by Jo Simmons
Then Jonny noticed another door and pushed it open. It was warmer on the other side, and less pongy. There were several long rows of cubicles, similar to the ones in the changing rooms at a swimming pool. Jonny tried the door of one. Locked! He tried another and another. All locked!
‘Hello?’ he whispered. ‘Anyone here?’
‘Hello?’ ‘Hello?’ ‘Hi, hello?’ Several voices answered Jonny – voices coming from inside the cubicles. How many children were in here, all locked up and waiting to be swapped? Then Jonny heard a voice he recognised.
‘Jonny!’ A tiny blond boy jumped up and down in a cubicle a little way off. ‘I told you I could run down here in ten minutes. We had a bet, remember? And I won. Obviously!’
Alfie!
Jonny ran to Alfie’s cubicle.
‘Never mind about the bet. I can help you, but first I have to find Ted. Where is he?’ Jonny shouted through the door.
‘He was in the next room to me,’ said Alfie. ‘He’s really extra upset, Jonny! He says he’s never going home again, not after how you treated him.’
At this, Jonny felt sick. He rattled the door of the next cubicle.
‘Ted! Ted! Are you in there?’
No answer.
‘Don’t bother,’ said Alfie. ‘He said that as you don’t want him, he’s off.’
‘No!’ said Jonny, rattling the door again. Then he heard a squeak from the next cubicle over and the sound of digging.
‘Hari?’ he said.
A squeak came back in reply. Yes! Jonny grabbed a box, hopped up on to it and looked into Hari’s cubicle.
‘Oh my pancakes!’ he muttered.
The floor of Hari’s cubicle wasn’t a floor any more. It was a building site. There were piles of earth everywhere and, heading down into what had been Ted’s room, a tunnel. A very definite tunnel.
Jonny hurriedly moved the box and squinted into what had been Ted’s space. There was another tunnel opening here, and it led, most definitely, through the wall and out of the warehouse.
‘Oh Satan’s sausages!’ muttered Jonny, fearing the worst. He ran out, past the freezers, out of the front door and around the side of the warehouse. There was Hari, still working on his tunnel.
‘Hari!’ Jonny spluttered. ‘What have you done? The tunnel! Did you let Ted escape?’
SQUEAK. Yes!
‘Noooo,’ said Jonny, his hands thrust into his hair, his face a picture of despair. ‘Where did he go?’
But Hari was too busy scuffling around in his beautiful meerkat tunnel to listen.
‘What’s this?’ boomed Henry, ghosting alongside Jonny and spotting Hari’s masterpiece.
‘Ted’s escaped,’ Jonny explained to Henry, trying to keep his voice from sounding panicked. ‘Hari dug a tunnel and Ted used it to get out.’
‘The fool!’ said Henry, glowering at Hari.
‘It’s not his fault. He’s a meerkat, sort of. Digging’s what they do,’ said Jonny. ‘We have to find Ted, though. Maybe he’s at home? Please be at home!’
He rang Pete-Pip, explaining that Ted had escaped and asking if he had showed up at home. No. Pete-Pip offered to send her drone out to look for him.
‘You have a drone?’ Jonny asked.
‘Of course,’ said Pete-Pip. ‘I have several!’
Wow, she was good! Having a computer- geek girl ex-brother living in your shed certainly had its benefits.
‘He’s not at home,’ said Jonny, turning to Henry. ‘We have to find him. He’s angry with me and thinks I don’t want him, so he’s run away. Where is he? We have to track him down before he gets too far and disappears for good.’
‘What about me?’ shouted Alfie. He was peeping through a window, watching the whole scene.
‘I’ll come back for you, Alfie, I promise!’ shouted Jonny, waving at his little ex-brother, whose blond hair shone brightly, even through the grubby window. ‘But first I have to find Ted.’
With that, Jonny began running, with Hari bounding along behind him.
‘Huzzah!’ cried Henry. ‘The hunt is on!’
CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT
REUNITED! AND IT FEELS SO BAD ...
Almost immediately, Hari stopped and barked twice. Danger!
A slightly overweight guard dog around the back of the warehouse was barking and snapping madly. Jonny noticed that the rope tying him up looked horribly flimsy, but, luckily, Henry had a plan.
‘Silence, cur!’ said Henry, lobbing a yoghurt towards the dog. Instantly, it stopped barking and began licking it up.
‘Awesome!’ said Jonny.
‘I always keep a few yoghurts down my codpiece in case I get peckish. I suppose you could call it a yog-piece!’ said Henry, guffawing and slapping his thigh. At least someone was having a good time.
Jonny was thinking and running, thinking and running, thinking and …
‘I’ve got it!’ he shouted, stopping dead. ‘I know where Ted is. He has to be at the Common. It’s obvious, of course. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes! It’s our favourite place, where we always made dens. There’s even a sealed box buried in a hidden hole we dug, and it’s got snacks and water in it. He’d go there first to grab supplies before heading away. Wouldn’t he? Oh, please say he would! We have to try there, anyway. Come on! This way!’
Quickly, he called Pete-Pip and asked her to head over there with her drone. Ten minutes of rapid sprinting later, with Jonny chanting, ‘Please be there, please be there,’ under his breath the whole way, and the brothers arrived at the Common.
‘Ah, this excellent place,’ said Henry. ‘I like it well. Fine hunting country. Pity we don’t have the hounds with us. They could find your brother in no time.’
‘No need. I know where he’ll be,’ said Jonny, pointing at a copse in the distance. ‘There, for sure. Has to be. It’s our secret hideout, not far from the Hanging Pants of Doom tree, remember?’
Pete-Pip appeared, puffing from her run, the drone buzzing overhead.
‘You can bring your drone down,’ Jonny said. ‘I know where Ted is.’
The band of brothers headed into the copse. They arrived at the den site, but where was Ted? Had he left already? Was Jonny just plain wrong about him coming here? Then goosebumps prickled on his arms. It was the same feeling he’d had when Henry appeared in his bedroom. That sense of being watched. Someone was staring at Jonny, silently. All of a sudden he understood. Ted was an excellent climber. He wouldn’t be on the ground, he would go …
‘Up there!’ shouted Jonny, looking up to see his brother standing on a branch. ‘Ted! Ted! You’re here! I found you!’ he spluttered, hopping up and down with excitement, but then Ted spoke.
‘Who are you?’ he said.
‘It’s me!’ said Jonny. ‘It’s Jonny, your brother. Come to say sorry and take you home. Sorry. There, I’ve said it. Now let’s go home!’
‘But that’s my brother, there,’ he said.
J2 was shimmying round the tree trunk, a few branches below Ted.
‘What? That’s J2!’ shouted Jonny, almost laughing. ‘Not me! I’m me, of course.’
J2 shook his head. ‘Who are you?’ he asked. ‘I’ve never met you before in my life. I’m Jonny and this is my brother, Ted.’
‘That’s right,’ said Ted. ‘We’re brothers. And we don’t know who you are, or any of these people with you.’ He waved his hand dismissively at Pete-Pip and Hari.
‘No, no, no, no, NO!’ Jonny shouted up at the two boys. He pointed at J2. ‘Forget about him, Ted. I’m Jonny! I’m the one. The original and proper brother. He just looks like me. I know you totally and utterly! I know how you always put the peanut butter on first when you’re making a peanut butter and chocolate spread sandwich. I know you got car sick when you were eight and threw up in a bag of cheese puffs; that you had to go to A&E because you got your hand stuck in a jar; that your nickname for Widget is Sir Widgington McWidge of Widgeshire. I know you always go to sleep on your stomach; that you’re scared of woodlice; that your fa
vourite sweets are Noshums; and you have a lucky key ring and …’
Jonny looked like he might collapse. He was red in the face, panting and close to tears.
Ted looked at J2. ‘What shall we do?’ he whispered.
Jonny was staring up at them and whimpering, ‘I know you’re my brother, I know you’re my brother …’
‘Maybe we need to stop?’ said J2 quietly, looking down at Jonny, who was wringing his hands and then pulling at his hair.
Ted nodded and shouted, ‘OK, that’s enough. I get it. You’re Jonny. Calm down with the whining!’
‘Oh, thank Tuesdays!’ said Jonny, doing a giddy little twirl of relief. ‘I’m Jonny. I’m Jonny. One hundred per cent your brother! Thank you! Thank you! I promise I’m really your brother!’
‘OK! I know!’ said Ted. ‘Actually, I knew all along.’
Jonny stopped dead, shocked. ‘What?’ he spluttered.
‘I knew you were you, I just wasn’t ready to come home, that’s all,’ explained Ted.
‘I was feeling pretty hurt and didn’t want to go home either,’ said J2. ‘Ted was just escaping through Hari’s tunnel when I arrived at the warehouse, so we buddied up.’
‘That’s right,’ said Ted. ‘I was impressed by how like you J2 was, but I knew right away he wasn’t actually you. I’d know you anywhere, Jonny. You’re my brother. Plus, J2 doesn’t run like you.’
‘How do I run?’ asked Jonny.
‘Like you need the loo,’ said Ted. ‘It’s a bit jerky, and you lean forwards.’
‘I do not!’ said Jonny, then he shook his head. ‘Anyway, that isn’t the point. The point is, I know I shouldn’t have swapped you. I realise that now. It’s clear as my own trousers. I utterly, utterly promise I won’t do anything like this again. I’m sorry. Swapping you was totally stupid and was never going to work, really, thinking about it, but I’ve learned my lesson.’
‘What lesson?’ asked Ted.
‘That we are brothers, for better or worse,’ said Jonny. ‘Even if I annoy you and you tease me about being a human sloth or a rubbish climber, that doesn’t change the fact that we’re brothers!’
Ted was silent. Was he going to hug Jonny? Smile? Thump him?
‘Prove it,’ said Ted. ‘Before I come home, I need something more. I’ve been shut up for days in a warehouse that smells of fish, feeling miserable and rejected, and I need some proof. Prove, somehow, that you are properly sorry and actually deserve to call yourself my brother.’
‘Actions speak louder than words, I find,’ said Henry.
Ted jumped. ‘Who said that?’
Henry juddered, as if ruffling invisible feathers, and became brilliantly visible to everyone. Ted, J2 and Pete-Pip gawped, speechless. Hari was too busy eating a beetle to care.
‘It’s just the ghost of Henry the Eighth,’ said Jonny, as if it was totally normal to be hanging out with a dead Tudor monarch. ‘And I will prove it.’
‘Prove that he’s Henry the Eighth?’ said Ted. ‘Seems pretty obvious, really. Check out those robes!’
‘No!’ said Jonny. ‘Prove that I deserve to be your brother. Prove I’m sorry. Prove I care.’
‘How?’ asked Ted.
Jonny thought for a second, then looked beyond Ted to a tree a little way off. On a high branch, blowing gently in the breeze, was a large pair of men’s pants. They were slightly torn and a little dirty, but you could still clearly make out a pattern on them – cars.
‘That’s it!’ said Jonny, pointing at the tree. ‘I’ve got it! I’M GOING TO TOUCH THE HANGING PANTS OF DOOM!’
CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE
THE CLIMB OF HIS LIFE
Immediately, Jonny raced over to the tree and began to climb. The Hanging Pants of Doom were stuck on a high branch, much higher than Jonny had ever climbed before. Ted and J2 watched from their tree, Pete-Pip and Henry stared up from below and Hari just kept on eating beetles, as Jonny slowly but determinedly pulled himself up through the branches.
‘I’m not sure this is a good idea, Jonny,’ shouted Ted. ‘You’re not a great climber.’
‘He is kind, though,’ said Pete-Pip. ‘I mean, you can say that for him, can’t you?’
‘Sorry, who are you?’ Ted asked.
‘I’m Pip, one of Jonny’s Sibling Swap brothers,’ she said. ‘He was good to me. He tried to get me off the Xbox in the middle of the night so I could rest. I was doing this whole “I’m addicted to Xbox!” acting thing to test out Sibling Swap and sort of force him to send me back, so I could see how it all works. I’m not even a boy, as you can see! Anyway, he was very patient with me, even when I was being pretty awful. He also wanted us to go for a walk so we could hang out together, which was nice.’
Hari squeaked in agreement, then went back to his beetles. Then Henry spoke.
‘He showed that he was brave and loyal too,’ said the dead king. ‘He looked after your mother, who unfortunately fainted away when she saw me. (It happens.) He defended his dog and was determined to find you and establish the brother bond again. These are excellent characteristics. You’re a fine fellow, Jonny.’
‘You got my name right,’ muttered Jonny, smiling briefly, before reaching for the next branch.
‘He also saved Alfie’s life,’ Henry added.
‘He did what? To who?’ Ted gasped.
‘Another brother – Alfie,’ said Henry. ‘A bit of a rogue. The little fellow climbed a tree and then fell. Jonny saved him with a box of sweetmeats. I observed it all in my all-seeing ghostly way.’
‘A box of … Oh, never mind,’ said Ted. ‘Is this true, Jonny? Did you save a boy’s life?’
There was no answer, though. Over in his tree, Jonny was now up high. All the brothers stared up at him. He was clinging to a branch with one arm while the other arm was slowly, slowly, slowly reaching out towards the Hanging Pants of Doom.
CHAPTER FORTY
GRIPPING!
‘STOP!’ yelled Ted. He vaulted down to the ground and ran over to Jonny’s tree. ‘Jonny, stop! You’ve proved you are my true brother. You don’t need to touch the pants for me! Please, come down.’
Jonny let out a sigh of relief and, still clinging to the branch, slowly looked down. He wanted to see Ted’s face, capture this moment, share a smile, give his brother the thumbs up. But as he waved his upturned thumb he also noticed the ground far, far below. He had climbed higher than he’d ever climbed before, determined to prove to Ted that he was a worthy brother, but now the ground seemed to be rushing up towards him. He felt dizzy. His arm waved madly as he flailed, dipped, tried to grab on to the branch again and, horror of horrors … GRABBED THE HANGING PANTS OF DOOM INSTEAD!
A cry of ‘NOOOO!’ went up from everyone below as Jonny grasped the pants. They came loose from the branch and hung limply in his fist. He stared at them, frozen, one hand wrapped tightly around a branch, one holding the dreaded, terrible underwear. Would he scream? Fall? Throw up? All three at once?
Nope!
Instead, he laughed. A quiet laugh of surprise, which rippled into a full, throaty laugh of glee.
I’ve done it, he said to himself. I’ve done the thing I was always so scared to do. And, actually, it’s OK. The Pants of Doom are just old pants, with cars on. That’s all. Ha!
He gazed at them a little longer, then stuffed the pants into his pocket.
‘Are you all right?’ Ted shouted up at him.
‘Yeah,’ he said, as he began his slow, careful descent. ‘Never better!’
Safely on the ground once more, Ted slapped Jonny on the back and grinned at him.
‘You absolute nutter,’ he said.
‘Proved I’m your brother, though,’ said Jonny.
‘You definitely did,’ said Ted. ‘Now, can we please go home?’
‘Yes!’ said Jonny, and everyone cheered.
‘Wait! No!’ said Jonny. ‘We have to set Alfie free and those other kids in the warehouse. But let’s be quick. I still don’t know who’s behind Sibling Swap
, but they won’t be pleased if they catch us releasing their swaps.’
‘Aren’t you going to lob the Pants of Doom back up in the tree first?’ asked Ted, but Jonny didn’t hear him. He was already heading out of the copse, his band of brothers running along behind him.
CHAPTER FORTY-ONE
THE TRUTH IS OUT
Jonny stopped at the edge of the industrial estate, with the Sibling Swap warehouse a little way off. He turned to his brothers.
‘The plan is to set Alfie and any other children free and then get out of there,’ he said. ‘Let’s be quick. Pete-Pip, send the drone out and check the coast is clear around the warehouse.’
‘On it,’ said Pete-Pip.
‘The rest of us need to find the keys and get those children out as fast as possible,’ said Jonny.
‘No sign of anyone in there,’ said Pete-Pip, checking the drone footage on her small laptop. ‘You’re clear to go!’
Hari skittered back to his tunnel as the others ran silently towards the front door. Inside, Henry ghosted through walls, searching for the keys. He soon found them, hanging on a peg, hidden behind the freezers. He lobbed them to Ted, who began unlocking the cubicle doors and releasing the children inside. Alfie raced out of his cubicle and bounced all over Jonny. Then Jonny heard someone coming. Before he and Alfie could hide, the door swung open and in walked …
‘George!’ shouted Jonny. ‘What are you doing here?’
George looked a bit guilty. Then Jonny’s eyes grew wider. The smell of fish fingers! The boxes full of dodgy gadgets! He’d been struggling to tie all these together, but now it all made sense. This was George’s uncle’s warehouse. But what was George doing here? Unless … oh no, surely not …