by Lexy Wolfe
The Trisari smiled. "Of course it is. All journals here are alive, born of the hand of their authors. Some are alive from the power of the author's mind." He tapped the cover of the book lightly. "Some, like this one, are alive from the power of the author's heart."
"I will… I will take good care of it. Her?" Ana looked up, her earnestness to not insult the book apparent.
Endarian chuckled at the unspoken question in her eyes. "It. It is a book, more than an average book, but still a book." Ana nodded, hugging the book tight.
"Trisari Endarian, I do not remember seeing anything on the map of Andar about anywhere called Avarian's Heart," Marcus observed.
Endarian turned to go back to the lower level. He paused at Marcus's question. "That is because it will not allow itself to be found. Unless it chooses to let you find it. I have lived within Andar for fifteen centuries, and I saw it only once because I happened to follow Danik that night." He closed his eyes, clenching his fists as he turned away. "I must rest. I have overextended myself." Marcus jumped to help the Trisari, Tobias lending support on his other side, Ana hovering near the three while hugging the book fiercely tight.
Chapter 80
With only his mount for company, Seeker prowled the abandoned Forentan city. Behind him, his drizzen snorted, baring its teeth while he crouched to examine tracks. "Yes, I can sense it, too. Something of our sacred enemy has come to this land." He looked towards the overcast sky. "Though the dinnais are not enemy only to the Desanti, though, are they, Anibu?"
They never had been, Anibu replied in a whisper in the man's mind. They have many names among the many factions. Temporal shifters. Darklings. Dinnais. But where mortals and immortals had worked as allies to maintain the balance in Desantiva's land, and given near immortality in the Timeless One's territories, they were betrayed in Forenta's land and had nearly fallen.
Seeker scowled. "Betrayed? By whom? Is the enemy mortal? Immortal?" He stood up, hand falling to the hilt of his two-edged blade. "The great balance must be protected. If warriors cannot die, neither can mages, even if we have been enemies to each other for longer than any of us can remember."
Anibu's amusement rippled through his bond to Seeker. It is never so simple with the mageborn. If they cannot find complications, they create them. Simplicity appears abhorrent to them. He became more serious. There is a darker enemy lurking. An enemy to all. We Totani hunt it, but it eludes us.
After the First Sundering, we each kept to our own territories. Totani and our lord's mortal children challenged the land to hone their bodies and focus. But here in the northlands, without the warriors to focus on, the Forenten became an enemy to themselves. Their arrogance, their pride, their fear. Those were the weapons they turned on themselves and on us. In the thousands of years since the Second Sundering only a very few have recognized that painful truth among the mages, fewer still among the warriors.
Closing his eyes, Seeker looked away, pained. When the drizzen nuzzled him, he smiled at it and hugged its head with a sigh. "But we Desanti are arrogant and proud as well. And afraid."
And had more time passed, we would have justified the mages' fears. The war of the First Sundering had never ended decisively. A truce forced by the ancient trinity stopped the war among us. The Second Sundering ended less because of the ancient trinity's demands than our mutual wounds. The children of Forenta believed the mind was stronger than the heart. We of Desantiva's children have always sought to discover just which was more powerful because we never knew. The body or the mind. The Great War happened simply because the mages struck the first blow instead of us. It could very well have been the warriors who started the Great War of the Second Sundering.
Seeker sighed, scratching the drizzen's brow roughly as he gazed into the distance. "Our land was richer than theirs. You have shown it to me, Anibu. I have seen it in the sacred murals of the Swordanzen's ancestral home. The defilers took that from us."
They did. But they gave you something they had not intended. Something they have been losing ever since then. Seeker looked puzzled, looking skywards. They gave you humility, the ability to know that you can lose a battle or a war, but not sacrifice your pride. They taught you that it is not alone but together that you can survive even the worst predicament. The losses, the suffering, all that the people endure taught you to appreciate life, never to fear death. They gave us ourselves, while they lose themselves.
"They need us," Seeker murmured with dawning realization.
And we need them. Their objectivity, their unique perspectives, even their maddening customs that make us question their sanity. Without them, the great balance will be no more, and then we will be no more. After a brief pause, he added with a thinly veiled mixture of amusement and irritation, not that we have any love for them. Just that we accept their right, the necessity, of their existence.
Seeker walked a few steps towards a sticker plant that grew in the bark of one of the ancient trees. He touched it, letting its thorns prickle his skin without piercing it. "Have the treewalkers not learned these things, too?"
Have all Desanti learned it?
The man chuckled. "A stupid question. It feels like I have argued incessantly with the others of our kinsmen while here. Rockspar even pushed Star to attack her, and she had never drawn blood save during her adult trials."
Anibu's chuckle in his mind was bemused. But it is something that must be learned, must be taught. Some are willing to learn, some might need to be stabbed in the hand by the gentlest soul born in Desantiva to learn it. And even with our Lord's blessing through the Githalin bond, some will challenge you. It is how it should be.
Seeker made a thoughtful sound. "That is why Githalin are needed. As much to teach and remind our people of the past as to protect and guide the future." He thumped the drizzen's shoulder. "Come, our dinnais prey is very close now." The animal lowered itself partway for him to mount. "Anibu, how are we to regard the mage who bears a Naming Blade? He is no more Desanti now than he was before."
Of course he is not Desanti. His heart belongs to his goddess and Her children. He has also learned these lessons where others of his people have not. He may need to be reminded, just as much as you have needed to be reminded. And he will have a difficult journey, trying to teach his own people as you have teaching yours.
"I have to pity him then. I would have no patience with such unwillingness to change as I have seen here in the elders of their innumerable tribes." Seeker snapped his eyes to the right, drawing his blade as the drizzen leapt with a battle cry towards the misshapen creature that turned to hiss at them with hateful malevolence.
Behind him, the ghostly image of a black jackal sat, watching him battle the slipped timeshifter. He also needs to learn to forgive, Anibu murmured, himself most of all.
Chapter 81
The arrow landed with a meaty thunk in the heart of the young tri-tail deer. The animal stumbled a few steps before it collapsed into the snow. Dropping to the ground beside it, Nolyn pulled his hunting knife to put the animal out of its misery, murmuring a prayer over the animal. A sound from the shadows made him spin in wide-eyed panic. A brief scowl appeared on his face as he raised a hand to attack the lone lupine that had been creeping forward.
The giant wolf yelped when the snow in front of it exploded in its face and it turned tail to flee. Nolyn looked up at Eptina with a dark expression. "Do not give me that look," the other Edai Magus stated archly as she dropped to the root above him, buoyed by her magic to land without a sound. "It was a natural lupine, not darkling possessed." She tilted her head, her concern apparent. "You have never been one to bring harm to the beasts of Forenta, Master Nolyn. Does the attack on Market Circle haunt you so much still?"
"If you have something to say, say it," Nolyn snapped as he turned to the fallen deer, carefully working the arrow out. He sat on his heels, cleaning it before returning it to its quiver. "I do not have the patience to play court."
The woman narrowed her eyes. "I am n
ot playing court. I am concerned about you." She climbed down and went to his side, putting her hand on his shoulder. "Ever since Illaini Magus Ash departed, you have… not been yourself."
"How would you know?" he snapped, brushing her hand off. "You did not know me from a rock until the goddess selected me to be one of her Edai. And ever since then you have tried to talk me into marrying you."
Eptina closed her eyes. "Untrue. I had been watching you for many years, trying to understand you. Have you forgotten you were the journeyman leading many of my classes before my journeyman trials?" She crossed her arms, eyes focused on the deer's profile. "You were as much a paradox then as you are now. Every time I think I have started to understand you, you confuse me anew."
Nolyn stood from dressing the deer, holding the bloody knife in his hand as he looked down on the crouching woman. "And what, pray tell, have I done to confuse you? Please, tell me of all of my flaws." He turned his back on her and returned to cleaning the dead deer. "I am sure you will take great pleasure in it."
The woman frowned, but did not immediately reply. "I have never known you to be a hurtful or hateful man, Nolyn Lirai. Except when you are protecting yourself when you feel you have failed." Nolyn paused, then resumed his work with more intense movements than a moment before. "Ever since we faced the darkling and freed the Trisari, you have pushed everyone away. Even your Desanti girl."
"Stop talking about the Desanti as if they are animals to be owned!" Nolyn snapped. "Star belongs to no one but herself. That has not nor ever will change."
Pressing her lips together, Eptina replied after some moments watching him, "No, I suppose not. But you have changed. You are…" She moved to crouch across from him, looking at him until he met her eyes. "You are angry."
"And you are not?" he demanded. He pointed the bloody knife in the direction of the Andarian library. "People we have always called savages, the ones we have been taught to see as only enemies or beneath us, have reached out to help us when we were in need. At the risk of their own lives, over and over. At the risk of their souls! What had we Forenten done to earn such selflessness? Nothing! We sit in our trees, lording our superiority over the other nations, even among our own people, and still they help us.
"Don't you feel even the slightest hint of embarrassment or shame, Eptina? We should have been the leaders of humanity. To teach and guide the others." With a growl, he reversed the knife and stabbed the inert body. Head bowed, resting his forehead on the back of his unbloodied wrist, he said quietly, "Instead, the world has grown and moved on without us. Desanti have survived our ancestor's cruelty. The Vodani thrive in a domain all their own. Sevmanen have specialized talents that surpass our own.
"The Trisari had abandoned us when we needed their guidance most. The Trisari had disappeared for thousands of years. Our great mother turned away from us for a half of a century. When She named Ash Avarian Her Illaini, I could not help but wonder. Did I ever truly believe in Her? Or did I just follow Her ideals because that is what a good mage did and believed in Her when Ash walked among us with Her mark. I don't know anymore. It should not matter, but it does.
"I have struggled to protect our land and our people with little help from Her or any highborn. And now? Now the goddess speaks? And the Trisari… once long lost bearers of wisdom have returned in the form of a single divine servant who admits himself that they had fallen from grace. One, single, solitary Trisari who cannot return to the Knowing One." He laughed, his bitterness echoing off the silent trees. "The Desanti must mock how pathetic we are."
"And wouldn't we deserve to be mocked?" she replied archly as she stood, looking down at him. "Instead of questioning those who warned the warriors were going to attack us, our ancestors followed lies blindly like sheep. Instead of learning about others, from others, we tried to force them into our molds. And then we were shocked and insulted that they were quite happy with who they were. We withdrew to our trees because we were sure without us, the world would fall into chaos and come running back to us, begging for us to save them from themselves."
Nolyn grimaced, pausing in his work a moment before he continued. The woman watched him, her words edged with irritation. "You, yourself, fought against our society's demand to conform. Instead of following the prescribed paths to greatness, you chose to go a different way. Have I considered you foolish? Of course. Do I think you were wrong?" Silent for several heartbeats, she turned away, her voice quiet. "Not anymore."
The man looked up sharply at her softly spoken words. "Master Nolyn, you opened your home to our enemy. Don't even try to dismiss it as having done the same as Illaini Magus Ash. He would not have, had they not been the Dusvet Guardian's students. He had not, in fact, but stayed in Naveene's Rest with them. He reflected our bigotry. You know in your heart this as fact. I had called you many things I will not repeat. But you accepted the Desanti as they were. You are not like others of our people."
She took a deep breath. "When I reached out to you for help, you could have mocked me. You could have turned me away and never come to harm. While I think you were an incredible idiot for walking into danger with only a single, very young apprentice, I also think you were incredibly brave. And I am forever in your debt for protecting me when I hardly deserved such consideration. You are the example of service to our goddess and our people that I aspire to."
Nolyn looked down, staring at the hide of the deer in silence for several minutes. "What do you want from me, Eptina?"
She smiled a little, crouching down in front of him again until he looked up to meet her eyes. "I don't want you to be my husband, if that is still a worry for you. You were right all along. We would not be a good match." She reached out to touch his jaw with light fingers. "If we married, we would never be able to look at one another objectively, and without objectivity, we cannot be each other's wisdom when we need it." Withdrawing her hand, she stated, "Not that I will not envy Star il'Citali. She is a blessed woman to have won your heart."
He made a face, returning to the work of readying the deer to return to the library. "You have nothing to envy, Eptina. The Githalin Su'alin has made it clear she is not remaining in Forenta past the completion of her mission here. And that time is nearing."
Eptina arched an eyebrow. "And you are just going to let her leave? You said you loved her. By the goddess, you were ready to get yourself killed to protect her. I cannot believe you would give up so quickly and just let her leave you."
"I have no control over what the Desanti do. And I would think you would welcome the Desanti's departure from our lands," he retorted sarcastically.
"The Su'alin has told me with the Oolak thing destroyed, all those it had been leeching from are freed from its thrall. They may still die, but at least their souls are free." Eptina drew up her hood as the wind gusted. "For that alone, the Desanti deserve my tolerance. They are still savages," she added. "But they are noble savages. I respect them." She walked her horse over so the travois that they made to bring back the kill was beside the deer. She spoke a spell that lifted the animal and settled in onto the contraption.
Using the snow to clean his hands, Nolyn muttered under his breath sourly. "Perhaps the Desanti woman would benefit from a different perspective about why her continued presence in our land would benefit both of our peoples." Eptina began to lead her horse back, not once looking back at the man who stared at her before he slammed the handful of snow at the ground and followed her.
Chapter 82
Star awoke with a gasp, looking around with her double-bladed dagger in hand. She relaxed when she saw Valerian on one knee beside her with his hands held up defensively. "Forgive me, Unsvet," she whispered, sheathing the unique blade.
The Vodani smiled. "That is quite all right. I know it is a risk to wake someone who is trained to react as you did when they were sleeping soundly." He looked up towards the doorway. "The mages have returned successful from their hunt with a nice tri-tail deer. It should provide plenty for us to eat while we
recover from our wounds."
"I am glad," she replied without enthusiasm. She struggled to push herself up, moving like someone who was drunk.
He studied the young woman as she stretched, rubbing her eye with the back of one of her hands. "Are you all right, Su'alin? Should I call Tobias to check on your injuries? They were quite extensive and you had lost a great deal of blood. I expected you would be looking better after a few days here without the stress of travel or battle to contend with."
Shaking her head, she managed to give him an almost pleased smile. "Tobias has ensured that everything will heal in time. I care little about scars."
"You want proof about what you have faced here," Valerian observed sagely. The faltering in her smile told him he was accurate in his guess. "You do not think that would lend weight to your claims?" he asked when he waved to her Githalin blade.
"Father did not care that a Totani Named his oldest son Githalin. Why should he care whether I or Seeker have been?"
Valerian touched her chin with light fingertips. "Is that what you were dreaming about? You seemed upset. That is why I woke you." He smiled lopsidedly. "I thought you might want to compose yourself so no one will ask what is the matter when we eat."
"You are very considerate of Desanti pride, Unsvet Valerian." She sighed when he put his hand on her shoulder.
"Just because I am shielding you from the excessive consideration of our companions does not mean I am not going to ask." He sat on the floor facing her. He took her hand in his. "Everyone is unsettled by this place, that is a given. But you are having nightmares and it is taking a toll on you."
"I do not have nightmares," Star protested. "I do not dream."
"Everyone dreams. There is no shame in it," he replied. He squeezed her hand reassuringly. "Tell me?"
Star turned her face away from him. "They are not dreams, they are spirits who talk to me. There are many spirits here. Many spirits since I have come north have not realized they are no longer alive. Or they are afraid of leaving the physical world. But the ones here… They are different. They beg for my help. And I do not…" She swallowed tightly. "I do not know what to do."