"Enough!" Nick shouted.
"What the fuck, Koki?" someone else said.
"Way outta line, mate," Brook added.
"Not cool," Eric said under his breath.
Ben was silent.
"Can't you fucking see what's happening here?" Koki shouted back, taking a step towards me, but still facing the rest of the room. His right arm was outstretched, pointed at my chest, only a mere foot away from reaching me. "Has nothing Pierce said registered with any of you?" He was so worked up spittle was flying out of his mouth. "I have a sister who could get caught up in this mess. She's sixteen fucking years old. Life's barely begun. She's innocent. Fuck it! I can't believe you accept this shit so easily when the fall-out could be so massive."
I had to hand it to the guy. He had a definite way of delivering a speech. I believed he was genuinely distraught at what had transpired, worried beyond reason for the safety of his sibling. Even I almost believed the argument he made. There was no way I'd want innocent people to die because of me. That's why I'd not made friends over the years. Collateral damage was not something I accepted.
But I was innocent in all of this. And he was trashing me. Nick was doing his best to defend, whilst still remaining neutral. But my reputation was being shot to hell anyway. I could see the other's registering Koki's words, picturing their own loved ones caught in the bloody crossfire. Dead or injured or worse. And there is worse, I've seen the threat of it in Roan McLaren's eyes. Hell, I've witnessed some of it with my own eyes.
"I'm sorry," I murmured, the words barely audible, but several people sucked in air. "I'm really very sorry. I don't know what to say. I just... I just want you to know, I...I...I'm not one of them. I'm not..." my voice trailed off as tears pooled in my eyes. I was just so tired of this shit.
I noticed Eva get off Nick's lap, I thought for a second she was going to approach me, but I took a step back, ending up in a corner of the room, my back to two walls, my front curved over as my arms wrapped around my waist. I'd never felt so alone before in my life. I'd never felt so dirty, being associated with the scum that is Roan and his like. I hated my past. I hated my present. Right now, I couldn't see a future at all.
I was numb.
"You think..." Koki started to say, taking a step towards me. It wasn't menacing as such, but my confidence was so shattered that I gasped and a single tear spilled out onto my cheek. I felt the hot trickle of it as it began to track down my face.
But Koki didn't get a chance to finish whatever he was going to say, because suddenly Ben was in front of him, standing with his back to me, and his chest and clenched fists to the room.
"Back the fuck off!" he said in a low, dark voice that was beyond his normal gravel-rough. "Abi's untouchable from here on in. Understood?"
Silence for a brief moment, then Brook asked, because Koki looked like he was going to be sick right then and couldn't get a sound out for fear of up-chucking, "Are you saying she's yours?"
"Fuck yes!" Ben bit out through clenched teeth. He didn't even hesitate. Yes!
More silence that seemed to stretch to infinity.
"I'll be fucking damned," someone said, but I couldn't tell who, my eyes were all for the back of Ben's head. He was doing it. He'd taken that step into the light. He'd taken that step towards me. "He's crawled out of his shadow," the spokesperson added. I blinked back more tears.
"Ben," Koki finally found his voice enough to roughly choke out. "I..."
"Save it!" Ben cut him off. "You've been an absolute fuckwit and right at this moment I want to tear your fuckin' head off. So back the fuck up now, e hoa." The e hoa, Māori for "mate", was added as a sarcastic attachment to Ben's statement. It wasn't lost on Koki, who now looked in shock, but did as Ben asked and retreated to the other side of the room.
Ben's shoulders were rigid, his back bunched, fists still held clenched at his sides. But once Koki had made it to the other side of the room and no one else said another word, Ben took a step backwards - towards me. His body was now within reaching distance. Without another thought I lifted my hand and pressed it into the bunched muscles across his shoulders. He let a shuddering breath out on contact that I felt right through to my heart. It was almost pained, but laced in a deep seated sense of relief. As though he'd been unsure if I'd accept his gallantry. As though he'd never stood up to this group of men before, over someone important to himself.
He'd probably never had to. How many women in his life would have caused this kind of trouble? Not many. Just me. I decided I'd make sure he didn't ever regret revealing himself here, in front of these people. I took a step forward, wormed my way under his right shoulder, and wrapped his Tiki tattooed arm around my frame. He let a huff of air out and pulled me closer. Every single eye in the room was trained on us. A strange mixture of disbelief, shock and wonder graced their faces.
Shit. Had they never seen Ben be affectionate to a woman before?
Someone let a low whistle out; a release of tension that seemed to set a domino effect off. One by one the men in the room began to relax. The whole dynamic shifted. Pressure subsided, relief rushed in. Ben curled me further into his frame, his left hand came up and cupped my cheek, pressing me gently into his chest. I wrapped both arms around him and grew strength from his warmth. I was right. Ben Tamati was my giant. Even when he'd doubted, I had seen the truth for both of us.
I almost wanted to sob with utter relief. For so long I've been alone, for so long I've had to look out for myself because no one else did. But in this brief moment, when faced with accusations and adversity, Ben Tamati stood up for me.
A little more of my heart cracked open. And when he leant down, in front of all those still watching, curious gazes, and kissed me on the temple, the crack burst open further. The sound of me letting him in, a deafening roar inside my head. I wondered whether something similar was happening inside of him too.
"Well," Nick finally said, breaking the silence. "I guess that settles that. Abi is one of us. If you don't like it, you can fucking leave. There's the door," he pointed at the door. No one moved an inch. Not even Koki. "Now more than ever, we stick together. We back each other up. This is a family," he said and received various noises of agreement in response. "If one of us needs our help, we come running. We do not leave a man behind. Clear?"
"Clear," rang out in unison from each man in the room. My eyes shifted over the congregated group. A sense of utter astonishment washing through me. Just like that, I was part of their "family". I didn't quite understand it, but it was plain to see, that whatever they'd just witnessed from Ben, was enough for Nick to issue the command and they'd accept it. As my gaze came to rest on Eva, she offered a warm smile in return. I tried to smile back, but my lips were frozen shut. Ben simply reached down and cupped my chin with his finger and thumb, tilted my head up and laid a soft kiss against my lips.
They melted immediately and I heard Eva chuckle softly at the sight.
"So, when should we expect Pierce?" Nick asked, getting up off his chair and stretching. He grimaced slightly at the pain still obvious in his injured shoulder. He brushed it off with a beaming smile at his woman, when Eva crossed her arms over her chest and started tapping her booted foot on the floor.
"He's pulling into parking right now," Eric replied, enlarging the screen which showed where the garage underground was.
"Please tell me the door isn't still open?" Nick asked, not happy with the fact he could see this Pierce person parking his car already.
"Course not, boss. We're in lock-down. I made him wait fifteen minutes while we sorted this mess out, then buzzed him in."
Nick smiled at Eric, who smiled back.
"Fucking brilliant," Nick announced. "He's probably wound up tighter than a jack-in-the-box." He didn't sound overly upset by that fact. "OK," he added, "you all know what to do. Check up on your families, grab a room and make it yours. No one leaves until we get an indication of what we're up against with King. Time for vigilance. Now get going."
>
The room dispersed within a matter of seconds. Some men offering a small apologetic smile toward me as they passed. Koki looked a strange mixture of contrition and lingering doubt. He wasn't completely won over, but I think he regretted the scene he'd caused right now. I guess that was as close to an apology as I'd get. As he brushed past us, Ben actually growled and took one menacing step towards him. If Koki wasn't such a staunch man I think he would have yelped at the look on Ben's face.
In the end, it was just Ben, me, Eric at the screens, Eva and Nick left in the room.
"I gather you have evidence to back this up with Pierce?" Nick asked Ben.
"Nothin' solid, just what I've observed. But when has he not acted on that?" Ben replied steadily.
Nick's eyes trailed over where Ben and I were still connected; wrapped up in his arms, flush against his chest. Protected. Claimed. His.
"You've never given him evidence like this," Nick pointed out, careful to phrase his words non-threateningly.
"He only has to listen to her side of the story and he'll be convinced," Ben answered, confidence in every syllable.
I had no idea who this Pierce was I needed to convince, but I understood the gravity from the men's look alone. I had Ben on my side, and by extension his boss Nick. Both pretty formidable people, I was picking. But I knew my battles today were not over. I just couldn't stop feeling petrified of who or what this Pierce person was, and what it would ultimately mean for me.
I'd just found Ben. He'd just let me in. He'd shouted to the world I was his. I didn't have any desire to lose him. I really didn't. I was done with this running. With this looking over my shoulder and living in fear. I was so done.
I sagged against Ben, he took my weight, well aware I was at the end of my ability to cope.
"Can you stall him?" Ben asked, voice gravelly and delicious against my skin as he scooped me up before I collapsed completely. I was vaguely aware of the shocked and worried looks on both Nick's and Eva's faces. I couldn't see Eric from where I was cocooned in Ben's strong arms. Ben tucked my face into his neck protectively, but must have received a nod of Nick's head in reply, because he took a step towards the door and said, "I'm claiming the safe room for Abi and me. Give us ten minutes and we'll meet Pierce in interrogation room one."
It sounded so formal; an interrogation room. It sounded so final. I had the unusual sense that this was a pivotal moment in my escape from Roan McLaren. I couldn't be sure, but something told me, that this interrogation was going to spell out the rest of my life.
And the outcome could go only one of two ways.
Freedom.
Or Roan.
Chapter 15
I Stared At The Man Before Me And Just Breathed
Ben carried me down a corridor and around the corner. We didn't cross anyone's path. He came to a room, stood still for a moment, looking up at a camera on the ceiling, and then when the door clicked open, kicked it softly with his boot to make our way inside. He walked over to a bed, after the door swung shut behind us, and lay me gently down on the mattress.
He stood there for a moment and just looked at me. There was a sense of wonder on his face, a look of utter disbelief mixed with a little shock, I think. But not the kind of shock that indicates an unwanted surprise, this was more of a Christmas morning wake-up, to exactly what you wanted sitting under the tree.
"Are you hurt?" he asked, voice so low and rough it was hard to make the words out.
I shook my head to indicate no.
"Do you need something to eat?" he asked, same rough, low voice.
Again a shake of my head to say no. I couldn't stomach food right now and I couldn't open my mouth to speak. He ran a hand through his hair, then left his palm wrapped around the back of his neck. Eyes still on me.
"I'm no good at this," he declared almost in a roughened whisper. "I don't know what to say," he added, before I had a chance to acknowledge that last statement. "Back there," he removed his hand from his neck and pointed in what I guessed was the direction of the room we'd just been in, "it was a gut reaction. I didn't have to think." Oh shit. I sat up on the bed and crossed my legs, lotus style, all the better to face his next words. "I wanted to tear his head off. It took everything in me not to break his fuckin' neck." Oh. Good news, not bad. I came up onto my knees before him, but he kept talking, this time as he began to pace across the floor at the end of the bed. "They know me," he said, breaths coming a little too quickly. It pained me inside to see him so upset. "I don't get involved. I don't show my hand. When I want somethin', I take it. But not in front of them."
I had the sudden feeling that this was a heartfelt speech. This was Ben opening up to me. Peeling off a bandage and letting me see him raw. I sat back on my heels and just watched him. If he wanted me to see this, then I wouldn't even blink.
"You," he said, his eyes flicking towards my face and then just as quickly averting his gaze again. The pacing continued. "You came into my life and tipped it upside down. I didn't believe it at first. I refused to believe anyone could get to me, the way you did. You were a mark. A fuckin' mark! And I found myself sitting outside your bedroom window for reasons other than I was paid to do."
My eyebrows rose on those revealing words. Shit. Ben outside my open window, the scent of his cologne wafting in. What did I say to that?
Ben stopped pacing and looked me in the eye, taking in my surprise, letting my reaction sink in.
"Sick, huh?" he said softly. "But that's not the worst of it. I told myself I wasn't sleepin', I wasn't restin', because you needed me." But I did. Didn't he see that? Didn't he know he was my giant, the one man meant to stand between me and the monsters in the world. Couldn't he tell? "But fuck, red. You didn't look like you needed me. You looked completely fuckin' in control of your world. You were Abi Merchant. Completely. Utterly that girl. Then you hopped on a fuckin' bus, three weeks after I started trailing you, three weeks after I thought I knew who you were, in a hippy skirt and beads in your fuckin' hair, and you were someone else."
He shook his head from side to side, disbelief coating his expression again. His hand rubbed the back of his neck, a movement I was beginning to see he did when really stressed.
"You were fuckin' spectacular. I knew then," he paused, licked his lips, then finished with, "that for me, you were way more than just a mark."
I let the breath, I'd been holding, out so very slowly, in the hopes he wouldn't see it. I think I failed, because his face shifted from tortured openness, to a smug sort of relief.
"Ben," I managed to get out, but he moved to sit beside me on the bed. The sudden change in positions, the sudden loss of space between us, had me sucking in breath again.
"Abi," he said taking my hand in his. Those stunning chocolate eyes held mine captive, I couldn't breathe, move, think. "I'm a fuckin' wreck. You gotta know this. I live in shadows. I hide. There's a fuckin' good reason for that, or at least, that's what I believed until ten minutes ago in the control room with you." I gathered the room we'd all just been in was what they called control. "If you don't open up and let anyone in, then you can't be cut in two," Ben clarified.
"You've been hurt," I blurted out, some semblance of sense coming from his words at last.
"You could say that," he murmured. I saw a battle start up behind the darkening granite chips of his eyes. I watched him wage it with himself, and then he stunned me, by saying, "I lost everything because I thought the woman I loved, loved me back." He won his internal battle, opening up a little further to me, and in the process cracked my heart a little more.
"What happened?" I asked, hoping my question was the correct move right then.
"She took everything I owned," he whispered, voice harsh. "Cleaned me out," he added, and that battle took up residence in his eyes again.
I shuffled forward, curling myself up in his lap. Words of encouragement just weren't enough right now. He needed to have unfettered access to me, unequivocal evidence that I was his. I wasn't going to
run from whatever fucked up history he had. Shit, he'd run directly into mine.
"Then used the money from pawnin' it all," he continued, pulling me closer with both arms wrapped around my frame, "and got herself and my little sister high as kites. She drove the car they were in off the edge of a cliff. My sister died. She didn't. My family blamed me. I might as well have been the one who shot them up. It was my possessions that paid for the drugs. It was the woman I had introduced to my baby sister who gave them to her and drove them both off a cliff."
His head came down and rested against my chest in defeat, for a moment he just breathed through the pain of remembering. I had no words. He wasn't to blame, of course. He didn't make her steal his things and sell them. He didn't make his sister take those drugs and climb in that car stoned. He certainly didn't drive them off the cliff.
But I know this type of guilt. I have lived with it every day since just before I left the Compound. It is not explicit, it is not easily explained. But it is honest. It is just. And anyone who has experienced it, must find their own way to shoulder that weight. But he was not alone.
"Three weeks before I left Wellington I came back to the rooms I shared with my Dad to find Roan waiting," I said, softly running my hands through his dark hair, just as Eva had done for Nick.
It wasn't lost on me that the comfort and closeness I'd seen those two have, was now mine to claim also. Ben stiffened slightly at my words, but didn't shift his head from my chest. I think he knew I needed to get this out without looking him in the eyes. He understood... me. I cleared my throat and continued with this walk down reality's lane.
"He was breaking their contract." I huffed a laugh out at that. "Hardly a surprise, but had my father been there, he would have had just cause to retaliate. Even Roan's guards wouldn't have interfered, unless it became lethal for their boss. Anyway," I said, moving on from drug lord law, "he looked smug. He looked pleased with himself. Even as I slowly walked toward him, trying not to show the fear I felt at being alone in the hallway with that man, my gut clenched at what he had to tell me."
Sweet Seduction Shadow Page 15