Penny could only lower her head and whisper, "I'm sorry." She couldn't live up to the joy in the girl's pretty eyes. Couldn't share her elation. She'd only disappoint her—all of them.
Others were crowding closer now, exclaiming and asking questions all at once, but Ben held up a hand. "Listen up. There's a whole lot going on here that you don't know about." He touched the girl's shoulder, easing her away from Penny a bit. "Give her some room, Jessi."
Jessi shook her head, searching Penny's face in confusion. "But…"
"She doesn't remember," Ben said. And all the chatter died. Stunned silence spread over them like a blanket as every pair of eyes stared at Penny. "She doesn't know what happened. Only that she woke up in a clinic someplace, alone and scared. She doesn't remember anything before that." He slid his arm around her shoulders in a gesture that was almost protective. Almost as if he was shielding her from all these strangers … from the world.
She thought she should object to that. After all, she didn't need protecting from anything. But … but something about it felt right.
"But … but how?" Jessi asked. Her wide gaze returned to Penny's face. Then softened. "It's true, isn't it? You don't remember us? Oh, Penny…" She looked as if she was going to cry again. And as Penny scanned the faces of the others, she thought they all looked like they were attending a funeral, as well. Gazes lowered, heads shaking sadly, sympathetic glances toward Ben.
"Then we'll just start fresh," another woman said in a voice that bordered on cheerful. She was petite, no bigger than Penny, and had tresses of red-gold hair curling over her shoulders as she came forward. "You wouldn't have known me anyway," she said. "I came into the family while you were … away. I'm Chelsea Brand." The woman extended a slender hand.
Hesitantly Penny took it, almost relieved to be meeting someone who didn't expect to be remembered.
"My husband is Garrett, the big guy with the badge," Chelsea said, smiling and nodding at her husband. "He's Ben's older brother and the town sheriff. And that little guy playing with your dog there, is ours. His name is Ethan, but the boys insist on calling him Bubba."
Penny hadn't even noticed that Olive had left her side, but she followed the woman's gaze, and frowned as she saw Ollie licking the toddler's face. An irrational stab of jealousy flashed through her, but she shrugged it off and focused on Garrett, with his badge. He could mean trouble for her if he wanted to.
"Now, you'll never keep us all straight at first, Penny," Chelsea went on, tugging Penny's hand and leading her forward. "So don't worry about it right away."
Penny glanced back at Ben, but he nodded encouragingly, so she went along with Chelsea. He kept pace, staying close to her side.
Chelsea stopped in front of a couple who looked very much Native American, both of them dark haired and ebony eyed and beautiful. "This is Ben's brother Wes, and his wife, Taylor. They raise Appaloosas on a ranch nearby, and Taylor teaches at the university."
Each of them took Penny's hand in turn. Wes unsmiling, grim faced, unsure of her, she thought. Taylor's grip was warm, her eyes friendly. "You wouldn't remember me, either," Taylor said. "But I'm glad to know you now."
"Th-thank you." Okay, so if Chelsea and this dark beauty—Taylor—had both come into the family while she'd been away, that ruled them both out as suspects. Wes, on the other hand, didn't look overjoyed to see her.
Chelsea moved on to a whipcord young man with reddish-gold hair that curled uncontrollably. "This is Elliot, Ben's youngest brother. He lives here with us, helps run the ranch and causes general mayhem on occasion."
Elliot hugged her gently. "Me and Jessi used to tag along after you and Ben all the time," he said. "Even on dates. Ben was always trying to get rid of us, but you never did. Welcome home, Penny."
A dull, thudding pain began behind her temples, and Penny closed her eyes against it. Elliot. She filed his name away in her mind. He and Jessi both seemed genuinely happy to see her, and their smiles were warm, and even misty. But then again, if they'd been involved in what had happened to her, they would try to hide it, wouldn't they? And giving her a warm welcome home would certainly be a good way to do that.
Just the way Ben had done.
"Are you okay?" Ben was leaning close, searching her face. Could such intense concern as that in his eyes right now really be false? If it was, he was an incredible actor.
She nodded. "Fine."
"I'm Adam," a deep voice said, and yet another hand clasped hers. "Another of Ben's brothers. And I'm going to help you both through this, you can count on it."
"Adam is staying with us for now," Chelsea explained. "But he lives on the East Coast most of the time."
"Might be hanging around longer than I intended to," he said softly.
Penny narrowed her eyes on him. Just what did he mean by that?
Chelsea squeezed Penny's hand. "Almost done now. Hang in there." And she led her to a handsome brown-eyed man who held a baby girl in his arms.
"Lash Monroe," the man said. "I'm Jessi's husband."
Jessi, standing now at the man's side, said, "And this is our little angel, Maria-Michele."
The baby cooed and smiled, but Penny couldn't manage to smile back. This man wore a badge like the other one—Garrett. And she was all too aware that they both probably knew she wasn't in very good standing with the law. Ben must have felt her stiffen, because his arm around her tightened. Why didn't she shrug away from him?
Why did she want to lean closer?
"Lash is Garrett's deputy," Chelsea explained. "Jessi's the town vet. They live in Quinn, right near her clinic."
She nodded mutely. "I'm a little overwhelmed."
"And a little scared," Ben said, gazing down at her with a gentle smile. "Don't be, Penny. Garrett, we can take care of her scrapes with the Rangers in El Paso, can't we?"
"I'll get on it right now," Garrett said. "But you both know, there are a hell of a lot of unanswered questions here, and we're going to have to get busy answering them. First and foremost being, who did we bury and how did they end up in that car, wearing Penny's wedding band?"
He looked at Penny as if she could tell him what he wanted to know, when he knew perfectly well she couldn't. It irked her and made her instantly defensive. "If I had the answers, I'd give them to you, Sheriff Brand, but—"
He moved closer, and his hand on her cheek was gentle. "It's 'Garrett,' hon. I'm as much your brother as Ben's, and don't you forget it. We're gonna see you through this, Penny. We'll get to the bottom of it."
She frowned in confusion. Did they all think she was really falling for this?
"Yeah," Adam said. "And I have a pretty good idea where to start." All eyes turned toward him, and he shook his head, looking angry. "With Kirsten."
Jessi rolled her eyes. "I shoulda known you'd find a way to blame all this on her, Adam. You know, just because she stood you up at your own wedding doesn't make her responsible for every bad thing that happens in the universe!"
"No, Adam's right," Ben said softly. He looked at Penny. "Kirsten was your best friend," he explained. "If anyone might have a clue what happened that day your car went off the road, it would be her."
"I'll call her," Adam said, his voice grim.
"I think maybe someone else should do that," Jessi put in, with a meaningful glance at her brother.
"Meanwhile," Chelsea said, breaking into the planning session with her soft voice, "are you okay, Penny? Is all this too much for you?"
Penny couldn't help but like the woman. The way she took charge and tried to ease things for her. And she didn't even know her. Maybe that was why she liked Chelsea. She was too new to the family to have been involved in the plot to get rid of her. She had no expectations of her. She wasn't looking at her now and mentally comparing her to the woman she'd been two years ago. The way she felt Ben doing every time his blue eyes probed so deeply into hers. The way they were doing right now.
"I'm okay. Just tired … and my head's aching some."
Chelsea's eyes met Ben's, and something passed between them. It was Ben who turned to Penny. "I know it's a lot to deal with all at once," he told her. "Especially when you're still so sick. I don't even know how you've managed this long on your own in your condition. Come on, why don't you come inside, lie down for a while."
Penny crinkled her brows, studying him. "I'm not sick," she said. "Aside from losing my memory … and these damned headaches … the coma didn't cause any side effects at all."
He just stared at her. Unblinking. Wide-eyed.
"Penny…" He gave his head a shake. "Penny … do you know what caused you to go into that coma in the first place?"
She blinked at him. "You said something about a car accident."
A long breath escaped him, and he closed his eyes slowly. When he opened them again they were wet, and something closed off in Penny's throat.
"Wasn't that what it was? I mean, I thought that must have been how I was hurt, and why you sent me—why I had to go to the clinic…"
"Honey, nobody sent you anywhere. I'd have killed anyone who tried." He reached for her, pulled her into his arms, kissed her hair. "But it doesn't matter," he told her. "You're home now and you look better than you ever did, and that's all that matters right now."
He stopped speaking when she didn't return his embrace, and very slowly he released her. "I'm sorry."
He looked so hurt, so torn, and happy and sad all at the same time. It touched her a little, though she tried not to let it. "No, it does matter. Why would you say I was sick? Why shouldn't I look as well as I do?" She searched his face, then scanned the eyes of the others. "Is there something you aren't telling me?"
Ben eased a palm over her face, parted his lips, but then closed them again and glanced at his brother Adam. "I can't…"
"Penny," Adam said, stepping closer to her. "It looks as if you were never in that car when the accident happened. But you were sick before that."
She frowned. "How sick?"
Adam lowered his head. "Pretty sick."
Tilting her head to one side, she realized slowly that she'd been lied to again. Dr. Barlow never told her she'd been ill, but didn't correct her when she assumed she'd been injured in some way and that was what led to the coma. But she shook her head, brushing it off. She'd get all the answers she sought, eventually. "I see. I don't remember being sick. But I suppose it makes no difference. I'm not sick now."
When she said that, Ben averted his eyes fast—as if she'd given him a sudden pain he didn't want her to see. What was going on with these people? "Really," she said, glancing around at their surprised faces. "Aside from these headaches, I feel great."
"You certainly look great," Chelsea said. "C'mon, I think you could use a little rest all the same. You've been through the mill, and besides, I want you to know where you are."
"I know where I am," Penny said as Chelsea took her arm. "In Texas."
"No," Chelsea said. "You're home, darlin'. You're home."
For some reason she couldn't name, Chelsea's words made her eyes burn a little. She started for the porch, then glanced back in sudden panic when she realized Olive wasn't beside her. But then she spotted the dog, still rolling on the ground with the little boy.
"I'll bring her along in a minute or two," Jessi offered.
"All right." Penny thought it was ridiculous to be afraid to let the dog out of her sight, much less to have become so damned attached to her in such a short time. But it didn't help calm her stomach. Olive had become like a living security blanket somehow.
She walked up the front steps, glanced at the porch swing and went still, staring at it. For just a second she saw herself sitting there … and Ben beside her, his big arm slung around her shoulders, her head resting upon his as the swing moved gently back and forth. Her head pounded harder, and the vision faded. Then she went through the screen door with Chelsea at her side, and heard it bang closed behind them.
Ben held on just fine until she was out of sight. But once the screen door shut behind her, he lost it. He felt his body slump, shoulders sagging, head hanging low, as he battled the damned tears that burned his eyes and fought to catch his breath. And then Adam was there, and Garrett and Wes. Even Elliot. He could hear Jessi gathering up that damned dog, and little Bubba. She and Taylor and Lash wandered off to give him space. Let him be. But not his brothers. Elliot was gripping his arms, Adam squeezing his shoulder and Garrett asking if he was okay. Wes stood nearby, silent, brooding. But close enough to touch him should the need arise. They closed in on him like locusts the second Penny was out of sight, and he thought if they hadn't he'd probably be on his knees by now. The big pains in the backside.
"This must be killing you," Adam said. "God, Ben, I don't know what to say."
Ben nodded once, meeting Adam's eyes, hoping the anguish didn't show too much in his own. "Not much to say. My wife is back from the dead. Somehow … someway. And I ought to be glad, you know? I ought to be on my knees thanking God almighty for this miracle, this chance to spend a little more time with her. But all I can think about is that I'm going to lose her again. And … Jesus, she doesn't even know she's sick."
Adam closed his eyes, lowered his head. "You're going to have to tell her. You know that."
"How can I? How can I break that news to her all over again, Adam? Did you see her? How she is right now?"
Adam nodded, meeting Ben's eyes, his own grim. "Yeah. She's like she was before … before she got sick in the first place."
"Exactly." Ben glanced toward the house. Wide and old, if it could talk, it would have some stories to tell. He remembered the nights he and Penny had rocked on that very porch swing, arm in arm, lips on lips. His throat went tight. "It destroyed her the last time she got news like this. God help me, I don't think I have the strength to tell her. To say those words and watch that light in her eyes go out like it did before."
Garrett shook his head, sighed heavily. "It'll be hard, Ben, but you have to do it. You have to tell her. For God's sake, you can't just let her go on not knowing—"
"Now, hold up a minute," Elliot cut in. He turned to pace a few steps away. Then he turned to face them all again, swiping the hat from his head in the process. "I think you all are overlookin' the obvious, here."
Wes straightened from where he leaned against the pickup's shiny fender. "And what's that, little brother?"
Elliot lifted his brows and hands at the same time. "Did she look sick to you? Because I'm telling you, boys, she sure didn't look sick to me. Not even a little bit."
There was silence as Ben glanced at each face, each set of eyes, and saw hope flashing only in one of them. Elliot's. "Doc was sure about the diagnosis," he told his optimistic younger brother softly. "And the symptoms were getting worse all the time. There was no doubt it was HWS."
"That's just my point!" Elliot shook his hair with his hands and then replaced his hat. "Hillman-Waite Syndrome is progressive. Gets steadily worse. There's no remission, no sudden recovery. Doc made all that pretty clear to you back when he first diagnosed Penny with the disease. So, as sick as she was just before the accident, how the heck come she's walking around looking just like peaches and cream now?"
Ben dragged his gaze away from the youthful hope and zeal in Elliot's eyes and met Garrett's instead. Garrett shrugged. "You gotta admit, it's a good question."
"You should get Doc over here, have him take a look at her," Adam told him. "Maybe there's more going on here than we know. I mean, she said she was in Europe, right? They're always coming up with new treatments and—"
"Don't say it, Adam." Ben held his hand up to stop his brother. Then he turned slowly, putting his back to all of them. He braced his arms straight out against the pickup and let his head hang between them. It ached. His whole body ached, but most particularly in the area where his heart was being systematically shredded. "Don't even think it."
"But if there's hope—" Adam began.
"Hope can be a cruel thing, Adam," Wes said slo
wly. "It can lift you higher than you've ever been, and then just let you go—no net, no parachute and no anesthesia. I think Ben would prefer to keep his feet on the ground for now."
Ben said nothing, but felt his brothers' eyes on him. Felt their concern touching him even when they kept their hands at their sides.
"That's probably the best thing to do," Garrett said, reverting to the parental tone he used whenever he felt his full-grown siblings needed to hear it. "Be realistic, and don't go falling for that old wishful-thinking trap. This is hard enough without false hopes. But it's okay to wish it were different, Ben. It's okay to wish she wasn't sick, and it's sure as hell okay to hate that she can't remember you."
The red-orange sun blazing down from the huge Texas sky made the fender warm on his hands, and yet Ben still felt chilled to the bone. "Penny's the one who feels like hell, not me. Imagine how it would be to wake up one day and realize you've lost your whole life. Your past. Everything." He lifted his head, turned around slowly, knew his eyes were probably red rimmed. "And on top of that, imagine being told you probably won't live long enough to make any new memories to replace the ones you've lost."
Elliot shook his head hard. "She'll get her memory back, Ben. She has to!"
"I don't know about that."
"But she has to remember you. She loves you!"
Ben faced his youngest brother, seeing the hope in his eyes, despite Garrett's warnings against it. God, to be that young again, to be able to see everything with optimism, to believe in happy endings. "Loved me, Elliot. Now … now she doesn't even know me." Ben's voice broke, and he had to avert his eyes.
Wes clasped Ben's shoulder, his own voice slightly choked, raspy. "Whatever we can do…"
"We're here for you," Garrett said. "You know that. We're family, Ben."
"Yeah." Ben looked at each of his brothers in turn. When one Brand stubbed his toe, another one cussed. They were that close. He prayed they always would be. "I know," he said.
THE HUSBAND SHE COULDN'T REMEMBER Page 6