Searching Hearts Box Set: Books 1-5

by St. Clair, Ellie

  “My lord?”

  The butler stepped into the room, just as tears of frustration pooled in Christina’s eyes. She blinked them away as the butler looked at them both apologetically, his hands held tightly in front of him. “I did knock, my lord, but there was no reply. Lord Ravenhall has come to call on Lady Christina.”

  “Of course,” the Marquess replied, grandly, as though everything was just as it should be. “Show him in at once.”

  The butler did as he was told, leaving Christina with only a few seconds to try to regain her composure. Her entire world shrank as she rose to greet Lord Ravenhall, as every door seemed to close around her. She was not to have the freedom to reject the engagement in the way she’d hoped. This discussion with her father had only made things all the worse.

  She felt sick to her stomach.

  “Ah, good afternoon Lord Ravenhall,” her father said, as she dropped to a curtsy without raising her eyes to the man. “My daughter has very much been looking forward to seeing you again but we had not thought it would be until this evening.”

  Lord Ravenhall smiled just as Christina managed to meet his gaze and, to her surprise, a wave of warmth crashed over her. With all that had occurred the evening prior, she had not taken the opportunity to fully admire just how handsome he was. He cut a dashing figure, and that bit of stubble still graced his cheeks. She wanted to run her hand over it, to see how it felt beneath her fingertips. She felt herself turning red as she thought of it, and suddenly she was aware of just how dowdy she must seem to him, particularly this morning. Christina was not exactly used to having callers. She had not made much of an effort with her hair, instructing her maid to tie it back in a simple chignon. Already she could feel pieces floating out of it — and not beautiful ringlets that would look fetching, but just limp, straight strands that fell to her shoulders. Her simple blue-gray day dress was one of her plainest, the muslin falling from a simple empire waist without any adornments. What with her red-rimmed eyes — which they must surely be given how they were stinging from lack of sleep — Christina was sure she made a less than pretty picture.

  “I was hoping I might take your daughter out for a short walk around town, perhaps to the bookshop,” Lord Ravenhall replied, seeming somewhat hopeful, and Christina narrowed her eyes at him, wondering what he was up to. “I hear you are very fond of reading, Lady Christina.”

  “I am,” Christina managed to reply with some hesitation, as she wondered at this sudden transformation she saw in him.

  His smile spread, though it didn’t seem to reach his eyes, but he clapped his gloved hands together. “Capital! Then, what do you say, Lady Christina? A stroll?”

  Christina looked at her father and saw him give her the smallest of nods, aware that she was expected to say yes instead of finding some kind of excuse.

  “If you will just let me change,” she replied, quietly, her heart sinking to her toes. “Then I will join you at the door presently.”

  * * *

  The warmth that Lord Ravenhall had shown toward Christina in the drawing room evaporated the moment they stepped outside, her maid following at a distance behind them. His smile vanished, his brow furrowed, and he did not so much as offer her his arm. Christina walked alongside him in silence, utterly wretched, knowing that at some point, she would have to make a decision as to whether she would accept the betrothal or risk that her father meant what he threatened. She wasn’t entirely sure he would actually force her to marry George, or whether he was simply trying to make her do as he bid.

  She couldn’t exactly explain all of this to Lord Ravenhall, however. He would think her confused or lacking judgment. So instead, Christina stayed quiet on the matter. When he didn’t say anything for some minutes, however, she could no longer take the silence stretching between them.

  “Did you enjoy the remainder of the ball last evening?” Christina asked, tentatively.

  He shrugged. “I did not stay long,” he replied, not so much as looking at her. “I prefer to be at home.”

  “I see.” There was nothing else to say and, to her frustration, they lapsed into silence once again. Christina was hit with a sudden vision of her future, a future of them living quietly and separately while pretending to all and sundry that they were as happy as could be.

  She paused, her step slowing as her thoughts on the matter grew all the more. Was that such a terrible fate? Would it truly be a sad existence? To marry a man who would live his life as though she were not a part of it? It was, after all, the way she had lived with her father for so many years, and Christina had become quite adept at living in such a way as she knew many couples did as well. She had her books and, on occasion, her friends and perhaps, with Lord Ravenhall, there was the possibility of children. She could easily devote herself to them and not feel the loss of his companionship in any way, she thought. It would be less lonely than her current situation. The more Christina thought of having children of her own, someone to truly love and who would love her completely in return, the more she warmed to the idea.

  “I suppose I should explain to you all that went on last evening.”

  Lord Ravenhall’s baritone voice broke into her thoughts and, as she glanced up at him, saw that he was studying her with eyes that seemed to glitter like an aquamarine gemstone. A curl of anxiety rose in her stomach but she pushed it away, determined to remain strong.

  “Yes, an explanation would be appreciated,” she said, calmly, as they continued to walk together. “You were to explain to me exactly what it was that the man you attacked last evening had done to you to deserve such treatment.”

  Despite his grave countenance, she still believed it was likely to be something trivial, such as a card game, a stolen love or even horseflesh, but, then again, she could not forget the agony in his expression when he had spoken to her following the incident.

  “Here,” he said, turning the corner of the street and gesturing to the waiting carriage. “Please, climb in.”

  Christina paused suddenly in surprise, looking back at him. “I thought we were to stroll to the bookshop?”

  “You need not be afraid,” he replied, looking a little affronted. “I will not kidnap you or do anything untoward. This, however, cannot be spoken aloud, for fear that someone will overhear us. My friend, Lord Hudson, is within in order to confirm what it is I am to tell you.”

  Christina took a deep breath, set her shoulders, and made straight for the carriage, attempting to push her worry away. She nodded to her maid to wait atop for her. As Christina approached, she saw a gentleman lean out of the carriage door, a smile on his open, friendly face.

  “And this must be Lady Christina,” he exclaimed, stepping out of the carriage altogether. “It is my very great honor to meet you, my dear. Do come inside. Viscount Hudson at your service.”

  To her surprise, Christina liked the man at once. He was everything Lord Ravenhall was not. He was cleanly shaven with silky blond hair, wore a wide, welcoming smile, and looked at her with bright green eyes that made her feel truly at home with him. Without hesitation, she accepted his hand, smiled in return, and climbed inside.

  9

  Daniel couldn’t help but feel relieved that Lady Christina had accepted his offer to enter the carriage, glad that Hudson had been so willing to aid him in this task. While the entire garden ordeal had been a complete and utter disaster, he had been glad she now allowed him the opportunity to explain himself.

  Heat crept up his neck as he reflected on what he’d done thus far, fully aware of just how badly he’d lost his head when he’d seen Lord Northcliffe last evening. He could explain the situation, but he had still made the choice to act as he did. Daniel rapped on the roof of the carriage to tell his driver to move.

  “Lady Christina,” he began, sitting down next to Lord Hudson, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees. “The man you saw me with last night, the man I…”

  “Attacked,” Lady Christina said, crisply, her gray eyes fixed on his.


  He cleared his throat, ignoring Hudson’s grin at her forwardness.

  “Yes, the one I attacked. His name is Lord Northcliffe, and he killed the woman I loved.”

  Lady Christina’s face went white as he spoke, her hands clasping the sides of the seat.

  “I was with Lord Ravenhall at the time, Lady Christina, and saw his reaction to Miss Churston’s death,” Hudson added, quietly. “I saw everything, except for the man who did it.”

  “Lord Northcliffe,” Daniel continued, his voice growing hoarse as the memories assailed him once more. “He was Laura’s former gentleman — they had been courting for some time but she, I believe, broke off the attachment. He was enraged and continued to try and persuade her to allow their engagement to proceed, but she had met me.” He swallowed hard, his head dropping so that he did not have to look into Lady Christina’s wide eyes.

  “Lord Northcliffe knew I intended to propose, for the news had gone all around White’s by then. Laura came to my townhouse with her maid so that I might accompany her to a ball, where we would make the official announcement. However, I had been called away by an urgent message that stated my mother was desperately ill so I told my butler to set Laura in the drawing room until I returned — or until Lord Hudson arrived as he was to accompany us for propriety’s sake.”

  Closing his eyes, Daniel dragged in a shaking breath, rubbing his temples as though he could push away the memories. “When I realized that my mother was in full health and that the note had only been to take me away from my home, I returned there as quickly as I could, only to discover Laura lying in the threshold, blood pooling around her head.” At Lady Christina’s gasp, he glanced up to see her hands at her mouth. Hudson looked at him with some consternation, but Daniel needed her to understand the truth of what had happened, why he felt so strongly, and why he had done what he had. He shook his head, determined to get the last few words out. “She had been bludgeoned. She died.”

  There came a few moments of complete silence. Daniel forced himself to remain calm, to focus on his breathing so that his memories could not take hold. Most likely he would have nightmares this evening, but for now, he simply needed to keep his anger at bay.

  “The butler was certain it was Lord Northcliffe,” Hudson said as Daniel sat up straighter, forcing himself to look at Lady Christina. “But the authorities could not arrest a gentleman — a viscount at that — on what one dazed butler said, even though it makes sense to believe it was him.”

  “My goodness,” Lady Christina whispered, her hands dropping to her lap. “I am so sorry, Lord Ravenhall. I had no idea.”

  “No,” Daniel replied heavily. “How could you?”

  She tilted her head and studied him then, and Daniel was struck, just as he had been last evening, by just how intense her eyes were. They were an unusual shade of gray with just a touch of blue behind them, but there was compassion woven into her gaze. While he knew none would ever describe her as a great beauty, there was a gentle grace about her that drew him in.

  Not that he could ever feel anything more than friendship with a woman, not after Laura.

  “And can I ask why you are interested in marrying me, Lord Ravenhall?” Lady Christina asked, softly. “It appears as though you are still caught up in a swirl of emotions over your former love and Lord Northcliffe.”

  Daniel swallowed the ache in his throat and tried his best to explain, choosing not to keep anything back from her. He had entirely forgotten about Hudson’s presence and instead spoke directly to her.

  “Because I have no choice. My father, the duke, is unaware as to how I spend my time. As far as he is concerned, I have become a bit of a social recluse, and I suppose that is true.” He spread his hands, shrugging. “I want justice, Lady Christina. I want justice for Laura and for those who cannot speak for themselves. Therefore, I allow Lord Hudson and others to go about London and help those in need. On occasion, I come to town to … involve myself when and where I must, but for the most part, I remain at home, ensuring that my estate and my tenants are all well looked after.”

  Lady Christina frowned, and for a moment, Daniel wondered if she was about to exclaim over just how ungentlemanly it was to involve oneself with those in the lower classes, but to his surprise, she did not.

  “And might I ask why this requires you to be married?” she asked, slowly. “Can you not continue with this work without a wife?”

  He shook his head. “My father still has control over my fortune and my accounts. If I do not do as he orders, then the money will disappear entirely until I follow through on his wishes. He wants an heir to the family line.”

  Watching Lady Christina, he noted the way her cheeks reddened, her eyes darting away from him, and for a moment, Daniel caught himself wondering what it would be like to have her in his bed. A prickle of desire climbed through his limbs. He remembered her mouth under his, the passion he had felt hiding within her. What would it be like to explore that further? He pushed away the fleeting thoughts, focusing instead on the practicalities of the situation they found themselves in.

  “Then it appears we are in much the same position,” Lady Christina replied, eventually, her lips curving down as she continued to look away from him. “My father insists I marry my brute of a cousin if I turn away from our engagement, Lord Ravenhall. I had no intention of so easily accepting our match, but it is beginning to appear I have less of a choice than I thought.”

  Anger pooled in his stomach anew, but on her behalf this time. He felt for her in this, as he knew what it was like to have a father force one into such a situation. He looked at her closely, now, studying her. Her mouth was set in a firm line and while she didn’t seem particularly pleased at the prospect of marrying him, she certainly seemed more amenable to it today than she had the night before.

  He sighed. “I cannot promise you a life of gaiety, Lady Christina. I fully intend to return to my country estate, once I have brought about what I have planned for Lord Northcliffe.”

  “And what is that?” Lady Christina asked, her voice void of emotion. “You wish to do to him what he did to your first love?”

  There was no censure in her voice, no horror in her eyes or shudder of her lips as she spoke. Daniel looked at her steadily and, instead, saw something like sympathy, or compassion, emerging into her expression.

  “I suppose that it would be a lie not to admit that,” he said, quietly. “Yes, I do wish for his demise. How that will come about, I am unsure. I do not wish to bring scandal to my family, but Lord Northcliffe must be made to pay for what he did.”

  Lady Christina nodded slowly, and Daniel wanted to reach out and brush back the silky strands of hair that had come loose and floated around her shoulders.

  “I understand your need for revenge, Lord Ravenhall, but I may take issue with the way in which you propose to go about it,” she said, and he sighed. She said she understood, but she couldn’t, not truly. “You say you know Lord Northcliffe to be the culprit, but in truth, it seems you do not with absolute certainty, and if you are fighting for justice, then you must know that you cannot take the life of a man not proven guilty.”

  She fixed him with her gaze and Hudson abruptly sat up straighter in self-satisfaction, as it seemed he and Lady Christina were of like minds on the matter.

  “I must ask you, before you do anything you will regret, to assure yourself that you are correct in your assumptions and,” her voice became much softer now, “please, at least consider approaching this in another way.”

  He looked at her, their gazes meeting, and he gave a short, jerky nod, not wanting to agree but knowing that if this was the only thing she asked of him, he couldn’t refuse her. She surprised him when she broke their gaze and turned to his friend. “Lord Hudson,” she said. “Might you give me a few minutes with Lord Ravenhall?”

  Hudson seemed momentarily surprised, but gifted her with one of his wide, charming smiles, and Lady Christina returned it with a small smile of her own. D
aniel felt the taste of bitterness in his mouth, and he wondered at his reaction. He didn’t care what Christina thought of other men. She was simply a means to an end.

  Daniel waited as his friend left the carriage and then turned toward Lady Christina. What was it she wished to say? Looking back at her, he saw her turn her smile toward him as Lord Hudson closed the door and felt his heart jump within him until he saw the corners of her mouth straighten once more.

  No. He could not feel this. He could not allow himself to feel anything for the lady opposite him. It would be a betrayal of Laura, a forgetting of all that they’d shared. And it would be opening himself up to the possibility of feeling that pain once more, a pain that he refused to ever entertain again. No, no matter what happened, he would remain aloof and distant, never seeking to grow closer to her, pushing her away in turn. His heart would never be given to another again.

  “Lord Ravenhall, may I speak plainly?” Lady Christina asked, sitting back in her seat and pinning him with her direct gaze. “There has been so much happening between us in the last few hours that I am struggling to think clearly, and perhaps it would be better to share what is on my mind.”

  Daniel nodded, a little taken aback at her frankness. This was nothing like Laura, who had been quiet and genteel, never truly giving voice to her thoughts unless he asked her directly.

  “My father is forcing my hand, as is yours,” Lady Christina began, a wry smile on her face that made his lips turn up slightly in response. “Therefore, I suggest that we move forward with our engagement and set a wedding date.”

  Daniel was surprised at her sudden agreement, but nodded all the same. “Yes, it is rather inevitable. I am glad you agree.”