The Fine Line

by Kobishop, Alicia

  My head turned so that I could see where I was backing up, and I saw Logan running to his car. Oh shit, he’s going to chase me!

  I pressed my foot on the gas, causing my tires to screech as I backed the rest of the way out of my parking spot. Then, I put my car in drive and sped out of the lot and onto the road. The faster my heart pounded, the more my foot pushed down on the gas pedal. Not having a plan for where to go, I weaved in and out of traffic, searching for an escape, while keeping my eye on my rear view mirror.

  It didn’t take long for Logan to catch up. Within minutes, he was directly behind me. Of course he was. Did I really think I could out-drive him? I pushed my sensibility aside and kept speeding forward until I saw a red light ahead of me. Dammit! Now what?

  My car slowed down. I had no choice but to stop behind the car in front of me, which caused Logan to stop directly behind me. I peered in my rear view mirror and saw him step out of his Mustang and start jogging to my car. Is he insane? I clicked my lock button to make sure all the doors were locked just before he arrived at my window. I wasn’t about to give in now.

  “Liv, please pull over somewhere so we can talk about this!” he shouted through the window.

  Blinded by anger, I put my hands over my ears and stared straight ahead to block him out. The light turned green, and I heard him yell something just before he ran back to his car, but I couldn’t make out what he said. A sign for the interstate caught my attention, and I decided that’s where I needed to go. Traffic wouldn’t be as much of a problem on the interstate.

  I floored it when I arrived at the on-ramp to the freeway. It felt freeing to be away from the congestion of the city traffic. It was just after rush hour, so there were still plenty of cars, but it was easy to maneuver around them. Logan’s driving mimicked mine, almost instantaneously, which kept his car glued to the back of mine.

  I let out a sigh. This was ridiculous. There was no way I was going to get away from him this way. I didn’t really want to anyway; I just needed time to think. As my adrenaline calmed down, my car slowed to just over the speed limit. There was no way he could stop me here on the interstate. Maybe if I just kept driving, he would get tired and turn around.

  My gas gauge said the tank was half full. I had plenty of gas to drive for a while without stopping. I wondered how much Logan had.

  The B.B. King song diverted my attention to my phone. I took it from my coat pocket and turned it off, then threw it on the passenger seat.

  *

  My eyelids felt like bricks. It took everything I had to keep them open. My lower back throbbed, and my right leg was starting to cramp. I had been driving for what seemed like an eternity.

  What a way to spend my birthday.

  I had no idea where I was but judging by the lack of cars and streetlights, it was the middle of nowhere. I glanced at my rearview mirror and saw two different sets of headlights, but I didn’t know if either of them belonged to Logan’s car. I had stopped keeping track of him when the need to focus on staying awake began to take all my energy.

  When the urge to get out of my car to stretch became too much to bear, I exited at the nearest off ramp. Headlights followed me and when I came to a halt by the stop sign at the end of the ramp, I could clearly see that it was Logan behind me. I took a deep breath and braced myself. Pulling into the nearest gas station, I parked by one of the pumps and turned my car off. Logan did the same.

  I shuffled through my purse for several moments trying to find my debit card, but it was nowhere to be found. I checked my wallet to find only two dollars in cash.

  Please tell me I have money for gas!

  I peeked up to see the gas pump next to me, with its hose attached to Logan’s car, and him leaning against the yellow metal. His arms were crossed in front of him as he stared at me dead-on. His expression was difficult to read. Mostly, he looked exhausted.

  I continued to look through my purse without any luck. Finally, I tipped it over, letting all of its contents fall onto the passenger seat. After sifting through everything and not finding what I was looking for, I remembered that I had left my debit card in my other coat pocket. The coat which currently hung in my bedroom closet.

  My heart sank to my stomach. I was on “E.” I needed gas to get home. I looked up at Logan, who was in the process of removing the nozzle from his car and returning it to the pump. After grabbing the two dollars from my wallet, I stepped outside and pumped two dollars’ worth of gas into my car.

  “That’s not going to get you very far,” Logan announced.

  “Thank you, Captain Obvious,” I rebutted as I walked to the convenience store to pay, trying desperately to come up with a way home that did not involve Logan’s help. On my way back to my car, out of the corner of my eye, I saw Logan still leaning against his car, watching me.

  “Stop following me,” I said as I opened my door.

  “Someone’s gonna need to rescue you when you run out of gas.”

  “I don’t need to be rescued. I don’t need anything.” I sat in my seat, closed the door, and turned the ignition on. I didn’t want to, but I couldn’t stop myself from glancing back at Logan. With his head down, he pinched the bridge of his nose as he shook his head. Then, he looked at me, annoyed, which would’ve fueled my own irritation if I weren’t so damn tired.

  The feeling of being trapped and vulnerable provoked my frustration. “Dammit!” I said to myself as I clasped the steering wheel so tight that my knuckles were white. “Ugh!” I turned the car off and stepped out, slamming the door behind me. I stomped over to where Logan stood.

  “Why are you following me anyway?” I yelled.

  He narrowed his eyes. “I've been trying to figure that out for hours. You are the most stubborn person I've ever met, you know that?" He peered down, staring blankly at nothing, as if he were trying to figure out what to say. Just as I was about to argue, he brought his intense, beautiful hazel gaze to mine. "But for some fucked-up reason, I can't get enough of you. When I'm not with you, I miss you. I've never laughed the way I do when I'm with you. When something awesome happens, you're the first person I want to tell, and when something terrible happens, you make it better. You give me strength to get through the bullshit, Liv, and I want to tell you things I've never told anybody." He exhaled sharply and stepped toward me until he was no more than a foot away. "But mostly, I'm following you because you make me fucking crazy.”

  He grabbed me behind the neck and pressed his lips on mine. My eyes rolled back, and a small hum escaped me as my entire body weakened from the euphoria that erupted when his tongue entered my mouth. It took several seconds to work up the strength to push him off me. His body backed into his car from my shove.

  “Stop it! Don’t do that again.” I pointed at him as I said it. As much as I tried to sound strong, my voice quivered weakly. I immediately turned to run back to my car, but his hand grabbed my arm.

  “Where are you gonna run to now, Liv? You’re in the middle of nowhere. You have no gas in your car.”

  The fact that he was right infuriated me. It was too late and too far away to call anyone else for help.

  “I need to borrow money for gas,” I demanded. “I’ll pay you back tomorrow.”

  His head turned to the side as his eyebrows pulled close together. “No.”

  “What do you mean ‘no’? You can’t leave me here!” I began scanning my brain, figuring out what I would do if he left me here. “You know what? Fine, leave, I’ll just sleep in my car. Mel will come and get me in the morning.” My lips began to quiver. I told myself it was from the cold winter air, but deep down, I knew it was because this was it. This was the moment he would leave me.

  He watched me carefully as tears started to prick my eyes. He took a step toward me and I backed up, looking everywhere but at him.

  “I’m not going to leave you here,” he assured me. “Why would you think that? Are you completely blind? Haven’t you heard any-fucking-thing I’ve said to you?”

>   “So you’re going to loan me gas money?”

  “No, Liv, I’m not.”

  “What the hell, Logan! You’re talking in circles! Are you leaving me here or not?”

  His face was a mixture of confusion and concern. “I’m in love with you, Liv. I didn’t follow you all this way just to leave you here…alone and stranded. I would never do that.”

  It was the second time he said he loved me. “Well then, what are you talking about?”

  “You were swerving like crazy on the road. You’re tired. You can’t drive like that—you’ll kill yourself. I saw a motel not far from here. Park your car here. Let’s go get some sleep. We’ll drive home in the morning.”

  “A motel room, Logan…really?” I said sarcastically. “I don’t think so.”

  “Fine, then two rooms. You can even get your own room in your own name. You are eighteen now, you know.” He smiled, carefully.

  It made sense. My fatigued body couldn’t take the ride home. “I’ll have to figure out something to tell my mom.”

  He thought for a moment. “Can you say you’re at Mel’s?”

  “Yeah, I guess so.” I hated lying to her, but I couldn’t exactly tell her I would be staying at a motel with a boy. Or could I? I was a legal adult now. And she was pretty lenient for the most part, and for some reason, I felt the need to talk to her. I just wanted to hear her voice.

  After parking my car in the farthest spot in the lot, I took my phone from the passenger seat and dialed the pub.

  “American Pub!” My mother answered. Immediately, I heard the pounding background music and pub patrons. I shouldn’t have expected anything different on a Friday night at this time.

  “Hi, Mom. I’m not going to be home tonight.”

  “Hello?”

  Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me. “Mom! It’s me!”

  “What?”

  I sighed and hung up. I’d have to text her.

  Chapter Twenty

  Even though I had the heat cranked on high on the heating and cooling unit in my motel room, my body shivered under the covers. The smell of burning dust filled the air from the heating coils, but the cool air that seeped through the window above the heater seemed to overpower the warmth. Every once in a while, a loud clunking noise came from it that startled the living daylights out of me.

  My mind wandered to Logan’s kiss. I couldn’t stop thinking about it. My fingers moved to my lips from the residual tingling that still lingered on them. He did things to me that I had never felt before. He made me feel alive, even though I had been trying so hard to stay neutral…to everything.

  The annoying clunking noise distracted my thoughts. I pulled the pillows over my ears to keep the noise out, but nothing seemed to help my chilled body. I shifted and squirmed, trying to get comfortable enough to fall asleep, but after hours of trying, I realized my efforts were completely useless.

  Overly tired, frustrated, and unable to sleep, I sat up straight in the bed and looked around the empty room. My eyes gravitated to my coat, which hung on a hook on the exit door. Without thought, I stood up and grasped it, sliding my arms into it at the same time my feet slipped into my shoes, and I walked outside into the cold.

  I stopped in front of room number three and knocked without hesitation. If I hesitated at all, I might have turned back. The deadbolt unlocked just before the door opened.

  “Hey,” Logan whispered. His eyes glowed in the moonlight. How is it, that one look from him can completely melt me like that?

  “It’s freezing in my room,” I breathed, suddenly nervous. My heart began to thump hard and fast. “I can’t sleep.”

  Keeping his eyes on me, he opened the door farther, motioning for me to enter his room. I stepped in, and he closed the door behind me. The blue light from the TV danced on the walls, but there was no sound coming from it. I turned to face him. We both quietly stared at each other for several moments.

  The passionate look of yearning that slowly grew in his eyes was torture. I was sure it matched my expression. What was I doing here? There was really no logical explanation. The simple fact was that I just needed to be where he was. I needed to feel his touch. Then, something changed in his expression. He knew. He knew why I was here. It was uncanny how he could read me, like an open book, just by looking at me.

  “Liv?” His voice was low and deep.

  “Yeah?”

  “You need to tell me why you’re in my room.”

  “I’m cold,” I responded in a barely audible whisper.

  He hesitated with a stern expression. “You’re cold,” he repeated. “And you want me to help you with that?”

  Oh God, now I feel like an idiot.

  I rolled my eyes and sighed. “Yeah, I guess I do.”

  He walked toward me, stopping only a few inches in front of me. “Are you going to slap me?”

  I shook my head no.

  “Are you going to push me away?”

  “Maybe,” I nervously whispered.

  He paused in thought for a moment, then placed his hands on my waist, slowly bringing my body close to his. With his kiss from earlier still vivid in my mind, I drew in a sharp breath as I bit my lip.

  His eyes, only inches from mine, pleaded, almost as if he were asking for permission to continue. I remained silent. His fingers brushed my cheek and moved my hair behind my ear. Instinctively, as my eyes closed, my hand gently covered his, and my lips kissed the rough flesh of his palm, then moved slowly to his wrist. I hesitated and looked up at him when I realized what I had done. My hand dropped, and I took a step back. The anguish in his eyes when I released him killed me.

  I stood frozen, staring into his eyes, unable to move. What now? Why couldn’t he just let it be? Why couldn’t I just let it be? I didn’t know if I was ready for this.

  It was the moment of truth. My heart pounded hard in my throat as I deliberated…as if I had a choice. When it came to Logan Tanner, did I ever have a choice? Despite my efforts, the attraction that I felt for him grew every moment of every day, whether I was physically with him or not.

  But I was scared.

  As I took another step back, his expression turned angry. “What do you want, Liv? You want to lay in bed with me all night like it doesn’t mean anything?”

  My eyes stung as tears crept into them. I just wanted him. Forever. The problem was, I couldn’t figure out how to make it happen.

  “I want to be friends,” I breathed, my mind racing.

  My words caused his anger to intensify. “Bullshit.” He moved toward me and grabbed me at the waist, pressing his body on mine. “Friends don’t do what we do. Friends don’t feel the way we feel. You can’t hide it from me, Liv! I know you too damn well. Stop lying to me. Stop lying to yourself!”

  His face was an inch from mine. My breath became quicker, heavier, as my heart pounded in my ears and my body started to weaken. I wanted his lips. I wanted him. He took me behind the neck. “The way you look at me when I touch you…” He tightened his grip on me, his chest heaving up and down with each heavy breath. His voice became deep, raspy. Sexy. “…like how you’re looking at me right now...I’m not imagining it. I know you want me. I can see it in your eyes. You want me just as much as I want you.”

  I tried to shove him off me, but he was too strong. His grip was too tight, and he wasn’t letting go. I squirmed and struggled trying to escape his grasp. “Let go of me!”

  In an instant, he let go and took a step back, looking at me, confused. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to do that. God, I just want this fucking game to STOP!” He grasped his hair and paced away from me, to the other side of the room. He placed his hands on his hips and looked down, shaking his head.

  Then, he came back and looked me directly in the eye. “Do you understand how devastating it is for me every time you do this shit? What the fuck am I supposed to think when you tell me you want me to keep you warm? Then when I get too close, you push me away? Are you fucking kidding me?!?! You’re NOT my f
riend. Because a friend wouldn’t do that. It’s like a knife being constantly twisted into my gut. And I can’t fucking handle it anymore! All I want is…”

  The pain in his voice destroyed me. He had no idea how much he meant to me. And who could blame him? Before he could say another word, I placed my fingers over his mouth. “Shh. Please stop.”

  He froze.

  My hand cupped his jaw while my thumb moved slowly across the stubble on his face. As he looked into my eyes with apprehension, my hand slid behind his head and I pulled him to me, pressing my lips gently on his. As our mouths parted open, and my tongue met his, all my fears and anxiety were forgotten. The only thing that mattered, the only thing that existed, was us, right now, in this moment.

  The wall around me, which had taken eighteen years to build, crumbled in a matter of seconds. I finally allowed myself to feel the intensity of the electricity between us. And it felt better than I could have ever imagined.

  “I’m sorry,” I rasped between kisses. “Please don’t be mad at me. I don’t want to hurt you. You mean so much to me.”

  He exhaled heavily as if those words had completely unraveled him. Grabbing me fiercely, he removed my coat. His soft lips on my neck sent a surge through me. My hands slid under his shirt and slowly lifted it up and over his head, revealing his perfect abdomen, which was exquisitely shadowed in the blue flickering light. His eyes darkened as he gazed into mine, but the way he looked at me was more than just lust. He needed me. He needed every part of me. Mind, body, and soul. I knew because not only was it an expression that could not be fabricated, it was a look that matched my deepest inner emotions. We needed each other.

  “Tell me,” he husked as his wet lips trailed down my neck. “I need to know this is real. Tell me what you want, Liv.”

  “You.” I breathed without hesitation. His warm breath grazed my earlobe as he exhaled. “You, Logan.” He gazed at me with a mixture of shock, disbelief, and hope. “I can’t get you out of my mind. All I think about is when I’ll see you next. I dream about you.” My filter was gone. Any sort of rational thought process became non-existent the moment my lips touched his and my wall came crashing to the ground. Come to think of it, I’ve never been rational when it came to Logan Tanner. “And yes…I want your touch. More than anything. I want you.”