Shrinking Violet

by Jean Ure

  Another thing is that there are of course no boys, which is quite nice at the moment as I am not into boys but I cannot help feeling that later on, when you are say twelve or thirteen, you might wish that there were otherwise how will you ever get to know about them?

  I do not want to put you off or anything but your gran might not know what it is like and then she would feel that she had wasted her money and you would be disappointed and wish you had gone to a proper School. I thought I should tell you. It is only fair. We can still go on being pen pals!

  Please write as soon as you are not too busy.

  With luv and XXX

  Violet

  PS Have you been to any of your parties yet?

  Every day when I came home from school I looked for letters on the mat, but all there ever was was stuff for Mum and Dad. Nothing at all for me. One day there was even a letter for Lily.

  “Mine!” She snatched it from me. “Stinking swizzlesticks! Snail mail!”

  All it was was a form for her to fill in if she wanted to take part in some boring gymkhana. Not a real letter at all. I’d hoped so much that it might be for me.

  “Hey! What’s happened to the Blob?” said Lily. “Why don’t you ever hear from her any more?”

  There are times when me and Lily can almost seem to read each other’s minds. I suppose it’s what comes from being part of the same egg, even though we are now completely different.

  “You haven’t had any snaily mail in ages,” said Lily. “You used to practically write whole books.” Lily folded up her letter and carefully slotted it back in its envelope. I watched her, jealously. “I suppose you’ve got bored. You wouldn’t get bored if you e-mailed.”

  “I told you,” I said. “She hasn’t got a computer.”

  “Oh!” Lily clapped a hand to her mouth. “Sorry! I was forgetting.”

  And then she gave this silly snigger and said, “You could always try smoke signals!”

  “Lily, leave Violet alone,” said Mum.

  “I’m not touching her,” said Lily. “I’m just trying to be helpful, is all.”

  Huh! Like she would know how.

  Dear Katie,

  It seems ages since I heard from you. I hope I didn’t upset you by saying about my school and how I didn’t think you’d like it. I didn’t mean to!

  Here is a joke:

  What do birds eat for their breakfast?

  Tweet – a – bix and shredded tweet!

  Hope to hear from you soon

  XXX Violet

  “Still no letter from Katie?” said Mum.

  I made a mumbling sound.

  “Why don’t you try ringing her?”

  “Don’t know her number,” I said.

  “You could look her up in the telephone directory. Why don’t you give it a go? Go and get the book,” said Mum, “and we’ll look her up!”

  “I don’t want to,” I said.

  “Why not? You haven’t quarrelled, have you?”

  I shook my head.

  “Well, go on, then! Go and get the phone book.”

  “I DON’T WANT TO!”

  I yelled it at Mum and rushed from the room. I’m not like Lily, I don’t very often yell at Mum, but I hate it when she tries to force me to do things. Like when she tries to force me into going places with Lily, when I just know that Lily doesn’t want me to. I really hate it when she does that.

  All the same, it did worry me that I hadn’t heard from Katie for so long. I was really scared that I had upset her.

  Friday was the end of term and we were let out early. Lily went off with Francine, so I thought I would have to go to Flora Green by myself to pick up Mum, but instead I found that she was waiting for me outside school. I was quite surprised.

  “Mum!” I said. “What are you doing?”

  “Jump in,” said Mum. “I left work early. Listen, I had a telephone call today … at the shop. It was Katie’s mum.”

  “K-Katie’s m-mum?” I said; and my blood went all to water and my knees went wobbly. Why would Katie’s mum be ringing?

  “The reason you haven’t heard from Katie,” said Mum, “is that she’s been in hospital. Don’t look so alarmed! She’s had to have an operation, but she’s going to be all right.”

  I swallowed. “What s-sort of operation?”

  “Well, it seems she’s had a weak heart for a very long time —”

  “Katie?”

  I couldn’t believe it! In her letters she had always sounded so full of life and energy. I had really admired her for it. I had envied her! How could Katie have a weak heart?

  Mum explained that it was something she’d been born with and that it had just been getting worse and worse until in the end an operation had been necessary.

  “But she’s come through it and she’s going to be fine. Her mum says she’s fretting because she hasn’t been able to write to you. She says having you as a pen pal has made all the difference to her these last few months, when she’s been so ill. Now she’s worried in case you think she doesn’t want to be her friend any more. So what we’ve arranged —”

  “W-what?” I said.

  “We’re going to go over there tomorrow, so that you can pay her a visit. OK?”

  “No!” I didn’t want to! I didn’t want to!

  “Violet, she’s your friend!” said Mum. “And she’s in hospital. It’s what you do when your friends are in hospital … you go and visit them. Try to cheer them up.”

  “I could send her a card,” I said. “A funny one!”

  “She doesn’t want a funny card, she wants a visit. She wants to see you. So we’re going over there,” said Mum. “Tomorrow afternoon.”

  “But what about the shop?” I wailed.

  “Don’t worry about the shop,” said Mum. “The shop can take care of itself.”

  “But it’s busy on a Saturday!”

  “Violet,” said Mum. She pulled the car up at some traffic lights. “Katie is your friend. You owe her this! Oh! And something you didn’t tell me,” she said, as the lights changed, “I gather she’s going to Lavendar House in September. That will be fun! Won’t it? The two of you together. That will really be something to look forward to!”

  All that night I stayed awake, worrying. Worrying is a thing that I do quite often. I don’t think Lily has ever worried about anything in the whole of her life. I wish I could be more like her!

  No, I don’t; not really. I just wish I could be a little bit less like me!

  Well, sometimes I do.

  You’ll never believe it, but when we set out next day Lily actually clamoured to come with us.

  “I want to see the Blob! I could cheer her up. She won’t cheer her up! She’ll just make her miserable. Oh, Mum, please! Let me come to the hospital with you!”

  But Mum wouldn’t let her. Thank goodness!

  “Katie is Violet’s friend,” she said, “not yours.”

  I couldn’t help wondering whether she would still want to be, once she’d discovered the truth …

  Saturday

  Dear Violet,

  I was so to see you today! It was quite a surprise – Mum didn’t tell me you were coming so I was truly amazed when the door opened and you walked in. You were just how I imagined you from your letters! I wonder if I was how you imagined me? I don’t expect I was, but I hope I didn’t come as a huge disappointment. I really really REALLY loved meeting you! I felt very when you had to go. Please come again soon!

  I was deathly ashamed when your mum said about me doing that sponsored walk for the cats and Mum said, “Oh, it was so sad, she was too ill to do it.” I felt so dreadful! Like a thief, or a cheat. I should have told you. I don’t know why I didn’t! I meant to, but then you sent the money and I was just so pleased that I gave it to Mum for the cats and I didn’t tell her that I hadn’t told you and now she says it was very wrong of me as it was getting money under false pretences and I must ask you if you would like it back. She says we will send you a cheque AT O
NCE. She also says that I must apologise to your mum, so please will you say to her that I apologise? I see now that it was a very bad thing to do. I just so much wanted to help the poor cats!

  Next week I am going to be back home and I will draw some pictures for “Betsy Burp” which I LOVE! I will send them to you as soon as I have done them.

  Please say if you would like the cat money back and say sorry for me to your mum.

  Love and lots of xxxxxx

  From Katie

  Saturday (same day as Katie wrote to me!)

  Dear Katie,

  We have just got back after seeing you. I was really shocked when Mum told me yesterday about you being ill and having to have an operation. I have never known anyone before that has had to have one. I think it must be very scary. I would be scared!

  But I expect you are a lot braver than me. Like Lily. She is brave. She would not be scared by anything! If you had told me I would have sent you a card. I would have sent LOTS of cards. One a day! With messages and jokes to cheer you up. But I can understand why you didn’t. It was probably something you didn’t want to think about, If I was going to have an operation I would do my best to pretend it wasn’t happening. I am glad it is all over and that you are now better.

  I was quite scared of meeting you. I am afraid I am a bit of a scaredy cat about all kinds of things. What I was scared of was that I would not be able to think of anything to say, which is this thing that happens when I meet people for the first time, and especially if they have had an operation and might still be feeling poorly so you are not sure how to behave. I hope I did not seem too stupid.

  You know when our mums were talking and your mum was saying about how you couldn’t do things and it was So frustrating for you, and my mum said how I COULD do things but I wouldn’t, such as for example going into town with Lily and her friend Debbie and going on the London Eye? I could tell that you were really surprised when she said this. I could tell that your mum was surprised, too. I am sorry I told you that I went on the Eye when it was Lily that did. I expect now you will think I am totally mad.

  Mum says why doesn’t she take you and me on the Eye some time? She says to ask if you would like to do this. (As soon as you are well enough.) I would like it, but I will understand if you would rather not. I am really sorry that I told you a lie.

  I hope you will still want to write to me. I promise I will not tell you any more lies about things that I have done that I have not really done.

  With love from

  Violet

  Hi, Violet,

  I just got your letter. Did you get mine? Mum says they must have “crossed in the post”.

  I was not scared of having an operation as they put you to sleep and so you know nothing about it. I am more scared when I go to the dentist and they stick needles in you. I hate it when they stick needles in you! I go AAAH and OOOH and OUCH! Mum says I am a real baby.

  I am sorry if I did not tell you. Mum says I should have done (as you are my friend) but if I had said at the beginning that I could not do things I thought maybe you would say to yourself this girl is no fun, I do not want to write to her. So that is why I didn’t tell you. But I am very sorry.

  I suppose I was a LITTLE bit surprised when your mum said about it being Lily that went on the Eye and not you, but it really doesn’t matter. I don’t think you are mad. But if you are, then I am too, ’cos I told you that I went to Susanna’s party and danced and did the limbo contest and played games, and I didn’t. I went to the party but mostly all I did was just sit and watch. Next time I go I will be able to join in! But it wasn’t quite the truth, what I told you, so I am glad you pretended you had gone on the Eye as now that makes us equal!

  I would love to go with you and your mum! Mum says not this week but maybe next, if that would be convenient for you.

  Now there is something I have to ask you. It is about your school. I know you said you weren’t trying to put me off but then Mum said about you probably already having best friends, like Sarah that you mentioned, and I thought maybe you might not want me coming there. I am sorry, it is too late for me to go anywhere else as my nan has already fixed it all up, but I just wanted to say that I will not try to come between you and Sarah. We do not have to sit together or do things together if you would rather not. I hope this makes it all right.

  Write soon!

  XXX Katie

  PS Here are the pictures I have done for “Betsy Burp and the Belchers”.

  Dear Katie,

  Thank you for your letter saying that you were to see me. I was to see you! I am glad Mum made me go. I didn’t want to at first because of being such a scaredy cat but I am going to try and be braver in future.

  This morning I got your second letter that you wrote! Mum says next week would be fine for going on the Eye. If you still want to come, that is.

  The reason for me saying if you still want to come is because you may not want to when I have told you something. This is what I have to tell you. Sarah that I talked about is not my friend, she is Lily’s. Lily has loads of friends. It is Lily who races about going to parties. I am more like the girl in our problem page. I expect when you come to our school it will be Lily you will want to be friends with, not me. I am not being self-pitying, but I thought I should tell you. I would not like you to come to our school and think that you have to be my friend if you don’t want to. That is all.

  It was very silly of me to tell you lies. It is not the same as you saying you played games at the party.It must have been so sad for you when you couldn’t, but I am just stupid.

  I am very sorry I have said that I have done things when I haven’t. Please tell me if you would like to come on the Eye. Lily says it is fun. But I will understand if you don’t.

  XXX Violet

  PS You can come on the Eye without having to be my friend at school. You can still be friends with Lily.

  “Did you ask Katie?” said Mum, next morning.

  “About what?” I said.

  “About coming on the Eye,” said Mum.

  “Yes, I asked her,” I said.

  “And what did she say?”

  “She said…” I crossed my fingers behind my back. “She’ll let me know. She’s got to ask her mum.”

  “Maybe I’ll give her mum a ring.”

  “No!” I screeched it. Mum looked at me in surprise. “Why not? We ought to get it organised. I’ll have to arrange things at the shop.”

  “But she hasn’t said. We have to wait till she says?’

  “Why? Why can’t I just ask her mum?”

  “Because she might not want to!”

  I yelled it at the top of my voice and rushed from the room. Mum was doing it again! Trying to push me. She didn’t know that I’d told all those stupid lies. She didn’t know that I’d been found out and that most probably Katie wouldn’t ever want to speak to me again. I wouldn’t want to speak to me again. Not if I’d been lied to.

  I’d just reached the top of the stairs when I heard the telephone start to ring.

  I’d just reached my bedroom when Mum called to me.

  “Violet! It’s for you.”

  “M-me?” I peered over the banisters.

  “It’s Katie.”

  Katie! Ringing to say she didn’t want to come on the Eye. That she didn’t ever want to speak to me again.

  “Well, hurry up!” said Mum. “Don’t keep her waiting.”

  Reluctantly, I trailed back down the stairs. Mum handed me the receiver.

  “It’s all right,” she said. “I won’t listen!”

  I waited till Mum had left the room.

  “H-hallo?” I said.

  “Violet?” said Katie.

  “Y-yes.”

  “This is Katie.”

  “K-Katie,” I said.

  “Hi!”

  “H-hi.”

  There was a pause; then Katie giggled.

  “I thought you said you were going to try and be braver!”

 
; I curled my toes. “I am!”

  “Sounds like it,” she said. “This is only me. Not a man-eating tiger! Did you like my pictures for Betsy Burp? You didn’t say! Does that mean you didn’t like them?”

  “No,” I said. “I loved them!”

  “Well, I hope you did ’cos I’ve done some more! And why are you trying to stop me coming on the Eye?”

  I said, “I’m not trying to s-stop you!”

  “Just as well,” said Katie, “’cos I’m coming! My mum’s going to ring yours and we’re going to arrange a day. And stop trying to push me off on Lily! I don’t want to be friends with Lily. All her friends are posh. That’s what you said.”

  “Yes,” I said. “They are.”

  “Well, I’m not,” said Katie, “so I don’t s’ppose she’d want to be friends with me anyway. And listen! I’ve got some more ideas for Girlzone. I thought we could have interviews with celebs. First I could be one, then you could be one, and we could ask each other questions. Like what is your star sign and what is your favourite TV programme and stuff like that. Who would you want to be? I’m going to be a pop star. Listen! This is me singing.

  A horrible slurpy sound came oozing down the telephone at me.

  “What do you think?”

  I couldn’t tell if she was being serious, or not.

  “Think it’ll make the Top Ten?”

  I decided to be brave, and take a chance.

  “Not drooling like that!” I said.

  “New kind of music … drooly music. I’ll be a drooler!”

  “You’ll be Adrooler?”

  “Adroola the Drooler!”

  I giggled.

  “You’ll have to write me some drooly songs to sing.”

  “They won’t just be drooly,” I said, “they’ll be truly drooly!”