Jason Cosmo

by Dan McGirt

  “Chew a little mulka and you think you’re invincible. Observe.”

  Merc looked up at the demon and a flashing ray of pure white light lanced from his sunshades. Babbadabbas roared with rage as his flesh smoked and burned.

  “He can’t stand the pure light of the sun,” said Merc, launching into another of his crisis lectures. “That’s why he clouded the sky over before appearing. Unfortunately, I just used up the remaining charge on my shades and merely scorched him.”

  “Was that a good idea? He looks angry.”

  “Indeed I am, mortal! You shall suffer for that affront, Mercury Boltblaster!” The demon hefted his burning weapon. “Your little trick has availed you naught! Now feel the sting of my wrath!”

  Babbadabbas swung his flaming scythe downward, tracing a blazing arc through the air.

  * * *

  9

  We all dove from our saddles and hit the ground as the demon’s weapon sliced through the space we had just occupied. The four horses fainted from sheer terror, then shuddered and died. Laughing, Babbadabbas alighted in our midst. He scooped up Rubis with his huge free hand, holding her aloft like a squirming doll. She screamed and beat at his hand, but was unable to break his grip.

  “This is grand sport!” boomed the demon, stamping at me with his foot. I leaped out of the way, almost hitting the wall of deadly demon fire.

  “The game is over,” said Merc, standing defiantly before the looming creature from the Deepest Pit.

  “Indeed it is!” agreed Babbadabbas. “You are mine!”

  “I don’t think you understand,” said Merc. He raised his hands. A sudden powerful updraft sucked the air from our immediate area into the sky, punching through the supernatural cloud cover and letting the bright morning sun shine full upon us.

  “Nooooooooo!” screamed Babbadabbas as his flesh sizzled and his body rapidly shrank. He dropped Rubis when he reached normal human size and continued to shrink until he vanished from sight at our feet.

  I stood with my sword at ready and a dumbfounded look on my face. “That was certainly easy. What were you so worried about?”

  “We were lucky,” said Mercury. “Had he caught us during the night, the encounter would have gone quite differently, but this particular demon was vulnerable to sunlight. The Lords of Hell made a tactical error, one they won’t repeat. But we’ll be in Raelna before they can attack again. I—get down!” Merc knocked Rubis to the ground. I did the same to Sapphrina, landing atop her.

  A stinking green cloud exploded into being above us. It dissipated to reveal twenty disembodied human eyes floating in the air. They were all looking down at us.

  “Damn!” said Mercury. He stood and pointed his index fingers at the eyes, projecting narrow streams of fire. The eyes scattered in all directions, darting to avoid the flames. Merc was unable to hit any of them, but did ignite most of the trees and shrubs in the vicinity.

  “I thought you were just saying the Demon Lords wouldn’t attack again before—”

  “Do you know what those are?” demanded Merc, still firing.

  “Flying eyeballs?”

  “Wizards call them prying eyes. They’re the eyes of dead murderers, animated by necromancers and used for surveillance by the Society. We’ve switched one watcher for another.”

  “The Xornite?”

  “The Xornite. He can track our every move until we get rid of those things, which won’t be easy.”

  “Wonderful. Can you make us all fireproof?”

  “No.”

  “Then let’s get away from here before we’re toasted.”

  Merc revived the dead horses, which were now animated solely by his sorcery, and we were quickly on our way, the eyes floating in our wake. The border was only another five miles, but by the time we reached it my head felt like a pulsing brick, my mouth like it was full of gritty sand and ashes, and my limbs like they were made of lead. The mulka had worn off and I was on the verge of collapse. The twins were in same condition, red-eyed and flirting with the ragged edge of unconsciousness. Our horses stumbled along with drooping heads and dull eyes. Merc seemed to be no worse for the night’s wild ride.

  The border was indicated by stone marker posts placed at twenty foot intervals along the length of the frontier. Each nation constantly sought to expand by moving posts a few yards into the territory of the other. Though both kingdoms maintained regular patrols to prevent such encroachments, the border was quite irregular and organic, bulging north and south for miles like the trail of a giant serpent.

  The road ahead was blocked off with wooden sawhorses and our way barred by a pair of Brythalian regulars in brown tunics. A foot patrol of ten or so soldiers walked the line west of the road, paralleled on the other side by a like number of Raelnan troops in red uniforms. We slowed to an easy trot as the guards looked curiously in our direction.

  Well they might. In addition to our drugged looks, I was bare-chested, unshaven, and caked with blood and grime. Rubis was unsuccessfully trying to hold her torn garment in place with one hand, and finally gave up, giving the leering soldier an eyeful of her magnificent chest. Sapphrina was still crusted with pond mud. Only Merc looked civilized, in a magically immaculate red cloak and purple tunic. Behind us loomed a billowing column of smoke from the forest fire he had set and twenty dead eyes hovered in the air above us, watching everything.

  “They’ll ask for our permits,” said Merc softly. “We don’t have any, so let me do the talking.”

  “Fine by me,” I said with a shrug, though it came out as “Fume b’muf.” My tongue suddenly felt too big for my mouth.

  “Do you think you could sway in the saddle? Try to look beat up.”

  “Ner prob’m.”

  The guards crossed their spears as we drew near.

  “State your name and purpose,” demanded one.

  “Thank the heavens we’ve reached you!” said Merc loudly. “I am Mercutio Blasterbolt, agent of Baron Tieced of Troth. We were beset by bandits just a few miles back.” He nodded at me. “Thanks to my valiant man Burlo we escaped, but he sustained serious injuries.”

  I slumped to the left, almost falling from the saddle, and gave a groan of agony. “R wen sif, massr?” I said.

  Merc grasped my arm and pulled me back up. “Yes, dear Burlo. We have reached the border and the king’s brave soldiers. The baron’s daughters are safe.”

  The foot patrol hurried up to the road and its leader stepped forward. The Raelnan patrol meanwhile gathered on the other side of the barricade to watch.

  “I’m Captain Volf,” said the leader. “What’s going on here?”

  Merc gave him a haughty look. “Captain, I demand you apprehend the bandits who attacked us just now. It is unthinkable that the agent and daughters of Baron Tieced of Troth be molested by such ruffians.”

  “Bandits, you say? How many?”

  “Fully half a dozen. They leaped from a ditch and ambushed us. Why, if not for brave Burlo here, who knows what they might have done to the baron’s daughters?”

  Sapphrina and Rubis sighed on cue. Captain Volf looked doubtful.

  “Baron Tieced of Troth? Never heard of him.”

  “Well, of course not. This is western Brythalia and he has a minor holding in the far reaches of eastern Brythalia.”

  “So what are you doing here?”

  “Are you going after them or not?” demanded Merc. “The scoundrels are getting away!”

  “Answer my question,” said the captain.

  “I am escorting the girls to visit their maternal grandmother in Raelna, not that it need concern you.”

  “So. You wish to cross the border. Do you have permits?”

  “No, we lost them in the struggle.”

  “I thought as much.” His men fanned out and lowered their spears. “What’s the real story?”

  “What are you talking about?” said Merc.

  “Do you have any idea how many times a week someone comes through here claiming to be the
agent of a minor lord in eastern Brythalia who has lost his permit in a struggle with bandits?”

  “Rather frequently, I gather.”

  “Quite. You’re no Brythalian and neither are those girls. Now get down from those horses—you’re all under arrest.”

  “Very good, Captain Volf,” said Mercury. “I commend you for seeing through our cover story. I must trust you with the truth.”

  “Let me guess. You’re traveling incognito on a secret mission for the king.”

  “How did you know?”

  “Get off the horses. Now.”

  “Would you like to hear about the floating eyeballs?”

  Volf glanced up at the prying eyes, as if noticing them for the first time. He frowned. “They are beside the point.”

  Merc sighed. “The truth of it is that I am the wizard Mercury Boltblaster, these girls are the daughters of a Zastrian merchant, and this fellow is Jason Cosmo. We were just attacked by a demon and urgently need to get to Rae City.” He paused, then added, “The fate of the world may be at stake.”

  Captain Volf laughed. Evidently word of my progress across Brythalia had not yet reached this isolated checkpoint. “Now that’s creative! Nonetheless, you lack permits and you are under arrest.”

  “I think not.”

  As soon as Mercury had announced his true name, the Raelnan troops perked up. Now they knocked the barricades aside and charged the Brythalian contingent from behind. At the same time, we urged our horses through the fray and across the border. Once we were over, the Raelnans broke off the fight and withdrew to their own side as well. Eight Brythalians lay dead and the survivors awaited Captain Volf’s command to counterattack.

  He raised his sword, then reconsidered and sheathed it. “No need for further bloodshed,” he said. “I will report this incident and a formal diplomatic complaint will be lodged. This will make an excellent pretext for this year’s invasion. I might even get a promotion. But if you ever return to Brythalia, you are mine.”

  The soldiers escorted us to their camp just over a low rise, where roughly a hundred troops were stationed. I understood Captain Volf’s decision to drop the incident. What I didn’t understand was the camp commander’s deferential attitude toward Mercury. A balding, paunchy colonel with a chest full of ribbons, he saluted the wizard smartly as he emerged from his tent.

  “Welcome back to Raelna, Lord Mercury. Colonel Nathaniel Brimcottar at your service.”

  Mercury returned the salute. “At ease, colonel. My companions need medical attention, baths, a hot meal, and fresh clothing before we say anything more. Also post archers to shoot down some of these eyes.”

  “At once, my lord.”

  That was the last thing I heard before blacking out and falling from the saddle.

  I awoke lying on a cot in a spacious canvas tent, Merc seated on a camp stool beside me. I felt well rested but stiff and very hungry.

  “How long was I out?”

  “Three days,” said Merc.

  “Three days!”

  “You were lucky. Some people never recover from a mulka coma, but you seem to have more stamina than a horse.”

  “And Sapphrina? Rubis?”

  “Fine. They’re sleeping now, but it’s normal sleep. Their comas were even milder than yours. Nonetheless you all gave us some nervous moments. Fortunately, Raelnan army healers are the best in the world. We’ve been transporting you by wagon, but now that you’re awake you can ride again. The exercise will aid your recovery.”

  “Breakfast would aid my recovery more.”

  “Dinner, you mean. It will be here momentarily. We’ve made camp for the night. Colonel Brimcottar has kindly given us a twenty-man escort to Rae City, including some damn fine archers. They’ve already brought down half the prying eyes.”

  “No attacks by Isogoras?”

  “He hasn’t worked up the nerve yet. He’s probably waiting for Natalia to return and do his dirty work. Hopefully she’s been sucked down a slime pit in the Great Mucky Swamp.” He shrugged. “Now that you’re awake we can leave the wagons behind and reach Rae City in two more days.”

  “Fine. Tell me, what is this ‘Lord Mercury’ business? Are you an aristocrat?”

  “Hardly. It’s an honorary title, but it does have its advantages. Ah! Here is your supper.”

  ***

  The two day ride to Rae City was the most pleasant part of our travels thus far. Raelna was a prosperous agricultural nation, blessed with fair weather and fertile soil. Colorful flowers and clover-filled pastures lined its well-tended roadways.

  Mercury told me something of the history and nature of Raelna as we rode. A thousand years ago, just after the fall of the Empire of Fear, the sun goddess Rae transformed what was then a wasteland into a beautiful and bountiful kingdom, which she gave to her son, Blaze Shurben, and his followers. Blaze founded Rae City in honor of his mother and established a kingdom devoted to justice, mercy, and goodness. Though the high moral standards of the kingdom and its rulers had slipped somewhat in the following millennium, Rae was still considered the patron goddess of the kingdom.

  Raelna’s current ruler, Queen Raella, was attempting to restore the kingdom to its previous glory. She had instituted a program of controversial liberal reforms: giving land to the peasants, outlawing slavery, banning torture, ending imprisonment for debt, and other such radical notions. Needless to say, she was much loved by the common folk, though unpopular with the noble class. I sensed there was more to the story than that, but didn’t press it.

  As we drew nearer to Rae City, Merc shifted his clothing to pure black and his mood became as dark as his cloak. I didn’t understand why. The Raelnan capital was awe-inspiring, a circular cluster of low, colorful towers on the kingdom’s central plain. Its terraced buildings shone red, blue, purple, and gold in the sunlight. The city was fifty times larger than Offal and infinitely more appealing.

  We passed unchallenged through one of seven city gates and proceeded directly through clean streets to the Solar Palace, the seat of royal power. Dominating the city, it was a mountain of gold-streaked white stone, vast expanses of glass, and numerous mirrors and prisms that sprayed sunlight across the city in intricate rainbow patterns.

  We left our horses in the stables and a detachment of guards in formal uniforms escorted us through the lower levels of the palace. We left the last of the prying eyes behind—outside. According to Mercury the protective wards surrounding the palace kept them at bay.

  The guards turned us over to a mob of servants who whisked each of us into a separate chamber. The servants bathed, powdered, and perfumed me, then dressed me in hose, knickers, doublet, and waistcoat. Amazingly, everything was a perfect fit. When I rejoined the others, I saw the same to be true of the elegant silk gowns Sapphrina and Rubis wore. Mercury had retained his usual attire, though it had taken on a more formal look. Clothing magic was indeed an advanced art in this kingdom.

  The palace guards took custody of us once more and brought us quickly to the throne room. A chorus of bells, chimes, and horns announced our arrival as the great silver doors swung open and we entered a rainbow wonderland.

  The spacious chamber was a series of terraces connected by wide and carpeted steps. Bright and fragrant flowers surrounded hundreds of colored fountains, pools, and waterfalls. Prisms hanging from the glass dome ceiling cast slowly moving slivers of color across everything in the room. Parrots flew about freely, some even perching on the heads and shoulders of the courtiers. I noticed the men were dressed as I was, and I hoped I didn’t look as ludicrous as they did.

  The central feature of the room was the throne itself. Carved from a single huge crystal, it glittered like a resting star atop a high dais. There sat the queen, looking small and distant amid the splendor.

  As the music died, two heralds spoke in unison. “Her Most Enchanting Majesty, Raella Shurbenholt, Queen of Raelna, Princess of the Silver Sands, and Daughter of the Sun welcomes the Lord Mercury Boltblaster and his comp
anions!”

  I felt I ought to bow or otherwise acknowledge the welcome, but Merc was briskly surmounting the steps to the queen, so the girls and I followed.

  The queen seemed much more majestic up close than she did from below. Wearing a simple black gown—a stark contrast to all the color surrounding her—she was short, with a delicate, girlish figure. Her features were fine and pale, combining the fresh vitality of youth with an elfin quality of otherness and haunting beauty. The lightness of her skin suggested she didn’t spend much time in this sunny throne chamber. Her reddish-blond hair hung loose about her shoulders and she wore no crown. Indeed, she wore no jewelry at all save a shimmering diamond necklace, which was enough. But her most compelling feature was her eyes. Blue and mysterious, ancient and wise, they belied her youth. They were the timeless eyes of a goddess and they were firmly fixed on Mercury Boltblaster.

  I looked to the wizard and understood much. On these two faces were written a tale of frustrated love and unguessed pain. Mercury’s voice cracked slightly as he said softly, “Greetings to you, my queen.”

  A tear rolled down Raella’s cheek and they gazed deeply into each other’s eyes for a long moment while the rest of us shuffled awkwardly. Finally, the queen spoke with self-mocking regality, asking, “What brings you back to my kingdom, dear sir?”

  “I need your help in reading this gentleman’s aura.”

  “Your aura specialist is the queen?” I blurted.

  “Indeed, sir,” said Raella sweetly, sparing me a fleeting glance before returning her gaze to Mercury. “What is the trouble?”

  “You’ll have to see for yourself,” said Merc. He paused and smiled. “If it’s what I suspect, we’ve got a huge problem. You see, this is Jason Cosmo.”

  “Is he indeed?” This time the queen looked me over long and well.

  “I am, Your Majesty,” I admitted awkwardly.

  “Then the full resources of my kingdom are at your disposal,” said Queen Raella. I would have taken that for a ritual expression of hospitality were it not for the expression of utter shock on Mercury’s face.