by S. Valentine
Gina closed the door gently, and placed a cigarette between her lips. Lighting it, she took a puff and said, “He’s bound to miss that lifestyle, Gabi. He loved being a ladies’ man, and living carefree and wild.” She blew out smoke. “Do you miss your fun teenage years?”
“I spent most of my teens studying. My early twenties were some of my best years, though.” She smiled at memories she had with her friends.
“Well, it’s the same for Darion. He’s insecure deep down. He could be hanging onto his youth. The club makes him feel alive, adored, wanted. He thinks he’s invincible there, that he can do whatever he wants.”
“So Eva could have been right, that he was in the playrooms?”
“Do you trust him?”
“I like to think that I can. It’s the women I don’t trust. If Darion’s drunk, would he be swayed easily to use the playrooms?”
“Before he met you, he didn’t even need to be drunk. But when he was drunk, he was an animal.” She laughed, as if remembering something. Obviously noticing Gabi’s wide, worried eyes, she straightened her face and said, “But he’s with you now. He’s a changed man.”
“I hope so, Gina. Or else it’s over between us.”
When the kettle boiled, Gabi poured water into the cups, added milk, and took them into the living room. Gina stubbed her cigarette out and joined her on the sofa.
“It’s good to see you looking well again.”
“I feel a lot better. But it’s still hard with Preston. It will always be hard.” She blew her hot drink. “I can’t do it alone.”
“Darion wouldn’t expect you to. He’ll come around.” She glanced at the television for a moment to see cartoons were playing. “Have you heard anything from Johnny?”
She shook her head. “He ignores my calls.”
“Did he think the baby could have been his?”
“Yeah. He thought because my bump was small, that I wasn’t too far along. He thought it could have been his. Then I had the scan and it revealed how far in the pregnancy I actually was.”
“It must have devastated him.”
“He’s probably feeling how you are.” Gina surprised her by taking hold of her hand and squeezing it. “I know this news has shattered your world. I’m sorry. I hate myself for it.”
“These things happen, I guess.”
“Sometimes I sit here and wonder what it would be like if he was Johnny’s. And then I look at him and see Darion, and he’s just so handsome, Gabi. I don’t think I’d want Preston any other way.”
“He’s beautiful,” Gabi agreed.
“How are things with you and Darion?”
Gabi clamped her hands together, and suddenly remembered her own news. “He proposed to me.”
“What?” Her mouth fell, before turning into a wide grin. “Congratulations!”
“I hope he didn’t propose because he was afraid of me running for the hills.”
“Gabi, you’re the one for him.” Her expression was serious. “I had feelings for Darion for a long, long time. And it pained me to tell him I thought you were right for him.”
Gabi remained silent.
“When we found out he was the dad, I almost booked a train to London. I didn’t want to come between you, or spoil what you and Darion had.” She toyed with the bracelet on her wrist. “But I couldn’t do it to Preston. I grew up without a dad and it fucked me up. I looked for love and comfort in other men and slept around. I was that insecure I even had relationships with women.”
Gabi nodded in understanding. She was glad Gina was opening up to her. She supposed it could have been worse. He could have had a child with Eva. She shuddered at the thought. Now that was something she definitely wouldn’t have been able to handle. At least Gina wasn’t malicious, with ulterior motives. She now understood it all. Gina wasn’t back to try to trick Darion into having a relationship with her. All she wanted was a father for Preston. She actually respected her for it.
***
Two hours later, Gabi grabbed her car keys and stood up, ready to leave. She had spent some time helping Gina feed, change, and entertain Preston. He cried here and there due to an upset stomach, but other than that, he was like a different baby. His irises twinkled in merriment, and he energetically waved his arms and kicked his legs. She felt a deep connection with him. She loved him already, as if he were her own.
She bent down and placed a tender kiss on his soft cheek. His clean baby smell invaded her nostrils. Stroking his silky hair, she beamed, and mumbled goodbye. The sound of the front door opening caused her to freeze on the spot. Her heart skipped a beat. Darion.
She didn’t think it was possible for him to look any sexier, or it could have been the fact she had missed him that made her greedily take in his appearance. In grey sweatpants, a matching t-shirt, and a jacket dangling from his hand, his perfect physique made her mouth water. He casually strolled into the room, all cool and confident, like nothing had happened. Smoothing his dishevelled hair back with his hand, he slid onto a stool and didn’t speak.
A part of her wanted to race up to him and kiss him repeatedly, tell him she’d been worried about him, and had missed him. The sensible part, however, wanted to question him before storming out of the apartment. It had to be the latter. Him running off like that was selfish. Plus, if he really had been in the playrooms, then she knew she couldn’t forgive him.
As he sat there, his green eyes boring into hers, she felt that undeniable, strong chemistry between them, that magnetic pull. Goosebumps raced across her skin, and she ached for his touch.
“I’ll leave you to it,” Gina mumbled, scooping up Preston and vanishing into the bedroom.
Gabi folded her arms across her chest, and waited patiently for an explanation.
“Gabi…” The provocative tone of his voice stirred feelings of arousal, but then he said, “I’m sorry.”
She closed her eyes for a second; afraid to open them in case what came next made her hate looking at him. “For what?” she croaked out. Her hands were shaking, and a tightening pain appeared in her chest.
“For disappearing and not contacting you.” He stood up. With a few steps across the room, he was towering over her, and she had to lift her head to accommodate his height. She could smell a mixture of cologne, smoke, and alcohol.
“Anything else you’re sorry for?”
“Yes.” He lowered his head to hers, and his lips were so close she could feel the heat of his breath. “I’m sorry for everything I’ve ever done wrong in our relationship.”
Gabi didn’t speak. It took all of her willpower not to grab hold of his hair and smash her lips against his. She hated how much of an effect he had on her. She was weak when it came to him, needy for him, for his kiss, his touch, his voice, his smell. Darion Milano. How he infuriated, but excited her.
“I needed to get away from it all,” he continued. “It got too much for me.” His throat dipped as he swallowed. She could see the exhaustion on his face, and the worry in his eyes. “You, Gina, and Preston deserve better.” Turning away from her, he dropped onto the sofa and rubbed his palms up and down his face.
“Why would you say that?” She sat beside him, but not too close in case Darion’s statement was right.
“I’m fucked up,” he said barely above a whisper. “I’m just gonna drag you all down with me.”
“You’re not making sense,” she said sternly.
“Why do you want a man with a fucked up past?” he asked through gritted teeth, shooting to his feet. “Why would Preston want a dad who has no clue how to raise him? I’m not a role model,” he spat. “I was stupid to think I could have had a normal life.”
“You can.”
“No, I can’t.” His fists were clenched as if he were fighting to stay in control. “That child hates me. Every time I go near him, he screams. I don’t know how to be affectionate with him, how to teach him right from wrong, how to set a good example. If he found out who I was, he would be ashamed.”
“That’s not true.” Gabi clambered to her feet.
“What if I’m like my own parents?” He shot her a questioning look.
“You won’t be. Dion isn’t like them.”
“I don’t think I can be the type of father he needs.” He sucked in air. “And I don’t think I can be the type of partner that you need.”
Was he breaking up with her? Gabi felt all of the air leave her lungs. Her sight was going blurry from the tears teetering on her lower lids.
“I don’t want the same things you want.” He looked her squarely in the eye. “My own childhood put me off kids. Eva put me off marriage,” his tone was low, but vicious. “I don’t want a repeat of that.”
The love she had for him crystallised into hate. “So why did you propose to me?” she yelled.
His eyes were glazed, his lips in a thin line, but his expression was devoid of emotion. How could he not feel bad for the words leaving his mouth? She didn’t think she had ever seen him act so cruel. “I thought I wanted those things. But it would never work.”
Gabi flew toward him and punched him in the chest repeatedly. Tears were now streaming down her cheeks as she sobbed hysterically. She had done everything for Darion. She had turned her back on a normal life to experiment in his seedy, sexual world. She had done things for him she never would have done for anyone. She had trusted him with her heart. She had stood by him when he’d confessed to things that devastated her. She had even been willing to help him raise his child. How stupid had she been?
“You visit The Black Door, and all of a sudden you’ve changed your mind about everything,” she screamed. “You asshole!”
“Gabi…” Darion grabbed her by the face and pressed his lips against hers, kissing away the tears. His full, soft lips didn’t soothe her this time.
“Get off!” She pushed him forcefully. “Don’t you dare break up with me, then try to kiss me.” She grabbed her handbag and marched to the door. She ignored him calling her back. Pausing for a second, she said, “Don’t contact me again. Ever.”
Instead of taking the elevator, Gabi raced down the stairs as fast as her legs would take her. She hated him. How could he get her hopes up and propose to her, only to dump her, all because he’d had a failed marriage before? Eva had ruined everything once again. Judging by his cold, heartless behaviour, she wouldn’t be surprised if he had fucked Eva in the playrooms, or loads of other women. Had he gotten a reminder of how perfect everything had been before he met her?
Her shoulders bounced with each loud sob. Her heart was breaking. She noticed Darion didn’t chase after her this time, like he usually did. But then again, did she even want him to? She was worth a million women who visited The Black Door. If Darion couldn’t see that, then he really didn’t deserve her. Gabi had wanted it all: love, passion, marriage, a family. She thought he had too. He’d fed her some bullshit about his past as an excuse. He was right. He was insecure and fucked up.
She never wanted to see him again.
Chapter
Thirty-Two
Darion
Darion leisurely walked toward the window. Moving the curtain aside, he could see Gabi marching out of the building. An empty ache lingered in his chest. His heart had broken into a million little pieces. He swallowed down the emotions building in his throat. She was better off without him, though. So was Gina and Preston. Eva had been right. He could play normal all he wanted, but deep down, he would always be insecure, needy, fucked up, and an embarrassment to them with a dirty past.
“Look at you,” Eva had sneered. “If you really loved them, you’d let them go. They deserve better,” her words haunted his mind. “We were perfect together because we were the same. We were selfish, doing whatever we wanted, whenever we wanted with no regards for anyone else. You can play happy families all you like, but it won’t last. You’re Darion Milano, a wild playboy. You can only be tamed for so long. Sooner or later, you’ll get bored of the monogamous relationship. End it now before you hurt them further down the line.”
Eva had showed him the playrooms that night. He’d wanted to see what Carl had done with the place, in respect of the décor, and to say hello to his old employees, the girls that role played at the club. The erotic scenes displayed before him in the playrooms had caused him to stare in awe. He’d thought he was over that period in his life. He knew he could never share Gabi with other people, but did he want to share someone else with other people?
As if reading his mind, Eva had said, “Gabi isn’t enough for you. Give it a year or two, and you’ll be back here.”
As Gabi’s car sped off, he clenched his teeth, willing himself not to get upset. She needed someone like Lawrence. A man who wore a suit to work, played golf on the weekends, and would never fantasise over dirty orgies, and kinky fetishes. He was too much for her to handle. He had warned Gabi away from the very start. He had known things would end in tears.
“Darion?” His head lifted when Gina entered the room, Preston in her arms. “Are you okay?”
He shrugged a shoulder. “I think I need to get away for a bit, G.” He stared at the wall before him in a trance. “You’re welcome to stay here.”
“Do you think that’s wise?”
When she was before him, he took in his tiny, perfect son. His lips curled slightly at the corners. When his big eyes met his, and he gurgled, Darion felt a love stronger than he ever had before. It terrified him. He wanted to love him so bad, wanted to raise him, make him proud of him, and be the dad his dad never was. But what if he messed it up? He would never forgive himself.
As Preston kicked his arms and legs excitedly, he had an urge to pick him up, and squeeze him into a tight hug. He wanted to hold him and never let go. What if he could be a good dad? Taking a deep breath, he reached over and stroked Preston’s cheek. He prayed to God his son would give him some sort of a smile, a chuckle, a widening of the eyes, anything to give him a bit of hope. One sign was all he needed. He waited for Preston to accept him. Then, as expected, his features screwed up, and he screamed loudly. His cries made Darion’s shoulders droop in disappointment and rejection.
He turned to face Gina, and held her face in his hands. “Gina…take care of my son.”
“How long will you be gone for?” her voice shook with emotion.
He didn’t respond. He didn’t know. Pressing his lips on her forehead, he gave her a gentle kiss goodbye.
***
Gabi
“Hey, Gab,” Mallory said cheerfully, kicking the office door shut behind her. She waved a paper bag in the air. “I’ve got doughnuts.”
Gabi manufactured a smile. She was exhausted, and didn’t have the energy to speak. Perhaps the sugar rush would help. As Mallory plopped onto the chair at the other side of her desk, she picked up the bag. The sugary custard smell hit her nostrils. Taking a doughnut out, she bit into it. They were her favourite. Usually she would have groaned in delight, yet nothing seemed to lift her spirits lately, not the sunny weather, dance class, pamper sessions with Mallory, or gossip time with Suzie. Although she and Darion had split up a few times, it never got any easier. She felt like she was trapped in a big black hole and there was no escape.
She hadn’t seen or heard from him in a week. Although she had told him never to contact her again, a part of her had hoped he would.
Gina had called her, though. She’d informed her Darion was going away for a bit. He’d left Retox with a friend to run. Gabi had visited Gina every couple of days to help out with Preston. She hated being in Darion’s apartment, though. Everywhere she looked, she was reminded of him. She’d tried to think of every reason possible as to why Darion would have left Preston. Gina was none the wiser. She’d stated Darion had told her of his intentions, and then packed some stuff. He’d hugged her goodbye, and that was it. Something had changed in him. Something had happened at The Black Door. She knew it. Maybe he had done something so bad he believed he didn’t deserve forgiveness.
Gabi w
asn’t sure what to feel anymore. What was the point in holding onto a relationship that would never progress? He didn’t want a family, and he didn’t want marriage. She needed to deal with the sleepless nights, and the pain of missing him, and then move on as best as she could. It had been fun whilst it lasted. He had opened her eyes to a completely different world. The relationship had had so many good points, and the memories they had created were unforgettable. She still loved him, and a small part of her bet she always would.
“Have you heard anything from Darion?”
Gabi’s posture stiffened, the doughnut hovering near her lips. “No,” she said softly. “I’d rather not talk about him again, if that’s okay, Mal?”
“Okay, sweetie.” She pursed her lips, a sad expression forming on her face. “Anything I can do to help?”
“Yeah. Keep bringing me doughnuts.” She laughed.
“You might need a truckload,” she joked.
“I’ll be fine in a few weeks,” she said, although she knew it would probably be months until she got over Darion, if she ever did. “How’s Steve?”
“He’s good.”
“Suzie looked well the other day, didn’t she?”
“Yeah. And Marcus. Fancy seeing them again this weekend?”
Gabi nodded. Anything to take her mind off things. “We could have a night out too. Sasha’s bar?”
“I’m in.”
Gabi’s stomach rumbled, and all of a sudden the smell of custard made her heave. Placing the doughnut on the side, she stood up quickly and excused herself. Rushing to the bathroom, she emptied her stomach in the toilet. The acidy burning feel in her throat made her vomit again. She sat on the floor for a moment, grabbing handfuls of tissue. Her diet had been poor lately. She hadn’t eaten a proper meal in days. The doughnut wasn’t what her body needed. She had to replace the crisps, chocolate, and Fanta she’d been having with fruit, vegetables, and water in order to feel better. Wiping her mouth, she eased herself off the floor. She almost didn’t confront her reflection in the mirror, but curiosity got the better of her. As predicted, her face was paler than usual and her hair hung flat down her back. Peering down at her coral knee-length dress, matching nails and black platforms, she was glad the rest of her appeared put together and stylish.