by S. Valentine
“She expected the worst,” Darion told her. “She blames herself for his condition.” He tapped his foot on the floor anxiously. “The, um, smoking, drinking…drugs.”
“You shouldn’t blame yourself,” the nurse said softly. “Whilst that is one cause, there are many causes as to why babies are born with intrauterine growth restriction. It could be due to abnormalities in the placenta, chromosomal abnormalities, carrying twins or higher multiples, severe malnutrition. It can even occur if the mother is perfectly healthy.” Her features softened in sympathy. “You were very lucky. Sometimes there are complications during pregnancy and delivery.”
“I almost nearly had to have a caesarean,” Gina told her.
“Well, as I said, he’s a fighter.” She glanced down at Preston. “Whilst Preston is smaller than babies his age, I really do believe by the time he’s three, he’ll catch up in height with others his age.” The nurse looked from Darion to Gina to see if they had any further questions.
Darion cleared his throat. “Um.” He inhaled. “Preston hasn’t really taken to me. Every time I pick him up, he screams the place down. Any suggestions?”
“Mr. Milano, there are many ways in which you can build a bond with your baby.” She opened her drawer and took out a booklet. Sliding it toward Darion, she continued, “Learn to understand Preston’s unique cues, watch his facial expressions, listen to the sounds he makes, see what he enjoys, whether it’s being rocked, listening to music, or sounds you make, and even a change of environment such as being outside.”
Darion nodded.
“Play a part in feeding him and putting him to sleep. Don’t leave it all to Gina. Talk and play with him. And let go of trying to be the ‘perfect parent,’ just do your best.”
Darion’s tense muscles relaxed a little. He definitely did need to let go of trying to be the ‘perfect parent.’
“Darion worries about being the perfect parent a lot,” Gina told her.
Darion swallowed, wishing she hadn’t revealed that about him.
“His parents weren’t the best, so he worries he won’t know how to be a good parent.”
She nodded in understanding. “Those who didn’t experience a secure bond with their own parents can have trouble emotionally connecting with babies. It can range from having an abusive childhood, being neglected, or it simply being chaotic.” She tapped Darion on the arm lightly. “It will take time. But you’ll get there.”
He hoped so.
“Then you’ll experience the ‘falling in love’ experience, as they call it.” She beamed. “The rewards are huge for you, in respect of the joy and happiness you will feel for Preston.”
Five minutes later, they were leaving the hospital. Darion felt like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. Being terrified of being a parent was perfectly normal, and so was stressing about being the perfect parent. If Preston could fight to be in his life, and to be healthy, then he could fight right back for him. He made a silent pact he would never leave his son again. No matter how tough it got, he would never run away. He was a dad and he was going to try to be the best dad he could be.
***
Back at the apartment, after Darion had showered and changed into some sweatpants, he lounged on the sofa. He flicked through the channels using the remote and settled on a romance film. He knew Gina would more than likely enjoy it. His stomach cramped with guilt and sorrow as he remembered Gabi loved romance movies too.
“Still hungry?” Gina asked, sitting next to him, Preston asleep in her arms.
He shook his head. “The takeaway was good.”
“It was. I hadn’t had Chinese food in a while.”
“I’ll start cooking again soon,” he promised. “I can cook up some mean dishes.”
“As ever the talented Darion Milano.” She nudged him playfully. “Have you not heard anything from Gabi?”
He shook his head. “I think I’ve lost her this time, G.”
“I thought you were a fighter?” Her brow rose.
“Hmmm,” he mumbled.
“If you don’t try, you’ll never know.”
When silence fell upon them, he studied the messy room. He weighed up in his mind whether it’d be best for Gina if she had her own apartment. He could settle the rent fees for her. She could probably do with the extra space and privacy.
“Do you think you’d be more comfortable if you had your own place?” he asked, rubbing at the stubble on his jaw.
“I can’t afford it.”
“I’ll sort it, don’t worry.”
She pursed her lips as if mulling it over. “It might make things a little easier. I could start looking for places online.”
“You do that. Just make sure it’s close by so I can visit all the time.”
She clasped her hands to her chest in excitement. “Preston can have a nursery,” she squealed.
Preston cries then filled the air. Darion glanced down at his scrunched up face and open mouth. Gina stared at him, urging him to hold him. Inhaling and exhaling slowly, he picked Preston up. He laid him on his lap so he was facing him. Preston cried even louder.
“What’s the matter, little man?” he said softly, and widened his eyes in shock to make the baby laugh. Preston stopped crying for a second. Darion’s spirits lifted. “G, he’s stopped crying.” He nudged her, unable to contain his excitement. Preston began whimpering again. “Oi.” He rubbed his hand across his belly repeatedly. “I thought you were a fighter?” He tickled his ribs. Preston stopped crying again, his eyes bulging. Darion tickled him once more. When Preston kicked his legs and a gurgle escaped his mouth, Darion looked at Gina for confirmation he’d heard right. She nodded. “You like that?” he asked, tickling him again. When Preston let out a little squeal, his mouth curling at the sides, Darion melted on the spot. “He’s laughing, G.”
“See?” She ruffled his hair. “He does like you.” She placed her hand on his shoulder. “How could he not?”
Darion doubted he’d ever been that happy before. His son was smiling and laughing at him. The best thing about it was that no matter what happened, he would forever love Preston, and he’d love him right back. His heart swelled in his chest. He’d never been interested in having children before, and didn’t believe he’d miss out on much. Now, with Preston lying on his lap, staring up at him like he was the most important person in the world, he knew he’d been stupid. Maybe this is what had been missing from his life all along: a purpose, someone to really love, and someone to love him right back unconditionally. Gina’s news at having his baby wasn’t meant to shatter his world, sure it would change it, but now he believed it was meant to repair his world.
When Preston squealed and his tiny fingers clamped around his finger, he was gone. He was on cloud nine. Preston’s big eyes stared up at him. It was the ‘falling in love’ experience the nurse had told him about. He didn’t think he could love anything more. Now he realised no experience had ever come close to being a father.
***
Gabi rolled over in bed and blinked her eyes open. She moaned as the light poured through the room. The ache of her heavy limbs prevented her from moving. Her attention darted frantically around the room, searching for water to soothe her dry throat. It was Monday morning and she was still fragile from Saturday night’s antics. Her feet were swollen from dancing for hours, her head pounding from the excessive drinking, and her throat sore from shouting above the music.
She had woken at 8 a.m. and called Human Resources to advise them she wouldn’t be present at work. She’d then fallen asleep for another 4 hours.
Rubbing her forehead, she wondered if she could get away with spending the whole day in bed. Yanking the covers over her face, she buried herself in the warmth and closed her eyes. She lay there for many minutes before she dragged herself up. She couldn’t sleep.
She’d allowed several men to flirt with her on Saturday. She’d shown genuine interest in what they had to say, and had even danced with some of them. There had been no
spark though, not like there was with Darion. She wondered if she’d ever feel that chemistry and passion again.
Her mood continued to slip from loneliness to anger at how Darion had ended it. She loved him, and yet she hated him at the same time. Padding toward the kitchen for breakfast, she figured she may as well have a lazy day to recover. The sofa, a blanket, a book, and junk food should help.
Chapter
Thirty-Five
Darion
Darion climbed off his Yamaha R1 and pulled off his helmet. As he neared to Retox, he noticed Reece in his usual position at the door, and Addilyn having a fag break. He nodded to both of them in acknowledgement. When Addilyn offered him a cigarette, he didn’t refuse. Positioning it between his lips, he lowered his head so she was able to light it.
“How have things been here?” he asked, blowing smoke from the side of his mouth.
“Everything’s been fine, Daz,” Addilyn responded. “I’ve been managing bars for the past eight years. You never have to worry about this place when you’re away.”
“Good.” He grinned. “I’ll be spending less time here. I’ve gotta take care of other things first.”
“Like your son?” Addilyn clasped her hand to her chest, staring at him adoringly.
“That’s one of the things.” And winning Gabi back, he thought. If she forgave him, he would ensure he really worked on the relationship. He knew he couldn’t keep letting his past affect their future. It wasn’t fair on her.
“How is Preston?”
He couldn’t stop the huge grin that strained his cheeks. “He’s perfect.”
“You’ll have to bring him in one of the days. We’d love to meet him.”
He nodded in agreement. Flicking his cigarette butt to the gutter, he said, “I’ll see you inside.”
As soon as he stepped into Retox, he was met with the sound of rock music and a lively crowd. He lowered himself onto a stool at the far end of the bar and greeted Raina. She offered him whisky, which he declined in favour of water. When she handed it to him, as he slowly sipped it, he retrieved his mobile from his pocket. The screensaver of Gabi’s beautiful face smiling up at him made his heart tighten. He pressed the call button and held it to his ear. He hoped she wouldn’t reject his call and switch her mobile off again. Having no contact in a while had been painful. When he didn’t get an answer, he ended the call. He tapped in a text message asking her if she’d meet him tomorrow night.
“Raina, I’ll be in my office if you need me,” he told her, gulping back the last of his drink. Setting the glass on the bar, he strolled toward his office.
Once he was comfortable in his leather chair, he switched his laptop on. As it loaded, he thought of the busy day he’d had with Gina. They’d been apartment hunting for her and Preston. They’d found a perfect place opposite the building in which he lived in. He knew he’d feel secure with her being close by.
His mobile bleeping caused his body to go rigid. Gabi’s name was displayed on the screen. He smoothed his hair back with his hands, and inhaled deeply. The excited part of him made him reach for the mobile, but the anxious part of him avoided looking at the screen. He didn’t know what he’d do should she refuse to meet him. Chewing his bottom lip, he opened the message.
Gabi: Where shall I meet you?
Relief swept over him. It was a good start, at least.
***
Gabi
Scooping her hair up into a high ponytail, Gabi studied her reflection for the final time. She’d dressed in a short, black skirt and a tight, white vest, complete with heels. Her make-up had been applied to perfection, gold, shimmering eye shadow, and nude, shiny lips. She wanted Darion to see what he was missing out on. Satisfied she looked decent, she grabbed her handbag and left the apartment.
Darion had asked her to meet him at his favourite restaurant. As she climbed into her car, it was only when she put the key in the ignition did she notice her hands were shaking slightly. She hated how Darion played havoc with her emotions. She was still livid with him at the way he’d ended things. She wasn’t sure what he wanted to meet her for. Was it to apologise for the way he’d handled things and for them to remain just friends? Or did he want to give things another go? If he hadn’t betrayed her in the playrooms, and he wanted to work on things, then she knew she’d be unable to refuse. She couldn’t turn her back on him. She needed him. She felt whole and safe when she was with him. She looked forward to the future. She appreciated the world and everything in it. With him, she believed she could do anything.
One thing was certain though; she wasn’t changing her life for him anymore. She definitely wanted children in her future, and she had high hopes of having the big, white wedding. She needed the security of a fully committed relationship. If he still didn’t want the same things, then how could it work?
Turning on the stereo, she played “Habits” by Tove Lo. She nodded her head along to it. The lyrics hit close to home. Her days without Darion had been lonely. It had been torture trying to keep him off her mind. When raindrops hit the windscreen, she flipped on the wipers. A flashback of sex with Darion on the car bonnet in the pouring rain teased her. She rolled her eyes. She wasn’t sure whether to feel amused at some of their sessions, or hurt that there may be no more.
When she was parked outside the restaurant, she studied it for the longest time. She wasn’t aware she was fiddling with her cross necklace. Having seen Darion’s Audi parked close by, she’d had a sudden urge to turn around and drive off. What if it wasn’t good news? She wasn’t sure she could handle it. Closing her lids for a brief moment, she gathered the courage to face him. Rolling her shoulders back, she reapplied her lip gloss, and exited the car.
The rain had stopped, which perked her up a little. She strolled toward the restaurant, head high, and feigned confidence. If Darion couldn’t see what was in front of him, then more fool him. Gripping the handle of the door, she tried to control her emotions. Relax, she told herself. Pulling it open, she stepped inside.
There were only a handful of tables occupied. Waitresses tended to tables, and the atmosphere was chilled. The leafy surroundings were hidden due to the condensation on the huge windows. She lifted her head and then she spotted him.
Darion was sat at the back on a table. His glass was held in mid-air, as if he’d noticed her and stopped what he’d been doing. As she approached him, he placed it on the table, and leant back. His predatory stare swept over her slowly, but she had no idea what he was thinking. He was dressed smartly as usual, and his hair was neatly brushed back. She found him irresistibly sexy. It took all of her strength not to rush forward and hug him. She wanted to kiss him so much. Instead she played it cool. She offered him a tight smile, and sat down.
Neither of them said anything for a few seconds. They took one another in, examining every little detail. She spotted his hand on the table, twitching slightly, as if he was fighting not to take hold of hers.
“Can I get you a drink?”
Gabi tore her stare away, relieved a waitress had broken the ice. “Um…a sparkling water, please.”
“Sure. And for you, sir?”
Darion tilted his head back to look at her. “I’ll have the same,” he responded, his seductive tone no longer present. He didn’t flash his killer smile, or wink, or make her blush with his confident demeanour. It was then did Gabi realise he was nervous.
When the waitress fled off, Darion licked his lips slowly to moisten them. Gabi’s pelvic region flooded with hot arousal. Shifting uncomfortably in her chair, she crossed her legs and waited for him to speak.
“Thanks for meeting me.”
She nodded, at a loss at what to say.
Casually draping his arm on the back of the chair, he remained staring at her. She was certain she detected humour in his twinkling pupils. She fiddled with her nails, all confidence rapidly diminishing.
“You look good,” he told her, taking in her body once more. The salacious longing was apparent on his fa
ce.
“Thanks.” You too, she wanted to add, but left it out. She wanted to be clear on what he wanted first.
“Two sparkling waters.” The waitress beamed at them, and placed two bottled waters and glasses before them.
Gabi poured hers quickly, and took a long sip. Darion did the same, but he didn’t seem in a rush. When he lifted it to his lips, she hated he was watching her intently. When he set his glass back down and took hold of her hand, she drew in a breath. His thumb tracing along her skin sent tingles in its wake.
“You know I’d never hurt you, don’t you?” he said softly.
She shrugged a shoulder, deciding to be honest. She didn’t know. She was terrified of him tearing her heart into a million little pieces. Whilst she wanted to give it to him to love, she was afraid he’d break it. Everything with Darion was always intense, and it was impossible to get away unscathed. Being with him had always been risky. Sometimes, unpredictability and spontaneity in a relationship wasn’t always a good thing. It was like running excitedly along the edge of a cliff, appreciating the beautiful view, and getting a thrill from the danger, but deep down knowing there was a chance you could fall.
Withdrawing his hand, Darion’s forehead creased with distress. Rubbing at the stubble on his chin, he continued, “If I’ve ever hurt you, it was never my intention.”
Gabi waited patiently for him to continue. It wasn’t often Darion opened up, or discussed his feelings, and she didn’t want to say or do anything that may stop him.
“You thought I was up to something at the club.” He shook his head. “When I told you I’d never betray you, I meant it.” His expression was serious, his tone firm, and she believed him.
“What happened at The Black Door?” she couldn’t help but ask. “You visited, and came back a completely different person.”
He leant forward, resting his elbows on the table. “I lost my way for a short time.” He chewed his bottom lip. “Eva made me feel I wasn’t good enough for you or Preston.” Raking his hands through his hair, he sighed heavily. “Sometimes I think she’s right. But other times I don’t think anyone could love either of you more.”