Against the Rules (Liberty Cove Book 1)

by Julia Black

  I lifted my leg and teased him under his chin with my toes. “No need to be this worked up.”

  He held onto my foot and kissed my top arch. “Sorry, it’s just … things with kids …” He let out a long breath. “They get to me.”

  We both had briefly mentioned sad stories before. I wondered what happened in his childhood that made it so horrible. “Want to talk about it?”

  He turned his green eyes, a pained shine on them. “There’s not much to tell.” He shrugged dismissively. “I was in the foster care system since I was born. I have no idea who my parents are, and my foster homes weren’t that great. End of story.”

  I swallowed, feeling bad for him. Things went south with my parents after I got pregnant with Luana, but before that I had had a good childhood—I followed all of my parents super strict rules and had to go to all the events they thought were fun, but they had been kind and concerned about me.

  By the sound of it, Josh’s foster parents hadn’t been kind or concerned about him, and that made my heart ache for him.

  I scooted closer and planted a kiss on his cheek. “Besides everything, it seems you turned out okay.”

  Pretending I didn’t see his shocked expression, I stood and went to pour myself some more wine.

  ***

  Josh

  I stared at Kiera while she strolled into the kitchen and got more wine.

  I didn’t know if I was shocked because of her simple, kind gesture and words, or because she had no idea just how fucked up I was. She thought I turned out okay? I was very far away from being okay.

  An okay, normal person dreamed about having a serious relationships and getting married and having kids. Not me. That was my one rule. No serious relationship of any kind. With my messed up past, I probably had a thousand hidden issues, and I didn’t want to find out I was a violent person while trying to raise a family.

  I shuddered.

  And yet, here I was. I turned my gaze to Kiera as she sat back down on the couch, put her legs over my lap again, and sipped her wine. It had been thirteen days since we agreed to have sex, and just sex. I had come over ten nights out of thirteen days and had a great time with not only Kiera but also with Luana. With both of them.

  Something tugged at my gut, telling me to flee, to stop these visits, to change my schedule so I wouldn’t bump into them in the hallway, to forget about them, about Kiera, but while seated beside her … I had no strength to leave. Right now, she had me on a leash, and I would gladly follow her around.

  I ran my fingers up her smooth leg, up to her hip. I started sliding my fingers under her pants, but she swatted at my hand. “What are you doing?” She stole a glance at the door on the other side of the room. “Luana could appear at any time.”

  I teased her, trailing the waist of her pants with my fingers. “Tell me you don’t want it?”

  I hooked one finger under her pants. She moaned and I took that as in invitation.

  I slid my hand under her panties. She shifted her weight, giving me more access, and I found her center. Holy fuck, she was already fucking wet and wanting. With my other hand, I clasped her waist and pulled her closer to me. She let out a little yelp, which turned into a moan when I slipped my finger inside her.

  I leaned into her and whispered in her ear. “Is this good?”

  “We can’t … I shouldn’t …” I slipped a second finger inside her and pushed hard. She gasped out loud. “More. Josh, I want more.”

  That was all I wanted to hear. In a flash, I had my arm around her waist, placing her on the couch under me, while my other hand pumped hard inside her.

  She arched her back, pressing her perky breasts against my chest, and I groaned before taking her mouth. Her lips parted and moved in sync with mine. She teased my tongue with hers, and then she sucked on it. I almost lost it. Fuck this girl was too much, too damn much, and I wanted all of her.

  I flicked my thumb over her clit. Moaning, she grasped my shoulders, her nails sinking through my shirt. “Oh God,” she gasped against my mouth. She arched her back again and I trailed my lips down her neck. I nipped at her collarbone, then slid my tongue on the top curve of her perfect breast, all the while fucking her with my fingers.

  I pulled her top down and continued the trip with my tongue, until it found her hardened nipple. I increased the pressure on her clit at the same time I sucked on her breast.

  She let out a small cry. “Josh …”

  I lapped my tongue over her nipple and spied on her. “What?” She looked glorious with her eyes half-closed and her mouth parted. “What is it?”

  “Please, don’t stop,” she whispered.

  “As you wish.” With a grin, I moved up, taking her mouth with mine again. Not too gentle, I kissed her deep and hard, matching the rhythm of my fingers in her. I slid my other hand to her breast and continued my previous game, cupping her and pinching her nipple. I felt as her body grew tenser under mine, coiled, ready to explode. I rolled my thumb over her clit, once, twice, and then she stilled.

  “Oh, Josh,” she hissed, her body trembling as she came.

  I pulled back and stared at her dazed eyes. I brought my fingers to my mouth and sucked hard, loving her sweet taste. The pressure in my pants increased as my hard on grew even more. I ground my hips against her and she moaned, arching her back.

  She was fucking delicious. I could eat every inch of her.

  I sank to her neck.

  Then she tensed and pushed me away.

  “Oh my God,” she whispered, scooting from under me and pulling her clothes straight. With huge eyes, she jumped off the couch. “Oh my God.”

  I sat up, which only made my cock hurt more. “What?”

  She stared at me. “What? We did this …” Her cheek gaining a red tint, she gestured to her couch. “We just did that in my living room, while Luana is still awake.”

  True about the living room part, but … “Luana has been quiet for a long time. I bet she’s sound asleep now.” I stood and reached for her. I clasped her waist and turned her to me. “What about we go to your bedroom and finish what we started?”

  She stared at me as if I had just ripped her soul in half, and she couldn’t decide which part she wanted to take with her.

  “Josh, I can’t—”

  A door creaked and Kiera jumped three feet away from me. Two seconds later, Luana’s curls popped from the darkness of her bedroom. “Mommy?” She blinked at the light, then put a hand over her eyes. “I can’t sleep.”

  Kiera sighed. “It’s way past your bedtime, baby. You have to sleep.”

  “Can you stay with me a little bit?”

  Kiera glanced at me. I nodded at her. “You said next time she came out you would stay with her for a little bit. Then go.”

  “All right,” she whispered. She walked to Luana and put a hand on the little girl’s shoulder. “Come on, baby. Let’s get you settled.” She steered Luana into her bedroom with her, then closed the door.

  A long breath escaped from my lungs, and I plopped down on the couch. What the hell was I doing? I couldn’t discern my feelings right now. It was as if they were pulling me in a thousand different directions.

  Kiera had her rules of not getting involved with any men until Luana was older, and to not bring any men home. And I had my rules: not get involved, not have any meaningful relationship, no marriage, no kids.

  And what were we both doing? We were breaking our own rules.

  I could deny I wasn’t really getting involved all I wanted, I knew deep in my mind and deep in my heart, that I was, and I was sure she was too. Even Luana was.

  At the end of the day, I knew I wouldn’t stick around, even if it seemed like it right now. I couldn’t stick around.

  Fuck. I couldn’t do that to them.

  I pushed off the sofa and ran out of the apartment before Kiera could come back from Luana’s bedroom. A shitty move, but the only move I could play right now.

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  Joshr />
  During the next week, I listened to reason.

  Monday morning when I got to work, I was able to switch my schedule for the rest of the week. The way it was, I wouldn’t be lurking the building’s hallways at the times I knew Kiera and Luana were leaving or getting back home.

  And it worked fantastically—besides my chest hurting and begging for me to knock on their door and spend more time with them. Sometimes, I was doing simple things, mundane things, like brushing my teeth, or writing reports when an ache, a deep ache assaulted me, leaving me breathless. The ache always came with images of Kiera and Luana—of them smiling at me, of being seated at the table with them and eating dinner just like a real family would, of Luana laughing at my stupid jokes, of her playing tea party with me, of the way she screamed my name with joy whenever she saw me, of Kiera seated on the couch beside me, snuggling close, her nose on my neck, of her legs over mine, of her body tangled with mine, writhing under me.

  I pushed those images away.

  No, I wasn’t right for anyone, especially for them. They deserved someone who knew what he was doing. Who started a relationship with them knowing what he wanted and where it was going. Who wasn’t afraid of expressing his feelings and did everything he could to protect them. They deserved someone who didn’t have a twisted past that was sure to come back to haunt him someday. They deserved someone who had never punched a woman before.

  I sighed and focused on the fucking report in front of me. It was almost time to go. I just had to finish this report, check some emails, and then I could go home. And force myself to walk by Kiera’s apartment without knocking on her door. It was only Friday—I hadn’t seen them in five days—and I couldn’t imagine doing more of this avoidance thing for much longer.

  But I had to.

  “Josh?” the nurse called me. “A police officer just came in with a kid. I took them to a room. The doctor is busy right now, and it might take him a while to go see the kid. Can you go talk to them while they wait for the doctor?”

  A police officer? A kid? I pushed off my chair so sudden, the chair almost tipped back. “Sure.”

  She pointed me to the right examination room and I stopped at the door. There was no chart at the stand on the wall. Frowning, I knocked on the door and pushed open.

  The police officer stood beside the examination table and a boy of six, maybe seven years old, was seated at the table, his brow bleeding and his lips swollen. There was also a purpling mark underneath his eye.

  I sucked in a sharp breath. “Hi, I’m Josh Wolfe, an intern here.”

  “Officer Brooks.” He shook my hand, then I turned to the boy.

  “What happened?” I asked.

  The officer let out a long breath. “I answered to a call this morning issued by a neighbor who claimed hearing screams from the house next door. My partner and I went to check it out. It turned out the owner of the house is this kid’s foster father.” He leaned in closer and said, “He was high in what we think is cocaine. We found lots of it in his bedroom. My partner took the man to the police station, but apparently he and his wife, who was out at the time, just became foster parents to get the money and buy drugs.”

  I clenched my fists, wishing this foster father was right in front of me so I could punch him right in the nose. I shook my head once. No, not that again.

  Putting my professional mask back on and ignoring the way the rage shook my bones, I let out a deep breath.

  “What’s your name?”

  “Jonah,” the boy said, his voice quiet, scared.

  I rested my hand on the boy’s shoulder. “You’re safe here, okay, Jonah. We’re gonna take care of you now.”

  ***

  Josh

  I hated night shifts. They messed me up really good, but, while trying to change my schedule for the upcoming week, the only option was a few night shift in at the emergency center. And I took it.

  I had spent the entire night working from Saturday to Sunday, and I thought once I got home Sunday, I would crash hard, but it was quite the contrary. Before I left work early morning, another hurt kid was brought in by his mother. I wanted to not care enough and leave that one for my colleagues, but I couldn’t. So I checked on them. At first, the mother kept saying the boy had fallen on the porch and hit his head on the corner of a table, but her nervousness gave her away. A few minutes later, she was crying and admitting her husband hit the kid all the time, and sometimes hit her too. I had no patience for this bullshit. Despite her protests, I called in social services and stayed there, treating the boy, until they arrived and took over the case.

  By the time I got home that morning, my nerves were too high and I couldn’t rest. So, I put on my running shorts and tank and sneakers and went out for a run.

  And I regretted that decision the moment I ran by the park and saw Kiera kicking a soccer ball to Luana.

  “Josh!” Luana yelled. Smiling wide, she came running to me.

  I didn’t think. I changed directions and ran to her. I slowed down the closer she got to me and opened my arms right before she jumped at me. I caught her and twirled around with her, making her laugh.

  “Hi Luana,” I said, settling her down.

  I looked up. With the soccer ball under her arm, Kiera was a few feet from us, her brows drawn together.

  “Where have you been?” Luana asked, taking my hand. “Mommy said you were super busy with work and med school.”

  “She’s right,” I said. And that wasn’t a lie.

  “But you’re here now.” Luana pulled on my hand. “Come play with us.”

  I didn’t budge. “No, it’s okay. You should have some mommy and daughter moments.”

  Luana whispered, “But mommy is terrible at playing ball. Please, play with us.”

  I smiled. Fuck, how I had missed them.

  “Luana,” Kiera started, her hard tone cutting through me. “He said no, baby. Let him go back to his run.”

  Luana let go of my hand. “Sorry.”

  That pout, those big eyes, that sad voice. It opened a hole in my chest.

  “Wai—”

  “Look,” Kiera interrupted me. She pointed to the other side of the street. “Lucas and Brianna are coming. You can play ball with them.”

  Luana’s pretty face perked up, but then she returned her eyes to me, looking a little sad again. “Bye, Josh.” She gave me a little wave, then took the ball from Kiera, and ran to her friends and their mothers.

  I looked back at Kiera, but she was already turning and going after her daughter.

  “Kiera, wait.” She took two more steps before she stopped and glanced at me over her shoulder. “My schedule was fucked up this week, I had some night shifts, and—”

  “It’s okay, Josh.”

  She resumed walking away.

  An ache spread through my chest.

  I could let her keep walking away. I could let her go. I could pretend she was just a random person at the park. It wouldn’t be easy, it would hurt as hell, but I could do it. I could let her go.

  But I didn’t want to. This entire week, I had been miserable, and I didn’t want to stay away from her. I could have her, be with them both, for a while longer. Just a little longer.

  I jogged up to her and halted in front of her. “We need to talk.”

  She crossed her arms. “We don’t need to talk, Josh.” She lowered her voice as she said, “It was just sex, remember? You don’t owe me any explanations. We had our fun, and now you’re busy. It’s okay.”

  She gave one step to the side, to walk past me, but I mirrored her, not letting her pass. “I miss you,” I confessed. “I miss you both, and I regretted taking so many fucked up shifts this past week.”

  She shook her head. “Don’t, please. Don’t say these things. We’re not suppo—”

  “We’re not supposed to get involved. And I agree. Look, we have a good thing here. You and I …” I gestured between our close bodies. “We have great chemistry and we get along well. We’re havin
g a good time together. Like friends with benefits.”

  She scrunched her nose. “That’s not how it works. Usually friends with benefits don’t involve an innocent child in their game.”

  “What, now just because you’re an adult, you can’t have friends?” I was being a jerk cornering her like that, tricking her—and tricking me too—into thinking there wasn’t more to whatever we had than just amazing sex. “That’s all Luana needs to know.”

  She pressed her lips together, as if holding in her words. Finally she looked up at me and said, “Just … stop, okay.” She shook her head once. “It’s better if we stop this now.”

  This time when Kiera turned around and walked away, to where Luana played soccer with the other two kids under the vigilance of their parents, I didn’t stop her.

  I went back to running. Fast and hard and for a long time, as if punishing my body would make my mind go numb and I would stop feeling so much.

  ***

  Kiera

  I couldn’t fall into temptation. I couldn’t fall into temptation.

  I repeated that mantra over and over again, since I put Luana down to sleep one hour ago and started rewatching Nashville, one of my favorites TV series. I had no idea what was going on with the characters as my mind was somewhere else.

  Perhaps I was expecting too much, asking too much. Under no circumstance Josh promised me more than what we had. It was sex, wasn’t it? Why couldn’t we keep it that way?

  Because I knew myself. I knew my heart was weak, unprepared, and I would fall—was falling—for him. But how I could stop myself when he was just two doors away? When my body ached for him, and I knew there was an easy way to fix it.

  For safe measure, and in hopes I would change my mind, I waited another hour. Then, when my stomach still contracted each time I thought about him, I gave in.

  I grabbed my phone from the pink table in the living room and texted him.