Wonderland (Intergalactic Fairy Tales Book 1)

by Robert McKay

  Lyla stepped up behind her and rubbed her back gently, cooing in her sweet, soothing voice. "There, there, dear. They would go with you if they would be of any help. They aren’t much good if they go without Tea for too long. I will go with you though, and I think we may have some other friends that will help."

  Alice looked up through her blurry eyes and found that two new hulking shapes were standing beside the table. She blinked and rubbed at her eyes until she could clearly see that Dee and Dum were standing there grinning down at her.

  "We heard that Alice was in need of some transport," said Dum.

  "What he said," said Dee.

  "How did you hear that?" asked Alice.

  "That annoying cat," grumbled Dee. "One of these days I'm going to skin him and wear his invisible hide as a hat."

  "Wouldn't be much of a hat if it was invisible, Dee," said Dum.

  "Well, whatever. I'd still know it was there keeping me head warm and that's good enough."

  "So," said Alice, cutting them off before they could spiral into an hour long conversation, "you said you would be willing to take me where I need to go?"

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  A few minutes later, Dee, Dum, Lyla, and Alice were headed down the street outside Tea Time. Alice and Lyla were perched atop Dum's shoulder, which was much nicer than one would think. To Alice it seemed very much like sitting on a massive bed that swayed gently as if trying to rock her to sleep.

  "How far from here to the caterpillar's place?" asked Alice.

  "Not long," said Dee unhelpfully.

  "Probably about a half hour on foot," said Dum, rolling his eyes at his brother.

  Alice turned to Lyla who was sharpening her sword with a small stone. "What do you think Absolem will want for some of that mushroom, or whatever it will take to make me big again?"

  "No idea," said Lyla, pausing in her sharpening. "Could be he'll want a thousand credits and could be he'll want a bit of pocket lint. That caterpillar is a strange one."

  "Well, I don't even have any pocket lint," said Alice, sighing heavily.

  "I've got gobs of it," said Dee, digging in his pocket. "Belly button lint too, if you need it. He started to lift his shirt.

  "I'll let you know," said Alice. She averted her eyes as Dee began poking around in his belly button with a thick finger. "Thank you."

  Dee dropped his shirt and tucked it behind Snicker-snack, which he'd clipped to his belt. It didn't look like much more than a dagger next to his tall frame. "All right, Miss Alice, you let me know if you need it."

  They walked on in companionable silence for several minutes, Dee and Dum making good progress with their long legs. Lyla scurried about from one of Dum's shoulders to the other, her whiskers constantly twitching, her nose sniffing the air.

  "Is something wrong?" asked Alice. She looked around, expecting a whole platoon of card guards to file out of every alley they walked by. The streets were relatively deserted. Dawn had begun to brighten the sky on their left.

  "Something just doesn't smell right," said Lyla, her nose twitching even more furiously.

  "Is it the palace guards? Have they found me?"

  "No, the cards smell like metal and idiocy. This is very different. I think something is stalking us." Lyla climbed up Dum's hair, causing him to roll his shoulder. Alice clung to his shirt to avoid being knocked off.

  "Hey, that tickles," said Dum.

  "Sorry, thought the top of your head might give me a better vantage point. I think something is following us."

  "Some thing?" asked Dum, taking the words right out of Alice's mouth.

  "What do you mean, some thing?" asked Dee. "You mean like a Bandersnatch?"

  "Nonsense," said Dum, "the last of the Bandersnatches was killed years ago."

  "No it ain't, nonsense. I seen one just a couple of weeks ago, sleeping in that park right on Bandersnatch Boulevard," countered Dee. "That's not too far from here."

  "Dee, just because it's called Bandersnatch Boulevard doesn't mean that there are Bandersnatches living there," said Dum, rubbing a hand across his face. "How many times do we have to go over this?"

  "I ain't stupid, Dum, I got it the first time you told me. That don't mean that I didn't see one there anyway."

  "What's a Bandersnatch?" asked Alice.

  "It's a big, hairy--" started Dee.

  "It's right behind us," shouted Lyla, sliding down Dum's hair and drawing her sword at the same time. "Alice, hop on my back, I need to get you somewhere safer while we fight this thing."

  Alice turned to see what all the fuss was about and nearly fainted. The Bandersnatch was a gargantuan beast with dark brown fur covering most of its body. Tufts of gray formed a ruff around its head. It stood on all fours with its front paws turned slightly inward. There wasn't any other creature that it could be easily compared to. It was easily taller than Alice's normal height at its shoulder and must have weighed as much as a car. It sniffed the air and curled its lips back in a snarl that almost resembled a grin. Even from twenty meters away, its heavy musk permeated the air, smelling like moldy earth.

  The beast threw back its head in a howl that rattled the windows in the buildings around it.

  "No," said Alice. "I'm not letting anyone fight for me unless I'm fighting with them. Do you have another weapon that I can use?"

  Lyla looked from Alice back to the Bandersnatch. It was still staring them down, drool dripping from its open maw as it clawed at the pavement with its dinner-plate-sized paws. It's claws left grooves in the pavement. Dee and Dum were pulling weapons from bags they carried slung over their shoulders. There wasn't much time left before the battle would begin. "Fine," said Lyla, running her hand around the hilt of her sword. There was a metallic click and the blade split into two. "Take one of these and stay behind me. Dum, put us on the ground."

  "Yes, Miss Dormouse," said Dum.

  He scooped them both up gently in his hand before Alice had a chance to object. She needn't have worried. Dum was as gentle as a mother with its babe as he lowered them to the ground. Lyla and Alice stepped from his hand and turned to face the Bandersnatch.

  It lashed its tail back and forth. While the beast resembled a bear or giant dog in many respects, its tail was thick and heavy, and covered with ridges of flesh that resembled an alligator. It let out one more howl and then charged, shaking the ground as it ran.

  Before Alice could even respond, Lyla was darting forward on all fours, her sword returned to her back. She met the Bandersnatch on its third or fourth stride. It ignored her completely, to its own peril. Lyla was so fast that Alice could hardly see her. She climbed the Bandersnatch's fur and was soon hanging from its neck as it galumphed forward.

  Dee and Dum stood waiting. Dee held a pair of wicked double-bladed axes the length of his forearms, a wide grin on his face. Dum held a spiked mace in his right hand and a shield on his left arm, looking grim.

  Alice watched in horrified awe as the Bandersnatch passed right over top of her, one of its paws narrowly missing her. She didn't even have time to strike at it.

  Just as the Bandersnatch was about to collide with Dum's shield, it let out a pained shriek and pitched on its side. Alice looked up in time to see a small brown form come flying from the beast's ear. Lyla landed with a soft thump next to Alice.

  "Are you okay?" asked Alice, looking Lyla over for the injuries she had to have sustained after falling so far.

  "Just fine," said Lyla, pulling herself back up on her hind legs. "Why?"

  "You fell so far!"

  Lyla grinned. "Things are different when you're this small. I'm light enough that most falls don't really bother me. Think about it, I bet you've seen small animals jump or fall from trees without any harm, right?"

  Alice didn't even have a chance to respond before Lyla was on the move again. Her sword was out, blood glinting on the steel, and she charged toward the creature. It had only taken a tumble and had righted itself almost immediately. Its wicked claws kept Dee and Dum at
bay until it gained its feet. Rancid slobber pelted Alice when the beast shook its head which now tilted to the left.

  "How do you like your pierced eardrum, you snarling sack of rat crap?" howled Lyla.

  The Bandersnatch responded with a howl and lashed out at Dee with a huge paw. Dee hopped to the side, narrowly avoiding its razor sharp claws, and countered with a slash from his axe. The Bandersnatch jumped back with much more agility than seemed natural for a creature of its size. Dee, Dum, and the Bandersnatch began to slowly circle each other. Lyla was nowhere to be seen. Alice looked down at the sword in her small hands and frowned. It didn't seem like much of a weapon when going up against a beast the relative size of a house, but she had to try. Her friends were risking their lives.

  Alice held her sword in the air and charged, letting out a piercing howl. She hoped it might distract the Bandersnatch, but it didn't seem to notice. Once she closed on the beast's rear paw, some of the knowledge Snicker-snack had fed her rose to the surface of her thoughts. The sword had managed to teach her a few things, not just show her how to do a couple of cool moves in the moment.

  Alice circled behind the Bandersnatch. Thick fur covered its hind leg, so she began hacking away at it. The beast was an impolite creature, constantly circling, and periodically lunging at Dee and Dum. Despite the difficulty, she eventually cleared away the fur and was able to begin striking at the back of the Bandersnatch's leg, just above its paw. She wished fervently that she had the vorpal sword and its ability to cut through things with ease. Her arm was already beginning to tire.

  The hide was much easier to cut than all the fur had been and Alice hacked away with abandon. The Bandersnatch took notice after a few slashes, though it didn't do more than shake its leg like livestock trying to rid itself of a bug.

  As much work as Alice had put in, only about a minute had passed since she joined the fight. Dee and Dum continued to harry the Bandersnatch, but neither had managed to land a blow. Lyla was still unaccounted for.

  Then, with a wicked lunge, the Bandersnatch lashed out and swiped a paw across Dee's forearm. A set of bright red claw marks appeared, dripping blood, and Dee dropped one of his axes. Dum responded immediately by bashing the Bandersnatch in the head with his shield while it was distracted.

  The Bandersnatch staggered back, shaking its head and nearly trampling Alice. Then, it let out another snarl and rubbed at its right ear with its paw. A triumphant shout issued from the area of its neck and then Lyla appeared on the ground beneath the creature with a wicked grin on her face. Her grin faded when she looked around the battlefield.

  "Over here," called Alice, once again going to work on the leg.

  "Genius," replied Lyla, running to her side. "Achilles tendon. I should have thought of that."

  They both hacked at the leg while the Bandersnatch wobbled back and forth, still dealing with its second pierced eardrum and a blow to the head. It didn't seem to notice them working on its leg.

  Dee had recovered his axe while Dum stood in front of him, feinting attacks at the Bandersnatch. "I'll be fine little brother," called Dee. "Let's kill this damned thing and be done with it."

  "Yarrr!" responded Dum, sounding more like his brother Dee.

  "Yarrr!" echoed Dee and they charged at the same time, one coming at the Bandersnatch from each side.

  The Bandersnatch dodged Dee's attack and then lunged headlong at Dum, who brought up his shield just in time to take the creature’s weight and go flying backward. The Bandersnatch rebounded off the shield and came skidding back toward Lyla and Alice. Dum lay in a heap against a building, but there was little they could do about that. Instead, they redoubled their efforts, hacking and slashing at the beast's leg. Finally, just when Alice thought her arm was about to fall off, there was a sickening snap of the tendon letting go. Suddenly, the right side of the beast was dropping toward them. A yowl of pain so loud it hurt their ears ripped through the early morning.

  If it weren't for Lyla, Alice would have been crushed beneath the enormous weight of the Bandersnatch's rear end. Lyla immediately raced into action, pulling Alice by the arm so hard she thought she may have dislocated her shoulder. Alice tripped and fell, unable to keep up with Lyla's frantic retreat. They avoided being crushed by mere centimeters.

  Alice looked up to meet Lyla's gaze and thank her. They both smiled, and then Lyla was gone. She didn't run away, there was a loud whooshing sound, and she just disappeared. Alice looked around for an explanation and saw a large branch lashing back and forth overhead. Then she saw that it was covered in thick ridges of fur. It was the Bandersnatch's tail, whipping wildly as it dealt with the pain in its leg.

  "Lyla!" shouted Alice. Her heart sunk into her stomach. There was no way the tiny dormouse could have survived a hit from that enormous tail. Alice couldn't even see where she'd gone, she'd been tossed so far.

  Another whooshing sound shocked Alice back to reality, helping her push down her grief. She had to move or she would suffer the same fate as her friend.

  She picked herself up and grabbed the sword Lyla had given her. Not because she intended to do more violence, but because she needed something to remember her friend by and she wasn't about to let it get crushed under the paws of her killer. Alice raced with all the speed she could muster over toward Dee and Dum.

  The brothers were slashing fiercely at the Bandersnatch and had opened several cuts on its shoulders and one on its head. She had just made it to her friends when the Bandersnatch whipped around wildly and bolted down the street. Dee let out a fierce roar and took a couple of steps to follow it before Dum managed to pull him back.

  "Let it go brother," said Dum.

  "Argh!" responded Dee. He tugged futilely at his brother's restraining grip for a few seconds and then his shoulders slumped. "Fine. I'm too tired to run anyway."

  "Yes, and that's the only thing stopping you from killing the bastard," said Dum, managing to not even sound sarcastic.

  "Damn, right. I woulda mounted his head on our wall," grumbled Dee, looking down at the deep cuts on his arm with disdain.

  Dum reached into his backpack near their feet and pulled out a roll of bandages. Dee automatically held out his arm to his brother so he could take care of it. "Watch your feet, brother. Lyla and young Alice are about here somewhere."

  "I think they got the bugger's hind leg," said Dee. He pulled his arm back from his brother and looked at him warily. "No alcohol...please."

  "No alcohol," said Dum, leaning down to rummage in his pack again. "Just let me get some water to clean off the blood." He reached into the pack and pulled out a clear bottle that clearly said vodka on the side and looked over to see Alice. He gave her a wink and then stood back up. "Now give me back your arm and say hello to Alice down there."

  Dee looked where Dum had pointed and smiled his silly grin that she remembered from first meeting him. "Quite a brawl there, Alice. Ouch!" The last came as Dum poured the vodka over his wound. "You said no alcohol!"

  "Well, if I don't, it'll get infected and you'll lose the whole arm. Is that what you want?"

  "No," said Dee sulkily.

  "Good," said Dum, giving his brother a sympathetic smile. He began to wrap the bandages around the wounded arm and turned to Alice. "Where's Lyla?"

  Alice dropped her sword to the ground and felt the heat rise to her face. There wasn't any stopping the tears this time. Someone she knew and who had been by her side just a few minutes ago was dead. She put her hands over her face and sobbed, and then sobbed harder when her vision cleared enough for her to see the clothes she was wearing. They were clothes that Lyla had given her and helped her make. "She's...she's...gone," she finally managed between coughs.

  "What do you mean, she's gone?" asked Dee. "We've got a mission to complete here. We've got to get you big again."

  "No, Dee, she's dead," said Dum as quietly as he could manage.

  His booming normal sized voice hit Alice like a hammer, caving her chest in and causing her to crumple to
the ground. When she got up, she knew she would have to continue on her mission and get off this wretched planet, but she would be going alone. Nobody else needed to be hurt to help her. She wasn't anybody important.

  "Who's dead?" said a small husky voice just behind Alice.

  Alice whipped around, scraping her knees on the pavement. It couldn't be. She'd been hit so hard. But it was. Lyla was standing right there, a crooked grin on her face, despite the swollen eye and a spot of blood around her mouth.

  "Oh, Lyla," crooned Alice. She pulled herself up off the ground and raced over to wrap the dormouse in a crushing hug. "You're alive!"

  Lyla winced and Alice relaxed her grip. "Take a lot more than some stupid Bandersnatch tail to take me down."

  "But you're hurt," said Alice, looking Lyla over for more injuries.

  "Well of course I am," said Lyla exuberantly. "I think I was airborne for about three days before I landed in that trash heap over there. It was a pretty soft landing all things considered, but I think I lost consciousness because when I opened my eyes next, I heard you over here keening."

  "You're not badly hurt, though?" asked Alice, still unable to believe a creature as small as the dormouse could take such a beating.

  "Bumps and bruises mostly, though I expect you all to nod along when I tell this story to future generations and I come out looking like a mashed potato." She laughed long and hard about that and that sound made Alice happier than she could ever have imagined.

  "Well, you did take down the Bandersnatch pretty much singlehanded," said Dum, grinning fiercely.

  "Not even close," countered Dee, missing the point entirely. That time everyone laughed, even Dee.

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  The rest of the trip to Absolem's place was uneventful. Alice and Lyla returned to their perch on Dum's shoulder and kept a watchful eye for more danger. Alice tried to return the other half of Lyla's sword to her, but she refused to take it.

  "You did a fine job on that beastie," she said. "You hang onto it until you get your proper sword back on your hip. I can't imagine anyone better to have my back than you."