The Fallen One

by Lexy Wolfe

  Her voice was cold and cutting. "We came here to find the Githalin Swordanzen, not for help in finding them. We chose to await their return instead of continuing to try to seek them out. The gypsies had offered their aid in finding the Githalin. We will seek them out and accept their offer. Etaio said all the clans are willing to help us. You need not worry about us endangering your people. We will no longer disrupt your precious, nonsensical routines here."

  "You aren't disrupting anything!" He could feel the penetrating gaze when she turned to stare at him. "Well, okay, you are. But it is nothing to leave over. We enjoy your disruption!" He took two steps towards Kiya's drizzen, trying to grab its head harness. When the Swordanzen nearest to him started to swing her sword at Nolyn, the mage spoke a few short words, raising his hand. The blade jarringly struck a barrier against his palm. "This matter is between Su'alin Kiya and me," he growled darkly. "Do not interfere."

  All four Swordanzen regarded Nolyn for several heartbeats before they sheathed their weapons in unison and backed their drizzen a respectable distance away from the pair. If not for the distress he felt about Kiya leaving, he would have been amazed he was able to back four full Swordanzen down. He held the harness of her mount, the beast going statue still obediently.

  Taking a deep breath, he kept his voice as even as possible. "Look, I don’t know how the hell I insulted you. I had no idea that you were even upset at all until now because the lot of you hide yourselves away from everyone most of the time! Regardless of what happened, I don't want you to leave!" When she remained unmoved and silent, he scowled. Thumping the shoulder of her drizzen and speaking one of the few words he knew in Desanti, the animal lowered itself to the ground.

  Nolyn pulled Kiya to her feet by her wrist, then grabbed her upper arms, straining to meet her eyes through the heavier veil. "Would you at least tell me what it was I did wrong? Give me a chance to make amends!" Still, she said nothing. Shaking with anger, he snapped, "Would you look at me?!" Jerking her veil to toss over the back of her head, his anger drained when he saw a tear trail on her cheek. He rubbed her cheek with his thumb in a gentle caress. "You are crying? Kiya, why...?"

  "You did nothing wrong," she stated without inflection. "Bennu Avarian was reluctant to explain your mating rituals because he does not like Edai Magus Etpina. He thinks..." He stared when her cheeks darkened with embarrassment. "It matters not. I see now Edai Magus Eptina is a better mate for you. But my being here disrupts your chance for happiness and causes you distress. I wish … I wish only happiness for you."

  "'Mating rituals'?" he echoed in bewilderment. "What are you...?" Unbidden, the image of him and Etpina kissing came to mind, the shadowed form of Kiya clearly seen in the archway behind them. Not certain how he knew it was Bennu he sensed, or that he was the one giving him the vision, he recognized the dead mage's exasperation even in death. Nolyn suddenly understood what happened. "Gods, must it get more complicated?"

  He took her hand. "We need to talk." A glance towards the Swordanzen, he added, "Privately." The four Swordanzen dismounted, leading their mounts back towards the stables. Even Kiya's rose unbidden and followed the other four. Keeping her hand firmly in his, he guided her to a clearing a short distance away.

  Before he could utter a sound, she began speaking. The hurt in her voice made his heart ache. "I did not leave Desantiva only to find our Githalin Swordanzen. The spirits in Desantiva had bid me to seek out the star-warrior. They did not tell me why, just that I must find him. Find you. When I found you, you met my eyes without fear. I thought... I thought it was because you were ignorant of what it means to be Su'alin. But when you understood, you did not... you did not turn away."

  "Why would I?" Nolyn asked. "I have nothing to hide from you."

  "But you have been alone for so long. You explained your people mate for life. I let my own wants cloud my vision. The ache that drove me so like your own. The pain of being… of being alone. I started allowing myself to believe they wanted us to find one another. To-to be together.

  "But then I saw you with... with Edai Magus Eptina... I realized that she was a good match for you. A better match than a hated savage. She is beautiful despite her sickly pallor. She is your equal in your clans' social hierarchy. And she is one of your own people. It is not right for me to stand in the way of your happiness," Kiya whispered, her eyes tightly shut. "You have the chance to-to be not alone. To find belonging."

  "Kiya," he began, but she continued after taking a shuddering breath.

  "You deserve peace. Love. I let myself hope you wanted it with me, but… you do not. And it hurts," she whispered harshly. "It hurts so much more than when I lost my only child. It hurts too much for me to stay so near to you, knowing we will never—"

  "How did my life suddenly become so complicated?" Nolyn asked the sky. Kiya looked up, her puzzlement over his Forentan words obvious. He quickly switched back to trade common. "Did Master Etpina say something to you?"

  "She does not have to say anything." Kiya raised true gold eyes up to meet his. "Nor do you. Being able to see the truth of the soul is the sword of the Su'alin in the waking world."

  "Truth?" He could not repress his bewilderment. "What truth are you talking about?"

  Kiya shrugged, lowering her eyes. "You don't want to be alone anymore." He flinched, her words striking a nerve. He could not meet her eyes when she put her hand over his heart. "It is not anything to be ashamed of. Even Swordanzen can endure separation from the tribes only for so long before they must lay down their swords and regain a bayuli-volsha bond." She added in a small voice, "Or die."

  Nolyn blinked, looking at his right palm. "You die when you have no bonds to anyone?"

  She nodded, her voice pitched for his ears alone. "It is our blessing and our curse. We dedicate our lives to learning how to take life to survive. The bond drives us to protect life as well, to protect each other and the land. Your people may not require the bonds that we must have, but you are still human. Community is a part of all of us. You cannot remain alone forever."

  Nolyn coughed a bit, feeling his face warm. "I did not realize how... much you could see."

  "The bayuli-volsha serves us well to protect those we choose, but..." She closed her eyes, turning her face away. "The ability to see the truth of the heart sets us Su'alin apart, even among our own tribe. They fear what we can see. There are few secrets from us. Our eyes turn gold when we focus. The color forever reminds those who know what it means, of what we are able to know."

  "That is why you wear a veil," Nolyn murmured in a flash of clarity. "To hide your eyes because people are afraid of you. But I'm not afraid." He cupped her cheek, turning her face back towards himself. "Look at me, Kiya," he murmured. He waited until she opened her eyes, meeting her eerie gaze without flinching. "Gods, you are so beautiful."

  "No. Our people are enemies to each other. It has been the pattern for our peoples since before the Great War." She shook her head, trying to pull her hand from his. "It is not right. Just because you are the only one who does not harbor fear in your heart when I look at you, it was foolish of me to allow myself to feel any affection towards you. I forgot my purpose for being here. To find the Githalin and bring them home. My duty is to my people, to Desantiva. I know now the spirits wanted me to find you to free you from the su'dinnais. Nothing more. My desires are not important."

  "Your people hold yourselves to such rigid rules. Clinging to unchanging patterns to hold your society together and preserve your culture until the land can heal. So rigid, the slightest jarring could shatter it like glass," Nolyn said, shaking his head. "How could I not see how fragile your world is?"

  "Because we do not allow our weaknesses to be seen," she replied, hugging herself as she turned her back on him, shoulders shaking. "Have you any idea what would happen if outlanders discovered how easy it would be to destroy us? Desantiva has bled since Forenta attacked. No matter how we try, nothing has changed for us."

  "Would you reconsider leav
ing if I told you that your Githalin started forging new patterns?" he asked.

  "Out here, I am sure they have had to discover patterns to deal with outlanders," Kiya stated dismissively. "It changes nothing."

  "It changes everything." He watched her as he stated with purpose and care, "Githalin Swordanzen Storm il'Thandar is lifemate to my brother Illaini Magus Ash Avarian."

  Kiya froze, turning to stare at Nolyn with bright gold eyes. He returned her gaze without blinking. "You are not making a joke or lying..." She blinked, the gold in her eyes fading to tawny brown. "But... how is that possible? She is Githalin Swordanzen!"

  "I imagine that mastery was intended to be the same for your people as for ours, but your hardships have made you forget." Nolyn considered his words a moment, not wanting to distress the slight woman who appeared to be having trouble accepting the possibility. "Here, masters are not restricted to the rules of society. Laws are not unyielding, but guides to help keep things orderly and prevent everything from being overwhelmed by chaos. Masters learn the rules, but it is for them to discover the changes in the world and determine if the rules no longer meet the needs they were created for. They lead their people by example." He watched her, concern flickering in his eyes at her reaction.

  Hands on her temples, Kiya paced in small circles. "But... Storm il'Thandar is the ideal of what all Desanti should be. Strong. Loyal to the wishes of our god. Fiercely protective of the people and the land. She has sacrificed so much of herself for all of us. That is why she was chosen to be the first Githalin in a generation. To become lifemate to a defi— to a mage?" Kiya shook her head. "I cannot believe she would subjugate herself to a treewalker."

  Nolyn suppressed a smile. "Trust me, there is no subjugation on either side of their relationship. They've come close to killing each other a few times during their... discussions. Believe me, I've been present to witness it. Storm is a very willful, stubborn woman with the shortest, hottest temper I have ever seen. Ash needs a strong woman because while he does not show his temper often, he is her equal in willful stubbornness. I doubt there is another woman alive who can match the force of nature that is Storm. He needs her to keep him grounded. Give him balance. Ash would trample a weaker soul without meaning to."

  "A force of nature. Yes. That sounds like Storm il'Thandar," Kiya stated, relaxing some, though her expression remained troubled. "Regardless. We are not them. I do not want to deprive you of—"

  "You are not depriving me of anything, Kiya. I have made no decisions on what I want in my personal life regarding... mates."

  Kiya looked at him, eyes narrowed. "Then what is this woman to you? Do you even know? You confuse me, Nolyn Lirai. You despise her but have fondness for her. You are both attracted to and repelled by her. In Desantiva, there is no need for love between mates. Why do you not choose this Master Eptina?"

  Nolyn rolled his eyes in exasperation. "Kiya, even if I did want Eptina as my — mate, which I do not — there are reasons that she is completely unsuitable for me."

  "Why? She is fertile. Not unpleasant to look at. Strong in your people's arts. You would make strong children together." She observed, her tones matter-of-fact, "And she is very willing to breed with you. I could see that, too. She doesn't hide it."

  The man blinked several times, coughing briefly. "Ah. Yes. Well. For one, we are both Edai Magi. We need to remain objective towards each other because it is difficult to be objective to matters you are too close to."

  Thoughtful for a moment, Kiya shrugged. "Mating does not require a bond of the heart."

  Nolyn stared at her for a moment, feeling his face flush at the implication. "Well, no, marriages do not require caring for each other but… Um, see, the noble houses are much as your tribes have been described to me. The bonds to one another, the working together for the family's common goals. Except that, ah, mating for strength has become secondary to other considerations. Like influence and money and social hierarchy. Eptina's family is considered higher than mine. By tradition, I would have to leave my family for hers."

  Kiya frowned, thoughtful. "But if you became part of that tribe… that family, you could challenge the leader to become chieftain. You are a strong mage. Your goddess would not have chosen you otherwise," she stated with certainty.

  "It... doesn't work like that here. We are not warriors as your people are. We do not decide things through combat. Each family has their own way of deciding who leads. I would be inferior as a lower member of the house and the Dyndrai head of house would try to control me because… he is just that way.

  "If Eptina were not the lowest member of the Edai Tredecima, no doubt he would try to wield more influence over the council than he should. Right now, I am the highest member next to the Se'edai Magus. Not that I would allow Kerburn to influence me. However, I'd be distracted, always having to watch my back, checking for poisoned food or assassins on the road between settlements. The man does not fight with honor."

  When she remained silent, eyes downcast, Nolyn crossed his arms. "I did not attend many of the cultural classes that Skyfire had, but I remember some of what he spoke about on your people's personal relationships." He reached out to caress her cheek. "You harbor such loneliness." He tilted his head. "Haven't you ever just had… a friend?"

  "Who wasn't a sibling or a spirit?" Kiya shook her head, looking away. "They could see my strength as Su'alin early in my life, so many kept their distance from me. My season mate was willing to be with me, but even he would not meet my eyes. And then I became a full Su'alin. I could demand for someone to breed with me, but… that is not what I want. I do not want to be feared."

  "Then the men of your people are cowards or fools," Nolyn stated flatly. When she looked up at him in surprise, he brushed the backs of his fingers along her cheek. "Your eyes are almost as beautiful as you are."

  She smiled sadly. "Beauty means nothing to my people. Strength does. Breeding does. I have been a Named adult for five years, and I should have had no less than three children by now to keep the tribe strong. I had birthed only one, and that one did not even survive. When my father formally named a full Su'alin, they did not simply fear me, they shunned me because… because yes, the men outside of the na'Citali are cowards! And my blood is too close to my tribe to seek a mate from within." She turned away, hugging herself. "Only my siblings could bear my company. Only two brothers still live, and only Seeker is here. But Seeker is not Su'alin. He knows what I endure in his mind, but he does not know in his heart."

  Nolyn turned Kiya to face him, his fingers cupping her chin gently. "I consider you a friend, Kiya. I enjoy your company, and I enjoy learning more about your people, about the path you follow, and about you. And I would be lying if I had not entertained ideas of... more between us." He cupped her cheek. "I know that your people are more… casual about sex. It is not as casual to us. Not when the person means something to us."

  Kiya closed her eyes, rubbing her cheek against his hand. "Your people do not even touch each other much," she murmured. "For you, just this much is intimate." Covering his hand with hers, she looked up at him. "Th'yala are mates of the heart who never share children. If you wished to just be th'yala—"

  He shook his head. "I want you to be mine, Kiya na'Citali. From the moment I first saw you, I knew… we belonged together." He let his hand fall away with a heavy sigh. "But it would be foolish to dismiss the differences between our peoples. And there is your quest to find the Githalin Swordanzen and my place as Edai Magus. One day, you will leave and I… I will have to stay."

  "I should not... stay here with you. I distract you from your duty to your people."

  "Kiya. Please." He touched her cheek, turning her eyes up to meet his. "Please stay. I... I need you. I do not… have many friends among my own people. People I trust to share anything with. I have always been something of an outsider. And you are right. I don't want to be alone anymore. I want you here with me. For as long as Fate allows us." He watched her face as she looked to the
side, her expression of one listening to someone speaking. "What is Bennu saying?" he asked quietly.

  Looking up in surprise at his quiet acceptance of the spirit world and her communion with it, Kiya smiled shyly. "Grandfather says I have to stay because you need me to keep you sane from court fluff." She looked confused. "What does this word mean? Fluff? It sounds dangerous. Will you protect me from it, too?"

  He blinked. After a moment he laughed loudly, pulling Kiya into a fierce embrace. Confused, Kiya simply returned the embrace, closing her eyes as they held each other.

  Chapter 53

  Pacing in front of the bench the Unsvet sat on, Tobias gestured aimlessly as he protested. "I am not Guardian potential. I'm just a healer! Not even a master! How am I supposed to learn anything like what Guardians know how to do?"

  "You have already tapped into temporal energies while healing, albeit unconsciously. The ability is already there." Annoyed with Tobias's vehement denials, Valerian kept his demeanor calm and patient. "You need to learn how to manipulate temporal energies if you are going to tap into them with your healing. I doubt your feat with saving Nolyn's life is going to happen just once. Untrained talent is dangerous, and it is worse if you cannot tap into it reliably."

  "If I do not even know what I did, how can I repeat it?" Tobias crossed his arms, defiant. "When you came to the temple, you said you needed a healer, not a Guardian Adept. I can't do this scrying thing you keep trying to get me to do. What makes you think that I can do anything else?" Valerian sighed gustily, pinching the bridge of his nose for a long moment in exasperation. Both startled when Kiya's quiet voice broke into the silence.

  "Because reaching into time marks you, Journeyman Tobias." Kiya's steps were slow and purposeful as she exited the house. She wore leathers nearly the same hue as her skin decorated with elaborate beading of polished bone, precious metals and gems. She lifted her ninon veil to regard him. "You have a gift to be able to sense pain in others. I know because you have always been drawn to the Swordanzen training circle, waiting for them to allow you to heal them. Wanting so very much to mend their training injuries."