Searching Hearts Box Set: Books 1-5

by St. Clair, Ellie

  Joshua did nothing other than grunt, a dark expression on his face as the carriage rolled away. She knew he had not wanted to allow her to visit Mrs. Whitby, but he was learning quickly that she was not a lady who was easily biddable.

  Her husband said very little as the carriage trundled its way through the cobbled streets, and Violet directed her gaze out of the window instead of towards him. Try as she might, she was still unable to stop the growing feelings she had for him, even in light of what he had done. She found her skin tingling whenever they were close together, sparks shooting up her arm if their fingers accidentally brushed. At the most inopportune times, she would catch herself recalling all that they had shared on that one night, her body growing warm with the memory.

  She wanted to dislike him, wanted to find him quite distasteful, but the truth of the matter was that she felt precisely the opposite. He was warm, strong yet gentle when necessary, quick to smile and considerate of her wants and needs.

  She had been more than a little surprised to hear all that he was involved in, discovering that her respect for him actually grew. A man with a title had no need, usually, to take on any kind of work, but he had done so of his own free will, choosing to start something that would benefit society as a whole.

  Neither did he proclaim his work to the ton as a whole, keeping it as quiet as he could. There was no need for recognition for him, rather a desire to simply put his mind to good use. Violet could not help but appreciate that about him, thinking that she found him a great deal more respectable than when she had first returned to London in search of him.

  That did not stop the pain in her heart over his treatment of her, however. She felt more like a possession than ever, which was perhaps why she was digging her heels in and doing what she thought was best, regardless of his opinions. He had taken her and then discarded her, ensuring that she was fully aware of his branding. She hoped that she had made it more than evident that she was not about to be treated that way, and certainly was not going to behave in the way he wished. No, she was as willing and as keen to put her own mind to use, in the same way he had, which in itself would show her husband that she was not going to stay home and simply wait until he had reached his conclusions and solved this matter in its entirety.

  Not that she would say that she was not in the least bit afraid, for that would be quite false. She did not consider it a weakness to admit to one’s fright, for having people seeking to kill you would surely bring out fear in even the strongest of men’s hearts. Though she did not want to admit it, even to herself, Violet knew that her husband’s presence made her feel secure, as she knew that he would protect her as he had done before.

  “You are trembling,” he murmured, breaking into her thoughts.

  Violet glanced at him as his hands touched hers, the heat from his fingers seeping through her gloves.

  “I am quite all right,” she stated, firmly, pulling her hand from his grip. “Although I do thank you for your concern.”

  Turning her gaze back towards the window, she caught the way he dropped his head for a moment, and she watched him out of the corner of her eye as he studied his gloves, turning them over in his hands.

  “We are going to have to discuss our relationship at some point, Violet,” he said softly. “You need to know how sorry I am.”

  “I am more than aware of your many, numerous apologies, Joshua,” Violet replied, smartly. “I have no need of more.”

  He opened his mouth to say something, only to close it again as though thinking better of it. Violet’s heart tugged, painfully, but she chose to say nothing, keeping her gaze fixed on the window.

  “I do not want you to think that I do not care for you at all, Violet,” he said, so quietly that she had to strain to hear him. “I know that what I did was unfeeling and callous, but that does not mean that I do not feel. I do, truly. I made a mistake, and I must beg you to find a way to forgive me so that we can find a way forward, together.” He touched her hand again, and she jumped, startled.

  “I do not want to have a cold marriage,” he said, as her eyes met his. “Do you think we can find a way through these difficulties?”

  Violet wanted to say yes, but instead, only lifted one shoulder before letting it drop. She wanted love and affection, not just a small warm feeling that dwelt in his heart. She wanted to share his life, and for him to share hers so that she was not simply an adornment on his sleeve, an afterthought for when the day was at an end.

  “Can you not even speak to me?”

  The desperation in his eyes broke her, a sigh escaping from her parted lips.

  “What is it that you need from me, Violet? What can I offer you that will help us to move forward, together?”

  She captured his gaze, even though her very soul trembled. “I want what you said to me at the very start, Joshua. You promised me you felt an affection for me, something that would grow and flourish. I never wanted a marriage without love, without an understanding and a care for me and for my passions. This life should be shared, for I will not just be something to warm your bed at night, before being turned aside until you are prepared to show me some attention again.” Her voice broke and she turned her body to face the window, blocking him from view. “I am worth more than that.”

  There was a long pause, a pause where Violet fought for control and Joshua found he could not respond. She had opened her heart to him, shown him how vulnerable she truly was, and the guilt he felt assuaged him.

  The carriage drew to a stop outside a small house, meaning that their conversation was forced to come to an end.

  “Here,” Joshua mumbled, throwing open the door and climbing down. “Let me help you.”

  Violet placed her hand in his and stepped down, dropping his fingers almost as soon as she could. Now was not the time to consider what it was he felt for her, nor what she was feeling for him. It was all too confusing, too difficult to comprehend. For the moment, she needed to focus on Mrs. Whitby, for she was going to have to choose her words carefully in order to discover any information about what Sir Whitby was meant to have given to the mysterious Swinney North.

  * * *

  Mrs. Whitby was a small, thin lady, whose graying hair and pale blue eyes portrayed her older than her years. She was immediately put at ease by Violet's introduction and seemed quite pleased with their visit, although the grief and pain she felt was evident in her expression. She led Violet down the hall into a sitting room. While small, the home was quaint and well cared for.

  “I wanted to say how sorry I was to hear of your husband’s death and to see if there was anything I could to do to help you in your time of distress,” Violet said, gently, her heart going out to the lady, who pulled a handkerchief from her sleeve as Violet spoke. Violet threw a glance to Joshua, who, understanding at once, muttered something about the horses and wandered from the room. If she was to speak freely with the woman, then Joshua’s presence would not be required. In fact, were he to stay, then it might be more of a hindrance than a help.

  “You are very kind,” the lady replied, sniffing quietly. “How did you hear of my husband’s death?”

  “In truth, my husband was the one who knew him,” Violet explained, not untruthfully. “He shared with me what had happened.”

  “They found his body floating in the Thames,” Mrs. Whitby exclaimed, suddenly, startling Violet. “They say he had been shot!”

  “I am terribly sorry to hear that,” Violet murmured, as the lady began to cry in earnest. She had not mean to upset the woman, but hoped by helping to find the man who ordered Sir Whitby’s murderer she could provide her with some justice. “That is truly awful. Are they seeking to find the perpetrator?”

  Mrs. Whitby looked at her with red-rimmed eyes, an expression of utter hopelessness on her face. "The constabulary is unable to do much," she said, sadly. "They have told me that they doubt they will be able to find the man responsible."

  Violet nodded, not wanting to think about what a b
ody might look like when it had been in the water for some time. She shuddered nonetheless, closing her eyes for a moment in order to push the memory of that night away.

  “Was he involved in anything of concern?” she asked, carefully. “I know that my own husband has said of late that there are some nefarious gentlemen at the gambling clubs.” She shook her head, as though relieved Joshua had finally given them up. “These men and their vices!”

  Mrs. Whitby did not look upset at her question, although a slight frown appeared as she thought. “Sir Whitby did enjoy such things, but he did not mention any trouble.” Her eyes filled with fresh tears as she shook her head. “Then again, he had been quite distracted of late, muttering things at all times of the day.”

  “Muttering things?” Violet asked, trying not to show too much interest. “Can you remember anything he said? I am sure any knowledge you have will be of help to the constabulary.”

  “Oh, no, I do not think so,” Mrs. Whitby replied, at once. “He talked under his breath very often, and they were often about trivial matters — gentlemen he was to meet, documents he had to work on, issues that needed to be fixed almost right there and then!”

  Violet’s interest was piqued. “Documents?”

  Mrs. Whitby met her gaze and smiled tremulously. “Yes, although I cannot be sure what it was specifically. He was always so quiet about his work.”

  “What did he do, might I ask?”

  “He ran a small group of clerks and solicitors,” Mrs. Whitby replied. “My son will be in charge of it all now, of course. I know very little of all the goings on, but he was always quite busy. I believe he had a great number of gentlemen seeking his services.”

  Violet was about to ask more, only for Joshua to reappear in the doorway, throwing her a glance that told her their time was at an end.

  “I do not want you to lack any comfort,” Violet said, quietly, seeing the flare of recognition in the lady’s eyes. “Please, do call on me if I can help in any way. I shall leave my card with your butler.”

  "You are very kind, Lady Greville," Mrs. Whitby whispered, dabbing at her eyes once more. "Sir Whitby has not left me entirely without, however. If I am careful, I should manage. My son is in the army and will return home very soon, so I will not be without company."

  Violet reached forward and pressed the lady’s hand for a moment, truly feeling sorry for the pain she was going through. Then, with a quick word of farewell, she rose and made her way from the house, tucking her hand into Joshua’s arm.

  14

  Joshua held Violet’s questions at bay until they returned to the house, knowing that Taylor would be inside, waiting for them. It would be best to wait until he could review with both of them at once. His heart thumped wildly in his chest as the small diary he had found sat heavily in his pocket, even though it was as light as could be.

  He could tell from Violet’s expression that she was frustrated with his refusal to answer her questions, her cheeks heating with two spots of color and her eyes flashing with annoyance. He could not help but find her quite lovely, despite this, his heart swelling with a sudden rush of emotion.

  Since she had joined him in town, Joshua had to admit that life felt better, somehow, despite the pain and disappointment she continued to carry with her due to his actions. Over and over he had tried to apologize, only to get a fresh glimpse of just how much grief he’d caused her. The new problem was that what he was feeling for his wife was changing with almost every passing day, as he learned more about her. There was more to her than he had ever thought.

  She was intelligent and quick-witted, often passing comments that had both him and Lord Taylor chuckling. Her suggestions had helped bring their investigation forward, and her calm demeanor when she knew she was in mortal danger made him admire her even more.

  Joshua did not think he would be able to find another lady like her, not if he searched for the rest of his life.

  On top of this, he felt she was growing in loveliness, even though she did not always have her maid put her hair up into the most elegant of styles, nor wear the finest gowns. More often than not, her hair was in a simple chignon and her gowns understated, but she was still more beautiful with every passing day.

  The realization that he felt a great deal more for his wife now than when he had wed her sent an explosion of feeling into his stomach, making Joshua shift a little uncomfortably in his seat. How was he ever to tell her such a thing, when he had already told her such sentiments before now, simply to make her his own? She would not believe him, of course, but Joshua silently vowed that he would do everything in his power to make up for what he had done. He would show her that he did truly care for her.

  “Ah, here we are,” Violet murmured, as the carriage drew up to the house.

  “Wait, please,” Joshua said, looking out of the carriage window. “Taylor should be present in a moment and then we must hurry inside.”

  Violet glanced at him, and he was caught for a moment by the intensity of her gaze. Despite everything, he knew that she trusted him to keep her safe and that fact made him smile.

  “There he is,” Joshua muttered, finally able to drag his eyes away from his wife to his friend who awaited them. “Now, quickly, if you please.”

  In a matter of moments, he helped Violet out of the carriage, and they were both outside, climbing the steps to the house as fast as possible with the material of Violet’s skirts.

  A sudden pop made him jump and, as he turned to look over his right shoulder, yet another pop came from his left. The stonework seemed to fizz, a small cloud of dust coming from it.

  “Hurry!” Joshua heard Taylor exclaim. “They’re shooting at you.”

  Joshua did not have time to question what was being said, his brain working slower than normal. He moved so that he was directly behind Violet, pushing her ahead of him. She grasped his hand and tugged him after her, until they were inside and Lord Taylor slammed the door shut behind them.

  “Good gracious!” Violet exclaimed, sagging against the wall and looking quite pale. “They were shooting at you, Joshua!”

  Frowning, Joshua looked down at his coat and saw the spattering of brick dust adorning his sleeve. “No, they were shooting at you, Violet. I must have been in the way.” He reached for her, feeling her tremble under his hands. “Are you quite all right?”

  “I’m fine,” she replied, although she did not move away, her hands resting on his chest as she looked up into his eyes. Neither of them noticed Lord Taylor slowly melt away, leaving them both entirely alone. “Thank you for protecting me, Joshua.”

  Feeling bold, he wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her closer, hearing her swift intake of breath.

  “I could not imagine what my life would be like if anything was to happen to you,” he said, softly. “I know we have not been together long, but you are becoming very dear to me, Violet.”

  He saw her arrested expression, the disbelief in her eyes, but he did not drop his arms, still holding her carefully. “You will not believe me, of course, but that is to be expected after what I did. However, it is the truth, I assure you.”

  She tensed, her blue eyes searching his face for the truth. “If you intend to lure me back to your bed, Joshua…”

  He cut her off, shaking his head at once. “No, not in the least. I leave that entirely at your feet, my dear. When you are ready, I will be waiting.”

  Violet blinked a few times, as though quite surprised by what she had heard. After a momentary pause in which she seemed to be studying his chest, she lifted her chin and looked directly into his face. “And what if I should never come to your bed? Will you take a mistress? It — it is to be expected, I suppose.”

  “No, I swear I will never do such a thing,” he replied, fervently, suddenly quite repulsed by the idea of lying with anyone except his wife. “It is only you that I want, Violet. No one else. If that means that I have to wait for a good many years, until you trust me again, then so be it. I have
no one to blame but myself.”

  He meant every word and kept holding her gaze, seeing the way her lips twisted. He could see the confusion on her face as she was not sure whether to believe a single word of it, much as he had expected, but at least she was not running from him.

  “I suppose we had best go and discuss what we found with Lord Taylor,” she finally murmured, stepping back from him as he released her. “Or, should I say, what you found and what I learned.” She smiled at him, no longer as pale as she had been.

  “Quite,” Joshua murmured, taking off his coat and looking around for the butler, who seemed to materialize out of thin air, taking the garment from him. “And a tea tray as well, I think.”

  * * *

  “So,” Taylor asked, looking quite relaxed despite all that had happened. “You discovered something, then?”

  “I did,” Violet began, glancing at Joshua. “Mrs. Whitby was quite upset, of course, but mentioned that Sir Whitby ran a small company, composed of clerks and solicitors. Apparently, of late, he was quite distracted with all that he had to do, and kept mentioning something about documents.”

  “Documents?” Taylor repeated, his brows furrowing. “What kind of documents?”

  Violet spread her hands. “I don’t know, I’m afraid. I get the impression that Mrs. Whitby was not in the least involved in her husband’s affairs, as most wives are not, so she could not tell me a great deal about what was going on.”

  “That is a shame,” Taylor muttered, passing one hand over his eyes and looking quite frustrated.

  “Although I believe Joshua has discovered something much more promising,” Violet continued, making Lord Taylor look up at once. “Although he would not tell me what it was.”

  Joshua grinned, seeing both sets of eyes on him expectantly. “I had to excuse myself, of course, making sure that the ladies had their tete-a-tete on their own, particularly as Mrs. Whitby was becoming a little upset.”