by Kara Hart
I perk up and turn around, smiling like a boy on Christmas. “You ever watch the show Wedded?”
“Oh man, Cynthia loves that show. We’re waiting for the new season,” Carlos embarrassingly says.
“Wow,” I laugh. “Well, I fucked the girl from the new season.”
“Get the fuck out of here,” Drew says. “You fucked Dakota Rogers? I do not fucking believe it. Not one bit.”
“Believe it, man. It happened,” I say. “I’m the King. Now I can die happy,” I add.
“Look, I don’t believe you,” Drew says, “but I’m glad you’re starting to get over Samantha. I just wish you would stop joking about dying. You’re not going over there to die, brother.”
“Right,” I tell them, “I’m going overseas to live a healthy, more fulfilled life.”
“You’re going over there to protect our country,” Carlos says with a prideful gleam in his eye. He has no idea what sacrifice is. He’s just eaten up all the rhetoric I’ve been spewing.
“Exactly,” I say, falling back down onto the bed. “I’m going to Afghanistan to protect people like you. So you can continue cheating on your wives and develop terrible drinking problems.”
They both give me the angry eye when I say this. I feel a pillow bounce off my head. “Not cool,” Carlos says. I just laugh.
The truth is, I’m no hero. I left because my ex, Samantha fucking Daugherty, packed up her shit and left me. After five years of being together, she decided that I wasn’t enough.
All my friends were married already. They had all bought houses and planned on kids. As for me, I hadn’t decided what I wanted yet. I couldn’t make a decision, so she resented me. Eventually, she found someone else. Someone bigger, someone more charming, a guy that could promise her the world and back.
He was rich. Money always wins, right? He even owned a fucking yacht. He was twenty years older than her too, but that didn’t matter. He told her he’d give her anything she wanted. And he did. Within the year, he had given her his baby, a new car, and much more.
I was devastated. I wanted to burn the world. I still do, I guess. Only, I couldn’t give two shits about her. Nah, now I’ve just about given up. Which is why I joined the Navy in the first place. I thought I needed a fresh awakening. A new life. That sort of thing.
I didn’t realize all I needed was her, Dakota Rogers. Now I can’t get her out of my damn head. I’m doomed to head over to that desolate, war-torn country, and the whole time I’ll be thinking about her. What fucking luck.
Meanwhile, my head won’t let up. It’s pounding from that last margarita. “Let’s get a drink,” I mumble into my pillow. “And some food. Breakfast. I gotta leave at three, but we still have some time.”
The guys agree. “Don’t worry. We already have something planned.”
By the time I’m dressed and crawling to the rental car, it’s already noon. Time starts to slip by and I know I need to soak these moments in. Still, it’s hard to even believe that I’ll be gone for three whole months.
When we get in the car at the valet, I see her. She’s wearing a stunning, white dress and her tits…Jesus Christ, her tits are practically spilling out onto the hotel counter. I watch as she introduces herself to one of the guys on the show and I feel a painful prick in my heart.
He’s tall and typically handsome, although he looks like he couldn’t be more bored. He’s made up and his teeth are bleached, and it all just looks like a fucking charade. I have half a mind to leave the car and interrupt the whole damn thing, but I think about how that would make her feel. I can’t blow up her spot like that. As much as I want a real goodbye, we had everything last night. That’s all I can really wish for.
“Holy shit,” Carlos says as he turns on the engine. “It’s Dakota Rogers!”
“I told you,” I mutter. “We did Karaoke last night and ate lobster by the ocean.”
Drew bursts out laughing. “Stop lying to us, man.”
I shrug as Carlos peels away. I don’t need them to believe me. I have nothing to prove. As the car moves out of the hotel lot, she turns her head and makes eye contact with me. Her eyes plead with me. They say, save me. Only, there’s no way out. I have to do the honorable thing and let her go.
That guy she is with. Who the fuck is he? He had this look of anger and wanting in him, like he was willing to give his all to get her. Fuck that. She’s mine. Those are the thoughts that run through my mind. Maybe this was love.
Maybe I had met the girl of my dreams and I didn’t even know it. I had been so hung up on Samantha and all the bullshit and heartache she caused me, that I wasn’t willing to let another woman in. Last night was my chance. Of course, I ruined all that.
We park the car and sit down on the beach at a local bar and brunch. Like a lot of places out here, the interior is decorated with fake Tikis and ornaments. A Grateful Dead painting hangs on the wall behind me. As beautiful as the nature is, I’m ready to get the hell out of Maui.
We order our drinks and suck them down with long, multi colored straws. Then, another. And another. You get the picture. By the time we get our runny eggs, I’m pretty far gone. This is the way I like it. I don’t have to think or do anything. All I have to do is feel good. That is, until the drinks wear off.
“What’s on your mind, man?” Drew asks me. “I see you staring out into the distance like that. Whenever you do that, it means something’s wearing you down.”
Carlos looks at me too. We’re all drunk enough to talk about our feelings now, so they’re willing to listen. But whenever I’m sober, they turn a blind eye to how I’m doing. Shit, after Samantha left me, I basically had no one. The guys just stayed indoors with their wives and pretended nothing happened. I don’t mind, though. It’s just the way things play out sometimes.
“I’m good, man. Really,” I tell him. But when he shakes his head like he’s disappointed, I decide to lay it all on him.
“Fine, you want to know?” I smile. “You really want to know?”
“Yeah, brother,” Carlos cuts in. “We’ve been trying to get you to talk to us for months.”
I refrain from reminding them that I’ve been holed up in my apartment for months without one phone call. “I don’t know if I’m making a big mistake or not,” I tell them. “I mean, this is war, guys. War.” I let that sink in a bit.
“You’re doing something courageous,” Drew says. “Something none of us would do. You won’t die over there, though. I know it. I feel that.”
I laugh at his naivety. I may be a tough guy, but I’m not a dumbass. “I don’t give a shit about dying. I’ll do what I have to do,” I say.
Carlos interrupts and says, “That’s what heroes do, brother.”
“Nah, it’s not about being a hero. If I was a hero, I’d save people in burning buildings,” I say. “I wanted to make a difference so I signed up to make sure the soldiers I’m with treat the people over there with respect and dignity. Only the enemy will be targeted.”
“That’s my boy,” Drew says. They still don’t get it. I’m not sure I do either.
“So if I die, I die. That’ll be that. And you all can bury me and say some nice fucking words, and move on. I’m not hung up on any of that,” I tell them. “There’s something else on my mind. I can’t shake it.”
“Samantha?” Carlos asks me. “I’m sorry man. She’s moved on, but do you really think her life will end up well for her? I mean, she married a geriatric old man. She’s going to be unhappy, without a doubt.”
“Nah, it’s not Samantha, man,” I sigh. “I had destiny stare me right in the fucking face last night. You have no idea.”
“What’re you talking about?” Carlos asks.
“When I left that hotel room, I went out because I wanted to find someone to take home,” I say.
Drew laughs. “You mean, to fuck.”
“Whatever you want to call it. I don’t give a shit,” I say. “So, I got my drink and sat out by the ocean. I saw a woman walk by me.
She was wearing a red dress and she made a beeline for the ocean. She took off that dress and jumped in, half naked.”
“There you go again, with the stories,” Drew says.
“I’m not making it up. It was Dakota fucking Rogers. Though, I didn’t know who she was until last night. She was drowning. Or, I thought she was. So, I went in to save her. Only, I was wrong. She wasn’t drowning,” I laugh. “She was actually just blowing off some steam, like me.”
“So you go back to her hotel and fuck her brains out? I just don’t believe it,” Drew says, drinking more of his drink.
Carlos is on his side too. “Okay, so let’s posit that you did fuck a celebrity last night. So what? Why are you all hung up? You did what you wanted to do. You got laid, brother.”
Brother. He says the word like it’s true. I don’t have any brothers. I barely have any real friends. It’s my fault, when it comes down to it. I’m an introvert and I’m an arrogant asshole to most people. Still, I’d like for them to listen to me for once.
“No, it wasn’t like that. Well, shit, it was I guess. But you’re missing the point,” I tell them. They smirk and finish off their drinks. “There was a connection. I don’t get it. But everything just clicked, you know? We went out, we had fun, we even had a lobster dinner over the water. It was beautiful, man.”
“Alright, enough of the sob story. You’re never getting her back. If she cared, she would have run after you,” Carlos gives me his wisdom. “So now, what you need to do is forget about these women you fall for, and get your ass into gear. You’re going to beat the terrorists, man. Time to man up.”
Maybe he’s right. Maybe it is time to man up. Any other day I would have been on his side. But today, the stakes seem higher. I have a huge urge to defect, to run and grab Dakota, and to bring her back home to Texas. It’s crazy thinking. I know that, but today I’m just feeling things I’ve never felt before.
Shit. I must be on my period or something.
“You’re right,” I concede. “I need to think about the future. I’m a SEAL now. Time to get with it.”
“Cheers!” Carlos holds up his empty glass, smiling wildly. “To Payton! To protecting our freedom!” Our glasses clink and I shove her out of my mind. I have a duty and I’m going to fulfill it.
Dakota
I left him there like that. Curled in the sand, holding me in his arms, hands around my breasts. I left him and tried not to look back. I had the best night of my life. I’m never going to deny that. But it’s time for me to grow up. It’s time for me to choose a viable partner out of the pool of men I signed up for.
Danny, Jess, Nick, Jerald, Luke, Brock, and Carson. These are the men of my dreams, or so my network tells me. They were handpicked and selected by the casting agent, though I was right next to her the whole time. The whole thing felt synthetic and weird.
Yet, I harbored a big excitement about it all. At the end of all this, I was going to get married. I was going to have a good life, finally. My friends back home all argued that it was like a modern arranged marriage. I didn’t want to hear any of that. These were men who were willing to fight for me. They were willing to give me their all, just to have one chance with me.
I couldn’t believe it. I felt special. I bragged to my friends who thought I was crazy. I didn’t care about what they thought. Even my family was happy for me. It was a win-win. My acting career would get a boost and I would find the perfect man for me.
Okay, so maybe I was crazy. Maybe I had lost it just a little. I had been denied by every single agency. My boyfriend was verbally abusive. Every day was spent getting berated by him. I didn’t work hard enough at it, I didn’t take it seriously enough. Those were all things he said to me, and I started to believe them. So I did what I had to do. I left and signed up for the show. I never looked back.
Until I met Payton. But, when all was said and done, I had to let him down easy. I had to leave him on the beach like that. We had our fun and that was that.
Truth is, I’m stuck with seven great men to choose from. Payton was a nice fling, but he’s an explosive kind of guy. I mean, the choice to go overseas, for instance, is not something I want my children to grow up with. He’s a ticking time bomb.
Danny, however, is someone who I’ve been eying for some time. He works on Wall Street, he’s got a solid income, and he doesn’t make crazy choices when the going gets tough. He’s someone who I feel like I could get behind.
Still, the lingering feeling that Payton gives me won’t let up. When I see him peeling out of that parking lot, I can’t help but feel regret. He’s going off to war. Possibly, he’ll never come back. He’s brave and courageous, whether he knows it or not. Those are also great qualities. Not to mention, he fucks better than any guy I’ve ever been with. The way his tongue curls around every inch of my body sends me spiraling. Okay, I have to let go, dammit!
I shake myself out and move on. “Goodbye, Payton,” I whisper into the wind. He’s gone within the second.
* * *
“Dakota, darling! How are you feeling?” The host of the show, Jon Wellington, comes to the front of the lobby to introduce me to the men. The cameras are rolling and I’m blushing from the sight of Payton leaving Maui for good.
“I’m great, Jon!” I fake a big smile for the cameras. “Are these the handsome men who are competing for my love?”
“Yes they are! Gentleman, step forward and introduce yourself, please.” Big smiles all around. The men have perfect haircuts and we’re all looking our best as the cameras roll. Jon Leans in and whispers, “Where the fuck were you last night? You almost gave Jani a heart attack trying to find you.”
“What did you think would happen? You think I left the show?” I ask him. “I needed some time to myself, dammit.”
“Don’t let it happen again. We have millions on the line for this show. We don’t need any more bullshit,” he hisses, turning a darker shade of red.
The men talk into the cameras, introducing themselves. It’s all a fake display for the viewers. The real stuff happens off camera. “Whatever,” I say, not giving into his threats. “This is my show. Back off and let me run it the way I want to, Jon.”
This angers him, but as the cameras turn back to him, he quickly changes his facial expression and tone. He’s suddenly very nice and jovial. “Thank you, gentleman,” Jon smiles. “Well, Dakota. You have a pack of hot men who are just yearning to fight for your love. How does that make you feel?”
I get emotional. “Well, as some of you may know, I just got out of a heavy relationship. He was verbally abusive and put me through a lot of shame. I’m looking for a man who can give me the world, a man who will fight for me every single day. Not a guy who will tear me down.”
“There you have it, folks. Welcome to Wedded!” The music plays, the cameras cut, and I’m ushered off to my hotel room. Tomorrow the real fun starts. Tomorrow, they fight for me.
When I get inside my room, there’s a knock on my door. “God, Jon. I swear, if you—” I open the door to find Danny standing in front of me. He’s muscular and tall, and he looms over me.
“I thought I’d drop in,” he says with a sly smile on his face. He’s actually kind of scary. He has dark, brooding eyes, similar to Payton’s, oddly enough. Although, the way he looks at me is different. It sort of reminds me of my ex-boyfriend. I back away from him and give my best smile.
“I don’t think you’re allowed to do that,” I say. “Remember the contract, Danny?”
He looks around the hallway and decides it’s safe to enter without him being seen. “Oh, yeah. The contract,” he sighs and falls onto the bed. “I hate that damn contract, don’t you?”
“I guess,” I shrug and sit down beside him. “It’s a little weird, I suppose. But I see why it’s there.”
“Yeah, me too. But don’t you think it makes this whole process a little phony?” he asks me. “Like, why should I have to prove my love for you with a contractual agreement?”
; “Because you signed up for the show, Danny,” I roll my eyes. He’s actually pretty sexy. And the way he’s sitting really reminds me of Payton. Shit! I can’t get him out of my head again.
“Anyway,” I continue. “You know that marriage is a contractual agreement, right? What’s the difference with the show?”
He lets his hand fall against my thigh and I immediately think of that Navy SEAL, the handsome, cocky man from Texas that I shared a beautiful night with. The way Payton touched my leg at first that night… I look up at Danny and feel my heart flutter. This is bad, real bad. But every time I look up at Danny, I see Payton.
His hand gets a little more forceful against my thigh. “I know what marriage is,” he says. “It’s sacrifice. It’s going out of your way to do the right thing. It’s loving your partner through everything, including the hard times. I get that there’s a contract involved. Believe me. I just think the whole show thing is weird.”
“It is,” I choke, looking down at his hand. He sees me glance down and a smile breaks out onto his face.
“Let’s be real with one another,” he says. “I know this is a show and all. I know they want good ratings and for us to act and throw some drama into it. But we all know this is just for show. But, you and I are real. This is real. Right?”
“Right,” I mumble. I don’t know if it is. How the hell should I yet? But Payton is gone forever and I can’t look back on that now. I need someone who’s going to be there for me, and Danny is here and ready to win me over. “You’re right,” I repeat myself.
“I know I am,” he smiles. “And you’re so god damn beautiful, it makes me sick.”
That’s when he acts. He grabs my cheeks and pulls me in close. Closer, closer, closer, our lips almost meet and he tries to kiss me. I pull back awkwardly and open my eyes. “What is it?” he asks me. “Was it something I said?”
“No,” I whisper. “It’s not that. This just feels… Oh, I don’t know.”
“Baby,” he mutters, “we work so well together. What’s the problem?”