Lying Eyes

by Robert Winter

  “You’re a good man, Jack.”

  “It’s the company I’ve kept this week. It inspires me to be more trusting, more open.”

  Randy chuckled, then fell silent for a few moments. He couldn’t explain it, not after only knowing the man for a matter of days, but he was going to miss Jack like hell. “So my lawyer Fong is going to negotiate a custodial arrangement for Sunrise.”

  “Will you be at the negotiation?” Jack asked softly.

  “I don’t think so.” I don’t trust myself around you. “I’ve got too many irons in the fire, and I need to plan a trip up to Portland.”

  “Is that about Danny’s father?”

  “Yeah. I said I’d meet him and make up my own mind about whether… I don’t know.”

  “Whether he’s paid enough for the pain he caused you and your uncle Luc.” Jack said it with such certainty that Randy was amazed.

  “That’s pretty intuitive for someone who’s spent as little time with me as you have. But I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. You put together things in a way that impresses me.”

  Jack huffed a laugh. “Not always. We got off to a pretty rocky start because I had trouble connecting the man who would pick a Brousseau out of a rundown gallery in Whitechapel with the grizzly bear in a fierce white shirt serving drinks at a bar.” Randy snorted at that. “And I’ll never forget the way you led me to that corner in Cuir before I had a meltdown in public. And the way you held me in bed after, when I felt I’d fly apart. Honestly, I never guessed you’d be such a cuddler.”

  “Well that tears it. I guess I’ve lost my tough guy rep.” Randy smiled to hear Jack’s soft chuckle, and he was glad they were having this conversation by phone.

  He promised himself that he would avoid meeting Jack in person again. The man saw too much that Randy wanted to hide. Like the way he could picture Jack in his leather harness, wanton and begging for Randy’s touch. The wiry strength of him, spooned in Randy’s arms. Randy was too raw and he didn’t trust himself to keep his principles. Not if they had even one more night together.

  Jack was quiet and careful when he spoke again. “I don’t think anyone else would notice, so your reputation is safe. I just paid close attention. As did you, to me.” Silence for a beat. “I like you very much, Randy. I wish—”

  “Yeah, me too.” Randy cut him off, then cleared his throat. “Look, I gotta go. Play nice with Fong and I’m sure you’ll make a reasonable arrangement I’ll be happy to support.”

  “Very well. Goodbye, Randy.”

  “Bye, Jack.”

  • • •

  Almost a week later, Randy sat next to Luc in a small room in the state prison in Warren, Maine. Luc had never been tall and hearty like Kevin, but his once-black hair had gone gray, his hazel eyes were too large, and he’d shrunk with age. As they waited, he was fretful and nervous, so Randy put a hand on his thin shoulder.

  “You ready for this?” he asked.

  Luc shook his head slightly, but then he pulled himself straighter in his chair. “No, I’m good. It’s been more than thirty years. It’s time.”

  “You can wait outside if you want,” Randy offered, but at that moment the door opened and Henry Winiarski was led in. Luc sucked in a breath but otherwise kept still. Randy stood and met the guard, who waited until Henry sat down and then positioned himself in a corner of the room.

  Henry was awkward and pale. His auburn hair was thinning, but his eyes were almost the same shape as Danny’s. In fact, he looked so much like his son that Randy couldn’t believe he hadn’t seen the connection right away. On the other hand, he’d probably never before looked at Henry that closely as a person. He was a boogeyman, the monster who had taken away Kevin all those years ago. Randy had never gotten past the shooting to wonder about the boy who had pulled the trigger and became a man in prison.

  Henry cleared his throat and spoke first. “Thank you for meeting me, Mr. Simard. Mr. Vaughan.”

  Luc answered first. “This isn’t easy but….” He shook his head and tried again. “Yeah, it isn’t easy.”

  “Have you been able to speak with Danny?” Randy asked.

  Henry nodded. “Three days ago. He told me what happened; what he did.” Henry’s eyes filled with tears. “I need to apologize for my boy, for him hurting you again. It’s no excuse, but I didn’t know what he was up to. I would have tried to stop him.”

  “Danny got in over his head, and then he didn’t know how to get out. He may have told you I got him a lawyer. I think they’re going to be able to work out a deal where Danny will get probation or maybe even a suspended sentence in exchange for testifying against Bernard Gates.”

  Tears slid down Henry’s cheeks. “I didn’t know you did that. Thank you. We…” He bent his head over his folded hands. “We owe you for many things.”

  Luc leaned forward. “Your son saved my son’s life.” He glanced up at Randy and said as if embarrassed, “You know what I mean.”

  Randy squeezed Luc’s neck lightly. Kevin and Luc had always been better parents to him than his own mom and dad, and he had called them his fathers. But hearing Luc claim him as his son, well, he didn’t know he still wanted that until he heard the word.

  To the unspoken question and alarm in Henry’s wide eyes, Randy responded, “It’s true. Maybe Danny didn’t tell you everything, but he was shot in the shoulder. The bullet was meant for me.”

  “Is he all right?” Henry asked quickly, and Randy nodded.

  “He’s healing fine. No permanent damage. We have him in physical therapy with a great guy in DC.”

  Henry exhaled hard in relief. “My poor boy. Once his mother died, he was lost. I tried to help, but there was so little I could do from a cell.” He must have thought that sounded like a criticism, because he quickly looked between Luc and Randy. “I deserve to be here. I do. I just wish there had been someone for Danny to turn to after Sheila died. I tried to talk her into a divorce when Danny was about eight so she could give him a new father, but she wouldn’t hear of it. She kept bringing him here, one day a month. She wanted him to know his dad, even if this was all we’d ever have.”

  Luc said, “It must have been hard for all of you. Wanting to be together with your family. Knowing you couldn’t be.”

  “Like you.” Henry leaned forward again to meet Luc’s gaze. “I know what Danny asked you to do, about meeting me and what he wants. I’m not asking for that, Mr. Simard. I know what I did to you when I took your friend away all those years ago. I think about it every night. I can’t make it right, but I can try to prevent others from making such a terrible choice. That’s why I became a counselor here.”

  “Danny mentioned that,” Randy said. “Tell us more.”

  The hour went quickly, and Randy was surprised when the guard said, “Time’s up, Winiarski. Gentlemen.”

  Henry stood, and Luc and Randy rose to face him. “I can never tell you enough just how sorry I am for what I did to Kevin and to you, or how grateful I am for what you’ve done for my boy. If you can give him some guidance, some direction, then that’s more than we deserve. Thank you for coming.” They weren’t permitted to shake hands with Henry, but Randy found to his surprise that he wanted to.

  In the car driving back to Portland, Luc spoke first. “I’m glad we finally did that. I had so many bad dreams over the years.” Luc shivered as he trailed off. “He’s not a monster, just a sad man who hurt many people through foolish choices when he was young.”

  “What do you think, Luc?” Randy asked. “Can you forgive him?”

  Luc whooshed out a breath. “Forgive. That’s a big word.” He looked at the passing towns for a while. “Kevin would want me to. Forgive him, I mean. Henry’s done everything in his power to make amends. Keeping him in prison will never bring back our Kevin, and it led indirectly to you nearly being killed.” More silence, and then Randy saw Luc’s shoulders heave a bit as he fought and controlled his emotions.

  Randy was quiet for several more miles. He gl
anced at the man sitting next to him. “You and Kevin, you gave me everything. I chose my path in life to make you both proud, and to show the world I was proud of you. I’ve done some good as a result, I think. I’d like Danny to have the chance to know his dad too, and see what choices he makes from that.”

  Finally Luc seemed able to speak again. His voice was hoarse when he said, “You’re our son in every way that matters. Since you have faith in Danny, maybe the best thing we can do to honor Kevin is give Danny his dad while there’s still time.”

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  As Randy pulled his truck into the driveway, the headlights swept over Thanksgiving decorations Danny had insisted upon. A stuffed scarecrow waved from the front of Randy’s studio, and sheaves of corn lined the walk to the side entrance. He wasn’t sure how the jack o’lantern lights left over from Halloween fit the holiday theme, but Danny had been unwilling to abandon them so he just worked them into a vaguely autumnal tableau. It made Randy tease that Danny might become an artist yet.

  Three weeks had passed since Randy’s trip to meet Henry Winiarski, and it surprised him that he’d gotten so comfortable with Danny’s presence again. With Randy’s agreement to be responsible for him, Danny had been able to return to Randy’s house rather than spend time in jail while the criminal prosecution moved forward. After his hospital discharge, Randy brought him back to Arlington. The defense attorney Randy hired had worked a deal with the prosecutor to get probation for Danny in exchange for cooperation with the case against Gates.

  The first few days back at the house were tense and awkward, but Danny did everything he could to atone. It had been Danny’s idea to perform his community service with the LGBT shelter Rainbow Space. Even though he was the same age as the oldest residents, Joe always had chores and jobs that needed to be done and he kept Danny busy. It also meant that Randy and Danny didn’t see a lot of each other during the week because of their conflicting schedules, and that was probably a good thing as the bruises on Randy’s heart healed. A few weeks into their new arrangement and Randy optimistically believed their relationship would continue to mend.

  He was hungry and hoped Danny had left something in the warming oven for him. Tuesdays had really picked up at Mata Hari recently; the bar had been packed until closing. With Thanksgiving just two days away, Randy expected to be busy the rest of the week as well, and the thought exhausted him in advance. He was ready for a shower, a quick bite, and then maybe some time in his studio with his canvas of Danny sitting in Del’s Diner and staring out the window.

  The lights were on in the kitchen when he entered the house so Randy figured Danny was still awake. He called out, “Hey kid. Got anything around for me to eat?” He jumped when he heard a low chuckle, whirling to find Jack standing near the fireplace in a dark sweater and black pants.

  He hadn’t seen Jack in person since the morning in his hotel room when everything had been awkward, and they hadn’t spoken for weeks once Jack left for London. A few quick text exchanges had been the extent of their communication, and Randy had missed Jack every bit as much as he’d feared. Before he could even think about it, he took quick strides over and hauled Jack into a hug. Sure enough, he still smelled of pomegranates and earthy, delicious things.

  Jack returned the hug, but almost immediately Randy recollected himself and let go. He stood back and reached to clout Jack lightly on the shoulder. “You look great. What are you doing here?”

  “Danny let me in.” Jack looked shy but pleased with himself. “I got in touch with him a few days ago to ask for his help once I knew when I was returning to the States. I wanted to surprise you.”

  “Well, mission accomplished. Is Danny here?”

  “No, but he left some food for you. He warned me you come home hungry from the bar.” Jack scratched his head sheepishly. “I, uh, gave him taxi money. He’s spending the night with your friends Thomas and Zachary.”

  As happy as he was to see Jack, Randy was instantly wary. Jack had arranged for the two of them to be alone in Randy’s house. With a fire burning and sending up sparks. Principle was one thing, but with Jack so near… Randy wasn’t sure he was strong enough to face that trial a second time.

  He struggled to ignore the erection that had begun to form when he hugged Jack and began, “You know I won’t—”

  Jack interrupted to pull him toward the fireplace. “Can we catch up before you eat, Randy? I really want that.”

  Randy let himself be led over, and he sank into one of the comfortable chairs there. The fire crackled and hissed in the grate, filling the room pleasantly with the scent of wood smoke. Jack sat on the raised hearth facing him and leaned forward earnestly with his hands clasped between his knees.

  “There are two things I need to tell you. The first and most important one is…” Jack stopped and chuckled nervously. His burr crept in when he spoke again to mutter, “Christ, I dunna know how you’re going to take this.” He steeled himself and captured Randy’s gaze. “Okay. Sophie and I broke it off. Our engagement, I mean.”

  Randy’s jaw dropped. The words echoed strangely in his ears over his pounding heart, and all he could wonder was, what did Jack mean?

  Maybe Jack saw something encouraging, because he bobbed his head nervously and kept talking. “When I got back to England, Sophie knew right away that something was different. We talked a lot and, well, we took the decision to end the sham.”

  Randy asked hoarsely, “For me?”

  “Yes,” Jack said firmly. “Well, sort of. Look,” he scooted closer to the edge of the hearth and reached out to take one of Randy’s big hands. “I realize we don’t know each other very well yet. It was such a short time when I was last in Washington. But being with you was everything I didn’t know I was missing. Do you understand?”

  “I think so,” Randy answered cautiously, then gave up trying to pretend he had any resistance and admitted, “Jack, I’ve never been so attuned to another human being in my life.”

  “Exactly. It’s not just the sex, though the sex that night at Cuir was magic.” Jack groaned and rolled his eyes to make Randy chuckle. “But it was so much larger. When I was alone those last few days, I probably went by the outside of Mata Hari every day, just to think about you and maybe catch a glimpse. The way you made me safe, the care you took with me.” He shook his head. “Well, it ruined me. In a good way. When I was back in London, I knew I needed you to be happy more than I needed sunshine. And I want to be the one to make you happy, the way you deserve. Sophie told me if I didn’t try, then I was an arsehole and should be assigned to clean graffiti off the Tube walls.”

  Randy chuckled even as he tried to reel in what was happening. “How could anything between us even work, Jack?” His blood was thundering in his ears but he was fifty-one, not fifteen. He needed to be practical even though his heart had left his mind in the dust and was flying around the moon. “I want it too, but realistically—”

  “Here’s the thing,” Jack cut him off. “I got a job with the Smithsonian as a curator. I’ll start as soon as the work visa goes through. I also went online and found a flat to let in some neighborhood called Adams Morgan.”

  Randy had no idea what to say. “A job here, an apartment. Jack, we barely know each other.”

  “That’s why I’m doing this. I think we’re going to be stunning together, but it’s too early to be sure. With me in Washington, we can spend time together, hopefully without anesthetic.” Randy grinned ruefully and touched the spot on his neck where he’d felt Gates’s sting as Jack added, “If I’m wrong and it dunna work, well, at least we wunna spend our lives wondering.

  “Because that’s the thing, Randy.” Jack tugged on the hand he held in his own. “From the evening I met you I wondered. Even when you would barely give me the time of day. ‘What if?’ I asked me sen, I mean myself. What if this grizzly bear with a passion for art and a desperate need for someone to help curate his collection is who I’ve been missing all this time? What if I take a
chance to be proud as I am instead of who I thought I needed to be to succeed? What if the one man who is perfect for me is just an ocean away and I lose him over something as silly as geography?” Softly, Jack added, “I have to know, Randy.”

  In answer, Randy stood and pulled Jack to his feet. He brushed past his objections, his nerves, and just let himself embrace the moment. Arms tightly wound around Jack’s lean body, he bent his head to claim the kiss he’d dreamt of for weeks. Jack was pliant and welcoming in his arms, taking in Randy’s warmth, his tongue, his breath.

  It was so good that Randy didn’t recognize the trembling in his legs for a moment. It wasn’t until it spread to his hands and froze his mouth that Jack leaned back and asked, “What’s happening?”

  “I, uh…” Randy’s eyes darted around the room. He couldn’t settle on any one thing. Jack put a hand on his cheek and drew back his attention. Looking down into those whiskey-colored eyes, concerned and suddenly nervous, Randy knew he had to answer. “I never thought about this for myself. Not really. Jack, you could do a lot better than me.”

  Surprise flared, then Jack narrowed his gaze. “Do you na want me here?”

  “What? I do want you. Here, I mean. It’s just…” His eyes were shifting around again and he wanted very much to go somewhere else right then. But Jack came all this way, made all these arrangements. That took enormous courage, and Randy owed him honesty.

  “I’m not good enough for you.”

  Jack made a soft sound that drew Randy’s eyes to him. To his surprise, Jack was nodding. “Of course you are. Mighty bear, so big and confident. But no one really gets to see it, do they?”

  Randy licked his lips before asking cautiously, “See what?”

  “The fear you carry.” Randy blinked, but Jack didn’t let him interrupt. “You fear that you can’t protect the people you love. Or that you won’t be there in time. You fear that you’ll be made to look foolish by those you trust.”