The Man who Missed the War

by Dennis Wheatley

  Philip shrugged. ‘Because the Americans and the British do the same thing it does not prove that they are right. Naturally, all these chaps can’t bear the thought of the main reason for their existence becoming the responsibility of another Service which is now better equipped to tackle it than themselves. They’ll continue to maintain until they are blue in the face that a battle fleet is still necessary, and anyone like yourself, who is predisposed in their favour, will continue to be fool enough to believe them.’

  ‘Do you suggest that I’m a fool?’ asked the Prince angrily.

  ‘No. But I do suggest that you’re taking for granted all sorts of things that you have heard other people say, and repeating them like a parrot, instead of facing the problem squarely on its merits and thinking it out logically for yourself.’

  ‘How dare you call me a parrot!’

  ‘You shouldn’t behave like one!’

  ‘You insolent young fool! I’ll teach you——!’

  ‘Just a moment, just a moment,’ Gloria intervened as Fedor rose to his feet with the evident intention of advancing on Philip. ‘I think you boys have both been mighty rude to each other; but there’s no sense in coming to blows about a thing that can’t affect any of us here one little bit. I’m awful tired, and I’d like to get to sleep. Won’t both of you say you’re sorry so that we can settle down for the night?’

  Philip obligingly muttered that he had not meant anything personal, and the Prince mumbled something to the effect that he had taken no offence.

  Even so, Philip was greatly surprised when the Russian said to him next morning: ‘You know, I was thinking over what you were saying last night, and I believe you are right. Logically, all future fleets should consist of aircraft carriers with destroyer escorts. Two such fleets would not have to wait to engage until they were in sight of each other; they could fight to the death without ever being less than a hundred miles apart. And since no battleship which was with either fleet could use its big guns in such an action it really does seem that battleships are quite redundant.’

  ‘That’s very handsome of you,’ Philip smiled and this rapprochement made a happy start to what proved to be a long and tiring day.

  Having reached the mountain barrier, they now had to climb over two thousand feet up a steep and slippery track, then make their way through a three-mile pass. On each of the two previous days Gloria had said that she was sure her ankle was now quite strong enough for her to walk, at least a part of the way; but Solgorukin would not let her. He wanted her ankle to be given the maximum rest until they reached the mountain. Now, when she tried it out, she found she could walk quite well, but the Prince took one of her arms to help her while Philip was left to bring up the rear with the luggage.

  They reached the entrance of the pass without accident and halted there for their midday meal. After it, before they set out on the next stage of their journey, during which Gloria was once more to be carried, Solgorukin addressed the other two with unusual solemnity.

  ‘Within a few hours’ time you will see things which I have little doubt will astonish you. I have offered you food and warmth, and they shall be yours, but you will then understand why, had you two been a party of men, I should have left you to fend for yourselves. I intend that this place to which we are going beyond the mountains shall be my home for the rest of my life. Therefore, I would not jeopardise it or my position there by sheltering a party of roughnecks who might turn upon me. You two are different.’

  He smiled and went on: ‘Even if you wished, I somehow don’t think that you two could prove very dangerous enemies. All the same, I should like to give you a warning. As my guests, I don’t think you will have any reason to complain of your treatment. But I wish you both to realise that, while you are in my kingdom, as well as being my guests you will also be my subjects. Anything that you may see there—such, for example, as my treatment of my other subjects—is no concern of yours. You will neither inquire into it nor comment on it; and you will remember that my word is law.’

  Rising, he added more lightly: ‘Come, let us go.’ When Gloria had settled herself in the hammock he led the way into a narrow defile between two sheer walls of rock which formed the pass. It was a long walk, steadily uphill all the time and often through an inch or more of water, which in places turned the gorge into a shallow river.

  Philip could not understand this at all, as at such an altitude he would have expected the whole pass to be completely blocked with great depths of snow. Yet it was far warmer here than it had been much lower down on the mountain-side or even on the plain; and he noticed that, although the peaks of the mountains that they passed remained snow-covered, the rock was now bare to within a thousand feet of their tops, and the rock faces seemed to be glistening with moisture.

  At last they came out on a plateau from which they could see a long double line of mountain tops separated by a great chasm at least ten miles wide; while, far to the south, beyond the double line of peaks, there rose another chain of mountains far vaster than the one into the centre of which they had climbed.

  Setting Gloria down, they advanced across the plateau. Their view down into the great chasm between the mountains steadily increased, and the first hint of what was coming was given by a touch of green breaking the brown colouring of the rock at the far end of the valley. After covering another few hundred yards, Philip and Gloria could see that there were trees and fields down there in the valley and—yes, little, round houses with smoke curling up from their chimney pots.

  Forgetting her ankle, Gloria ran the rest of the way to the edge of the plateau, and Philip ran with her. For a moment, they stood there side by side, gazing down enraptured by the distant scene, then he exclaimed:

  ‘It can’t be! It isn’t true! And yet it must be—this is Shangri La!’

  The Prince had joined them, and he shook his head. ‘No, this is not Shangri La. There are no temples here, no wise men seeking to preserve all the accumulated beauties of our civilisation from destruction, and you will find the people here very poor and primitive. Yet, in some ways this is much more remarkable. That was a man-made Paradise where Nature had been coaxed to give of her best in a sheltered valley. This is not. It is against all nature that anything but the very lowest forms of vegetation should live so near the Pole; and the cultivation here is only of the most primitive kind. For two-thirds of the year this valley should be deep in show; yet no snow has ever fallen during all the months I have been here, and while perpetual clouds should hang about these mountain tops, shutting out the sun, there is hardly a day on which it does not shine.’

  ‘How absolutely extraordinary!’ murmured Philip. ‘Yet there must be some explanation.’

  ‘There is,’ the Prince replied, ‘and it lies in that great chain of mountains to the south. Something goes on there that I do not understand. Strange things can be done with human blood, and I know just enough to have reached the decision that it is wiser not to pursue my investigations any further. I mention this now in order that we need not refer to it again. The subject is taboo.’

  They stood silently looking out over the valley. It was infinitely still and peaceful in the evening light, yet the Russian’s strange words had now imbued the place with a slightly frightening and sinister atmosphere.

  ‘Come,’ he said at last. ‘You have not yet seen any of my people, and they will prove another surprise for you. Let us go down. I bid you welcome to my kingdom.’

  13

  The Strangest Kingdom

  The prince led the way along the cliff top until they reached a break in it from which a narrow track led downward. Gloria was tired now and limping a little, but she was so excited that she hardly noticed the pain which began to throb through her ankle again during their two-mile descent into the valley. As they advanced the terrain on either side of the track gradually altered in appearance. The bare, wet rock became sparsely covered in lichens and mosses, and as the way grew less steep they passed narrow terraces
which had been banked up to hold shallow patches of soil. These broadened by degrees until they became sloping fields.

  Neither Philip nor Gloria knew anything about agriculture, but it was apparent to them that the cultivation was haphazard and the crops of poor quality. The countryside had all the untidiness of a huge allotment garden at the wrong end of the year, and it was clear that no common policy or organised direction for getting the best out of the soil existed here. Night was fast approaching, so none of the inhabitants were now in the fields, but Philip noticed that no ploughs, harrows or other agricultural implements had been left out; nor were any wagons or horses to be seen.

  The only signs of life were a few of the cottages that they had seen from the plateau, which, on a nearer view, seemed very old, crooked and tumbledown, and some animals grazing in the fields that looked like a cross between a sheep and a dwarf camel.

  Gloria asked what they were, and the Prince replied; They are llamas, and, as far as I know, much the same species as the animal which is quite common in the Andean States of South America. What my poor subjects would do without them, heaven knows! They give us our only meat, milk, butter and cheese, and, in addition, their fat, made into dips and thick candles with special markings on them, provides our only light at night and our only way of telling the time during the long winters when we cannot see the sun. And, of course, their wool, which as you can see, is long and fleecy, and their hides supply the population with ninety per cent of its clothes. In Peru, so I have heard, the people also use them as beasts of burden, and soon after I arrived here I tried that too, but there was no end of a rumpus. Probably owing to their dependence on them, the people regard their llamas as practically sacred. Anyhow, I had to quell a mutiny, so the experiment was not worth the bother of repeating—particularly as the people themselves provide me with all the beasts of burden I am ever likely to require.’

  For some quarter of an hour past dim little lights had been appearing in the narrow windows of the scattered cottages, and now they were approaching the first group of buildings they had seen. It was not large enough to be called a village or even a hamlet, but was just half a dozen houses, the sloping roofs of which formed all sorts of crazy angles, set in a small clearing which was surrounded by a high spiked stockade.

  ‘This collection of rabbit hutches,’ said the Prince, ‘is the Palace. I fear it must prove a little disappointing to you at first sight, but it is more comfortable inside than you might suppose. The reasons for its “bittiness” and the eccentricity of its architecture are to be found in the limitations of my people as builders. They understand only how to make one type of house. They have probably been making the same thing for thousands of years longer than the African negroes have their beehive huts, and the type of house they make is perfectly adequate for their simple needs; but they are utterly incapable of making anything larger or different.’

  While the Prince was talking they reached a narrow gate in the stockade, and pushing it open he went on: ‘This is the tradesmen’s entrance, but coming down from the mountain it is quicker to go in this way. As I was saying, my people have many shortcomings, but they have one virtue, which makes up for much. It is a most unusual feature to find in such an otherwise unprogressive race. They are extraordinarily clean both in their houses and their persons. You could really eat your breakfast off the floors of their cottages and see your faces in the bottoms of their cooking pots. It was that, I’m pretty certain, which saved them from becoming the victims of some frightful epidemic when I first arrived among them.’

  ‘Yes,’ remarked Philip; ‘more than one native race has been entirely wiped out through a trader or explorer giving them some childish disease like measles. It’s probably thousands of years since the people here have mixed with any other race, so I doubt whether they have any immunity at all from our usual ailments. Even our common cold might prove to them as deadly a scourge as the plague.’

  ‘Exactly; and for that reason I want to impress on you how important it is to give yourselves a real scrubbing and wash your heads as well when you have your baths in a few minutes’ time. Afterwards I’ll give you some robes to put on for dinner, so that all your clothes can be sterilised by baking in the oven as soon as possible.’

  It seemed so sensible a precaution that they agreed at once. Next moment, as they entered the open space round which the cluster of buildings stood, Gloria exclaimed:

  ‘Now aren’t these little houses cute! They come straight out of Hans Andersen, an’ I wouldn’t be a bit surprised to see a witch in a steeple hat open the door of one any minute!’

  Each of the houses had a low front door with two steps leading down to it, a small square window at either side and one above which peeped out of the overhanging thatch. The windows had no glass in them but appeared to made be from many small panes of thin horn, through which the lights in several of them glinted dully.

  ‘The only witch in these parts is yourself, dear guest,’ declared the Prince gallantly, as he stooped down to throw open the door of one of the little houses for Gloria. Following her in, he added:

  ‘Normally, each of the cottages has two rooms on its ground floor and two above, but, as you will see, I eliminated both the partitions and the upper floors, so each piece of the Palace now makes one quite good room. This is my sitting-room. Next door on the right is my bedroom, beyond it lies the bathroom, and other rooms serve as a dining-room, kitchens, store-rooms and so on.’

  The room they entered had a large open fireplace at one end, on which a bright wood fire was burning. Its furniture was of the simplest, consisting of two long low wooden chests, the fronts of which were carved with crude symmetrical designs, and a great pile of woollen pelts which formed a divan in the centre of the floor.

  As the only light was the flickering of the fire, neither Gloria nor Philip at first noticed the two small figures who were sitting on low stools in one corner of the room. But, as they jumped up and came running forward, the girl exclaimed:

  ‘You didn’t tell us you had children here!’

  The Prince’s mouth twisted cynically as he turned to look at her, but he made no reply and just stood there, fingering his beard. Meanwhile, the two small figures had thrown themselves at his feet and were banging their foreheads repeatedly on the earthen floor, in token of abject submission.

  Philip had never seen such a thing happen before, yet the scene seemed vaguely familiar to him. Then he remembered that he had read somewhere that, up to quite recent times, all people who were not of noble birth had to grovel in this manner when admitted to the presence of the Czars of Russia. He recalled, too, with a grim satisfaction that an English merchant of Elizabeth’s day, on being told what was expected of him on his presentation at the Court of St. Petersburg, had stoutly refused to make such a fool of himself, and told the scandalised Chamberlain that, as he did not crawl about on his knees in front of his own Sovereign, he certainly would not do so before any foreigner.

  For a moment the Prince let the two little figures grovel, then he tapped each of them gently on the back of the head with the sole of his boot and they scrambled to their feet.

  When Gloria saw them face to face it was only with the greatest difficulty that she controlled her expression to avoid hurting their feelings. Although they were only just over three foot six in height, and were dressed in woollen rompers, they were not children at all; they were little old men with straggly beards and brown wisened faces like dried-up walnuts.

  ‘Ugly little devils, aren’t they?’ laughed the King. ‘These two are my personal servants, and I’ve christened them Gog and Magog. They happen to be twins, but in looks they are no exception. In fact, all these queer subjects of mine look so much alike that it’s difficult to tell one from another. The fact that they all dress the same way adds to the confusion. They all wear those suits of brown llama’s wool and during cold spells a jerkin of dressed llama’s hide on top of it.’ As Solgorukin had been speaking he had pulled off
his furs and dropped them casually on the floor, then he spoke to Gog and Magog for a moment in a strange language, and, snatching up the furs, the two little men scuttled away.

  The Prince made a gesture towards the divan of fleecy llama skins, and Philip and Gloria, tired after their long day’s march, sank gratefully upon it. Within a few moments Gog and Magog reapppeared, the one carrying a tray with some pottery cups and a jug on it, the other a dish covered with small, round, flat cakes.

  ‘Sorry that we don’t run to Dry Martinis here,’ their host apologised. ‘I’ve tried a dozen times to make alcohol by fermenting various things, but the job absolutely defeats me. Still, you won’t find that drink bad. It is made from a kind of blaeberry and is very refreshing. The cakes are rather fun if you like sweet things. They’re a bit sticky but that’s because they’re full of honey. No sugar cane or beet grows in the valley, but the people keep bees, and honey is our universal substitute for sugar.’

  Soon after they had eaten Gog came in and spoke to his master in the tongue they used together. Standing up, the Prince said to Gloria: ‘He’s come to report that your bath is ready. You’d better have it at once and Philip and I will have ours immediately after. That way you won’t delay dinner too much. You see, when I had the Palace built I never expected to receive any guests here, so you’ll both have to share my private bathroom until I can get another made. Come along, I’ll show you the way.’

  He led Gloria outside and along to the next house but one, where she found that the bath consisted of a large sink-like trough cut out of solid stone, but it was full of steaming water, and wooden buckets holding additional supplies of hot and cold were ranged along one side of it. Not having had a proper wash since she left the raft a fortnight before, Gloria was looking forward to her dip with as much eagerness as a hungry man does to a square meal; and the Prince kept her only long enough from it to remark that she might find the towels a bit strange at first, as they were made of wool, cotton and linen being unknown in the valley.