The Man Every Woman Wants

by Miranda Lee

  It was then that she began to weep, her whole body suddenly surrendering to a storm of emotion that she was yet to understand.

  ‘Hush, my darling,’ Ryan crooned as he wrapped his arms around her back and held her tightly against him. ‘Hush. There’s no need to cry.’

  ‘I know,’ she choked out. ‘I’m being s…silly.’

  ‘Not silly at all,’ he murmured. ‘Just…over-tired. Time for you to get some proper sleep, I think. And time for me to go.’

  Her head shot up off his chest. ‘But you promised to stay the whole night!’

  ‘I’ve changed my mind about that.’

  ‘I don’t want you to go,’ she wailed.

  ‘Don’t worry. I’ll be back,’ he said, and firmly put her to one side whilst he sat up and swung his feet over the side of the bed.

  She only just stopped herself from grabbing him to make him stay, but couldn’t help asking, ‘When? Tomorrow night?’

  He sighed. ‘I know I shouldn’t but, yes, I promise to come back tomorrow night. Unless, of course, you’ve changed your mind about becoming my girlfriend for real,’ he added, glancing over his shoulder at her. ‘Then I could pick you up from your office, take you for drinks and dinner then back to my place for a very pleasant evening.’

  Oh, how tempting it was to agree to his offer. So, why didn’t she?

  Because all the reasons why she’d rejected his original proposal were still there: he didn’t love her. He would never love her. The fact that that realisation cut even deeper into her heart reinforced her decision to keep her affair with Ryan as short as possible. It worried her sick that she was already falling in love with him. How easy it would be to surrender to her emotional nature and just go along with whatever he wanted.

  Don’t do it, Laura, the bitter voice of experience insisted. Stay strong!

  ‘I haven’t changed my mind,’ she said much more firmly than she felt.

  ‘Fine,’ he bit out as he climbed off the bed and reached for his clothes. ‘But don’t go thinking you can have it all your way indefinitely, Laura. I’m not happy with this arrangement. Not happy at all.’

  ‘Really?’ she couldn’t resist saying. ‘I would have thought it was right up your alley—all fun and no responsibility.’

  The look he gave her would have frozen mercury.

  Laura might have panicked if it had lasted. But slowly the ice in his eyes thawed and a sardonic smile lifted one corner of his mouth. ‘I can see you would have been one hell of a criminal-defence lawyer. You really are wasted in corporate law. Which reminds me, don’t forget to tell them at work that I’m no longer your client and that they’ll need to send me someone else.’

  Dismay curled her stomach. ‘But what excuse will I give them?’

  Now his smile turned a little cruel. ‘That’s your problem, Laura.’

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

  ‘NO!’ Alison exclaimed in shocked tones for the umpteenth time.

  Laura suppressed a sigh. Lord only knew how her friend would react if she told her the whole truth about her ongoing affair with Ryan. She’d actually contemplated lying when Alison had rung her first thing this morning, barely five minutes after she arrived at work. But in the end she’d decided that a sanitised version of the truth would still save her pride, at the same time satisfying Alison’s by-then rabid curiosity.

  So she’d confessed to having sex with Ryan again when they’d returned to Sydney yesterday, but made it sound like it had been her idea that he eventually go home rather than stay the night. But when she confessed that she’d refused to become his girlfriend for real, opting instead for a brief sexual fling, Alison’s reaction had still been negative.

  ‘And you honestly think you can handle a strictly sexual affair?’ Alison went on eventually in a calmer vein. ‘That might suit lover boy but it’s not you, Laura.’

  Laura refused to let her friend think Ryan was to blame for everything. ‘Try not to forget, Alison, that I’ve been a willing partner in all this. I want sex from Ryan as much as he wants it from me.’

  ‘He must be damned good in bed to get you into this state. You’ve never cared for sex all that much in the past, not even when you were madly in love. But, of course, he has had a lot of experience,’ she added tartly.

  ‘Yes,’ Laura agreed, wondering if Alison could be just a tad jealous. She was always saying that one’s sex life went out the window when you had children.

  Alison sighed. ‘You know, I envy you, in a weird kind of way,’ she admitted, confirming Laura’s thoughts.

  ‘Not as much as I envy you,’ Laura retaliated. ‘I’d give anything to have a loving husband like your Peter and two gorgeous children. You have a fantastic family, Alison.’

  ‘I guess I do. It’s just that… Oh, never mind. Look, don’t take any notice of me today. I’m suffering from PMT; you know what it’s like.’

  ‘Indeed I do.’ Laura frowned as she realised that she didn’t have any of the symptoms yet.

  Feeling slightly panicky, she went over the dates in her head again and came up with the same result—her period was definitely due on Wednesday. It occurred to her that maybe PMT went away when you were having a fantastic sex life. Maybe her body had become more relaxed. Stress could do dreadful things to one’s health. Or so she’d read.

  ‘What you need to do,’ she told Alison, ‘Is to have more sex.’

  ‘Huh! And when exactly do I have time for sex? Those gorgeous kids of mine run me ragged.’

  ‘Make time, Alison. I’ll mind your kids next weekend and you go away with Peter.’

  ‘Honestly? You’d do that?’

  ‘I’ve minded them before.’

  ‘Not for a whole weekend. You know, I think that’s a great idea and I will take you up on it—eventually. But not this weekend. There’s no point; I’ll have my period.’

  ‘You and me both,’ Laura said dryly. ‘Look, I have to go, Alison. I have heaps of work to do.’

  Which was not strictly true. But she had to think up some plausible reason why she could no longer be Ryan’s lawyer. It was sure to be the first thing he would ask her that evening.

  But, as it turned out, Laura couldn’t think of a reason—not one she felt happy with. Already she was feeling hyped up about tonight. Hyped up and turned on. Thoughts of sex filled her head all day, so much so that by the time Ryan arrived on her doorstep shortly after seven she’d forgotten all about not having organised another lawyer. All she could think of was being with him. One look at his hotly glittering eyes and she knew he felt exactly the same.

  They made it into the bedroom, but not the bed. And Ryan almost didn’t use a condom—again! She was the one who reminded him just in time. When he swore, she laughed. Then he laughed. The delay was exactly what they needed to catch their breath and move from the hard wooden floor to the comfort of the bed. They even managed to remove their clothes before a burst of uncontrollable passion overtook them again.

  Laura came the moment Ryan entered her, his own climax swiftly following. After his body stopped shuddering he collapsed across her, his weight almost crushing. When she pushed at his shoulders, he levered himself up onto his elbows and glared down at her.

  ‘I can’t keep this up, you know,’ he growled.

  Her brain felt as glazed as her eyes. ‘Keep what up?’

  ‘Waiting all day to be with you. I nearly went insane this afternoon.’

  ‘Oh…’

  ‘Is that all you’ve got to say? Oh?’

  ‘I don’t know what you want me to say.’

  ‘Say that you feel the same way. Say you’ll stop this nonsense and agree to be my girlfriend for real. Then we could spend lunchtimes together and have proper dates. And weekends away.’

  Again, she was tempted to agree. But the bottom line was that he still only wanted her for sex with some company thrown in. There would be no proposal of marriage at any stage.

  She said the only thing that she knew would stop him in his tracks.
‘If I become your girlfriend for real, Ryan, I’m sure to fall in love with you.’

  Ryan could not believe the crazy thoughts which ran through his head—mostly that he didn’t care any more if she fell in love with him as long as she let him spend more time with her.

  God, how selfish could he get?

  Ryan rolled away from her, staring grimly up at the ceiling and wondering what the hell he should do. He didn’t like it that he was becoming possessive of her. It worried him.

  Laura could not believe how forlorn she felt when he abandoned her body. Forlorn and alone. He was lying right beside her yet he seemed such a long way away. She hated that feeling.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ she said suddenly, not really knowing what she was apologising for.

  He turned his head to look at her. ‘For what? Being honest? I like honest people. And I like you—very much so.’

  ‘I…I like you too,’ she said, choking on the words as she realised what an understatement they were. Because, of course, she didn’t just like him any more. She loved the man. It wasn’t the thought of no more sex with him that terrified the life out of her but of never seeing him again.

  It was a shattering realisation. Laura quickly turned her head away lest her face betray the truth.

  ‘I doubt you’d fall in love with me, Laura,’ he said at that most ironic moment. ‘By the way, what did you tell your boss about why you couldn’t be my lawyer any more?’

  Laura cleared her throat. ‘I…er…haven’t told him yet.’

  ‘Then don’t.’

  Her head whipped round to stare at him. ‘But why?’

  ‘I don’t want another lawyer. I want you.’

  ‘What about your rule about sleeping with work colleagues?’

  He shrugged. ‘Rules are meant to be broken.’

  His nonchalance infuriated her, especially after all the fuss he’d made. ‘You can break your rule,’ she snapped, ‘But I have no intention of breaking mine. You’re my client now and I do not have relationships with clients.’

  He speared her with cold blue eyes. ‘But you don’t have a relationship with me, Laura. You’re just having sex with me. Which reminds me, I take it you don’t want to call it quits tonight either, do you? You want me to come back tomorrow night as well.’

  Laura’s teeth clamped down hard. He was deliberately trying to goad her. But she refused to be goaded. ‘I guess that’s up to you, Ryan. I can’t force you to come.’

  ‘But you want me to.’

  She lifted her chin in a defiant manner. ‘Yes,’ she bit out.

  ‘In that case, I’ll be here tomorrow night. But after that I suggest we have a week’s break from each other. That should stop us growing too attached.’

  She wanted to hate him at that moment.

  ‘What about our appointment on Friday afternoon?’ she asked waspishly.

  ‘The contracts can wait another week. Things are a bit slow at the moment. Now, I really must go to the bathroom. Meanwhile, I suggest you go get that bottle of white wine that I saw in your fridge door last night. I could do with a drink.’

  ‘I was going to have that later with dinner,’ she threw after him.

  ‘Good God,’ he said mockingly as he strode from the room. ‘She’s going to feed me as well. What a lucky fellow I am.’

  Now she did hate him.

  But not as much as Ryan hated himself. He scowled at his reflection in the bathroom mirror. What right did he have to say nasty things like that?

  If you don’t like the ‘strictly sex’ arrangement Laura wants, then you should just keep on walking, right out of her life.

  So why didn’t he?

  Be honest, you hypocritical bastard. It’s just your pride lashing out. You really want to stay.

  By the time Ryan finished washing his hands, he’d resolved to stop being stupid and just give Laura plenty of what she wanted. But he wanted to make love to her; that was the truth of it.

  Ryan shook his head at himself in the mirror. It was as well that he’d suggested they have a break from each other; he was becoming way too involved. He also revised his idea about keeping her on as his lawyer. But he wouldn’t tell her that just yet. He’d tell her tomorrow night.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

  LAURA’S period didn’t arrive on Wednesday morning, or Wednesday afternoon, or Wednesday evening. When Thursday morning came and still no sign of a period, her stress levels soared. Suddenly, she was thankful that she and Ryan were not in contact for a week. No phone calls, or text messages; no emails. Nothing until the following Tuesday when he’d be dropping round after work around seven.

  The last time she’d seen him he’d said they both needed time to think, which was certainly true. Because by then she was more in love with him than ever, so much so that she was reconsidering accepting his offer of being his girlfriend for real and to hell with the consequences. She’d almost said as much when he had gone to leave. She might have done so if he hadn’t opened his mouth to say he’d changed his mind about keeping her on as his lawyer.

  ‘Don’t worry about finding a replacement immediately,’ he’d added. ‘That can wait a while.’

  It was a well-timed reminder that nothing had changed for Ryan. Any secret fantasies she’d been harbouring about his feelings for her having deepened went out of the window. So, yes, she definitely needed time to think about what she was going to do when she saw him the following Tuesday.

  By Friday, Laura’s period still hadn’t made an appearance. It was a huge relief that she wasn’t in contact with Ryan, because he might have asked her about it. This way, she didn’t have to explain things. For Lord knew how he would react. He might think she’d lied to him and had somehow been trying to trap him with a pregnancy. As if she would!

  But she could not deny that strangely, as soon as the thought entered Laura’s head that she might have somehow conceived Ryan’s child, by some perverse twist of fate, the idea of having his baby brought a zing to her heart. But the zing did not last, fading to a deep dismay when she realised it would definitely mean the end of any relationship with Ryan. Because he didn’t do love or marriage or, God forbid, fatherhood.

  That night she actually prayed for her period to arrive. But her prayers were not answered, not for another few days. Perversely, she cried when it did arrive the following Tuesday morning—cried and cried and cried. She was so distressed that she rang work and said she would not be in. Several times that day, she picked up her phone to call Ryan and tell him she didn’t want him to come over that night. But each time she put the phone back down again. Love made one weak, she accepted despairingly. And there she’d been, thinking she was over being a victim to love.

  Laura thought about what she would say to Ryan all afternoon, determined not to let him come inside. She even began to hope that he might not come at all. But he showed up, looking impossibly handsome in a suit and tie. Her resolve faltered when he smiled at her— Faltered even more when he said, ‘God, but I’ve missed you,’ then pulled her into his arms.

  She didn’t object to his kiss, telling herself that this was her goodbye kiss. But, oh, inside she was already dissolving.

  ‘I’m sorry, Ryan,’ she said when he finally let her come up for air. ‘But you have to stop. I…I’ve got my period.’

  ‘Still?’

  She looked into his eyes and saw surprise, not scepticism.

  ‘No. It… It didn’t arrive till today,’ she admitted.

  Now he looked shocked. ‘But you said…’

  ‘I know what I said,’ she swept on angrily, knowing exactly what he’d thought for a split second. ‘I don’t know what happened. I was so worried about being late that I actually went to a doctor yesterday and he told me that sometimes ovulation is delayed from stress. He asked me what had been going on in my life, and when I told him about Gran’s accident he said that might have done it. Anyway, he said it was too early to test for a pregnancy but it wasn’t impossible that I might have conceiv
ed. You can imagine how I felt at that moment!’

  ‘No,’ he said, looking oddly at her. ‘How did you feel?’

  It angered her even further, that coolly speculative look in his eyes.

  All the distress of the last week welled up inside her, goading her tongue to strike out at him.

  ‘How do you think I felt?’ she snapped. ‘You don’t think that I wanted your baby, do you? Good God, I’d have to be insane to want that! It’s bad enough that I let myself be seduced into a disgustingly futile affair with a man who offered me nothing of himself but his body—if it turned out I was pregnant, I think I would have jumped off the harbour bridge!’

  ‘You don’t mean that,’ he ground out.

  ‘I do indeed,’ she returned fiercely, all reason abandoned with her loss of temper. ‘What decent woman would want your baby? You’d make a terrible father. Why, you are the most selfish, self-centred, screwed-up man I’ve ever known! Even Mario was a better man than you. And that’s saying something!’

  He just stared at her for a long moment, his eyes haunted. And then he nodded. Slowly. Sadly. ‘I couldn’t have said it better myself,’ he agreed.

  The horror of her words finally sank in to Laura, bringing with it an almost unbearable shame. She had no right to hurt him like she just had. No right at all. As she’d said to Alison, she’d been a willing partner in all this. Besides, not wanting marriage and a family didn’t make Ryan a bad person. He had every right to live his life as he saw fit, and it wasn’t as though he hadn’t been honest with her.

  But it was too late now. The words had been said and she couldn’t take them back. Though, heaven help her, she wanted to, wanted to throw herself back into his arms and beg him to forgive her. Instead, she took a shaky step backwards, her fingers curling over into fists by her side lest her arms moved without her brain telling them to.

  ‘I do apologise if I have behaved badly,’ he said bleakly. ‘I honestly never meant to hurt you. I think you are an incredible woman and I’m sure that some day your Mr Right will come along and give you what you want. Please tell your family I’m sorry things didn’t work out between us but I wish them well also, especially your gran.’