Her Secret Valentine

by Cathy Gillen Thacker

  Cal blinked. “Are you kidding? I love the idea. As long as you’re okay just working part-time.” He knew what a go-getter Ashley was. She had always liked to be busy one hundred percent of the time.

  For a moment, the veil was back over Ashley’s emotions. He felt the familiar distance between them and had the sensation she was withholding every bit as much as she was telling him.

  He wanted to talk further, see if he couldn’t discover whatever it was that was bothering her, but she was giving him that smile and turning off the burners on the stove. Going up on tiptoe, she fastened her lips to his. As their kiss turned hot, passion took over. And as he swept her up into his arms and carried her up to bed, he figured whatever it was just below the surface could wait. He wanted—needed—to feel close to Ashley. If this was the only way she could let him do that, then so be it.

  “WELL?” Ashley said the following Friday afternoon, after Carlotta had finished examining her. Another excruciatingly slow week of not being able to tell Cal about the pregnancy had passed. “How am I?”

  Carlotta wrote a couple of notes on Ashley’s chart. “Weight and blood pressure are fine, the size of the uterus and the height of the fundus are exactly where they should be. Congratulations, kid. You’ve made it to the beginning of the second trimester.” Her smile fading, Carlotta paused. “It must be killing you not to tell Cal.”

  Ashley nodded, reflecting on the sacrifice she had made in order to protect her husband. “It has been.” She adjusted her clothing and hopped down from the table. “But all that is changing this evening.”

  The two women walked through the deserted office to the private office they were now sharing. “He’s going to be upset about your previous miscarriage.”

  “I know.” Finished for the day, Ashley gathered up her things.

  “But you are going to tell him,” Carlotta said, as she did the same.

  “Eventually.” Ashley shrugged on her winter coat and looped her carryall over her shoulder. “I’m not sure if it will be tonight.”

  Carlotta gave her a scolding look. “Ashley!”

  Ashley held her ground. “If I tell him tonight it will dull the good news.”

  Carlotta rummaged for her keys then turned off the lights. “The longer you wait, the harder it is going to be.”

  “I know that.” The two locked up and walked out to the parking lot.

  Carlotta paused next to Ashley’s new station wagon. “Maybe you should tell him about the miscarriage first, and then the pregnancy.”

  Ashley turned her collar up against the chill February air. “I’ve been considering that.” She turned her gaze to the bleak gray sky.

  “But?” Carlotta prodded, when Ashley didn’t go on.

  Ashley lifted her hands helplessly. “If I tell Cal what happened before, he’s going to be worried the way I have been all along. That means he’s going to have to grieve the loss of the baby we lost. And although I think he should do that sometime,” Ashley set her jaw stubbornly, as the familiar feelings of grief and guilt welled up inside her, “I’m not certain Cal has to do the two things simultaneously.”

  CAL STOPPED by the Wedding Inn that evening, en route home from the hospital, to make sure everything was on track for the following evening. To his relief, he found everything was all set. He was on his way back out to his car, when he encountered Mac on his way in.

  “Yes,” Mac said, before Cal could get a word in edgewise. “I have picked up my tuxedo. And so have all your other brothers. So you can stop worrying. The repeat of your wedding to Ashley is going to go without a hitch.”

  “I’m counting on it,” Cal said.

  Mac gave Cal a look that reminded Cal no matter how old the two of them got, Mac was still his big brother, and as such, intended to look out for Cal and the rest of the Hart family. “As long as we’ve got a moment, how are things going between you and Ashley these days?” Mac asked.

  Cal wasn’t sure how to answer that. He leaned against the wrought-iron railing that edged the semi-circular steps leading up to the portal of the Wedding Inn. “You heard she accepted a part-time position at the medical center, and is now a partner in a shared Ob/Gyn practice with Carlotta Ramirez.”

  Mac nodded. He pushed the Stetson that was part of his sheriff’s uniform away from his brow. “How’s it working out?”

  “So far so good,” Cal said cautiously.

  “And the marriage?”

  “Is better than it ever has been.”

  “And yet…” Mac prodded.

  Cal shrugged. Knowing he had to confide in somebody, and that he could trust his older brother to keep a confidence as no one else could, Cal said finally, “She’s just so moody these days. One minute she’s laughing, the next she’s crying. Sometimes I feel closer to her than I’ve ever felt in my life and then she shuts down, and I feel like she’s got secrets and feelings I’ll never be let in on, no matter how long I’m with her.”

  Mac’s brow furrowed. “What kind of secrets?” Mac said, pulling his hat down across his brow.

  Cal looked at him in frustration. “That’s just it. I don’t know,” he confessed quietly. “And it really bugs me. I’m starting to think I’m a little paranoid. And that’s not a good feeling to have where your wife is concerned. Not that you’d know—” Cal couldn’t resist ribbing Mac a little “—since you’ve never been hitched.” Except for his engagement, years before, Mac had never even come close to settling down with any one woman. And now, at age thirty-five, Mac was the only one of Helen Hart’s brood who was still single.

  “Why would I want to do a fool thing like that when I’ve got my hands full looking after all of you?” Mac jousted right back.

  “You’re not responsible for anything that goes right or wrong in our lives,” Cal said.

  Briefly, something akin to guilt flickered in Mac’s eyes. And then to Cal’s consternation, Mac shut down as surely and completely as Ashley had been doing lately. “Now you’re doing it, too,” Cal pointed out sagely.

  Mac frowned. The barriers went even higher. “What?”

  “Cutting me out. Looking guilty.”

  Mac reached over and brushed a knuckle across Cal’s head, the way he had when they were kids. Shaking his head, Mac pushed past and continued up the steps to the Wedding Inn. “You’ve got too much time on your hands,” Mac threw the admonishing words over his shoulder. “Go home to your wife.”

  Exactly what Cal planned to do. “Remember. It’s a Valentine’s dinner for the family tomorrow night,” Cal shouted up to Mac. “And that’s all Ashley knows until she gets here.”

  Mac waved his acknowledgment and went on into the inn.

  The question was, what kind of mood was his wife going to be in? Cal wondered as he drove on out to the farm.

  Good, as it turned out. Exceptionally good, judging from the dinner cooking on the stove and the red silk robe she was wearing. A table had been set up before the fireplace. It was set with their wedding silver and china. Cal watched Ashley light the candles on the table. Damn, she was beautiful, and unless he was mistaken, she was completely naked under that frilly confection. “Valentine’s Day is Sunday,” he said, aware Ashley hadn’t cooked this many times for him in one week since before they were married.

  Ashley turned toward him, her hair falling softly across her shoulders as she moved. “We’re celebrating early.” She glided toward him in a drift of perfume.

  Cal’s throat felt parched. As Ashley drew ever closer, his lower half pulsed to life. “So I see.”

  As Ashley neared him, he noticed the imprint of her nipples pressing against the silk of the robe he ached to untie.

  “Because we have something very special to celebrate,” Ashley went up on tiptoe and whispered in his ear.

  Cal wrapped his arms about her waist, as hers moved to wreathe his neck, and the soft fullness of her breasts pressed against his chest. “We do?”

  “Yes.” Smiling, Ashley cuddled all the closer. She loosened t
he knot of his tie, and began to work it free. “You see, there’s a reason I’ve been gaining weight. And feeling peculiar. And craving French fries dipped in chili in the middle of the night.”

  His heart racing, Cal struggled to take it all in.

  And then Ashley was saying the words he had dreamed of hearing for years.

  “By August, there were will no longer be two of us, Cal. There will be three.”

  Chapter Fifteen

  Cal’s feelings soared as the impact of what Ashley had just told him sunk in. He wrapped her in a hug, then drew back to look into her face. Tears of happiness glittered in her eyes and fell down her face. But beneath the joy was something else…something uncertain…and full of conflict. Not sure where that emotion was coming from, Cal stepped back slightly to better survey her upturned face. Suddenly, his heart was beating as hard and erratically as hers. “You’re sure?”

  Ashley swallowed hard and forced another smile. “I’ve had blood tests, the complete obstetrics work-up.”

  Cal ran a hand down her arm. No doubt about it—she was trembling. And not in a good way. He tried to reassure her with a steadying touch. “And everything’s okay?”

  Ashley nodded. “Absolutely.”

  Then what was behind her sudden shift in mood, from all-out happiness to edgy apprehension? Cal wondered. Was there some medical reason for her uneasiness that she had yet to disclose? And was she trying, even as they stood there, to work up the courage to do so?

  “Everything is on track for an August delivery by the stork,” Ashley joked.

  Cal struggled to search out the possible cause for her anxiety. “August,” he repeated, focusing on the facts she had told him thus far. He stopped as her words sank in. “That means you’re—?”

  “At the very beginning of my second trimester, yes,” she confirmed, abruptly looking as if she were hiding something from him again, and worse, feared his reaction to it.

  Silence fell between them. The air was thick with tension. Ashley gulped and went back to the table. She lifted a glass of ice water and took a sip. Cal noticed there was a bead of perspiration just above her brow. She really was nervous about this. And not, he thought, because she had feared he wouldn’t be happy about the news. No, she had to know that as much as he loved her, he would be over the moon…

  He swallowed around the tightness in his throat and stepped nearer. “How long have you known?”

  Ashley pulled out a chair at the table, sat down. Looking as if she wanted nothing more than to retreat at that point, she avoided his probing gaze. Probably, Cal thought, because she didn’t want him to see the guilt simmering there.

  “About three weeks,” she said in a low, deferential tone.

  Cal shoved a hand through his hair. “And you didn’t tell me?”

  Ashley blinked rapidly and recovered her composure. In a voice thick with emotion, she revealed, “I wanted to make sure everything was okay. And, well,” she lifted her hand helplessly and drew in another unsteady breath, “things were pretty rocky between us back then. I didn’t want us staying together only because of the baby.”

  Did she really think that little of him? Of them? “You should have told me, Ashley.” Cal was angry and hurt at having been left out like that. Worse, he felt like a fool. Now, he knew why she hadn’t wanted him to see her naked. Why she had resisted buying more than just a few items of new clothing that fit her better. Why she resisted the heavy-duty exercising that would have helped her get her figure back under normal conditions—because it would have endangered the life of their fetus. And most of all, he knew why she had been so upset when she had briefly lost control of the Mustang he had given her, why she hadn’t wanted to drive it again in the ice and snow and why she had agreed to something with every safety option possible….

  Abruptly, Ashley looked as unsettled as he felt at the news of her pregnancy and the fact she had chosen not to tell him till now. “I’ll never keep anything like that from you again,” Ashley promised him sincerely. She looked at him, love—and hope—shining in her eyes.

  Cal had a choice. Stay angry and force them both to deal with his feelings, here and now, and ruin what should be one of the happiest nights of his life—or dig deep and find that compassion inside himself his mother had once found severely lacking, and accept Ashley’s mistake for what it was and let it go. Although it went against his gut impulse to have this out, here and now—no matter how unpleasant the confrontation—he decided to let it go.

  He took Ashley in his arms and kissed her again, pouring all his love for her, all the hopes and dreams he had for her and the baby into the emotion-filled embrace. She was trembling when he lifted his head. They both were.

  “So you’re happy about this baby?” Ashley whispered, looking more vulnerable and more in love with him than he had ever seen her.

  Cal had wanted a family with her forever. And now she was here with him again, and it was really happening. He wasn’t going to spoil that. “Happier than I’ve ever been in my life,” he said huskily, curving his hand around her belly and the baby growing inside. And he meant that with all his heart and soul.

  ASHLEY AND CAL stayed up late, celebrating, intending to sleep late the next morning since neither of them were on emergency call that weekend. It wasn’t to be. At eight-thirty, they heard the doorbell ringing. And ringing. And ringing. Cal groaned and lifted his head from the pillow. His wife was cuddled up beside him, in all her naked pregnant glory. “Are you expecting anyone?” He sure hoped not. He wanted nothing more than to be able to spend the morning noting all the miraculous changes going on in her body right now, and making love to her again and again. But as the doorbell rang yet again, he realized that wouldn’t happen until he got rid of whoever was intruding on their Saturday morning.

  “I don’t know who it could be,” Ashley murmured. “Although I can tell you one thing, they’re at the top of my persona non grata list right now.”

  Cal agreed. Who came over this time on a Saturday morning without calling first?

  “I’ll see who it is.” Cal tugged on his slacks, grabbed his shirt, and headed downstairs. “And get rid of them. Pronto.”

  Ashley lay back down. She thought about the night before, and how nervous she had been delivering the news to Cal. With good reason, as it turned out. He had been hurt at first to realize she had kept her pregnancy from him for even a few weeks. She couldn’t imagine how he would have reacted if he had known she’d not told him about the earlier pregnancy or subsequent miscarriage in the two-and-a-half years since.

  He would have really been furious.

  So she had chickened out again.

  And though she knew she still had to find a way to tell him—some way, some time—in the near future, it wasn’t going to be today. Or tomorrow, which was Valentine’s Day and their third wedding anniversary. She wanted to know their marriage was on very solid ground before she risked seeing that disappointment in his eyes.

  Downstairs, the front door opened, then closed. Ashley heard Cal welcoming their guests, then more voices. She sat up with a start, jumped out of bed, dressed and joined Cal as quickly as she could. And not a moment too soon, she noted, seeing the uncomfortable look on his face as he puttered about their kitchen, pouring juice, and taking a coffeecake from the freezer and putting it into the oven to warm.

  Ashley stood in the portal wishing she’d had time to do more than put on her black slacks and a red sweater and brush her hair. “Mom. Dad.”

  Both Harold and Margaret stood and gave her cursory hugs. “We’re sorry about the early hour, but this was the only time we could get our schedules together to visit with you,” Margaret said.

  As usual, both dressed in business attire. Not that either were the type to ever putter around in jeans or sweats….

  “We were just telling Cal that we can’t stay and have dinner with you this evening.” Harold’s words seemed rife with hidden meaning as he glanced at Cal.

  “That’s okay
.” Ashley smothered a yawn with the back of her hand. “We’ve got a Hart family thing over at the Wedding Inn to go to this evening anyway. But it’s good you’re here.” Ashley moved to her husband’s side. Needing his steadying presence more than ever, she wrapped her arm about his waist and leaned into him affectionately. “Cal and I have some news. We’re expecting a baby. Come August, you will be grandparents.”

  For a second, neither Harold nor Margaret could speak. Then, as Ashley had hoped, her parents both offered her their congratulations and engulfed her and Cal in awkward hugs.

  “Well, that’s wonderful news, and all the more reason for you to get your career situation straightened out,” Margaret said as the four of them sat down together in the family room.

  His expression neutral, Cal walked over to start a pot of decaf in the adjacent kitchen. Ashley knew he was giving her room to deal with her parents as she saw fit, without inserting himself into the situation. “I told you—I’m going to be working part-time for the next few years,” Ashley explained patiently.

  Margaret and Harold exchanged concerned looks. “Ashley, we know you want to be a good mother and you will be, but you can’t shortchange the rest of your life,” Margaret said.

  “You’ll never be happy just working part-time,” Harold predicted.

  Margaret leaned forward urgently. “Furthermore, they haven’t filled the position at Yale—”

  “No,” Ashley said. “I’m not applying and I don’t want to hear any more about it.”

  Margaret frowned. “But—”

  Cal walked back in, ready to help her out, if need be.

  Ashley held up a hand, letting Cal know with a glance she could handle this. “You have to stop pushing me,” she told both her parents.

  “But we want you to be happy!” Margaret insisted.

  Ashley nodded, affirming she wanted the same thing. “And I will be. But only,” she stipulated bluntly, “if I am living my life my way.”