams. "You didn't know shit about my dad, you piece of shit! Your father killed him! He killed him and I watched every second of it and I saw the look in DeLuca's eyes when he did it. So don't you fucking try and stand there and offer me your condolences or sympathy. Like this is some kind of hallmark moment...when you're literally the spawn of fucking Satan himself!"

  His eyes become glassy and so do mine. "I didn't want to be. That day changed me. You have no idea what that day did to me."

  "It will never compare to what it did to me."

  "I know," he whispers.

  "You're the little girl," I say, while looking at Ricardo. "The little girl in his nightmares."

  "Stop, Lou-Lou," Ricardo warns.

  I know a sick part of him wants Alyssa to keep ripping into him...but I can't bear another second of it. She needs to understand.

  "No. You need to know, Alyssa. He's not Bruno. Trust me, you don't know what Ricardo's been through. He's not the bad guy. Bruno is."

  She makes a face. "I guess it's time to find out then, huh?"

  Ricardo gives her a strange look. "What do you mean?"

  "Call your father and find out where he is right now. If you don't, I'll kill her in front of you and give you another nightmare."

  I see Ricardo's eyes flash in anger before he picks his shorts up off the floor and starts putting them on.

  Alyssa clicks her tongue. "Are you armed?"

  Of course, he's armed, you idiot. I'd be willing to bet he's got a knife and a gun in the back pocket of those shorts.

  At least, I hope he does.

  "Would it matter? I'm not going to kill you," he says.

  "A leopard doesn't change its spots," she retorts and I feel my anger flair.

  She has no idea that the reason his mother died was because he refused to become a DeLuca after he watched her father die.

  "You know, bitch—you're not the only one who watched their parent get murdered by the hands of DeLuca."

  "DeLuca killed your parents?" she questions and I feel myself freeze for a moment.

  No. No way in hell am I telling her the truth about who I am. Not only is it none of her business...it's my secret. A secret I'll take to the damn grave before I ever tell another soul.

  However, if I was going to tell her, it certainly wouldn't be when she's

  pointing guns at me and Ricardo.

  "Probably," I scoff, trying to play it cool. "Who the fuck knows. However, I was referring to Ricardo."

  "He killed your mother?" she asks in his direction.

  Ricardo closes his eyes and nods. "Yeah. After I told him that I wanted nothing to do with him and said I would never be like him. He tracked my mother down and taught me another lesson."

  "How are you not more fucked up? How did you save yourself from becoming just like him?"

  "Believe me, he's plenty fucked up," I whisper before I can stop myself. We both are.

  Ricardo doesn't answer her...instead he turns around and reveals the large tattoo scrawled on his back in black ink.

  'Sometimes there is absolutely no difference at all between salvation and damnation.'

  "It's from the Green Mile," I offer. My heart hammers in my chest because not only is it such an accurate quote for Ricardo—it also happens to be from the book her dad gave to him.

  "You going to call him?" she asks after he turns back around.

  "I don't really have much of a choice. I'm not letting him kill Jackson."

  "I swear I didn't know it was him," I blurt out.

  Alyssa shifts her gaze to me. "Lou-Lou finish telling me about your involvement with Ford."

  I can feel Ricardo's eyes bore into me as I clear my throat. "Like I said, he tried to get in my pants and he knew all this stuff," I say, hoping Ricardo catches my drift and figures out it was DeLuca behind this and it was all a trap. Just like last time.

  When he narrows his eyes I quickly continue, "Anyway, he offered me a deal. He said that he would set it up so that I could kill DeLuca. But seeing as he was FBI, he would make sure it wouldn't get pinned on me. He said there would be someone else there, someone with more motive than I had to take the fall. I didn't know it was going to be Jackson because he refused to tell me who this other person was. He said I wouldn't find out until I got there…but I didn't go through with it. I backed out at the last minute."

  Ricardo starts pacing. "Fuck, he was playing you both."

  Actually he was playing all of us. Ford was just the puppet and the messenger.

  I'm about to open my mouth and tell him my suspicions but then I clamp it shut. There's no way to know for sure that Alyssa won't just snap altogether after hearing that and kill us both right now in the name of vengeance.

  The best bet is to just do whatever she wants and go from there. Besides, all three of us have the same goal in mind.

  Kill Bruno DeLuca.

  "I guess that explains why he planned to take me to Mexico," Alyssa says, confusing me even more. "There's really no doubt in my mind that he's setting Jackson up." When I arch a brow she says, "Ford and me...our relationship is...was...complicated. It's really fucked up."

  Oh...now it all makes sense.

  I notice the look of disgust on Ricardo's face before he says, "Trust me, sweetie. You really have no idea just how fucked up."

  I don't miss the suspicious look that crosses over her face. "Ricardo, I need you to talk to DeLuca. Find out where he is right now. Tell him it's an emergency and you need him to meet you at the docks near Jersey."

  "You want to do this there?"

  "Hell, yes."

  I can barely contain my excitement when she looks at me. "And after that, I need you to call Ford. Tell him the fucking jig is up and I'm holding both you and Ricardo hostage. Tell him to meet me at the docks, but warn him that if he brings Jackson it will be the last thing that he does."


  I'm about to happily agree but Ricardo shakes his head. "That's not going to work. He's going to bring Jackson. Especially if he's already targeted him as the fall guy. Also, there's no telling what Jackson will do to Ford if he finds out he set him up. There could be a showdown between them."

  Shit, he has a point. Alyssa's plan still puts Jackson in a dangerous situation.

  "Well then get a hold of Jackson and tell him that something happened to me," Alyssa growls. "Say whatever you have to say to throw him off the course. Don't tell him about Ford just make sure he leaves."

  "But you said he wasn't picking up his phone," Ricardo argues.

  "I'm sure he has a special company phone that you can get a hold of him on," Alyssa says with a smirk that I want to wipe off her fucking face.

  Chapter 46 (Ricardo)

  Ricardo: Alyssa's gone crazy! She has a gun and is holding Lou-Lou and me hostage. Ford's a double agent, don't trust him. It's a set-up. Do not attack him just yet, he might be prepared for that. Get away from him and find a way to sneak to the docks near Jersey. We'll be in the small warehouse-sneak in through the back. Address is in my car gps listed under 10/29/01.

  Make sure you're armed—check the trunk. DeLuca will be there. Stay safe, brother. And when I call you—sound panicked and go with it. Alyssa's fine...well, physically anyway. Erase this text and do not respond to it.

  I watch and listen as Lou-Lou and Alyssa start screaming at one another in the parking lot, providing me with the perfect opportunity to type the text and hit the 'send' button.

  Hopefully now Jackson will be able to save all our asses because my plan has officially gone to hell.

  I was supposed to be holding Alyssa hostage and she was supposed to be warning Jackson not to trust Ford.

  Christ, not only did I underestimate Alyssa and underestimate Ford.

  I underestimated DeLuca.

  I'd say I'm surprised...but the more I think about it. It makes perfect sense. He's always one step ahead of everyone else.

  He knows that if he killed Jackson...I'd go after him.

  As mad as that all makes me...it's nothing compared to how I feel about him targeting Lou-Lou and trying to trap her.

  He wanted to see if she'd take the out Ford was falsely providing and agree to kill him. She if she'd fly out of her cage and then slaughter her for it.

  Or worse.

  Words cannot describe how relieved I am that she changed her mind at the last minute.

  And thank fucking God I had Emilio report that she's been puking her guts up for the last week and that her last pregnancy test showed up positive.

  I only did it as a last-minute precaution in case the council found out he was dead before I made it to Italy—but seeing as DeLuca was behind this whole set up in the first place—it will keep her safe when we get to the warehouse.

  Because if I can only choose one person to save out of everyone...it's her. It will always be her.

  I take a deep breath and roll my shoulders back as I do a quick inventory of the facts so I can figure out what to do next.

  Fact number one—DeLuca set this up and enlisted Ford's help. Ford agreed...most likely in exchange for Alyssa's safety...given he's planning a trip to Mexico for them and all. Not to mention, the added bonus of getting rid of Jackson.

  Fact number two—DeLuca knows he's going to be attacked today. And if we don't go after him...he'll come after us. At least today Jackson and I are prepared. Well, as prepared as we're going to be.

  And maybe...just maybe...Ford's sick and twisted obsession with Alyssa will come in handy.

  Either way, there's only one way to find out.

  Because no matter what happens...DeLuca's dying in that warehouse today.

  Alyssa glares at me and I pick up my phone. "Alyssa's been shot. Come quick," I shout from the backseat of Lou-Lou's car before I hang up.

  Alyssa points her gun at my chest. "Really, you couldn't have done better than that?"

  "It got the message across. He won't be with Ford anymore."

  She digs the gun into Lou-Lou's temple and I fight the urge to take out mine and shoot her. "Now it's your turn."

  Lou-Lou pulls up Ford's contact information and hits send. "Hi, Ford. Alyssa's holding me hostage and she knows what you're up to."

  I almost want to laugh at how calm she is about all of this.

  "I don't believe you," he snarls on the other line.

  Alyssa sighs and snatches the phone from her. "Hello, Ford. Or should I say—special manipulating bastard agent Ford?"

  I'd go with the second one.

  He stays silent and she continues, "I'm going to make this real easy for you. Meet me down at the docks. Leave Jackson alone. This is between you, me, and DeLuca. If you bring Jackson, I swear on my father's death...it will be the last thing you ever do."

  She hangs up and looks at me. "You still have one more phone call to make."

  My stomach churns and for the second time today I have a moment

  of trepidation.

  As much as I want to give Lou-Lou what she wants...I don't want to put her in harm’s way.

  I look over at her and my heart pounds so hard it hurts.

  Lou-Lou deserves this. She deserves her freedom. And not just the kind that comes from cash and a passport.

  And the only thing preventing that right now is my heart.

  I put the phone to my ear. "Yeah, it's me."

  "I'm busy," he barks, obviously not realizing that I'm on to him.

  "I know you're busy. But something's come up. I'm being held hostage."

  "And?"

  "I know you don't care..." I start to say.

  DeLuca laughs on the other line. "You're right. I don't. Just tell me what color casket you'd like and ask them if they'd prefer a check or cash as a 'thank you' for getting rid of my ingrate son."

  I force myself not to let his words affect me.

  Alyssa eyes narrow and her nostrils flair, she's obviously pissed this isn't going the way she wanted it to.

  My pulse begins to rise because I can physically feel how much she wants DeLuca dead. And seeing as she's already pulled a fast one on me...who knows what else she would do to get DeLuca to that warehouse.

  "Tell him who's holding you hostage and tell him he better be unarmed when he shows up or I'll kill you," she grits through her teeth.

  "Listen, you need to meet us at the docks near Jersey. Alyssa Tanner's holding a gun to my fucking face."

  He chuckles. "Well, that's an interesting turn of events. I always knew those two so-called brothers of yours would end up screwing you over once they found out who you really were. Nothing beats blood, Ricardo. You should have chosen your real family. So enjoy taking your last breath because I'm not coming to save your sorry ass."

  Two things hit me at that moment.

  One—Lou-Lou was wrong. DeLuca wasn't the one who set this whole thing up after all. Not only is he not gloating about it...he's way too nonchalant about everything.

  And two—if DeLuca didn't enlist Ford to set this up...who the fuck did?

  I close my eyes and let out a frustrated sigh. When I open them, I glare at Alyssa, hating what I'm about to say, but knowing I don't have any other choice. "I know you don't give a fuck about me Babbo...but she's got Lucianna! And she will kill her. Make sure you come unarmed!"

  The fact that I just called him Babbo...should let him know I'm dead serious.

  There's silence on the other line and my stomach sways. I need this to work.

  "Okay. I'll be there...unarmed," he says, the worry very apparent in his tone. "Make sure that bitch doesn't touch a hair on Lucianna's head or I'll be bashing hers in just like her father's," DeLuca shouts before he hangs up on me.

  Yeah, DeLuca definitely didn't set this up.

  Chapter 47 (Lou-Lou)

  Alyssa looks at me in disbelief. "Damn, Lou-Lou. I sure as fuck underestimated you."

  I give her a wink. "Yes you did, bitch. And if you
want DeLuca brought to his knees, I'll be glad to help you do it. But if you hurt Ricardo; trust me—I'll make your life even more of a living hell than it already was."

  My eyes connect with Ricardo's in the rear view mirror and my heart pinches.

  "Noted, now start driving," Alyssa demands.

  She adjusts herself in her seat so that one gun is pointed at me and the other is pointed at Ricardo. "Either one of you try and pull something, I'll be reenacting my own version of Romeo and Juliet, got it?

  She gestures between us with her guns. "So, what's the story between you two? I gotta hear this."

  Ricardo lifts his chin and glares at her. "None of your fucking business," he grits through his teeth.

  "Well, seeing as I'm the one holding a gun to your face, call me crazy but I'd say it was."

  "Oh, I'm calling you crazy alright," he mumbles.

  "Seriously," I chime in. "You got a set of cajones, Alyssa. I'm impressed."

  It's true...despite her being bat-shit crazy. Her fearlessness when it comes to taking DeLuca down is commendable.

  "Thanks, I think. But I'm not crazy," she says softly. "I'm just protecting Jackson and getting my revenge."

  We stay in silence for the better part of an hour. All I can think about is what's going to happen at the warehouse when we get there.

  "Are you guys like step-brother and step-sister or something?" Alyssa asks, bringing me out of my thoughts. She wiggles her eyebrows. "I'm not judging, that's kinda hot."

  "Fuck off," Ricardo barks.

  "He's not my step-brother."

  "Why are you so important to DeLuca?" She then asks me.

  I grip the steering wheel and wince. Memories of DeLuca flash through my mind and I drag in a low, slow breath."Probably the same reason you're so important to Ford."

  And that's about as much as she's getting out of me...in part because the docks are up ahead.

  Of course, that's when Alyssa starts hyperventilating.

  Oh, no...she can't back down now.

  Ricardo and I exchange a look before we both put a hand on her shoulder.

  "Breathe, Alyssa. DeLuca will be here any minute; if he's not here already and you'll make one hell of an easy target if you're passed out. Then all of this will be for nothing," Ricardo says.