by Jaime Reese
Matt tightened his hold on Julian. It must have been difficult for him to confide. No one liked to admit loneliness. But Matt knew exactly how he felt, the yearning when seeing the couples on that day holding hands, kissing, and knowing about everything else that followed. The only escape had been to go home and watch some television, only to find each channel riddled with romance stories. Even straight guys sometimes struggled to find dates, add in the gay factor and Valentine's was not always the day it was cracked up to be. He knew all too well how it felt.
"Me either," he finally said.
Julian quickly backed off while maintaining his hold on Matt's waist. "Really?" His voice held obvious surprise.
Matt smiled and softly stroked Julian's cheek. "Really," he said, placing a gentle kiss on Julian's lips. "Remember, my parents don't know I'm gay and I just got out of a five-year prison term. I'm no expert, so I guess we'll both figure this out as we go along."
"I can deal with that." Julian said this so seriously, but there was a smile on his face and he appeared more relaxed.
"Me too," Matt responded while hugging him.
They stood there quietly for a few moments in each other's arms before they heard the knock at the door. They reluctantly separated and Matt went to answer while Julian went to the kitchen.
"Mornin'," Sam said as Matt opened the door.
"Morning," Matt grumbled in response to Sam's spirited tone.
Sam laughed and made his way into the house. He immediately headed to the kitchen, apparently following the noise.
"What's up, Jules?" Sam said with a smirk as he pulled out a chair at the table.
"Hey, Sammy," Julian stressed the nickname Sam hated.
Matt just shook his head and laughed. In the last month, Julian had made an effort to get to know Sam. He had admitted to Matt that Sam wasn't a threat to what was blooming between them. Then he said he couldn't deny something deep down inside would cause him to question that belief. He told Matt he wanted to try to get to know Sam more, to calm that hateful green monster inside that caused him to cringe each time he heard Sam's name.
Matt understood. He spoke to Sam who willingly increased his visits to the house and worked his way into building a friendship with Julian. Matt recalled the conversation he had had with Sam about building that friendship. Sam had simply asked if the request came from Matt or Julian. When Matt clarified it was Julian's request, Sam had that 'I'm proud of my boys' expression on his face.
When Matt questioned his reaction, Sam simply responded, "I won't ask because it's none of my business, but I know the signs all too well. This is a big step for him."
Sam was a gifted social butterfly. He was irresistible, even to Julian. Matt couldn't be more relieved Sam and Julian had found a happy medium and had actually started to form a friendship—all without Sam knowing the details of Julian's past. Matt respected Julian's privacy and refused to share anything Julian had told him.
"So what have you got?" Matt asked, focusing his attention on the folder Sam laid out on the table.
"This is the file for the guy who I think would really need a place like this," he began as he opened the folder and spread out the various reports inside.
Julian poured three cups of coffee and handed them out as he took a seat next to Matt at the table.
"What's his story? The file's very thin," Matt asked, rather perplexed. Even his own file was thicker than this guy's.
"Cameron Pierce. First offender, no priors, not even a parking ticket." Sam shook his head. "It's a really screwed up scenario," he said as he shuffled the papers.
Matt looked at the mug shot in the case file. Behind the bruises and angry eyes, there was a very young man staring back at the camera. People were usually quick to judge others. He knew firsthand what that felt like so he tried not to formulate an opinion based on the photo alone until he knew more.
"What'd he do?" Julian asked as he sipped his coffee.
"He killed a man," Sam said quietly.
"Did he do it?" Julian asked the same question Matt thought.
The first guy in the halfway house and Sam was suggesting a murderer? Something else must lie beneath the story. There was a reason why Sam was recommending this guy to him and why he had handpicked him for Matt's new place.
"Cameron will admit to anyone who asks that he killed the man," Sam quietly confirmed.
Matt reached for one of the case file reports. He scanned the pages for more information, details, anything. It wasn't clicking. There was no first or second degree murder charge. He followed the words with a finger.
"According to the case file, there was a guy who was beating up on his sister, and—"
"Who was the guy?" Julian interrupted. "Boyfriend, friend, family?"
"Sister's boyfriend," Matt responded. He read the report and saw so many discrepancies it was unsettling. It just wasn't right. "Sam, this doesn't make much sense. Why would they pin him with all these different things? Theft, robbery, violent personal crimes." Matt exhaled heavily and rubbed his forehead. "Everything but the kitchen sink."
"Next page," Sam calmly commented as he sipped his coffee.
Matt turned the page and continued reading. "Shit," he said on an exhale.
"What is it?" Julian asked anxiously.
"They literally had this guy up on a laundry list of offenses. Aside from those crimes I mentioned, they also pinned a drug and a weapons charge on him. What the hell?" Matt finished with a look of shock toward Sam, waiting for someone to shed some light on this case for him.
"Who else was involved?" Julian asked.
"That's the problem," Sam sighed. "The guy that died? I found out he was the son of a big-time judge who knows a lot of people: other judges, cops, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. Something doesn't seem right here but I can only go by what's in the file."
"How much time?" Julian asked, pointing to the case report in his hand.
"Ten years," Matt said quietly. He'd been through hell during his five-year term for a white collar crime, he couldn't imagine doing ten for the list of crimes in this file. The loneliness he'd felt during that time had been unbearable. No contact with friends, family, anyone other than inmates. He remembered Liam and how he'd helped him through his term. He wondered how this guy, Cameron, could have done ten and stayed sane.
"The thing is," Sam interrupted his thoughts, "to anyone with half a brain it was self-defense. To make a long story short, our guy went to go pick up his sister who had called in a panic. When he showed up, her boyfriend was hitting her, Cameron jumped in, the guy turned to attack him and it was essentially one or the other at that point." Sam got up from the table to rinse out his coffee cup. "Since he was in the guy's house, some of these ridiculous charges stuck but most of it doesn't make much sense. They couldn't pin a first degree murder charge on him because of his injuries from the attack. It was obvious it was self-defense. Still, I think the dad wanted something to show for his son's pathetic life and it seemed they threw everything at Cameron trying to make the son look like the victim. Guess they were hoping something would stick. With enough people in your pocket, it seems they can put your ass away for a while. If you dig into that file, Cameron never fought any of the charges." Sam finished and leaned against the counter with his arms crossed. "The part that gets me is that he admits to me that he killed the guy and just says he wants to move on. He refuses to talk about it. Won't deny what he did, won't deny he got screwed along the way, but he won't say anything." Sam shook his head.
"Maybe he figures if all this shit stuck to him without any of it being true, then maybe he should just shut the fuck up and finish his time lying low," Julian said. "Hell, that's what I'd do. Shut the fuck up and deal with it best I could. Thank you, drive through."
Matt didn't say a word, he just kept reading the file, absorbing as much detail as possible from these reports—both what was written and what was between the lines. "And you're recommending him for us? For here?" Matt asked as he continu
ed to thumb through the pages.
"Yes," Sam immediately stated. "Without a doubt, I think this is the only place for him. He doesn't have anyone else, Matt."
Matt glanced up and saw the earnest expression on Sam's face. He knew that look. It was that same one Sam gave his boys to let them know he had faith in them to do something everyone else thought they couldn't do. And sometimes, it was that little bit of faith in someone that would drive them not only to accept the challenge, but beat it. Sam believed in the underdog, knew about misunderstandings, believed in giving people second chances, and gave hope when no one else would.
"When does he get out?" Julian asked.
"I think in June," Sam said quickly. "The prison is a bit overpopulated, so I'm campaigning to get him out of there around the time that coincides with your planned schedule to finish here. I'm having a hard time for some reason but I'm trying to pull a few strings."
Matt looked over to Julian, who met his gaze, and wondered what he was thinking. This may well be Matt's place, but at the end of it all, Julian's opinion mattered.
"What do you think?" Matt asked Julian.
Julian seemed surprised by the question. "Trust your gut," he finally responded.
"Okay," Matt said as he closed the file. As far as he was concerned, Cameron Pierce with the charge sheet from hell and the need to start over had a place here.
"Okay. We have our first guest," Matt clarified and returned the folder to Sam.
* * * *
Julian heard the determination in Matt's statement, but something was clearly off. Matt was now too quiet. He looked as if he had zoned out. Julian looked at Sam and saw the expression of concern on his face as well. He reached over and touched Matt's leg.
Matt jumped at the caress.
"Hey, you okay?"
"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine," he said and got up. He exited the kitchen and headed toward the backyard.
Both Julian and Sam followed him to the back porch, which had become his thinking area.
"Matt," Sam tentatively asked as he sat next to him, "what's going on up there?" He tapped Matt's temple. "Is this too much? Is this Cameron guy too much?"
Matt didn't say anything for a few seconds. He seemed pensive, distracted, and stared down as he wrung his hands.
"It just all sorta hit me, you know. This is all real, we're doing this," he said in a quiet voice. He looked up at Julian and his expression changed from spaced out to hopeful. "We're really going to do this," he stated more firmly with the beginning of a smile as he pulled Julian down to take a seat next to him.
Julian smiled in return. How could he not? He didn't know fully what was going through Matt's mind, but it was manifesting in an expression of wonder and awe.
"He's a little slow on the uptake sometimes," Sam joked to Julian.
"Hey," Matt laughed as he jabbed Sam in the arm.
The three of them sat next to each other and rocked the swinging bench in unison for some time just enjoying the rare cool breeze.
"I'm going to come out to my parents," Matt quietly announced as he casually reached for Julian's hand.
"Oh yeah?" Sam asked.
"Yeah," Matt calmly affirmed. "I'm tired of hiding who I really am." He looked left to Sam. "If they can't deal with it, then so be it."
Julian didn't say a word. He knew how Matt's parents fucked with his head and he hated it. Matt's mother never hit him, but she was just as cruel in how she inflicted pain. At least with a slap or a fist, you could be prepared, see it coming or attempt to block the impact. But constant jabs to the heart could drive someone to madness.
"I'm tired of hiding who I am and what I plan to do with my life." Matt then turned to Julian. "I've never been happier."
Julian glanced down at their entwined fingers. He loved Matt more than he thought was possible. He would do anything for him and knew that if Matt's parents lost it when he came out, Julian would lose it as well. Probably end up serving some time for his crimes, and he didn't doubt someone would try to throw additional shit at him for good measure. The thought of someone hurting Matt began to make him twitch.
Always sensitive to what was in Julian's head, Matt reached over and rested his other hand on their joined ones. "I'm not ashamed of who I am and who I love," he said before softly placing a kiss on Julian's lips.
"So, then, you're going to need a plan of attack," Sam said as he rubbed both hands together.
Matt and Julian both laughed at him.
"Why do I get the feeling that's a perfect way to phrase it," Julian said.
"'Cause it fits." Matt sobered. "So when do you want to help me strategize? Tonight maybe?" he asked.
Before Sam could answer, Matt's phone began its familiar ring and vibrate rhythm. Julian knew that ring tone. Obviously, so did Sam or he suspected since he cringed as well.
"Speaking of attack," Julian muttered.
Sam looked concerned. "Parents?" he asked, looking over to Matt.
"Yeah, it's fine. I'll take this inside," he said before entering the house to answer the call.
Julian remained on the backyard porch with Sam to give Matt some privacy while he spoke to his parents. He could hear muffled words reverberating in the house. They weren't elevated, so at least he wasn't yelling. Yet.
"Sam?" Julian casually asked, keeping the steady rocking rhythm of the swing bench.
"Yeah."
"Um, I like you, but don't come over tonight."
Sam laughed in his casual way. "Wasn't planning on it."
"Good," Julian said with a smile.
"I'm assuming you've got something planned for Valentine's Day?" Sam warily asked.
"Something." Julian took a deep breath. "But I don't know if it's going to be good enough," he quietly added then picked at a loose string on his jeans.
Sam halted the rocking bench and turned to Julian. "Matt loves you. You know that."
"I know."
"If it's from the heart, whatever you give him will be enough."
Julian snorted. "You're fucking poetic, Sammy."
"Fuck you, Jules."
They both laughed and resumed swinging the bench.
They sat outside for some time while hearing Matt's voice echoing throughout the house.
* * * *
Julian checked and double-checked everything as best he could while Matt finished showering. He rubbed his shaved head roughly and exhaled. What if this is all stupid? He sighed. He hated not knowing what he was supposed to do, hated being unprepared. He didn't want to do the cliché, didn't think it fit him…them. Besides, his only points of reference were movies and he was so not going there. After thinking it through some more, now he felt this was just a bad idea. Fuck.
"What's all this?" Matt asked as he exited their bedroom. He walked over to Julian and looked at the table.
It was roughly laid out with two plain white candles near the two place settings with paper plates. Matt walked over to the pizza box between the two candles and peeked inside. He walked over to Julian and wrapped his arms around his neck. "It's just like that night of the storm," he whispered as he softly pressed his lips to Julian's.
Julian wrapped his arms around Matt and finally let the anxiety leave his body. He'd been worried Matt wouldn't understand why he had done this. He wanted Matt to know that he remembered every detail they shared, regardless of how small.
"I was hoping you'd notice," he said hesitantly. "I didn't want you to think I was a cheap date." He pulled Matt closer and began to slowly sway in place.
Matt naturally moved along with Julian, a slow motion from side to side. He rested his head on Julian's shoulder. Abruptly, he jerked his head over to the left where the radio played. He looked back over to Julian and his smile grew. "The songs from that night of the party." He pulled Julian down for a gentle kiss which quickly deepened.
Julian finally broke the kiss when he heard Matt's stomach growling. They both chuckled. "C'mon, let's eat something first," Julian said and led them back to
the table.
Chapter 16
After they finished eating and clearing the table, Matt quickly disappeared to his office to retrieve the box he had hidden a few days ago. He darted back to the living room area where Julian was switching off the radio. As Julian began to turn, Matt hid the box behind his back.
Julian looked at him oddly. "What are you doing?" he guardedly asked from a distance.
Matt wasn't sure how Julian would react. Originally, he'd thought the gift would be a good idea, but now, he wasn't so sure. He didn't know if it would completely backfire and drive a wedge in their relationship. He began to slowly retreat to his office, walking backward and hoping to hide the box.
"Where do you think you're going?" Julian asked, carefully stalking toward Matt.
Matt continued to retreat, and Julian picked up the pace. In a few steps, he blocked Matt's path to the office. Startled, Matt raised his hands and accidentally revealed the box.
Julian looked at the gift then at Matt. "Is that for me? I…um…sorta didn't get you anything," Julian said wryly. "I didn't know what to get someone who pretty much could buy anything he wanted."
Matt's chest tightened. Julian remembering those two nights meant more to him than anything he could have purchased. It meant Julian recalled their special time together, well before they were in a relationship.
"J, you did give me something," he said, stroking Julian's cheek. "You remembered and gave me memories of two of our special nights."
Julian wrapped his arms around Matt and held him tightly.
Matt separated from the embrace and gave Julian the present. Julian cautiously took the box and held it in both hands. He ran his thumb along the silver accented paper wrap.