The Fine Line

by Kobishop, Alicia

  I completely pulled away from him this time. I didn’t want to hear anymore, but I had to know. “How far did you go?” I couldn’t hide the hurt in my voice.

  “Not far, I swear. I knew something wasn’t right the second I woke up. She didn’t feel good like you do. She didn’t smell like you. She didn’t taste like you. Fuck, I wanted it to be you so bad, Liv, that I didn’t realize right away that it wasn’t. I’m so sorry.”

  The thought of him tasting her nauseated me. But I was intent on staying strong. “All you did was kiss her. And you thought it was me.”

  With a disgusted look on his face, he thought for a moment. “Not according to her.”

  “Oh.” My heart sank deep into my stomach. “Well, what happened according to you?”

  He urgently took my hand. “Nothing. Even though I don’t remember anything, I know nothing happened because drunk or not, I know I would never do anything like that to you. I love you too much. You’re the only one I want. Hurting you in that way would kill me. But I have no idea how she got into my bed, or why she’s saying what she’s saying, and I have no way to prove to you that nothing happened.”

  His stared at me with hope. He was asking me to trust him. Even though I didn’t know if I could trust him, there was a possibility that nothing happened with Chloe. And the strong bond that we have was too important to me to throw away, over something that may not have even happened. He wanted me to trust that he wouldn’t have thrown it away either.

  I released his hand and stood up as I tried to sort the jumbled mess of thoughts in my mind. I rubbed my forehead. “I don’t know what to think, Logan.”

  He rested his elbow on the arm of the couch and rested the temple of his head on his knuckle. “I don’t blame you. You have every right to feel that way.”

  His somber eyes made me want to tell him everything would be okay. But trust wasn’t natural to me. And I didn’t know if I could give him my trust after everything that had happened.

  “I just don’t know how to make this work,” I said, frustrated. Needing a minute alone to think, I turned to walk toward the bathroom. Just before I entered the hallway, the familiar B.B. King song came on the stereo, stopping me immediately. It was the same song used for his ringtone on my phone. The one that played in his car the first night I fell asleep in his apartment and I was instantly taken back to that very time and place. That was the night I realized that he wasn’t like other boys. The night he became the exception.

  It was the night I fell in love with him.

  Something clicked inside of me. I needed to follow my heart. And my heart was sitting on the couch, miserable for something that didn’t happen.

  Nothing happened.

  I didn’t need any proof; I just knew. Without a doubt, I was sure of it.

  Another epiphany.

  I turned around to face him. With a mixture of confusion and hope, he lifted his head off his knuckle and cocked his head to the side. I smiled as the weight on my shoulders disappeared. His eyes widened slightly as one corner of his mouth turned up.

  I walked back to him and held my hand out. “Dance with me.”

  He cautiously took my hand and stood. He didn’t say anything, and neither did I. He slowly took my lower back and gently pulled me close. With one hand on his back, and the other hand holding his, I rested my head on his chest.

  His heartbeat pounded hard in my ear. I took a deep breath in through my nose. I had missed his touch, his beautiful scent. My entire body relaxed as he let go of my hand and wrapped his arms around me. His arms were home. Nothing felt better than his strong, comforting arms around me. We slowly stepped back and forth, continuing to hold each other through the end of the song. Then through the next song. Then the next one.

  “I believe you,” I whispered.

  He pulled his head back slightly. “What did you say?”

  I looked into his perfect eyes. “I said I believe you. I believe that you love me. I believe that you wouldn’t hurt me like that. I trust you, Logan.”

  He looked at me like I was crazy, then his face turned into pure warmth. “You are amazing, you know that? I don’t deserve you.” He continued to study me, completely bewildered.

  His fingers reached behind my ear and through my hair, while his thumb rested on my cheek. The intensity in his eyes made my heart skip. I knew the look he was giving me. It was the look that said he needed me. All of me. His chest heaved up and down from the heavy breaths he took as his face slowly came closer to mine. When our lips gently touched, the wave of heat from it weakened me, causing my eyes to close. I needed him too. All of him.

  “Let’s make a deal,” I breathed through kisses.

  “Anything,” he responded in a low, sexy voice.

  I stepped back and held both his hands in mine as I stared up at him. “No more running when we get freaked out.”

  He grinned. “I can handle that.”

  I took his hand and led him up the stairs to my bedroom. I sat down on my bed as he closed the door behind us. With his hand still on the door knob, he gazed at me for a moment with an expression of disbelief before he came over to me and kneeled down, so that his face was only slightly below mine. With his eyes on mine, he grabbed me behind the knees and pulled hard, forcing my knees apart, and his body against mine. It took my breath away.

  His soft lips on my neck sent a surge through me. My hands savored every ridge and muscle of his abdomen as they slid under his shirt and slowly lifted it up and over his head.

  He cupped his hand on to the left side of my face, his eyes exploring my face and hair as if he was seeing me for the first time. “You’re beautiful, Liv.”

  I instinctively rolled my eyes which only intensified his gaze. He took my face with both hands, forcing me to look directly at him. “You. Are. Beautiful. You’re an angel.”

  A smile formed on my face from his words. I didn’t feel like an angel, but I knew he was being honest in how he felt. He seemed pleased at my reaction. The corners of his mouth turned up as he brought his face towards me and surrounded my mouth with his. My hands rose above my head, and our lips unlocked as he removed my shirt.

  With one hand behind my neck, he brought me back to him, and he unclasped my bra with the other hand. His warm hands moving firmly on my bare skin gave me a chill. He responded to my sudden shiver by pressing his heated chest on mine and laying me down under him, pulling the comforter over us.

  The urgency had dissolved into a need to relish in every passing second. He was taking his time now, as his warm wet lips slowly, deliberately, trailed a path of kisses starting from my neck down to my stomach. I savored every sweet moment of it. His tongue entered my navel, provoking a giggle to escape from my throat from the tickle of it.

  He reacted by looking up at me with the comforter on top of his head and an amused grin on his face with one eyebrow cocked up. It was enough to make me crazy. I had no freaking idea why this beautiful man loved me so much. But he did. And I would never let him go again.

  No longer able to resist, I pulled him back up to me, firmly kissing him. I reached for his belt buckle and quickly opened it, then unbuttoned his pants. A moan escaped him as I slid my hand under the waistline of his boxer briefs. Then, he froze.

  “Shit. Liv, I don’t have…I didn’t think this would happen. I don’t have any…”

  “It’s okay, I’m on the pill,” I whispered. “I’ve been on it since I was fifteen to help regulate…um…well…no worries. It’s fine.”

  He breathed out as he let go of my wrist and dropped his head in relief. “Thank Fuck.” I continued to push his boxer briefs down with his pants, then his feet removed them the rest of the way.

  I readily waited as he unbuttoned my pants and moved himself, with the rest of my clothing, to the end of the bed. Holding my bare right ankle in his hand, he began to slowly kiss his way up my leg, stopping at the inside of my thigh, causing my breathing to become heavier, my heart rate to speed up, and the depths of my
stomach to quiver. From there, he moved to my left leg, repeating the process, each warm kiss significantly intensifying my need for him.

  He kissed his way up to my stomach, then my neck. Each touch, each caress, increased my feeling of bliss. With his face above mine, he gazed into my eyes. And I gazed into his. Without looking away, he slowly slid into me, causing me to inhale sharply and close my eyes. When I opened them, his darkened eyes were still on me, studying my every reaction to him.

  “I love you, Logan,” I breathed, without thought, as our bodies continued to slowly move.

  Overwhelmed by my words, his eyes closed as his forehead dropped onto mine. “I love you, too.” He breathed, simply.

  We moved in perfect harmony with heat, passion, and true love surrounding us. This moment felt so perfect…so right…and we slowly indulged in every moment of it. His lips firmly kissed mine as the intensity between us increased.

  “You feel amazing,” he whispered, deeply.

  His words mimicked my thoughts. My palms explored him, moving from his shoulders, down his chest and abdomen, then around to his back as he gently pressed into me over and over again. The feel of his bare skin on me was incredible. I didn’t know it until this moment, but being this close to him, having all of him—mind, body, and soul—was all I had ever wanted. I had never felt so content in my life.

  The passion between us increased until I could no longer handle it. My breathing increased. “Logan, please.” I needed him to finish this.

  He moaned as our bodies moved faster and with more intensity.

  “Oh my God,” I heard myself say as my body pulsed.

  With my hands on his back, as I stared into his darkened eyes, I pulled him into me one final time. A moan escaped him as his eyes closed.

  He brought his face to me and kissed behind my ear one last time before his body fell beside me, with his head resting on my pillow. His hand continued to caress me as we laid there, silently.

  I had never prayed before. But in this moment, as I stared at the ceiling, I prayed that we would last. That nothing would ever tear us apart. That I could be with him forever.

  “Liv, I promise you, the bullshit stops here,” he said, as if he read my mind. “You’re too damn important. I’m not going to fuck up again.”

  “Okay.” I moved to my side so that I could face him. “But you know we’re going to mess up once in a while, right?”

  He shook his head with a serious expression. “Uh-uh. No way. If you had any idea how much you mean to me…there’s no way I’m going to ever lose you again.”

  I brought my face to his and gently closed my mouth around his bottom lip. He smoothly kissed me back. “Let’s just promise we’ll always work through the bullshit,” I whispered between kisses. “Even if it’s hard.”

  He pulled away from me, studying me while his fingers brushed my hair behind my ear. “That sounds perfect.” His intense eyes gazed into my soul…like they do. “I promise I will try not to fuck up. Which means I promise not to freak out over stupid shit. And I promise to always work through the bullshit with you. I swear I will do everything in my power to make this work. I want to make you happy, Liv.”

  I believed him. For the first time, I believed our relationship could actually succeed. “I’m done running, Logan.”

  He smiled, then looked to the side as if he had a thought. “So what does this mean? For us.”

  I smiled at the realization that he wanted to put a label on us. “I guess it means we officially do relationships.”

  He breathed in, deeply, and brought his soft lips to my forehead. “One relationship. This one. You and me.”

  Moving towards him, I gently pushed him back and lifted his arm up so that I could place my head on his chest. The sound of his heartbeat on my ear was a serenade. His scent—a thousand times better than fresh lilacs on a spring day. His touch—heaven. I could lay like this forever.

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  I knew they were waiting for him, but I didn’t care. His lips tasted too good. His hand on my cheek was soothingly warm. I wanted to keep him with me.

  Logan’s car idled in the parking lot of an industrial building as we leaned over the stick shift, kissing each other softly. Tonight would be different than the usual “free for all” of races. It was an organized tournament with the top five racers in the area. And the winner would leave ten grand richer.

  In addition to tonight’s payout, all the men competing were itching to take Logan’s status as number one racer. It wasn’t just for vanity, although that was part of it. In addition, they all knew that the higher their rank, the more races they’d get offered, which meant more winnings they could bring home.

  With a snowstorm predicted for later tonight, this would most likely be the last race of the winter. Logan had assured me a number of times that he would never race on wet or icy roads. Until now, the weather had been easy on us with just one snowfall which quickly melted from the streets a few days later.

  With a pound on the driver’s side window, a muffled Gavin shouted through the glass, “C’mon, man, you want a fuckin’ payday, or you gonna make out with your girl all night?!”

  Unfazed, Logan continued to move his lips against mine. My eyes cracked open to see Logan respond to him by slowly lifting his arm with the middle finger extended from his hand. Gavin pounded on the glass one more time before walking away. I thought I heard him mumble, “Dumbass,” but I wasn’t sure.

  “I think they’re waiting for you,” I smiled, pulling away.

  “Let them wait,” he replied, closing in on me again.

  Keeping my distance, I laughed. “Okay, then, let’s just go home. I hate standing out in the cold anyway.”

  His expression became concerned. “You don’t want to be here?”

  “No. It’s not that. It’s just…Do I have to flag all the races, or just yours?”

  “You don’t have to do anything. I thought you liked doing it.” His face morphed into confusion.

  I grinned. The last thing he needed before a race was to be concerned about anything other than driving. “I do. Trust me. I have fun with it. I guess I’m just worried. Did they check the roads for ice patches?”

  “Yeah, Gavin and I scouted the street earlier today.”

  I nodded. “We’ve been to this spot a few times this month alone, and you’ve already been busted once. Aren’t you worried about police?”

  “Nah, Gavin knows a guy.” He pointed to the computer screen on the dash. “He’s hacked into their system. If they get a lead that we’re here, we’ll be long gone before they get anywhere near us. Plus, we’ve got more spotters out than usual. Trust me, we’re good.”

  My eyes got wide. “Hacked into the police department’s system? Logan, are you crazy?”

  “No…I’m being safe.”

  I immediately felt apprehension. We stared at each other momentarily. It seemed to me like he was getting in way too deep. There was plenty I wanted to say, but the timing was less than ideal. He needed a clear mind for the races. We’d have to talk about it later.

  I took a deep breath and gave him a comforting smile. “Okay. I trust you.”

  Taking my hand, he relaxed. “Good. You have no reason not to. I promise.”

  We stepped out of the car and approached Gavin and a group of several other men. Five men would be in the tournament, including Logan, each of them putting in a two thousand dollar bet. As Gavin collected the cash from the participants, I vaguely noticed a figure approach. Before I knew what was happening, Logan was thrusted forward by the man.

  “Oh, sorry dude, didn’t see you there,” a glossy-eyed Derrick chuckled. A black knit hat covered his shaved head. I had only seen him one other time…at my very first race. And tonight he looked a million times more loaded than that night.

  “Watch your fucking step, asshole,” Logan challenged.

  Derrick ignored the comment and stumbled his way into the circle, waving a wad of cash around in the air.
“How come none of you motherfuckers told me about this tonight? Ain’t my money good enough for y’all?” He handed his cash to Gavin. “Well, I’m here now assholes. Count me in.”

  Logan stepped in and placed his hand on Derrick’s shoulder. “Relax, Derrick.”

  In an instant, Derrick pivoted around and grasped Logan’s coat with both hands, bringing his face within an inch of Logan’s. “Did you just fucking touch me?”

  Logan’s expression turned furious. “You better back up right now, Derrick.” He stood tall, challenging Derrick. “Back. The fuck. Up.”

  After a moment of deliberation, Derrick let go and chuckled as he brushed off Logan’s coat. “Hey, man, all I want to do is race.” He glanced around at the men in the circle. “Ain’t nobody got a problem with that, right?”

  Nobody said anything at first. They all glanced at one another, gauging the situation. Then, one of the men spoke up. “Sorry, man, you gotta have a clear head to race. You know the rules.”

  Derrick let out one long, humorless laugh. “Oh no, you’ve gotta be shitting me. You think I’m fucked up?” He shook his head then stood with both feet together and his hands extended out. “Watch this.” He closed his eyes and touched his index fingers to his nose. First the left one, then the right. “Does that look fucked up to you? Look.” He found a line on the road and proceeded to balance on it as he walked forward, one foot directly in front of the other. “See. Straight as an arrow.”

  Logan pointed to Gavin. “Give him his money back. I’m not racing him.”

  Derrick stomped over to Logan with rage building in his expression. “Fuck that! Are you scared, little man?” he said, face to face with Logan. “Oh yeah. That’s it, isn’t it? You know you can easily take these fuckers, but you can’t beat me. I’ll smoke you.”

  “You wish, douchebag,” Logan replied.

  Derrick’s drug use had become well known in the racing circles, and there were very few competitors who were reckless enough to race against a ticking time bomb like him. Most had girlfriends, wives, or families at home, and although they could never give up the thrill of racing that was in their blood, they were level-headed enough to be as safe as possible…considering the circumstances.